Amplify (18 page)

T
HAT’S THE LAST BIT OF
decent sleep I’ve had in nearly a week. I’ve chopped up hundreds of innocent flowers, broken more dishes than I can count and made sure to replace them all. The vases—well, those are a different story. While some were just knock offs, others were not. Let’s just say Lucy’s not too happy with me but, in truth, right now I don’t care. My anger is palpable, hovering just below the surface, ready to explode without warning.

Xander’s on the sofa; Jace, Ethan, and Ben in the surrounding chairs, all strumming their guitars. They eye me warily—rightfully so. I pick up my acoustic from the corner and sit next to Xander.

"Uh, is this a good idea?" Jace asks and I burn him a look.

"Alrighty then," Ethan murmurs.

Xander starts strumming a song and I freeze.

I met you on that warm and sunny day

Unsure of just what to say

You caught my eye from across the room

That was the day love started to bloom

Xander looks at me and leans back. I strum the next chord and begin to sing.

In my heart, heart, heart

I knew it from the start, start, start

That I’d be yours and you’d be mine

Nothing compares to the scent of you and pine

Ohhh, you and pine

Nothing at all compares to you

Love and affection in all you do

You love me sweetly

You love me completely

Just as I love you

In my heart, heart, heart

I knew it from the start, start, start

That I’d be yours and you’d be mine

Nothing compares to the scent of you and pine

Ohhh, you and pine

I’d be yours and you’d be mine

I am yours and you are mine

Silence surrounds us and a lone tear slides down my cheek. It hurts. It hurts so much. My heart feels like it’s crumbling to dust in my chest.

I stand up, raise the guitar over my head and slam it to the floor, over and over and over again, fragments of wood splintering and flying everywhere. I drop the last of the guitar to the floor, the pain still stabbing through me. I say nothing to the men watching me silently, unsure of what to do.

"Sera," Lucy whispers.

I nod and take her hand as she leads me up the stairs.

"Dude," I hear Ethan say. "I knew that was a bad idea."

"Not a bad idea at all," Ben tells him. "She needed to get there."

"How did you know about that song?" Jace asks Xander.

He shrugs. "I read her stuff all the time. That’s the only one she ever completed—lyrics, chords, all of it."

I can’t hear the rest of what’s being said, but I don’t want to. I don’t need to. I know they all think I’m crazy. They think I’ve completely lost it, and maybe I have. I just don’t know how to deal with the pain and anger. They’re so strong and I feel like I’ll combust if I don’t get them out somehow.

Lucy leads me to her bedroom and curls up next to me on the bed.

"Tell me," she says. And I do. All of it. From the very beginning to now. From where Cage and I were best friends and he took care of me, holding and rocking me when I had nightmares, staying with me when I didn’t want to be alone—loving me when I didn’t deserve to be loved.

"Oh, Sera. You’ve always deserved to be loved," Lucy says softly.

I shake my head. "I—" I don’t even know what I want to say, what to say, so I say the only thing I
do
know: "I love him so much, Luce."

"I know, Sera. I know. He loves you too. You have to know that."

I shake my head again.

"He loves you so much, Sera. It shines in his eyes when he looks at you."

I shake my head again. I’m not sure why... if I don’t believe it or if I’m not ready to. Either way, "It doesn’t matter."

"That’s where you’re wrong, sister of mine. It’s the only thing that
does
matter. Everything else is secondary."

I meet her gaze.

"Let him love you, Sera. Let yourself love him in return."

I just look at her. "I don’t think I know how."

"You can learn together," she tells me and holds me while I cry.

THE NEXT MORNING
I’m getting out of the shower when my phone rings.
Joan
. I’ve missed her.

"Hello?"

"Sera. How are you doing, sweetheart?" she asks.

I sigh. "I’m alright. How are you?"

"I’m good. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Joan," I admit.

"So come over today. We’ll chat a while, have some cocktails."

"I don’t know—" I begin.

"If it’s Cage you’re worried about, he’s got meetings nearly all day so we can relax and have some girl time."

I nod. "I’d like that."

"Good. Come around one? I have a few errands and appointments this morning but we can have a late lunch."

"That sounds great, Joan. Thank you."

"No, dear. Thank you. I’ll see you at one."

"See you then."

I hang up and look at my reflection in the mirror and notice a hint of a smile on my lips, the first since that day.

I look like hell. It’s a good thing I’ve got plenty of makeup and time before I have to meet Joan.

I
PULL MY CAR TO THE FRONT
of the house and my heart drops into my stomach, flip-flopping around. Cage. Home. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. He won’t be here. That’s good because I need to figure out how to give myself to him completely the way Lucy said I needed to—the way I need to.

And she’s right. I need to. I need him.

I exit the car and make my way to the door. I stand awkwardly, the guard nodding his greeting. Do I ring the bell?

