Amplified (17 page)

My cell phone went off. The sound echoed across the backyard and the voices stopped inside. Of all times for Jason to call me back.

“Where’ve you been?” I whispered.

“I’m so sorry! I left my cell on the beach—just found it.” He laughed. “It’s crunchy, but it still works.”

“Can’t talk right now. About to do damage control.”

“Good luck!”

“Thanks.” I snapped the phone shut. Now or never.

All eyes fell on me when I walked in. The band was in a circle on the floor. Veta on her stomach, feet swaying in the air. Felix sitting crossed-legged. Bryn with his legs spread out wide in front of him. And Sean against the wall, one knee tucked into his chest, the other stretched out. He gave me the kind of knowing smile you give someone you share a secret with.

“Hi,” I said, clasping my hands.

Veta scooted over and patted the space next to her. I could see the resistance in Bryn’s shoulders as I sat.

“Why are you here?” Bryn asked.

My heart sped up. I guess we’d be diving right in. “I want to stay—in the band.”

“That’s nice, but it’s not happening,” he answered.

“Bryn…” Sean said.

I tucked my knees to my chest, wishing they could shield me from Bryn’s glare. “I’m sorry for what I said after the show—about you being spoiled. I don’t know you or your family. I had no right to make assumptions.”

“I appreciate the apology, but it doesn’t change anything.”

“I’m not done,” I said. “I could’ve worded it better. But I do think you can be pretty harsh with the band.”

He shrugged. “I don’t get you. You don’t get me. But you know what? This is my house, my studio, and I started this band with Veta and Sean. That makes you shit outta luck.”

What the hell could I say to that?

“But we’re not
your
band,” Sean said, his voice almost too soft to hear.

“What’s your point?” Bryn asked.

Felix glanced between the two guys, biting his nails. I wondered if he’d ever experienced confrontation before joining the band.

Sean leaned forward, as if he was preparing for something. “What Jasmine said about you treating us like employees was pretty dead-on.”

Bryn stabbed his drumstick into the floor. “This from the guy who makes C-Side his lowest priority. Who misses at least one practice a week because he’d rather study the sex life of fish.”

“It’s more complicated than that. But thanks for the astute summary.”

“You’re welcome, Jeeves.”

“We get that this is your house, Bryn,” Veta said. “Even if you didn’t remind us constantly. We get that you devote a lot more time than the rest of us.”

Bryn’s eyes bugged out. “I’m the only reason anyone knows who the fuck we are. I book the shows. I’m the one with the mastering studio hookups. I handle all the promotion now that Teddy’s gone—over a bunch of petty, high school b.s.”

“Petty?” Sean asked. “You haven’t been with a girl for more than five minutes. What would you know?”

“I’m smart enough to know better,” Bryn said. “Who the hell needs to settle down before they’re twenty? Twenty-five, even? Do yourself a favor and live a little.”

My fingers dug into the rough material of my jeans. “I didn’t mean to start this—I should’ve just kept my mouth shut.”

“You didn’t,” Felix said. “This was brewing before you got here.”

Bryn jabbed a finger at me. “She lies and makes us all look like asses, but I’m the one on trial. That’s pretty good.”

“Nobody is on trial,” Veta said. “Stop being so dramatic.”

Bryn put a hand to his chest. “Oh,
I’m
dramatic?”

“Yeah,” Veta continued. “You can dish it, but you can’t take it.”

“Oooh!” Bryn tilted his head back. “You are such a hyp—”

“You know what?” I hollered over them. “This isn’t solving anything—this is just a bunch of yelling.”

“And you’re adding to it,” Bryn said.

“Okay, what can I do?” I asked, meeting his stare. “If you want me to work on my stage presence all night, every night—I’ll do that. If you want help with promotion, I’ll do that too. I’ll clean the entire house from top to bottom.”

Bryn’s eyebrows rose. “You can’t even clean up after yourself, Jasmine. You left my cheese out all night. After you ate three-fourths of it.”

My mouth dropped. “What? Why would I touch your cheese? I hate sharp cheddar.”

“But someone here eats it like candy,” Sean said, nodding at Felix.

Felix’s ears turned red. “Um…”

“I asked you point blank, man,” Bryn said. “You told me you saw Jasmine eating it last night.”

Felix scrunched up his face, doing that shy thing he did so well. “Sorry, Jasmine. I only did it because I thought you were leaving and…”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s fine—whatever.”

