And I Love Her (5 page)

“Did you…kiss her?”

“No.” He said it was a straight face.

“Did you go out with anyone else?”

“Yes.”

Oh.
“Who?”

“A few models. They were really dull and boring.” He smiled at me. “And to answer your next question, I didn’t kiss them either.”

“Then why did you date them?”

“Like I said, I was bored and lonely.”

That didn’t explain something. “Then why didn’t you sleep with them? Isn’t that the point if you’re lonely?”

Cash looked down and averted his gaze. He was silent for so long, I wasn’t sure if he would respond at all. “I didn’t want to.” His voice came out as a whisper.

“Why?”

Cash rubbed his chin then shifted his weight. He looked uncomfortable. “Pass.”

Pass? Why wouldn’t he answer me?

Cash cleared his throat. “Now that we have that straightened out, are we okay?”

“Of course. I’m sorry I overreacted.”

“It’s okay. I know you have trust issues.”

“Thanks for being so patient with me.”

He cupped my face and kissed me. “You’re worth it.” He returned his hands to his sides. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

I nodded. I think I knew what he was going to ask.

“Did you date anyone while we were apart?”

“No.”

“You didn’t even think about it?”

I was too busy living with cockroaches to think about dating. And I was too hung up on Cash to even wonder what about a new relationship. But then I remembered Dean…did that count? Cash stared me down, waiting for a response. “Kinda…”

“
Kinda?” The anger resurfaced. “How do you kinda consider being with someone?”

“It’s hard to explain.”

“Then try,” he snapped.

“Why are you getting so upset?”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Please tell me.”

“I told Dean that I never wanted to be in a relationship or get married…”

“And he took the first opportunity he could to snatch you up.” He wasn’t angry, but his voice was full of tension.

“No. He told me he was a widow. He lost his wife eight years ago and he’s never moved on. We realized we had a lot in common. So he proposed that we get married for the convenience of it. He could tell everyone he was happy and remarried, and I could tell everyone I was married off. It was perfect for both of us.”

Cash’s eyes widened. He almost looked deranged. “Do you love him?”

“No,” I said quickly. “And he said he would never love me either. We would just have kids down the road.”

Cash paced the room and formed fists at his sides. “Prudence, that’s insane! How could you even consider that?”

“How’s it any different from what we’re doing?” I snapped.

“Because we…it’s different. We actually care about each other.”

“Dean and I care about each other too.”

“It’s still not the same.” He grabbed my hand and placed it over his heart. “It’s not the same. We’re different. There’s more than just a physical attraction going on here. You feel it too.”

“Yes.”
Because I’m madly in love with you.

“So don’t compare us to you and Dean. It’s insulting.”

The pain in his eyes made me feel bad for ever mentioning it. He dropped his hand and stepped away. He still looked upset.

“Cash, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he said quietly.

“I…I don’t know.”

“That I’m just one of many men you’d spend the rest of your life with? That marriage means nothing to you? That I could be any man in the world and it wouldn’t make a difference? You would still spread your legs and fuck me all night.” He shook his head. “Let’s go outside and finish this meaningless party.”

Chapter Six

♬

Cash Matthews

Prudence may as well get a fucking blowtorch then burn my heart while it still beat in my chest. I didn’t mean shit to her. Every night I made love to her, all she felt was a cock deep inside her. It wasn’t me. It didn’t have to be.
Because it could be anyone.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this upset in my life. Knowing she’d marry Dean even though she wasn’t forced to made me sick. Why didn’t she ask me for the same arrangement
? What the hell was she doing? There was no rhyme or reason to anything she did. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like shit. I was irrelevant in her life.

What the hell was wrong with her? How could she even think that was okay? Our relationship was dependent on friendship, trust…and love. I loved her. I fucking loved her. Dean didn’t. There was no comparison to the two relationships. And that didn’t matter to her. She must know how I feel. It’s obvious in everything I say and do. And she still didn’t want me. And what was worse, she didn’t care. She had me hooked around her finger and she liked it that way.

I was on my own for the rest of the party. I made small talk with people and pretended I was thrilled to marry the love of my life. Ha. I knew I was but that didn’t matter to her. I drank more than I meant to and mingled in the crowd. I knew Prudence was still in the bedroom, not wanting to come out if I didn’t hold her hand and guide her through social circles.
That was too damn bad.

