Amplify (11 page)

"She’s miscarrying," Cage shouts, "and I’m not putting her down, so you can do what you need to do while I hold her on that fucking cot in the back of your fucking ambulance, you got me?"

I want to snicker at my man’s take-charge attitude but I can’t.

"Hurts."

"...giving her something for the pain right now..." is the last thing I hear.

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G
lass by Thompson Square

Zzyzx Rd. by Stone Sour

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C
AN’T THIS DAMN AMBULANCE
go any faster? She’s losing so much blood—so much blood we’re both covered in it.

The paramedic is on his radio calling ahead to the hospital, relaying all the information I gave him about Sera. I knew she was pregnant and I wanted it to be mine. Now I know. I just don’t want it to kill her. God. Without her there’s nothing. I’ll go back to darkness.

I clawed my way out of that darkness when I met her. It had been suffocating me so much I found superficial ways to add light to my life, like making Nichols Records the golden building. Even then I couldn’t escape the darkness—the black elevator. It’s always there. Unless I’m with Fee.

"Sir, she’s unconscious. You could put her down—"

I give him a glare. "Not until I have to."

"If her heart were to stop—"

"It’s not going to. Mine will beat for hers."

When we arrive at the hospital it’s utter chaos. I carry Sera into the ER where they’re waiting for us. I have no choice now, I have to set her down so they can do their job and help her.

"Fee," I whisper into her ear. "Fight."

I set her down onto the bed and the staff immediately moves in, cutting away her clothes, talking about how much blood she’s lost, hanging IV bags of liquids and blood. I slowly back up, my hands and clothes and body covered in her blood. Jesus. It’s going to take a miracle and I’m not above praying for one.

I sit in the chair in the corner—no one dares make me leave—and watch as they work to save her—the woman I love more than life itself. The woman I never told how I feel about her. I have to believe I’m going to get that chance.

There are two teams working on her and they’re talking so fast I can only catch bits and pieces.

"... ultrasound..."

"... baby..."

"Two units in but she’s bleeding out faster than it’s going in. We need to get her to the OR," the doctor barks.

"Ectopic," the woman with the ultrasound machine announces.

The doctor nods. "Let’s go people." They wheel her out of the room, leaving behind a chaotic mess and a pool of Sera’s blood.

A hand touches my shoulder and I look up to find a nurse speaking to me.

"Sir. Are you alright?" she asks.

"Cage Nichols," I tell her. "But yeah, yeah. It’s not my blood."

"That’s not what I meant, but that’s good to know. It’s going to be a while for Serafina’s surgery. What do you say we find you a pair of scrubs and you can use the staff showers, Mr. Nichols."

I nod. "Thanks."

"I’ll be back with the scrubs. Serafina’s sister is asking for you."

I look down at myself. Good God. Is this what I want Lucy to see when she’s already fragile with those babies? I sigh. I have no choice. She deserves answers.

"I’ll at least wash my hands first." I head to the sink and watch as the clear water pours from the faucet but swirls down the drain a dark pinkish-red. My Fee’s blood. Her blood on my hands. This was something I couldn’t protect her from and I feel so fucking helpless. She needs me to be strong. So does Lucy and the rest of them. I need to call Giovanni. He’s going to lose his shit even worse than I am.

I dry my hands and walk out the doors of the restricted area of the ER. Lucy gasps so loudly it’s nearly a scream.

"Fuck," Jesse mutters.

I shake my head. "She lost a lot of blood.
A lot
of blood. They took her up to surgery and said something about an ectopic pregnancy. I have no idea what that means but the nurse went to get me some scrubs so I can shower and I’ll get more information from her."

Lucy nods as she sobs. "Is she going to make it?"

I just look at Lucy. In truth, I don’t know. But this is one of those times when I think it’s okay to lie—even though it goes against everything I know.

"She will. It’s Sera. She’s strong and a fighter."

Lucy nods and Jesse pulls her close.

"Where are the rest?" I ask, looking for the other band members—family members. They’re family.

"They’re in the waiting room just past the desk," Jesse tells me.

I nod. The nurse walks up carrying the scrubs.

"I think these should fit, Mr. Nichols. Are you ready?"

"One moment. Lucy, has anyone called—"

"Already done," Jesse interrupts.

I nod. "Good. I’ll just get cleaned up."

"Okay," Lucy cries softly. "Thank you, Cage."

"I didn’t do anything, Lucy."

"You did. You held her and loved her when she needed you to. She won’t forget that," Lucy says with a sniffle.

I nod and swallow hard. I can’t and won’t lose the tight restraint I’ve practiced for so long. I need to shower and center myself. I won’t lose control. It took me too many years to find it.

S
era

Wait For Me by Theory of a Deadman

"Serafina."

I sit upright in a flash. "Mommy?"

"Shh, Sera. You’ve had quite a time of it the last few weeks, haven’t you?" my mom asks as she presses my head to her shoulder and strokes my hair.

"Am I in my dream again? Or am I dead this time?"

A deep chuckle behind me makes me smile. "You ask the same question every time we visit you," daddy teases.

I turn and hug him tightly.

