An Autumn Dream (9 page)

“Absolutely.” I meant to giggle, but it came out as a sigh. Which Rafe heard, of course.

The teasing tone left his voice as he asked, “What’s the matter?”

“It’s stupid.” I leaned my head against the brick wall, closing my eyes. “I had a dumb dream about Mom last night and my whole day has been screwed up because of it. School sucked, I had no one to talk to, and…”

“Where are you?” I could hear the concern in Rafe’s voice. He knew all about Mom, and how I got whenever she was a part of the conversation. He completely understood the aching hole in my heart because he had a matching one in his, having lost both of his parents to a demon.

I squinted through the rapidly fading sunshine to asses my location. “Oh, I’m right around the corner. I stopped to…think.”

Rafe didn’t respond, but I could easily picture the frown on his face. He probably thought I had lost my mind, and for a good reason, too. What
was
I doing, sitting on the ground staring at Christmas decorations? At least I hadn’t started crying.
That
would have been bad.

“What are you thinking about?” he finally asked.

“Just things.” I heard someone walking through the fallen leaves, making the swishing, crackling noise I always associated with autumn. I looked up to see Rafe rounding the corner, phone to his ear. “Oh, I gotta go. My stalker is here.” I hung up my phone, and Rafe did the same with his before handing me a white paper bag. Peering inside, I saw two large chocolate chip cookies nestled amongst wax paper and smiled. “My stalker has good taste in dessert.”

Rafe sat down next to me, and I scooted over so I could rest my head against his shoulder. He was wearing a fleece jacket, which was very unusual for Mister Furnace, and the soft fabric felt nice against my cheek. That mixed with the familiar smell of his favorite cologne made me close my eyes and breathe deeply. For the first time all day, I felt at ease.

“Missed you,” I mumbled against his shoulder. “I’m sorry those people aren’t getting their new home, but I’m glad you’re here.”

Rafe laughed quietly, and I felt the vibrations through my cheek. “I wasn’t building a house! Just passing out some flyers for a food drive next week, but they had the wrong date on the flyer, so they told me to forget about it.”

“I knew you were curing world hunger!”

“Just trying to help out.” He took my hand in his, entwining our fingers together. We had been dating for almost two months now, and I still marveled at how natural it felt to hold his hand. The way our fingers fit together so perfectly, it was like we had been doing it all our lives.

“Isn’t saving the world from demons enough for you?” I tilted my head back so I could see his face.

“You’re probably going to find this hard to believe, but sometimes I do enjoy doing something that doesn’t involve chopping someone’s head off.”

“You’re right.” I shook my head. “I can’t believe that.”

“Gabi!”

I pushed him with my shoulder. “I see you when you’re fighting. You love it!”

“I love making the world safer,” Rafe corrected me. “I love giving someone else the chance I never had. The chance to…” He broke off and looked away, swallowing hard.

“The chance to grow up with their loved ones still around,” I finished for him.

“Exactly.” Our eyes met, and I saw sympathy in his. “Want to tell me about your dream?”

That required sugar. I reached into the bag to remove a cookie before passing the bag over to him. After taking a large bite and swallowing, I said, “It’s so dumb. I have a dream, she’s in it, and when I wake up, the only thing I can remember is that I dreamt about her. And just the thought of her there, running around in my head, is enough to ruin my day.”

“I don’t think that’s dumb,” he answered, brushing some crumbs from his lap. “When I dream about my parents, it makes me sad.”

“When I dream about Mom, it makes me angry.” I picked a chocolate chip off of my cookie and rolled it between my fingers. I stared hard at the chip, afraid to glance over at Rafe and see disappointment on his face. “You probably think I’m such a bitch for saying that.”

“Why would I think that?” He tapped my foot with his. “She left you guys. Of course you’re going to be angry about that.”