When everyone finally left the yacht, I waited for her on the dock. Now we had to go home and pretend everything was fine.

I heard the sound of heels as she moved down the ramp. I didn’t look at her. My hands were still in my pockets, acting like I didn’t give a shit about anything. She finally reached me then stood still.

“Dean is picking me up.”

Of all the things she could say, that was the worst. “Is that a fucking joke?”

She flinched as I blew up.

“Are you marrying him or me?”

She averted her gaze.

“No. You’re coming home with me. We’re already stuck in this situation and we have to see it through. I can’t let you be seen with him. That was a stupid decision.”

Her breathing increased slightly. “Stuck?” Her voice came out as a whisper. “Does that mean you don’t want to do this anymore?”

“Obviously not,” I snapped. “You told me you were so happy you were marrying me. That you couldn’t have gotten through this with anyone else, but you were willing to marry Dean—for real. I don’t mean shit to you. I never did. Why would I put myself on the line for someone who couldn’t care less?”

Her eyes bubbled with tears then they released the moisture down her cheeks
. Like diamonds, they caught the light of the boat docks. She heaved with the sobs that shook her.

Now I felt like a fucking asshole.

“I was delirious when Dean and I had that discussion. And I never agreed to it. It was something to think about, nothing set in stone. I was relieved when you offered to marry me. There’s nothing wrong with Dean, but I prefer you, Cash. It’s always been you…”

I still didn’t look at her.

“I’m sorry about everything. I wished I hadn’t gotten you into this.” She covered her face then turned away. “Now you’re with me and you don’t even want me.”

I should be the man in this relationship and hold her but I couldn’t. I was still too angry. “Let’s go home.” I walked down the dock toward my car and she followed behind me, trailing far behind.

When we reached the parking lot, the Lamborghini I despised so much pulled up.

“How was the party?” he asked when he pulled up.

“It was fine. Prudence won’t be needing your services after all. Good night.”

Dean looked passed me and stared at Prudence. “Are you alright?”

“I can take care of my fiancé,” I snapped.

Dean ignored me. “Pru?”

She stopped crying. “I’m sorry for calling you but I’m going home with Cash.”

Dean gave me an angry look. “Call me if he gives you any trouble.”

I didn’t respond to his threat. That was a bad idea when I was this upset. I got Prudence into the passenger seat then drove back to the house. Both of my hands gripped the steering wheel and I stared straight ahead. Prudence didn’t speak.

When we walked into the house
, I threw off my jacket then stormed into my room. I knew she wouldn’t follow me. She’d probably sleep in the guestroom across the hall. It was the first time I didn’t want to share a bed with her.

I stripped off all my clothes and lay in bed. The darkness helped me calm down, but I wasn’t tired enough to sleep. Instead, my head swirled with thoughts for hours. I distantly heard her enter the guestroom and shut the door. I still didn’t get up.

I wasn’t sure why I was so upset. Prudence made it clear what she wanted from me. I shouldn’t let my secret love ruin what we had. She said she didn’t have a heart to love anyone else, and she clearly meant it. She didn’t want to be with anyone for the rest of her life, and she was looking for the most logical choice. Dean was her manager and they seemed to get along. It made sense to pick him.

Maybe I should offer her the same thing. I could be married to her forever and have kids with her. She would be my wife for the rest of my life. It was tempting. But could I be with someone who would never love me? Would I just be torturing myself? No, it wasn’t a good idea. I’d finish my year with her and get the divorce. That goodbye would be painful, but spending my life with her would be even worse. I couldn’t do it.

But my behavior was still wrong. I overreacted and expected more than she was willing to give. And that was my fault. I sighed and left the bed.

When I went to her room, the door was unlocked. I walked inside then moved to the bed. I could tell she was awake by her rapid breathing. Her back was to me but she didn’t stir.  She probably hoped I’d assume she was asleep then leave.

I pulled the sheets back then slipped in beside her. My arm hooked around her waist and I spooned her from behind. My face rested in her neck, wanting to inhale the scent I loved so much. Finally, I spoke. “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t respond.