"Well, I never know. One of these times I will be dead and knowing me, it’ll be the one time I don’t ask and won’t be able to go back—oh no." Panic sets in. "I have to get back. Cage. The baby."

"Sera, calm down," mommy tells me. "You need to stay here for a few minutes. Your body’s struggling right now and the last thing it needs is to deal with you fighting your way out."

Tears well and I whisper, "Out of what?"

"My baby girl," my dad begins and I know it’s bad.

"I lost the baby, didn’t I?" I don’t know why I’m asking. Confirmation? Glutton? I need to hear it to make it real?

"Yes, baby, you did," he tells me. A sob bursts out of me so unexpectedly it rattles my entire body. My dad just pulls me into his embrace, onto his lap, and rocks me like he did when I was little. My mom cries silently next to us, rubbing my back.

It feels like I’ve been sobbing for hours and I’m a snotty mess. My mom hands me some tissue and I sit up to blow my nose. I have never blown my nose in a ladylike manner. When I blow my nose it’s a full-power blow to get every bit of snot out that I can. Why try to be dainty and waste time while doing so? Just freaking blow and move on. Granted, it’s loud and can be annoying, but it’s how I roll.

"Can I see?" I ask, not knowing what I’ll be seeing if they’re able to show me.

My mom looks to my dad, who lets out a sigh.

"You have to stay here for now, no matter what you see. No fighting me on this, Serafina," my dad tells me.

I swallow hard and nod, knowing it’s going to be bad—very bad.

They lead me to the edge of the floor but what looks like a hologram from Star Trek or something forms.

I see Cage run his hands through his hair as he sits in the waiting room, Lucy curled into Jesse, quietly crying. Everyone sitting there together, praying.

"It’s odd seeing a bunch of rockstars pray," I murmur absently.

"Why? You’re a rockstar, aren’t you?" my mom asks.

"I guess, in a way."

"And you pray, do you not?"

I nod at her. "I do. I prayed so hard when it was Lucy fighting for her life. She told me she was here with you."

"Yes. We’re only allowed contact when we’re needed. This was—unexpected," she tells me, rubbing my back.

I nod. "Where am I? What are they doing to me?"

My dad steps closer. "You’re in surgery."

"What? Why? Why do I need surgery?" I begin to panic and now I understand the panic, frustration, and fear I see on Cage’s face.

"We don’t know that and won’t until we know if you make it out. It’s not your time yet, Serafina, which is why we needed to bring you here to keep you calm. You need to remain calm so your body rests while the doctors do whatever it is they need to do to help you," my mom tells me in such an anguished tone, tears begin to fall steadily down my cheeks.

I nod. "I need to make it out. Cage—"

My dad touches my cheek. "He knew."

My gaze snaps to his. "What?"

"He knew."

"But I thought he only suspected."

"The man is intelligent, Serafina. It’s why you fell in love with him," my dad tells me. "You’d never have the tolerance for someone who didn’t match your intelligence or strength."

"Daddy," I cry, "I’m not strong. I fake my way through. Every single day since you were—" I trail off, then swallow. "Every single day since then, I put on this false bravado and fake my way through everything. I’m scared of everything. I’m a coward," I admit.

My mom smiles softly. "Sera. Whether you fake your way through, as you say, or not, you make your way through each and every day no matter what life throws your way. That, my lovely girl, is courage."

I shake my head.

"It is. Trust in yourself, Serafina."

A bright light flickers in the distance.

"Trust in Cage," my dad tells me, watching me closely. "He loves you, Sera. He would never betray you."

I frown. "Why are you telling me this?"

"It’s time for you to go back. I told you once and I’ll tell you again my darling girl," my mother begins, "always trust your heart. It will never betray you."

"I love you."

"And we love you," my dad tells me, pulling me into a three-way hug.

Then it’s dark. I hurt. I’m back but my body, I groan, my baby. Our baby. I’m so sorry keeps repeating in my mind and I’m not sure which part I’m sorriest for most
.

C
age

Come Wake Me Up by Rascal Flatts

I GET TO THE WAITING ROOM
and everyone’s sitting in silence. Regina and Anthony make their way across the room.

"Oh, Cage," Regina cries softly, reaching up and cupping my cheeks. "What did they say about our girl?"

I run my hands through my hair when she pulls back and leans into Anthony.

"It was organized chaos so I didn’t catch too much of what was said. Just that she lost a lot of blood and something about an ectopic pregnancy."

Regina gasps and Lucy sobs. I know it’s not good. The nurse told me a little about ectopic pregnancies on the way to the showers. From what she described and the fact that Sera was hemorrhaging, I’m expecting the worst.

"Cage, dude, how did you get them to tell you anything?" Xander asks.

"He’s Cage Nichols, that’s how," Meggie tells him.

"No, it wasn’t quite that easy." My gaze cuts to Regina and Anthony. "I may have implied I was Sera’s husband."

Xander lets out a laugh. "Not a far stretch there."

I nod. True enough. Just a few words and a piece of paper. That’s the difference between marriage and what Sera and I have. Granted those words are important ones, but it’s all the same.