Angel Fever (9 page)

“Where’d you get the cigarettes?” I asked at last.

“Sam brought a few packs in,” he said shortly.

I knew the time he must have meant: a few days before Alex and I had left for Colorado, Sam had gone on a party-scavenging mission and had returned, triumphant, with beer, potato chips, pretzels – all the non-essential things we’d been missing so much.

I cleared my throat. “I thought you’d quit.”

Seb shrugged and blew out a stream of smoke. I hugged my knees; I could feel the chill of the concrete behind me. “So…how long have you been seeing Meghan?”

He tapped a crumbling column of ash off his cigarette. “A month. Maybe a little longer.”

“Why didn’t I sense it?” The words were out before I could stop them. It just felt completely wrong that Seb and I were so detached now.

He gave me a look. “I don’t know. Why didn’t you sense it?”

I stared at him, a horrible thought occurring to me. “God, Seb, you’re not trying to make me jealous, are you?”

He snorted. Lodging the cigarette in his mouth, he started to count off on his fingers: “So, let me see – one, I am using Meghan heartlessly. Two, I’m trying to make you jealous, but have been doing such a good job you haven’t noticed. Three is – what’s three? What else are you thinking about me?”

Three is that you told me you loved me less than a week ago.
I didn’t say it; Seb picked up on it anyway. His stubbled jaw tightened as he glared at me. “What do you want from me, Willow?” he asked in a low voice.

It wasn’t the response I’d been expecting. “Seb, I just – I think maybe you should cool it with Meghan, that’s all. She’s going to be hurt when you don’t…” I trailed off.

“When I don’t love her back? Because I already love you?”

I swallowed. “Something like that.”

He shook his head, scowling as he took another puff; when he blew out the smoke, it was as if he were trying to extinguish the stars. “You know, I spent half my life looking for you,” he said.

“I know that,” I said, stricken. “Seb, I’m not—”

“No, listen to me. I don’t want pity for that; it’s just what I did. I fell in love with you before I’d ever even seen you, and—” He threw the cigarette away; it skittered across the sand, its red tip fading. “And when I find you, the girl of my dreams, the only other half-angel I’ve ever met…you’re already in love with someone else. Maybe you’d never have fallen in love with me anyway. Maybe you would have. Whatever. You didn’t want me; you only wanted to be friends.”

“Not
just
friends,” I whispered. “Seb, you know how much I—”

“Yes, I’m your brother,” he said curtly. “You care for me very much.”

I didn’t know what to say. Seb turned and studied me; his hazel eyes seemed to reach down to my soul.

“That’s a pretty top,” he said. “You look beautiful tonight,
querida.
But you always do. Every day. Only I can never say it, because I’m just your friend, your brother. And every night, you go into that bedroom with Alex, and you close the door—”

“Seb, you
knew
all this – I thought you were okay with it!” I burst out.

There was a long pause. “I was at first,” he said, scraping a hand across his jaw. “I told myself, just being in her life is enough. But after so many months…” He shook his head and looked at me again. “Did you know that for more than a year before I met you, I never touched another girl? I couldn’t – it felt like I was betraying you.”

I stared in dismay, remembering a conversation we’d had when we first met – Seb’s hesitation as he said,
I don’t know. Always being with the wrong girl…I guess it made me feel lonelier than being by myself after a while.
Oh god, how could I have failed to connect the dots and see what he was really saying?

Seb’s voice was low as he went on: “Then I met you, and we came here – and almost another year goes past, and still I never touched anyone else, not once – until Meghan. I’ll be
nineteen
next month, Willow. You tell me you’re going to love Alex for ever – and so, what? I’m supposed to never touch another girl again, just because I love you? Is it like a life sentence? Or do I get time off for good behaviour?”

His tone was scathing, like having boiling water flung over me. “You can touch whoever you want!” I cried. “I don’t
care,
okay? It’s just that Meghan really has a thing for you; you’re going to hurt her if—”

“You listen to me,” he interrupted. He took hold of my wrists, leaning close into my face. “
I care about Meghan.
I care about her very much. She’s the first human girl I’ve been able to really talk to, ever, in my whole life. She knows how I feel about you – I have been totally honest with her. I would not lie to her; I would not hurt her.”

