Angel (32 page)

Angel wanted to protest, to say it wasn't true, that
Cal did care about her. But something held her
back. He had never told her that he loved her,
hadn't called her after their brief affair and now he
was engaged. Without giving Simone the satisfaction
of an answer, she picked up her coat and
walked out of the hospital, trying desperately not to
cry. Simone was a jealous, spiteful bitch, but maybe,
just maybe, she was right and Cal really didn't want
to see her.

As Angel drove back to London, Carrie called
her in a state of high excitement, telling her that
one of the American TV producers she'd met in LA
wanted her to audition for a new series at the end
of the month. 'This could be your big break, Angel.
You could become an international star!' she
exclaimed. 'You'll have to spend the next couple of
weeks at the gym – everything has got to be perfect!'

Angel tried to sound enthusiastic, but she felt too
full of sadness to care.

Over the next couple of weeks, Angel tried to follow
Carrie's orders. She went to the gym every day and
worked out with a personal trainer; she stopped
drinking and cut out junk food; she had regular
facials and body wraps. Physically, she had never
looked better. But her emotional state was another
matter. Even Tony hadn't been allowed to see Cal,
and so Angel still didn't know how he was. She
prepared herself for the fact that she probably
wouldn't see Cal until Tony and Gemma's wedding
the following month and she just prayed that he
was recovering well. The reports in the press about
him were all frustratingly vague; no one seemed to
know whether he would ever be able to play again.

But there was plenty of speculation – that he
might lose his place in the first team, that his
manager was already shopping for his replacement.
Angel could only hope that Cal hadn't read
them.

In desperation, Angel phoned Cal's Chelsea
team-mate Antonio to find out what he knew about
Cal, but he couldn't tell her anything either. It
seemed that Simone was keeping everyone away
from Cal.

'I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, Angel, but
I'll keep asking and maybe have some news for
you soon. Actually, I was going to call you, because
I've been invited to open a new Spanish restaurant
in Soho and I wondered if you would like to come
with me?'

Angel hesitated. She liked Antonio well enough
as a friend, but she really didn't want to go on a date
with him. Her encounter with Jackson had taught
her one thing and that was to be crystal clear about
her feelings from the very beginning.

'I'd love to come to dinner with you, Antonio,
but it has to be as friends.'

'Don't worry,' Antonio said a little sadly, 'I
understand.'

As it turned out, Angel enjoyed her non-date with
Antonio more than she expected to. Because there
was no pressure on either of them, they could both
relax. In Angel's case that meant confiding in
Antonio about her feelings for Cal, and he proved
to be a sympathetic listener.

'I wasn't surprised when the story of your affair
came out,' Antonio told her. 'I always thought you
had feelings for each other. I could tell from the
way he looked at you and the way he spoke your
name that he was in love with you.'

'Really?' Angel was desperate to know more.
'He's never said that to me.'

'He's afraid of his feelings for you. You threaten
this strong image he's built up and he doesn't know
how to handle it, so he ends up pushing you away.'

'Christ, Antonio, I didn't realise you were a
psychologist as well as a footballer!' Angel replied.

'It's obvious,' Antonio replied.

'It makes no difference, anyway,' Angel said
sadly. 'He's with Simone.'

And there was nothing Antonio could say to that.

The following morning she received a phone call
from her dad. 'Is everything all right?' she asked
anxiously, immediately thinking that there must be
something wrong with her mum, because her dad
never called her.

'Why haven't you been to see him, then?' her dad
demanded, ignoring her question.

'Been to see who?' Angel asked, totally confused.

'Cal, of course. I've just phoned him and he said
neither you nor Tony had been to see him. Never
heard him in such a state – the poor lad is seriously
depressed and the two people he cares most about
in the world haven't even bothered to visit. What
the hell's going on?'

'Hang on a minute!' Angel exclaimed. 'Simone
told me he didn't want to see me and she told Tony
the same.'

'Well, she's a conniving little cow. She's
buggered off filming and left Cal on his own. He's
out of the clinic now and I think it would be a very
good idea if you paid him a visit.'

'But what if he doesn't want to see me?'

'You'll never know unless you try. But I rather
think he will. He told me he was only in that club on
the night of the attack because he wanted to see
you. So get your arse over to his house right now.'