“Awesome,” Bryn said. “I live in a house full of liars.”

“Gee, Bryn, I’d offer you some cheese with that whine, but apparently Felix ate it all. Can we move on now?” Veta asked.

Bryn folded his arms tight across his chest. “Fine.”

Veta rubbed her temples. “The Luna’s Temptation show is in less than two weeks. And if you didn’t notice last time, pickings for
industrial rock
guitarists are pretty slim.”

“Give me a break,” Bryn said. “Everyone and their brother plays guitar, okay? We just need to find someone decent who kills it onstage and nails it in the studio. How hard is that?”

I hugged my knees tighter, wanting to break in. Wanting to tell Bryn that I was decent.

“Maybe that’s all you’re looking for. I want more than that,” Veta said.

“I know this guy—Eli—kickass metal guitarist,” Bryn said. “I mean, this guy kills. His band just broke up, and I know he’s looking. He might be into it.”

“Oh, sure,” Veta said. “Until the next hot metal band picks him up.”

I waved. “Hello? I’m still here. And I
am
a decent guitarist. I can work on the stage thing.”

“There are too many cons with you, Jasmine,” Bryn said. “For one thing? I don’t want a guitarist I have to babysit at parties.”

He just had to remind me of that, didn’t he? “That will never happen again.”

Bryn laughed. “Yeah, I’ve heard that one before, but it doesn’t matter. We’ve got bigger problems. Do you have any idea what people are saying about you on the boards? About us?”

I looked down at my hands. “I heard about the video.”

“Yeah, and guess who sent me an e-mail about it this morning? Ajay.”

My eyes fluttered shut. Ajay Yamada was the drummer for Luna’s Temptation. I didn’t want to hear this.

“He said they’ve been finalizing dates for a summer tour—starting in August. And they want to bring an opening band. We’re one of the bands they’re considering.”

“Oh my God.” Felix’s hands hovered over his mouth. “That’s huge! Right when our new album comes out too.”

“Yeah, except we need a guitarist to finish it. We can’t exactly use Teddy’s shit. And Hazel can only master so fast,” Bryn said. “Not to mention, between losing Teddy and Jasmine’s smashing performance up on YouTube, Luna’s Temptation is a little concerned. Can’t say I blame them.”

“So we rock our show with them, and Jasmine records her guitar parts,” Veta said. “Problem solved.”

Bryn motioned to me. “I don’t see her vastly improving in two weeks. She needs at least a few gigs under her belt.”

His words hit me right in the stomach, but I had to stay here. I had to fight for this.

“We’ll do another show at the Roach,” Sean said.

“No dice,” Bryn said. “Newton’s Whore cockblocked us and snagged the only available slot for the next month. And Dave is working Zia on the LT message board. She’s already agreed to go to their show on Saturday.”

“Ugh.” Veta clenched her teeth. “I hate that guy.”

“Veta has a big crush on Zia,” Sean said to me.

“So? The woman is perfection,” Veta replied.

Zia Martin was the lead singer of Luna’s Temptation. She defined the word “enigmatic” with her bizarre answers to interview questions and her unpredictable performances. I saw one show that resembled a scene out of
Moulin Rouge!
and another that was as dank and sterile as an insane asylum.

“Do you think Dave knows about the tour?” I asked.

“Luna’s Temptation announced plans last week,” Bryn said. “And I’m guessing Dave knows they’re looking for an opener. Nothing stays under wraps for long.”

Veta shrugged. “So what? Newton’s Whore formed a week ago. They aren’t ready for a tour. They haven’t even finished an album!”

“You know Amy,” Sean said. “Chance like that? She’ll make sure they’re ready.”

Just hearing her name, especially from Sean’s mouth, gave me that feeling of
ick
. “Then we’ll make sure we’re even more ready.” I caught Bryn’s eye. “Or you guys will.”

“We don’t have the time to dick around, looking for other guitarists,” Sean said. “What if the next one doesn’t work out? Jasmine knows the songs.”

I mouthed “thank you” to Sean. But Bryn didn’t look convinced.

“I can’t take back what happened,” I said, “no matter how much I wish I could. Believe me, I’ve never been more disappointed in myself—or humiliated. And I can’t promise you miracles. But I’m still here. That should count for something.”

“Just
being here
isn’t going to get us on tour with LT,” Bryn said.