I hesitated, thrown by his unexpected nearness. “But…Seb, don’t you get it? If you’re not in love with Meghan, then you
will
hurt her, even if you don’t mean to.”

He snorted and dropped my wrists. “Am I wrong to try, then? Or would you rather I spend the rest of my life being as – as
stupidly
in love with you as I am now?” He raked a hand through his curls. “
Madre mía,
Willow,” he hissed. “You know, I’ve heard a saying here: you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Well, I’m making up a new saying: you can’t refuse cake and then get upset when someone else takes it.”

My cheeks heated. “That has nothing to do with— That is
not
why I said anything!”

“Yes, fine. Whatever you say,
querida.
” He rose with a smooth motion. The moonlight touched his high cheekbones as he jammed his hands in his jeans pockets and stared out at the desert. “You know, the funny thing is…as the months passed, and I saw you weren’t ever going to feel the same…I thought, that’s all right; there’s still meaning. There’s still a reason I found her: it’s so I can help in this fight against the angels. Only now that’s gone too. So there is no meaning anywhere. None.”

Dread gripped me. “No, there
is
still meaning; there has to be! And we’re going to keep fighting; we—”

“It will do no good now – and you know it,” Seb interrupted coldly. Before I could protest, he pulled a small, wrapped parcel out of his pocket and tossed it onto my lap. “
Feliz cumpleaños,
Willow,” he said, and disappeared back inside the building.

I sat outside in the cold desert night for a long time.

The wind had picked up; I could hear the dry rustle of sand stirring in the breeze. My cheeks still burning, I gazed down at Meghan’s lucky shoes. She knew Seb was in love with me – yet she’d still smiled her bright smile; she’d still loaned me her favourite shoes.

She was so much nicer than me that it wasn’t funny. Oh god, what had gotten
into
me, accusing Seb like that? Seb, who I knew so well? Of course he’d never use Meghan; I should have known it instantly.

You can’t refuse cake and then get upset when someone else takes it.

That moment on the dance floor when I’d seen them kissing. For a second a chill touched me, then I shook my head in irritation. It had just been a shock, that was all. Seb had always been so adamant that he could never get involved with a human girl.

Sorry, but your cake analogy is way off,
I told him in my head. I still shouldn’t have accused him, though. Now he was furious with me, and I couldn’t blame him.

I’ll apologize tomorrow,
I thought wearily. Not that it would make much difference; we hardly spoke as it was.

Suddenly I was exhausted and cold through. A deep longing for Alex pierced me; the only thing in the world I wanted was to be lying in his arms. I got to my feet and Seb’s present slipped off my lap.

As I picked up the small, tightly wrapped parcel, I could sense Seb’s emotions entwined with it, his love for me clear. I winced; I didn’t feel up to dealing with whatever this was. I tucked it away in my pocket, unopened.

Reaching behind me, I pulled out Alex’s present instead.

His quick, spiky handwriting was barely visible in the moonlight. I angled the paper to bring it into view…and as I read the lines on the page, my throat closed.

When I slipped into our room, the bedside lamp was still on. Alex lay asleep with the covers half thrown off his chest. He looked so tired, even while sleeping, so vulnerable with his bandaged arm.

The tension from the argument with Seb fell away. I leaned against the door, taking in the rise and fall of Alex’s breathing. Wonder came over me. How could it be that I knew Alex so intimately, that I’d seen his body so many times…and could still be so entranced by the sight of him?

Silently, I got undressed, draping my jeans and the black sequinned top over the chair. I lined Meghan’s lucky shoes up carefully and brushed a smidge of dirt off one. I wanted them to be perfect when I gave them back to her tomorrow.

As I slipped on a camisole top, I could feel I was being watched. I turned; Alex lay gazing at me with his good arm propped under his head, the woven bracelet a splash of colour against his wrist.

“Just enjoying the view,” he said.

I smiled and crawled into bed next to him. “How are you feeling?”

He yawned and put his arm around me. “Yeah, okay. I took another pill. Did you have a good time?”

I didn’t want to even go into the conversation with Seb – Alex would say I should have minded my own business, and he’d be right. I shrugged. “Being with you is a lot better.” I fell silent as I stroked his chest, gazing down at him. “I loved the poem,” I said quietly.