“Because…” Popping the chocolate chip in my mouth, I paused to gather my thoughts. I needed to figure out a way to say what I wanted to say without hurting him. “With your parents…” I shrugged my shoulders helplessly, the words not coming as easily as I had hoped. “My mom is still alive, out there, somewhere, with probably a new life and a new husband and new kids. She’s alive, Rafe, and there’s a chance I may see her again, while you…”

“Will never have that chance,” Rafe finished for me. “Our situations are completely different, though, Gabi. If my parents just left one day, instead of dying, I’d be mad at them, too.”

I took another bite of my cookie and contemplated this as I chewed. He was right. But I bet other people who had lost their parents like Rafe had wouldn’t be so generous. Rafe always got me. I wasn’t sure why I was so lucky to end up with a guy who got me and all of my stupid quirks, but I was forever grateful. “Do you think she thinks about me?”

“I’m sure she does. How could she not?”

“I don’t know,” I said bitterly. “How could she leave in the first place?” I winced at my sharp tone and made to apologize, but Rafe waved it off. “I just can’t imagine her caring, is what I mean…If she cared, she would have stuck around. Or at least explained things to me and Chloe, left us a note, something!” My voice had risen into a shout, and I forced myself to take a few calming breaths before continuing. “If she was unhappy with Dad, why didn’t she just divorce him and move out and keep in touch? Why—no,
how
could she just leave like that?”

Rafe shook his head as he crumpled his wax paper into a ball. “I don’t know, Gabi. I hope someday you’ll get to ask her this yourself, to help give you some closure…”

So many times, I had wished Mom back to do exactly that, but deep down, I knew what would happen if we ever met face-to-face. Instead of giving her a chance to explain, I would scream at her, so she knew exactly how much she had hurt me.

“But, you know, you don’t completely hate her,” Rafe said, finding my hand again. I put the uneaten half of my cookie back in the paper bag and leaned my head against his chest. “You wouldn’t be in the garden, spending so much of your free time making it beautiful. I know you, Gabi,” he added in a teasing tone. “You would have set the place on fire if you wanted to completely destroy all ties with your mom.”

“You’re right.” He was. Dad and Chloe had wanted nothing to do with the garden, leaving it up to me to weed and plant and rake. And I had never once complained about it. I loved being out there, getting my hands dirty, watching the flowers bloom and the vegetables grow. If I had abandoned the garden, let the weeds take over and the plants die, then I would have lost my very last connection to Mom.

Actually,
I thought, staring at the Christmas decorations across the street again,
not the last one.

“Come on,” I said, pulling out of his embrace and standing. “I need to show you something.”

***

“This is a lot of stuff,” Rafe observed a few minutes later. We were standing in the middle of my attic, surrounded by boxes labeled, “Christmas decorations.”

“I know, she was nuts,” I replied, opening up the box nearest me. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of decorations I hadn’t seen since Mom left. Picking up an angel holding a candle between clasped hands, I smiled. “Do you know how long it took to put everything up?”

“I can only imagine.” Rafe wandered over to another box and opened it to peer inside. “Wow. You guys went all out, didn’t you?”

“What did you do for the holidays?” I dug through the box, unearthing angel after angel. “I remember these guys! We used to put them over the fireplace in the living room…”

Rafe pulled out an incredibly tacky bright pink wreath and laughed. “We had a tree. It was fake and small and we had a couple of boxes of ornaments we reused every year. My dad was too busy hunting to bother decorating, but my mom felt bad and put the tree up for me.” He smiled again. “But I think she did it for herself, too.”

I pictured young Rafe, gathered around the tree with his parents, eagerly awaiting Santa. It was a nice image that was also bittersweet. By the age of twelve, Rafe no longer had a family to celebrate Christmas with. At least with me, I still had Dad and Chloe. “What did you do…after?” I directed my question to the cardboard box in front of me and the angels inside. When he didn’t answer, I wondered if I had overstepped and pried too deeply. Last time we had discussed his parents in detail, we had both ended up crying. I didn’t want to ruin Rafe’s day again with my heartless questions, but before I could tell him to forget about it, he spoke.

“I went to California with Evan and his parents,” Rafe said. “At the time, they lived in New York, but they were originally from California and returned every chance they had, until finally, they just stayed. Evan would go back for the holidays, and I’d go with him. Until he started dating Alex, anyway. Then he hung around in New York, sneaking behind her parents’ backs to see her.”