“I overreacted and got upset over nothing. You did nothing wrong. My behavior was unacceptable. Sometimes I get a little crazy when it comes to you. I get a little possessive. And I guess knowing you wanted to marry someone else besides me hurt.”

“Why?” she whispered.

Because I love you with my whole heart.
I pretended I didn’t hear her. “I’m sorry, baby. Please forgive me.”

She turned over and faced me. “You scared me.”

“I know.” I cupped her face. “I don’t feel stuck with you, baby. I just said that in my anger.”

“Really?”

“I swear.”

She took a deep breath. “That hurt.”

“I know.” I kissed her cheeks then her lips. “I was an asshole. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Cash…I never really wanted to marry Dean. When you offered, I was relieved. Dean is a good friend and I care about him very much, but there’s no chemistry between us. I don’t see him in a sexual way. I would much rather be with you, and not just because of the sex. You make me really happy. I’m so excited to go to bed with you because I get to snuggle with you all night, but I’m so anxious for morning to come because I get to spend my day with you. You’re the best friend I haven’t had in so long. You’re the greatest love
r I ever had. And you’re the most amazing man I’ve ever known. Of any man in the world, I’d want to marry you.”

And she was back into my heart, where she belonged.
“Really?”

“Of course.”

“So, I’m more than just a friend?”

“You’re so much more, Cash. I didn’t mean to make you feel meaningless. I want you—only you.”

I smiled. “I only want you.”

“I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

“No,” I said immediately. “I’m sorry.”

“Can we forgive each other and move on?”

“Only under one condition.”

“What?” she asked.

I rolled her to her back then climbed on top of her. “If you give me some serious make up sex.”

Chapter Seven

♬

Prudence Clearwater

The fight I had with
Cash scared the shit out of me. And when he said he regretted our arrangement, my heart broke. But I was glad we worked through it. And the sex that came out of it was pretty spectacular.

Cash held me to his chest then ran his fingers down my back. He usually woke before I did, and that irritated me because I wanted to watch him sleep. I wanted to be a creepy stalker and stare at him all night.

“Good morning,” he whispered.

I sighed. “Morning.”

“I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“Let’s just forget about it. I already have.” I snuggled close to him, absorbing his body heat.

“I’m just grateful you could forgive me.”

“I
’ll always forgive you.”

He kissed my forehead then looked at the time. “I need to get to work.”

No!
“Okay.”

“We need to head to London soon. I’ll have my assistant book a flight.”

What was he talking about? Did I miss something? “Sorry?”

“We are going to London.” He said it so simply.

“But why?”

“I have to ask for your parents
’ permission.”

“No,” I said immediately. “You don’t have to do anything, Cash.”

“Do they even know you’re getting married?” He stared me down.

“No…”

“I’m sure Clark will track them down. And the news will be better coming from you than him. Plus, you can tell all your friends. After we get married, you can’t return to London for a year.”

“Really?”

He nodded.

“I didn’t know that…”

“So if you want to go home, we need to do it now.”

Shit.
I didn’t want to see my parents and tell them I was getting married. It was totally bizarre, especially since I wasn’t close to either one of them. But that stupid immigration guy was making me jump through hoops to be convincing. I hated him. “When can you get time off work?”

“Whenever I want.”

“I’m jealous.”

He smiled. “Being the guy in charge has its perks. How about tomorrow?”

“That’s short notice…”

“Do you have to work?”

No. Dean would understand the situation. “I can get the time off.”

“Great. I’ll book the flight.”

Ugh. I was really not looking forward to this.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I…I just don’t want to tell them.”

“Why?”

That would require me to see them. “I’m just not close with either one of them. And I don’t want to put you through that.”

“Put me through that? Baby, I’m there to support you. If they give you any grief over this, I’ll straighten them out.”

Threatening wasn’t the best way to go. “The only permission you need is from my brother. And he knows the truth about our situation so he already gave it to you.”

Cash stared at me but his lips didn’t move.

“I don’t owe my dad anything.”

He ran his fingers through my hair. “It’s just for show, Prudence. We’ll get in, get out, and then we’ll leave.”

“I don’t want them to know about my success,” I said immediately.