When Angel put the phone down, her heart was
racing. She grabbed her bag, rushed out of her flat
and ran all the way down Hampstead High Street,
not caring that people were staring at her. Cal
wanted to see her! For the first time in weeks she
was filled with excitement and hope. But when he
opened the door, he barely acknowledged her. He
looked like shit: he had bags under his eyes and
obviously hadn't shaved for days. He looked totally
dejected.

'Hi,' Angel said, 'How are you?'

'I'm fine,' he replied. 'Don't you think I look
great? Come in and you can watch me hobbling
round the house.'

With a sense of disbelief, Angel followed Cal in.
His usually immaculate house was in a complete
state of chaos – dirty coffee cups, takeaway pizza
boxes, old newspapers, empty bottles of beer were
strewn across the floor and table. She picked up
one of the boxes and said in amazement, 'It's not
like you to eat food like this.'

'Yeah, well, I haven't felt much like shopping. So
do you want a coffee or a beer? I'm having a beer.'

Angel sneaked a look at her watch. It was eleven
a.m. 'I'll just have water, thanks,' Angel replied,
hardly able to believe Cal's transformation.

He limped into the kitchen and came back with
a glass of water for her and a beer for himself, then
lowered himself onto the sofa.

'So how's the knee?' Angel asked.

'Not great,' Cal muttered. 'I'm supposed to be
doing physio every day but I don't know if it's even
worth bothering.'

Angel had never heard Cal so down before and
she didn't quite know how to deal with him.

'Simone told me that you didn't want to see me
or Tony,' she finally said. 'In case you're wondering
why we haven't been round. I did try to see you.'

'Whatever,' he muttered. He looked at his watch.
'My physio's coming in a minute. Thanks for
coming by, Angel, can you see yourself out?'

Hurt by his abrupt dismissal of her, Angel
quickly got up, turning her face away so he couldn't
see the tears in her eyes. 'Tony said he would come
round after work.'

'Whatever,' Cal said again, concentrating on
drinking his beer and staring at the TV.

'See you then, Cal,' Angel said sadly.

Outside she started walking home, then stopped.
She remembered Cal flying out to Spain to bring
her home, Cal preventing Jackson from hurting
her, and here she was now, walking away from him
when it was clear he was in a complete mess. He
needed help, that was obvious. She turned on her
heel and marched back to the house. As soon as Cal
opened the door she walked straight in.

'Your physio isn't coming, is he?' she demanded.

Cal shrugged. 'So? It won't make any difference.
I'm never going to be able to play again.'

'You don't know that!' Angel replied passionately.
'Surely you owe it to yourself to give it a try.
You can't just give up.'

'Why not?' Cal muttered, slumping back down
on the sofa. 'From where I am at the moment, that
looks like a pretty good idea.'

God, what the hell can I say to shake him out of this
,
Angel wondered despairingly. Then she had a
sudden thought.

'If you can't do it for yourself, what about for
your baby?'

For the first time since she had come to his
house, Cal looked at her – and she was shocked by
the look of pain in his eyes.

'There is no baby. Simone had a miscarriage. Or
at least, she said she did. I'm not even sure if she
was really pregnant.'

'Oh my God,' Angel exclaimed. 'Why would she
lie?'

'I can think of several reasons and it really
mattered to me before all this.' He pointed to his
knee as if he couldn't bear to look at it or mention
it. 'Now it just seems pointless.'

Angel's mind was racing with questions she
wanted to ask him, but before she had the chance,
the doorbell rang and Cal limped off to answer it.

It was Tony. He'd obviously received the same
SOS call from Frank.

He was visibly shocked at the state of Cal. 'Mate,
what's going on?' he asked in disbelief, and he got
the same shrug from Cal that Angel had. Tony and
Angel looked at each other helplessly, then Angel
spoke.

'Cal says his physio isn't coming today, but why
don't you work through some exercises with him
and I'll tidy up?'

Cal tried to protest, but Angel and Tony weren't
having any of it, so, extremely reluctantly, Cal
agreed to do some exercises with Tony. The two of
them went into the basement where Cal had a gym
and Angel busied herself with loading all the
rubbish into bin bags and stacking the dishwasher.
An hour later she'd made some progress and Cal's
beautiful house was looking less like a dump. She
checked out the fridge and saw he had no fresh
food, called out that she was going to the shops and
then dashed to the nearest supermarket to load up
with fruit and veg and fresh meat and fish. She was
a woman on a mission and the mission was to get
Cal well again.