Oh screw it. I key in the code and unlock the door.

"Joan?" I call out, locking and coding the alarm again. I head to the kitchen and it’s empty. I walk in further and notice a note stuck to the refrigerator.

Sera~

If I’m not here, I’m running late. Blame Cage. Likely it’s his fault.

Make yourself at home. I’ll be there soon.

Love,

Joan

I snicker. Blame Cage. I’m good at that, even if the majority of the time it’s my fault. A yawn escapes me and I walk through the silent house. God, I’m so tired. I walk straight to Cage’s room—our room, and stare at the bed—our bed.

I walk over and crawl on top of the blankets, resting my head on his pillow.
You and pine.
I slip my sandals off and they fall to the floor with a thud, then reach down for the throw blanket at the end of the bed. I snuggle down into the blanket and the pillow, imagining Cage’s arms encircling me in their safety, holding me tightly, as he loves me.

I let out a soft sigh and drift off to sleep.

I
HEAR A TAP, TAP, TAPPING
and I startle awake. My eyes open and at the end of the bed is Carina, leaning against one of the bed posts, tapping one of her blood red nails. I look up and see her lips match her nails.

"You’re too pale to be able to pull off that red," I yawn.

She sneers. "I think it looks fashionable."

"You look like a vampire—which is fitting, seeing as you are a blood-sucking whore," I tell her with a grin as I push to a sitting position.

"Why are you even here?" she asks, walking around the room, trailing an index finger across the top of Cage’s dresser. I want nothing more than to break that fucking finger. She doesn’t belong touching his things—our things.

"I should be asking you that."

She grins that bitch-evil grin of hers. "No, you shouldn’t. I belong here. You no longer do."

I roll my eyes. Here we go. "And you figure this how?"

"You’re no longer his concern, Serafina."

I tilt my head to the side. "Enlighten me."

"My pleasure," she purrs, walking around and touching everything. It makes me want to break that fucking finger even more. One day I will. I’ll rip those god damn nails out too.

"You see," she begins, "you’re no longer pregnant, so Cage no longer has to pretend to be enamored with you."

I let out a laugh. "Oh, honey, you’re so backwards. It was
you
he was pretending with."

Something flashes in her eyes but it’s only there for a brief second before it’s gone. How I wish I could have got a read on that and played off of it.

She throws her head back and laughs. "You’d like to think so. I’m sorry, Serafina, but you’re deluding yourself."

"Am I? Or are you?" I ask, sitting cross-legged on the bed against Cage’s pillow as if I don’t have a care in the world when what I want to do is jump off this bed and pounce on this nasty bitch.

"Sadly, it’s you. He couldn’t very well leave the granddaughter of Giovanni Russo pregnant and alone, now could he? Second in command or not, he’d be dead. So, he did what he had to do. He pretended to be in love with you, to want you in his life, but that’s not what he wanted at all," she tells me with a smirk.

"I suppose you’re what he wanted?" I ask sarcastically.

"Absolutely. There’s never been any doubt about that. You know it as well as I do. After the night you had your nightmare and he felt sorry enough for you he fucked you, he immediately came back to me. You saw it for yourself how he couldn’t stay away."

She’s watching me now and I keep my expression flat, though how the hell does she know about that night and how it happened if he didn’t tell her? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt as Lucy asked me to, but...

"When he went with you all on tour, we met up in Portland then again in Denver. Had you continued on, we’d have met again in Chicago and every major city I could make it to without disrupting business here in Los Angeles." She looks at me, giving me an expression of pity and I want to slap that look right off her face. I don’t need anyone’s pity. I never have and I never will. I purposefully resist the urge to tighten my hands into fists.

I nod. "That’s not news, Carina."

She smirks triumphantly. "No, I suppose not. Your being pregnant was quite a shocker though. I mean, really, Serafina. Didn’t you take precautions?" I’m about to bite her head off when she flits a hand in the air. "That doesn’t matter either way. He’s been tested since."

She so did not go there.

"And last week?" She gives me that pity look again. One more time and I’m punching it off of her smug fucking face. "We both know he did that to help you realize you’re still whole after losing a part of your womanhood."

I swallow the gasp and smirk. "Continue," I tell her light-heartedly.

She nods once, then tosses her long blonde hair behind her shoulder. "But that’s all over now. He’s done."

"Done how?"

"Do I have to spell it out cruelly for you? He doesn’t want you anymore, Serafina. He’s humored your girlie crush and fantasy, did his honorable duty by you while you were pregnant, and took care of you while you recovered, but now it’s time to move on and let things get back to normal. Hasn’t he indulged you enough?" she asks in that mocking tone.

I nod. There is no way she could know all of this without him telling her. No way. And he may have proposed to me, but he never did give me the ring. Shit, he never even mentioned it again.

Jesus, this hurts—admitting defeat.

"You know what, Carina?"