He gave an embarrassed grimace. “I guess it was kind of a stupid present.”

“It wasn’t. It made me cry.”

“Okay, then it was definitely a stupid present. It was supposed to make you happy.”

“They were happy tears.”

Alex regarded me with a small smile. “Happy tears,” he repeated. “You are such a girl sometimes.”

“Is that a problem?” My breath caught slightly as his hand moved down my side, caressing every rise and fall of me.

He shook his head, his eyes steady on mine. “No. That is totally not a problem.” He’d eased up my camisole; though I could feel he was still in pain, he bent and kissed my exposed waist softly, lingeringly. “I meant every word, Willow,” he whispered. “It was like my granddad was right inside my head – it’s exactly what I feel. I couldn’t get through any of this without you.”

I swallowed hard and put my hand over his. His fingers were warm under mine; we wove them together as we gazed at each other. If holding me was greater than any universe…then so was looking into his eyes.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “You’ll never have to.”

A
S THE WEEKS PASSED
, A
LEX
kept himself and the others as busy as possible. He didn’t know what else to do. Thankfully, there was a lot to occupy his thoughts: the daily running of the base, the continued training of the AKs. Tearing down the old Salt Lake Eden set took several days, and Alex relished the mindless work as he and the others pulled out nails and stacked planks of wood.

The fact that they needed more raw materials for new sets was a relief too. He and some of the other guys went to the ruins of Vegas, where they spent a few days scavenging building supplies. As they sifted through ruins and dragged out salvageable pieces, the autumn sun beat down – sometimes hot enough for them to peel off their shirts. The work was hard and dusty, and Alex buried himself in it, refusing to dwell on the reason why additional training sets were necessary.

Brief excitement came when a trio of angels appeared over the almost-intact Caesar’s Palace, gliding in a triangular hunting pattern. Alex got two, and either Seb or Sam got the other, and everyone cheered, clapping them on the shoulders. And though Alex knew better, for a second he felt a sense of hard satisfaction.

As if three angels out of millions even made a difference.

“Come on,” he said finally, turning away. Quarters crunched under his foot from a shattered slot machine. “Let’s get back to work.”

When they returned to the base, they built a new set: a forest simulation, this time. They all stayed up one night cutting out leaf shapes and painting them in the training room, until it looked like every autumn tree in the world had shed its leaves on the floor.

“Looking good,” Willow said, pressing briefly against him. She wore an old sweatshirt and had a smudge of paint on her nose.

Alex nodded. “Yeah, it’ll be a realistic set.”

She glanced up at him, started to say something, and broke off. Finally she just squeezed his hand and went back to painting.

He caught Willow watching him sometimes now, and knew that she was worried about him. Apart from when they’d seen the Third Wave arrive, he’d kept silent about his fears, even to her.

What was there to say? The world was screwed.

Alex struggled grimly against that deep-down conviction, against the nagging inner voice that said that if he were any kind of a leader at all, he’d know when to quit – just go start a settlement high up in the mountains somewhere. Jesus, what was wrong with him, that even
now
he had to keep a war going against the angels? But the stupid thing was, the other AKs still trusted him…and still wanted to fight.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. It was late November, after midnight, and he was in the empty rec room with his laptop and a long-cold mug of coffee. Tiredly, he brought up a Word document filled with his notes. If they were to have anything more than a suicidal chance at this, they had to get camps established all across the country: small teams that recruited and trained people themselves, then splintered off to do the same thing again, over and over, until there were hundreds of sniper groups fighting the angels.

In the base’s office, they’d found details of another facility in the Sawtooth Mountains of Idaho – smaller than here and too remote to be of much use. The teams would somehow have to source their own shelters, along with food and ammunition, and this current group of eighty-seven would need a lot more training. Not to mention survival skills, if they were to have any hope of existing in the wild.

Alex added these thoughts to his notes, though it felt like a waste of time. Yeah, sending everyone out to set up more AK camps was great in theory…but once Raziel realized the Angel Killers were still around, he’d annihilate them.

Alex stared blindly at his laptop, imagining small inexperienced groups being systematically decimated by the angels. He let out a breath and rested his forehead on his fists. He
knew
his team; he’d worked with every one of them. How the hell was he supposed to send them off to die?