By the time she returned, Cal and Tony had
finished and Cal had showered and shaved and was
looking more like his usual gorgeous self. Still, he
seemed depressed.

'You didn't have to go shopping for me,' Cal told
her. 'I'm not a complete invalid.'

'You're not an invalid at all,' she replied. 'I just
wanted to help.'

'Yeah, well,' he mumbled. 'How much do I owe
you?'

'For God's sake!' Angel retorted. 'All the things
you've done for me, can't I just get you some food?
And now I'm actually going to cook lunch! So let
me get on with it!'

'Your cooking's improved, Angel!' Tony exclaimed,
tucking into the lunch of grilled fish, salad and
steamed vegetables she had cooked for everyone.

'Even
I
can grill fish, Tony!' she replied. The two
of them niggled good-naturedly and bickered their
way through lunch as they always did. Cal was
quiet, but Angel was pleased to see that at least he
was eating something. She wished she could spend
the rest of the afternoon with him, but she had a
shoot she knew she couldn't cancel, so reluctantly
left after lunch. Cal had still said barely a word, but
he walked over to the door with her to say goodbye.

'Thanks for coming over, Angel. I do appreciate
it, even though it might not look like it. And good
luck with . . .' He paused and Angel assumed he was
going to mention her America trip, but he said
awkwardly, 'Well, you know, at least it's one choice
I approve of and I understand.'

'Who knows what will happen,' Angel replied,
thinking,
What does he mean he understands? What's
there to understand?

'I can come round again tomorrow, if you like?'
Angel said.

Cal nodded. 'That would be good, thanks. Even
though I'm sure you've got better things to do.' He
still looked sad, as if something had been broken in
him. Putting it down to his injury, Angel gave him
a quick kiss and said, 'It will be okay, Cal, you have
to believe that.'

'You didn't tell me you were seeing Antonio,'
Gemma said to her accusingly as she got Angel
ready for her shoot.

'I'm not!' Angel answered, completely taken
aback. 'What makes you say that?'

By way of explanation, Gemma picked up one of
the tabloids that were in a pile on the table in front
of them and flicked it open at the celebrity gossip
page. There was a picture of Angel and Antonio
arriving at the Spanish restaurant together. The
accompanying article was hot with speculation.

'We're just friends!' Angel exclaimed in
exasperation.

'Thank God for that,' Gemma replied. 'I was
thinking I was going to have to re-jig all the seating
arrangements at the wedding for your new boy-friend.'

Gemma and Tony's wedding was now only a
week away and Angel couldn't help feeling
nervous. In fact, she probably felt more nervous
than the bride. She so wanted the day to be perfect
for Gemma and for her brother, and felt guilty
about the fact that they'd had to postpone it once,
even though Gemma had assured her that she
shouldn't.

She went round to see Cal as she'd promised,
and although he looked better, he was more
detached than she had ever known him. It was
evening and he was sitting by the fire in his living
room, listening to Joy Division's 'Love Will Tear Us
Apart' (not the cheeriest of choices when you're
feeling blue). He poured her a glass of wine – her
first drink in a while – and she sat on the sofa
opposite him. They had spent so many intimate
moments in that room during their brief affair and
it was very nearly unbearable to Angel that there
was such a distance between them now. But she
could see no way of bridging it.

'So how's the physio going?' she finally asked.

'A little better,' Cal conceded, 'but I still don't
hold out much hope.'

'You can't think like that!' Angel told him. 'You
can't just give up. I could have given up about the
drugs but I didn't, because you didn't let me and
you were right.'

'Well, maybe you're stronger than me, Angel,'
Cal said, draining his glass and pouring himself
another.

'So are you still seeing Simone?' Angel finally
asked the question she'd been longing to ask ever
since Cal had told her there was no baby. She tried
to ask the question as casually as possible and
steeled herself for the worst.

'No, it's over,' he replied. 'Funny, isn't it, that
whenever I'm single you're not and vice versa. Is it
going well, then?'

Angel frowned. 'Is what going well?'

'Your new relationship,' Cal replied bitterly, as if
the words cost him a great effort to say. 'He's a good
bloke, Antonio. There's just one thing I need to
know – did it start that weekend at the hotel?'