“He left you alone on Christmas?” I demanded, ready to punch Evan in the face next time I saw him.

Rafe laughed. “It’s okay. There’s always something to do in Manhattan for the holidays.” His eyes lit up. “We should go to the city this year!”

That sounded awesome, but we always went to Vermont to see Dad’s family. I didn’t have the heart to tell Rafe that, not when he looked so excited.
Maybe Dad will let me stay home this year?
Haha, yeah right. Hell would have to freeze over, thaw out, and freeze over
again
before he ever let me stay home so I could partake in what he probably figured were illicit activities involving my boyfriend. Still, it didn’t hurt to ask. Until then, I’d keep the Vermont trip to myself.

I heard Rafe approaching, his footsteps making the attic floor creak as he came up from behind and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Hmm, you didn’t answer. Maybe you don’t want to go?”

“I have to see what my boyfriend says first,” I told him, wiggling in his embrace until I was completely turned around and facing him. “He might not want me hanging out with my stalker. He’s very protective of me like that.”

Rafe rolled his eyes. “He sounds like a smart guy, this boyfriend of yours.”

“Yep. He’s a good kisser, too.”

“Oh yeah?” Rafe flashed a sexy smile as he leaned closer. “Is he better than this?” His lips captured mine in a slow, perfect kiss that sent shivers throughout my body. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me closer, our bodies touching in all the right places. When we pulled apart, his face was flushed and his eyes were very green and very bright, and it took all of my self-control not to shove him to the floor and attack him.

Probably not the smartest of ideas, with Dad due home soon for pizza night.
And yes, I had called him up asked his permission before allowing Rafe to step one foot inside of the house. Surprisingly, he had said yes. I wasn’t about to ruin my chances of ever seeing my boyfriend again by doing naughty things in the attic. Besides, it was dusty up here. And the bare wood floor didn’t look very comfortable.

“You’ve got a weird look on your face,” Rafe said. “You’re thinking something perverted, aren’t you?”

“Shut up, I’m not.” I shoved him, trying to downplay the blush that was spreading across my cheeks. I wasn’t a pervert, dammit! It was just that Rafe was so damn cute and such a good kisser and of course I could easily imagine doing some hardcore making out up here, amongst the tacky wreaths and angels. I pulled away and pointed to the box of angels. “Ready to put your muscles to good use?”

             
“Sure.” He picked up the box with one hand, grinning when I rolled my eyes.
What a show off.
Thirty minutes later, he was no longer grinning, not after I had made him haul every single box down both sets of stairs and into the living room. Rafe collapsed on the couch, sweaty and panting, while I moved from box to box, opening each one. Mom had labeled everything on the outside, but I still wanted to see the decorations for myself. It was like being reunited with old friends, and I couldn’t stop the huge grin that spread across my face.

“The penguins!” I gasped, pulling the fuzzy black and white stuffed animals from the box. “We put them on the couch! Right where you’re sitting, in fact.” I snapped my fingers when Rafe didn’t respond. “Move, Rafe.”

“Are you serious?” He took one look at my face and shook his head. “Yes, you are.” He got to his feet with a loud groan and said, “Can I grab a bottle of water from the fridge?”

I was already pawing through another box. “Sure. Then hurry back so you can help me put everything up.”

Rafe groaned again as he walked out of the room. “Are you trying to kill me before Christmas?”

“Um, don’t have huge muscles if you don’t plan on using them.”

“I do use them!” His voice echoed down the hallway. “For things worth using them for!”

“This is worth it!” I replied as I unearthed a mini-tree. Shoving aside a pile of Chloe’s fashion magazines, I set the tree in the middle of the coffee table. There sho
uld be ornaments to go with it…I shifted through the decorations. Aha! There they were, neatly collected in a container. I shook my head in amazement. I had to hand it to Mom; she was completely organized when it came to her decorations. Me? I would have ripped everything down and shoved them into any old box, but she made sure to put each and everything back where she found it. Would I do the same now, when it came time to put everything away?