But how could he just let the angels take over?

Alex looked up as Seb appeared in the rec room doorway. Seb stopped short. “Ah. Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know anyone was here.”

“It’s okay, c’mon in.” Alex pushed the laptop away, glad to stop looking at it.

Seb dropped into a nearby armchair; his feet were bare. Glancing at him, Alex held back a slight smile. “Go ahead and smoke – that’s what you came in for, right?”

Seb quirked an eyebrow but didn’t deny it. He produced a battered red and white pack and dug a lighter from his jeans pocket. “Last pack,” he commented as he tapped out a cigarette.

“So you’ll be quitting again? Yeah, I’ve heard that one before.”

Seb shrugged and settled back, blowing out a stream of smoke. “Meghan hates the smell anyway. She threw me out.”

It was a relief to have something else to think about – even if it was Seb’s love life. “She’s a nice girl,” said Alex.

Seb nodded. “Yes, I think so too.”

They sat in silence, Seb occasionally turning his head to blow smoke over his shoulder. Finally he looked down at his cigarette and cleared his throat. “So, I’ve been thinking…maybe Meghan and I will go away.”

Alex had been trying to rouse himself enough to go to bed; now he straightened. “What – seriously?”

Slowly, Seb ground out the cigarette in a saucer someone had left behind. “I don’t think there’s anything we can do now to stop the angels,
amigo.
”

Hearing his own worst fears put into words, all that came to Alex’s mind was,
Yeah, I don’t blame you
. But he said nothing.

Seb sat playing with the ground-out cigarette. “If I thought there was any kind of chance, I’d stay for ever. Now, though…” He shrugged.

“What about Willow?” asked Alex finally. Ever since the two half-angels had met, Alex had been forced to accept Seb’s presence in his girlfriend’s life as a given.

Seb’s mouth twisted; he snorted slightly. In a low voice, he said, “I keep thinking it will someday get better, you know. That I’ll get over her and not care so much, but—” He broke off, his expression more vulnerable than Alex had ever seen it. He tossed the cigarette butt back ontothe saucer.

“Anyway, I’m still her brother if she ever needs me,” he said tiredly. “But I want to really try with Meghan. And…here isn’t the best place, not with Willow here too.”

Watching Seb as he looked down at the table, sympathy stirred within Alex. Christ, how had it happened that he and Seb had actually become friends? But somewhere along the line, they had.

“Look, don’t go,” he said finally. “I know what you mean about the angels – I was just sitting here thinking almost the same thing. But even if we don’t have a chance now, you’ve got to keep training people in the aura work – if they’re not proficient in it, they’ll die.”

Seb didn’t answer, but Alex could sense the argument had hit home – Seb had sometimes spent up to twelve hours a day training recruits, with no complaints.

“And come on, this place is big enough that you can avoid Willow, isn’t it?” Alex went on. “What if I changed your teaching schedules, so that you don’t work together any more? You’d hardly ever see each other.”

Seb plucked at a loose thread on his jeans. “I don’t know,” he said finally. “It might help, but…”

“Does Meghan want to go?”

“I haven’t asked her,” Seb admitted. He met Alex’s gaze and smiled slightly. “Why are you arguing for me to stay? If I could take your girlfriend away from you, I’d still do it.”

“Dude, if you could take my girlfriend away from me, you’d have done it a year ago. Let me make the change, okay?” Alex scanned Seb’s face, his voice lowering in intensity. “Come on, man, I need you here – I’ve got to give them all the best chance I can before I send them out there.”

Seb blew out a breath. “All right,” he said. “I’ll stay for now.” After a pause the corner of his mouth lifted. “I didn’t want to leave the hot showers anyway. It’s the real reason I’m staying, you know.”

“Yeah, you see? Massive perks.”

Seb lit another cigarette and smoked it with one foot up on the chair. And as Alex thought about the day to come and all the days after that – while above, humanity became cattle for ever, because of him – for the first time in his life he was tempted to light up too.

He shut down the laptop and rose. “Don’t think too hard,” he said.

Seb gave a small smile. “No. You either.”

Fat chance,
thought Alex – and then the pager clipped to his jeans waistband burst into life. “Alex, could you get up here?” said Heather’s worried voice.