“Neither is sitting around and squawking like a bunch of old hens.” Veta stood, brushing off her black jean skirt. “The way I see it, we’re out of options. She’s staying.”

“Seriously,” Felix finally spoke up. “This is giving me a headache.”

“She’s got my vote,” Sean said.

Bryn ran his fingers through his dreads, his eyes weary. “If she costs us the tour, I’m going to—”

“Come on,” Veta broke in. “Anything could cost us the tour.”

He looked around at everyone else. “She screws up again, she’s gone. You got that? It’s still my house.”

“Fair enough,” Veta said, while Sean and Felix nodded.

“Great.” Bryn’s eyes fell back on me. “Then I guess you better get to work.”

I hopped to my feet, nodding. But there was still a nagging doubt in my gut. The part that said I didn’t belong on a stage. The part that couldn’t even imagine letting go.

I grabbed
my acoustic guitar and headed for my balcony after another grueling yoga session with Veta. She swore it would help me with my stage fright, but all I felt was sore.

No meditation could beat the pinch of strings against my fingertips. Or the sight of the ocean merging with a crisp blue sky. Too bad this couldn’t be my stage.

I plucked out the chord progression of one of the few songs I’d written and actually remembered. It was in a minor key, a little somber, but cozy at the same time. As the song built, I hummed along, muttering lyrics here and there—whatever thought happened to be racing through my mind. It didn’t really matter since I couldn’t sing on key.

A knock echoed through my room. Maybe Bryn wanted me to stop singing. Served him right, though, considering the noise he subjected me to in the middle of the night.

“Door is open,” I called.

Sean appeared on my balcony a few seconds later, hands in his pockets. “Hey.”

“Oh, hi.” Why did this have to feel so weird?

He shifted his weight. “We need to talk about your car.”

“You can sit.” I motioned to the plastic chair next to mine and laid my guitar back in its case.

He plopped down, drumming his hands on his legs. “I miss sitting out here.”

“Why did you give it up?”

“Memories, I guess.”

“Oh, right.” Memories that involved Amy, obviously. Nothing I wanted to hear about.

“And it’s nice not having Bryn on the other side of the wall,” he added.

I rolled my eyes. “Tell me about it.”

We both let out a half-assed laugh and then went silent.

“So,” I began. “My car.”

“Pete asked me what was up. We’re getting smashed right now, with tourists and whatnot. Not a lot of space.”

“And you really need me to pay and get it out of there.”

He kept his eyes focused on the ocean, nodding. “I told him a little about your situation. He said he’d be okay with you making payments.”

I studied his serious expression. “What’s the catch?”

“I kind of promised him we’d get your car tonight.”

“And bring it back…here?” That didn’t sound much like a catch.

He chuckled. “No, I figured we’d drive it to the wharf and push it over the side.”

“Dork.” I gave him a little shove. “I can give you a couple hundred now. And more when I get paid Friday.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Thanks for this, Sean. I owe you—big time.”

He rested his head back, a little smile still on his face. “Don’t thank me. Thank Pete. And, yeah, you owe me eight hundred and sixteen bucks.”

“Wait, what’s the sixteen for?”

“Sales tax on parts, princess.”

I looked away, scrunching up my face. “You must think I’m a real genius.”

“Well, you did get into Stanford. But standardized tests don’t really measure real-world IQ.”

“Shut up.”

“I’d tell you to make me, but we saw how that turned out.”

What was that supposed to mean? “Right. Wouldn’t want a repeat of that.” I peeked over at him. “I guess.”

He shrugged. “You’ve been avoiding me ever since.”

“No, I…” Okay, maybe a little. I hadn’t made much effort to talk to him, and I’d turned Veta down when she offered me shotgun in Sean’s car. “I’m sorry. I just…”
Don’t want to like you too much
.

“It was one of those things—whatever.” He faced me. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

But I kind of wanted to. “I don’t want things to be weird.”

“A little late for that.”

Silence.

“Should we get the car?” I asked.

“We don’t have much time—I was thinking after practice.”

“Okay.” I tried to think of something else to say—something to make him more comfortable. “Have you ever been to Monterey or Carmel?” I pointed at the strip of land across the glittering blanket of water. Santa Cruz made the northern tip of what was referred to as the Monterey Bay.

“Sure.”

“My dad took me to Carmel a lot when I was little. I thought it was the most boring place on earth.”