“Why?”

“Because they’ll treat me differently. My dad will want to get involved, and if he knows I’m making money he’ll expect me to pay him back for my tuition.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What? Are you joking?”

No.
“My dad acts like a nice guy, but I don’t believe him. And I don’t want him to suddenly be proud of me because I finally made it. He never believed in me and always made me feel like shit for wanting to be a musician. He doesn’t deserve to know.”

Cash grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. “Anything you want.”

“I’m so sorry you have to do this.”

“Don’t be,” he said immediately. “I’m excited to see where you came from. To know your roots.”

“It’s not very impressive…”

“I’ll still lo—care about you in the same way.”

Was he about to say something else? I didn’t catch it.

He hid his face and got out of bed. “I need to hurry. I’ll have all the arrangement
s when I come back.”

♫

I was so happy when Cash finally came home. I was so attached to him that I hated the hours apart when he was at work. After spending two months apart, I was eager to soak up every once of his being. There were too many nights when I wished I were with him, too many nights I cried because I missed him. Everything was just better when he was near.

As soon as he came home, I hustled to the doorway and jumped into his arms. He pulled me to his chest and held me close. Nothing was said.
I’m was glad I didn’t have to explain myself to him. I was marrying him so I could cuddle with him all I wanted.

Cash kissed my forehead. “I like it when you greet me like that.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too. I’d invite you to come to work with me, but I’d just bend you over my desk and take you every half hour.”

“That doesn’t so bad.” I gave him a sinister smile.

“Don’t tempt me, baby.” He brushed my lips with his, teasing me.

“Did you make the arrangements?”

“I did. We leave tomorrow.”

Wow. That was quick.
“Okay.”

“Let your brother know we’re coming.”

That was the only thing I was excited about. I loved spending time with my brother. And now that I was going to be stuck in America for an entire year, I really wanted to see him. “We’ll stay with him.”

“We can stay at a hotel,” Cash said automatically.

“But I want to stay with him.”

Cash put down his bag then grabbed my ass. “We’re having sex on this trip. I need it. It helps me relieve stress. And we shouldn’t do that in your brother’s house.”

My brother was a bit of an enigma when it came to sex. I wasn’t sure what he did in his personal life. I knew he was seeing a girl in college for a while but she disappeared. He hadn’t seen anyone sense. If I didn’t accidently see his porn on his laptop, I would have thought he was gay. But as I became older, I realized he was extremely private. Although, I had no idea why. But I respected his privacy. Since I was his sister, there was a possibility he didn’t feel comfortable breaching that subject.  “My brother isn’t going to care.”

“I’m sure he will.”

I shook my head. “Jeremy respects my privacy and my sexuality. He doesn’t care if we have sex at his place. He knows we have sex now.”

“You aren’t listening to me,” he said firmly. “I know he doesn’t stick his nose in your sex life, but it’s disrespectful and rude to have sex with you in his house, especially since we aren’t married.”

Ugh. I had no idea Cash was such a goody-to-shoe
. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my breasts against his chest. “Husband.” His eyes widened at the words. “Please let me stay with my brother.” I sucked his bottom lip then moaned. “It’s important to me.”

Cash growled. “That isn’t fair.”

“Please,” I whispered.

He sighed in annoyance. “Fine.”

I smiled, victorious. “Thank you.”

“I’ll just have to beat off in the shower.”

We’ll see about that.
I wasn’t going to spend days in London without getting my daily dose of Cash. Without those regular orgasms, I was grumpy. I needed him to satisfy me.

“What’s for dinner?” he asked.

I wasn’t hungry for food. Now I wanted Cash. He was wearing an Armani suit, and his silver Rolex made him look like a powerhouse. His wide shoulders and muscular arms had me panting.

Dean’s advice always came to the back of my mind. In order to get Cash to fall in love with me, I had to give him the best sex he’s ever had. And that meant I had to be a little more adventurous than I wanted to. But I was determined to make Cash mine—forever. I was willing to get out of my comfort zone.

I grabbed Cash’s tie then yanked him toward me. His lips fell on mine and I devoured them, touching his tongue with mine. He was such a wonderful kisser. I could kiss him all day.