He grabbed the pager. “What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure. There’s a truck coming.”

“
What?
” Alex and Seb exchanged a startled glance, Seb lurching forward to stub out his cigarette and scrambling to his feet.

They took off at a run, pausing only to duck into the armoury and grab a couple of pistols. When they reached the small room above ground, Heather was hunched over one of the monitors; her gaze flew tensely to theirs.

“It looks like an Eden vehicle,” she said. “The driver’s gotten out and is heading for the gate. There’s only one of them, but they’ve got a gun.”

Doing a quick scan, Alex felt only human energy. With Seb close behind, he bolted for the door and slapped at the switch to turn on the outside light.

“
Okay, hold it right there,
” he warned as he flung the door open, aiming his pistol. He froze and the blood slowly drained from his face.

Kara stood at the chain-link fence, blinking in the sudden light.

“Alex?” she said hoarsely. The exotic beauty of her face was hidden under purplish swollen bruises. One hand clutched the fence as if holding on for dear life.

“Oh Jesus,” whispered Alex. He started to rush towards the gate, then glanced at Seb. “She’s not—?”

Seb shook his head, staring. “No. She doesn’t have angel burn.”

When Alex threw open the gate, Kara stumbled into his arms; he held her tightly, his thoughts reeling. “Kara, what’s happened?” he said. Her once-toned body felt far too thin, like a fragile bird.

Kara was shivering, as if overwhelmed by cold. Finally she drew back, and Alex’s stomach knotted with helpless anger – her face was even worse than he’d thought. One eye was puffed closed, her lip bloodied and swollen, her perfect nose broken.

“It…it wasn’t the easiest journey, getting here,” she mumbled. “I…” She trailed off, swaying on her feet.

“Explain later.” Alex put his arm around her; she sagged against him. “Where are your keys?” He took them from her unresisting hand and tossed them to Seb. “Get her truck in here, okay?”

Seb looked down at the keys; his mouth twisted wryly. “Ah – I can’t drive,
amigo.
”

“What? Fine, tell Heather to call someone up. And come down to the infirmary with us; I need you to read her hand and see what you can get.” Now that the first shock of seeing Kara alive was over, Alex’s main concern was whether whoever had beaten her up was still coming after her, about to discover their base.

They’d almost reached the door; Kara stiffened and stopped short. “No,” she said. “No readings. Just – no more, all right?”

Her voice shook, and unease stirred through Alex – what the hell had happened to her? He glanced at Seb and could see the half-angel scanning her aura more thoroughly, picking up who knew what from it.

“Okay, don’t worry,” Alex said. He got Kara inside and punched the button for the elevator. “Just tell me, is anyone following you?”

Kara had slumped against his shoulder again; blearily, she shook her head. Her short black hair, always so sleek against her scalp, was longer now, unkempt. And her nails… Alex’s chest tightened as he saw that they were ragged and broken, with no sign of the jaunty pink polish she used to wear.

They got her down to the medical bay. In response to Alex’s page, Claudia arrived; she looked at Kara in surprise. “Who…?” she started to say.

“She’s an AK from the Mexico City group,” Alex said tersely. “I’ll explain later.”

“All right, let me clean up her face and see what I can do for her nose,” said Claudia. “Any other injuries?”

“I think I’ve got a broken rib,” Kara murmured. She was lying on the examination table, her good eye closed. In her jeans and old T-shirt, she looked almost skeletal.

As Claudia started to work, Seb took Alex’s arm and drew him aside. “She’s been around angels,” he said. “I can feel their energy in her aura – not angel burn, but they’ve been near to her. For a long time, I think.”

Somehow Alex wasn’t surprised. He gazed at Kara. “I can’t believe she’s still alive,” he said softly. “It’s been almost a year; what’s been going on?”

It didn’t seem likely he’d find out anytime soon. Though sitting up now, Kara looked dead to the world as Claudia dabbed at her face – hardly even reacting when the paramedic adjusted her broken nose with a quick motion and then set it with tape.

They didn’t have an X-ray machine. As Claudia gently examined Kara’s ribs, Alex winced to see how sharply each was outlined beneath Kara’s mocha skin. Not to mention the bruising – it looked like someone had used her for a punching bag.