“There are some amazing beaches over there. Rugged, quiet. The clouds keep the sun bunnies away,” he said.

“I’d probably like it better now.” I glanced over at him. “Have you ever been to the wharf in Monterey?”

“Yeah, we used to skateboard over there and wreak havoc.”

“My dad always took me to see the dancing monkey there. Highlight of my trip,” I said.

“I loved that monkey.”

We smiled at each other. He had a certain spark in his eyes, the kind that tickled my stomach.

“What were you playing out here?” he asked.

“Just this song I’ve been working on forever. It’s still not done.”

“I’d love to hear it.”

I nudged him. “And I’d love to see your drawings.”

“Only if you promise to play me that song when it’s done.”

“Deal,” I said.

“There’s one drawing I could use your opinion on.”

“Go get it.”

He looked down, like he was rethinking the offer for a second. But then he stood. “I’ll be right back.”

After he left, I got up and walked over to the railing, watching boats of varying sizes dodge each other. I hoped he didn’t suck. But I couldn’t imagine him being bad at much.

Sean returned a minute later and stood next to me, sketch pad in hand. It had already been flipped open to a page of his choice. “Don’t freak out, okay? I like to draw people, but usually I make them up.”

“I won’t.” I took the pad from him.

A series of delicate lines formed the shape of a girl’s profile. She stood on a rock, staring at the ocean. Gentle marks with an eraser made her hair look like silk floating around her face. She wasn’t smiling, but her hands were laced together—as if she was at peace with herself. An open guitar case sat on a rock behind her, waiting patiently. I recognized her determined squint; she was contemplating a million things and gathering the strength to accomplish every single one of them.

“Wow.” Once again, he’d left me speechless. I wanted to tell him it was beautiful, but that would be like calling myself beautiful. And I never saw myself that way.

“Is ‘wow’ a good thing?” he asked.

I looked up at him, taking in his flushed cheeks and the uncertain curl of his lips. The way his hair kind of stood up in the back, as if he’d been lying on a staticky pillow. And then I rose to the balls of my feet and kissed him, tucking the sketch pad under my arm.

He wrapped a shaky arm around me, pulling me closer. His lips tasted like salt and cinnamon, a combination that made me feel warm all over. I reached up, weaving my fingers through his hair, but he slipped his pad out from underneath my arm and broke the kiss.

“I guess that means you like it?” he asked.

“Love it.” I moved toward him again.

He rested his forehead against mine. “We shouldn’t do this out here.”

Bryn was slinging weights around in his room, and Veta and Felix were watching some anime movie downstairs. But any one of them could suddenly decide to run out into the front yard. They weren’t the most predictable people in the world.

We moved inside my room, where he set his sketch pad on the carpet and started kissing me again. I ended up on my back, my crumpled sleeping bag beneath me. He kissed a trail down my neck, his breath sending tickles across my collarbone. Our hands roamed under each other’s shirts, all sloppy and excited, until I finally yanked his off.

A loud thud sounded behind the wall, followed by a loud clanging noise and Bryn cussing. We both laughed into our kiss.

Sean broke away. “We need music.”

My fingers traced circles against the soft skin of his back. “We could go to your room.”

“We could,” he whispered, his lips closing in on mine. “But…”

“Yeah…” That was about all I got out before his mouth was on mine again. This felt way too good. And judging from the pressure against my thigh, he thought so too.

He edged my shirt over my head, his eyes widening at my black cotton bra. Or, more likely, what was underneath.

“What—you haven’t seen boobs before?” I asked. I hoped he wouldn’t be like other guys, who basically forgot the rest of me once they saw my chest.

He smiled, his eyes meeting mine. “I won’t look if you don’t want me to.”

“I—”

The sound of my door flinging open interrupted me. I looked over Sean’s shoulder to see Veta gawking at us, mouth agape. This could
not
be happening.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” She blocked her eyes and slammed the door closed.

Sean cussed and rolled off me. “Why is it so hard to knock?” he called.

I fumbled for my T-shirt and threw it over my head. Sean did the same.

“Get your ass out here, Sean,” Veta said through the door. “Now.”

“Give me a second,” he said, his cheeks pink. We both knew why he was stalling.

We sat there for a few awkward seconds, me clutching part of my sleeping bag, him looking toward the ceiling like he wanted to fly through it.

“Any day now,” Veta said.

“She sounds pissed,” I whispered.