Cash picked me up and carried me to his bedroom upstairs. When he laid me on the bed, I wrapped my legs around his waist then rubbed my pelvis against his hard-on. He moaned while he kissed me.

I’d never had anal sex before but I knew men loved it. Cash was obviously experienced. There was probably nothing he hadn’t done because any girl would do anything he wanted. I had to keep up if I was going to be anything more than a forgotten memory. I stripped off his clothes then let him pull mine away.

I broke our kiss then dug my nails into his back. “I want you to fuck my ass.”

He moaned at my words. “You do?”

I turned on my stomach and lifted my ass in the air. Cash was immediately behind me. But he didn’t enter inside of me. Instead, he kissed the back of my neck and trailed kissed down my spine. Then he inserted his tip at my entrance and gave a gentle push.

I tensed as I felt it stretch. I knew it would hurt but I wanted to fulfill every fantasy Cash had.

He leaned to
ward my ear. “Baby, have you ever done this before?”

Why would he ask that? Could he tell?
I wanted to lie and say I had. “No.”

He kissed my neck then hooked his arm around my waist. Gently, he glided my back to the mattress and he moved between my legs. “Then why do you want to do it?”

“I know you’d enjoy it.”

He rubbed his nose against mine. “Why have you been doing these kinky things in the bedroom? For me?”

I didn’t want to answer him. I didn’t even want to have this conversation.

Cash didn’t
need me to respond. “Baby, you don’t need to do any of that. Even without all that stuff, you’re still the best I ever had.”

I was?
“Really?”

He nodded. “Don’t ever do something you’re uncomfortable with. I don’t expect anything out of you.”

“But I know other girls do it for you.”

“And I don’t care about those other girls. They are forgotten. You are different.”

“I am?”

“So different,” he whispered. He separated my legs then pressed his cock to my entrance. His tip slid in and made me moan loudly. The head was always the best part. Then he slid the entire thing inside.

Cash was slow and gentle. He pressed his face to mine and rocked into me with slow and even thrusts. He took his time and kissed me, massaging my lips with his own. His hand cupped my face and deepened his embrace. I moved my legs over his shoulders and felt him fill me completely. It felt so good when we did it like this. It was different than it ever was with Isaac. That was always bumpy and quick. And he never kissed me. Cash kissed me like he loved me, like I was important.

“I love making love to you,” he whispered. He held my gaze while he thrust into me. “It’s my favorite thing to do.”

His words made his movements a million times better. I clenched around him tightly as I felt the tender explosion start between my legs. Cash took me to that place I loved. It was sweet and euphoric. The pleasure I felt couldn’t be described. It singed my fingertips and my toes because it felt so amazing. Cash continued his pace, letting me ride out my high. “Cash…”

He moved into me harder as he found his pleasure. His lips were still glued to mine as he made his final thrusts. He slid in and out, squirting deep inside me. He moaned for a long time, enjoying every second of his bliss. When he was finished, he ended our kiss.

“You make love to me?” I whispered.

He was slightly out of breath. Sweat dripped down his chest. He looked into my eyes. “I’ve been making love to you.”

“It’s different with you than it was with Isaac. We never did that…”

“So I’m your first?” he asked.

I nodded.

“And I’m honored.” He kissed me again. “You don’t need to bring out the handcuffs and the whips. Feeling that beautiful connection with you is all I need. I’ve never been more satisfied in my life.
I don’t need anything else.”

“I thought guys hated making love.”

“Not when they care about their partner. Making you feel good makes me feel good. I love listening to you moan, feeling you hold onto me, having you clench around me when you come. And that’s impossible to do when you aren’t connected to the other person. Believe me, I don’t hate it.”

“I just assumed you did.”

He kissed my forehead. “I don’t.”

No one had ever made love to me before. Cash was the first man to put my needs before his own, to bring
me to a place I’d never been. When we had sex, I felt safe. Even though our relationship was meaningless, I felt important to him. He made me feel treasured and adored, that he would do anything and everything to take care of me. I’d never had anyone in my life like that before. Now I knew why I fell in love with him so easily. He was the person who healed all my wounds without even trying. Cash helped me trust others again by teaching me to trust him. He was everything to me. “I…” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Cash, I…”