“Don’t worry.” He gave me a gentle peck on the lips. “She’ll only hit me.” With that, he grabbed his sketch pad and went for the door.

Veta smacked the back of his head as soon as she saw him. “
Pendejo
.”

“Ow.” He shut the door, muffling the harsh whispers that followed.

I heard Veta say something like “What the hell are you thinking?” before they moved away, probably toward his room.

I was annoyed at myself for not locking my door. At Sean for being so irresistible. And at Veta for making such a huge deal out of this. Mostly because I knew she was right. The last thing we needed was more band drama.

Another knock at my door made me jump. “Can I come in?”

I took a deep breath at the sound of Veta’s voice, preparing myself. “Yep.”

She walked in and sat on her heels. “Hey.”

I looked down at my fingers, weaving them in and out. Anything not to face her. “You’re not going to hit me too, are you?”

“No, but I am going to tell you that you’re an idiot. Bryn was leery about you living here for a reason.”

“It just happened, okay?”

“Doesn’t it always?” She moved off her heels and sat cross-legged. “It’s not like I didn’t know you had a crush on Sean. I just thought you knew better than to act on it.”

“I do—did. But I didn’t expect him to be so…” Amazing.

“Wow, you really like him.”

I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “Whatever. I barely know him.”

“Jasmine…” Veta gave me her warning voice.

“Fine.” I let a smile slip. “He’s turning out to be a lot more than I expected.”

Veta covered her face, shaking her head. “Oh, dear God.” She dropped her hands. “Band stuff aside. He’s not over Amy, babe.”

“I know.” I folded my arms. “We’ve just kissed a couple of times. It’s not like I’m expecting to be his girlfriend.”

“But you like him more than other guys you’ve met.”

“Maybe—yeah, a little.”

She studied me in that intense, Veta way. “Then you shouldn’t be messing around with him.”

“It’s not all me, you know.”

“Why do you think I smacked him?” She shook her head again. “You’re on thin ice with Bryn as it is.”

“I know, Veta.” I closed my eyes. “Believe me, I know.”

“I’m just saying…you’ve got a lot more to lose than Sean does.”

I swallowed. “You’re right.”

Bryn’s door opened. “Practice time!” he called.

“You ready?” Veta asked.

“Yep.” I gave her the biggest smile I could manage, not wanting her to worry. I’d already made her stress enough this week.

Bryn’s plan for curing my stage fright was inviting his groupies over to see our practices. About five girls stood against the wall, most of them smiling in Bryn’s direction.

We started with “Encryption,” the first song I butchered at the show. I closed my eyes, trying to think only of the music, the moment. My fingers danced through the verse arpeggio without faltering, but I was also being cautious. That fear of messing up began to swell in my throat.

When we hit the chorus, Sean made his way over to me and we played in rhythm, leaning toward each other. My fingers fed off the vibration of his bass notes and the heat of his skin. I tilted my head back, letting the melody break me down from the inside.

“Your eyes don’t match your words,” Veta sang. “But I can’t hear a thing. No, I can’t hear a thing but your sweet encryption.”

I took a peek at our mini audience. A couple of the girls were dancing together, arms in the air, while another watched us intently, bobbing her head. They all looked entranced, as if the song had taken over their minds.

This was what Saturday night should’ve been.

When we finished, the girls clapped and hooted, asking for more.

“What’d you ladies think of Jasmine?” Bryn asked. Somehow I doubted they were looking much at
me
.

“She’s good,” a girl with short dark hair said.

“Yeah, you and the bassist have a cool energy,” another said, grinning at Sean and me.

“What’s your secret, man?” Bryn asked Sean. “You opened her right up.”

Sean laughed and shook his head. “It wasn’t me.”

Veta cleared her throat, a smirk twitching at her lips. “Well,
something
is bringing you out of your shell.”

I looked down, feeling an odd mix of relief and unease. I didn’t have to hide anymore. I could just be myself. The girl who finally decided to come out of her best friend’s garage and join the world.

And then there was Sean…

Our audience lasted for half the set before they bailed. Not that I blamed them. Band practice couldn’t be fun to watch with all the stopping and starting. Playing the same song over and over. The bickering over a seemingly petty element.

“I’ve got news,” Bryn said after we plowed through “Back-Seat Love Affair.” “Didn’t want to say it in front of them.”

Uh-oh. I’d come to fear Bryn’s
news
.

“We’re doing another show on Saturday.”

Not again.