Angel of Redemption (26 page)

She
smiles, but then frowns again.
“
I
’
m not just another social worker, though.
”

“
You
’
re
not?
”
I ask, smirking.

“
No.
”
She grins at me.
“
I
’
m your friend.
”

“
Well,
”
I say.
“
You weren
’
t technically my friend when some of this went down, so
…”

“
Shut up,
”
she giggles.

“
Seriously. If it
’
s anything big, I promise I
’
ll call you right away, okay?
”

“
Fine,
”
she huffs.
“
How
’
d you find out anyway?
”

“
Matty.
”

“
Matty?
”

“
Yeah. I took him to Costco with me on
Sunday, which went well, by the way. I got him to talk to me a little bit.
”

“
In more than one- or two-word
sentences?
”

“
Uh-huh.
”
I grin.
“
I think I got at least five or six
words in almost every sentence.
”

Kayla
chuckles.
“
Well, that
’
s an improvement. And he told on
Logan?
”
Her expression suddenly becomes a
little pained.

I
nod.
“
I promised him I wouldn
’
t rat him out. Logan has no idea.
”

“
He
’
s never done that before, not even to me.
Those two are tight. That kind of worries me.
”

“
He thinks Logan
’
s going to leave him. The night we
went to dinner, he was sitting on the porch when I got home. I sat down and
talked to him a little then, too.
”

“
He said that?
”

“
Not in so many words, but I know
exactly how he feels. I felt the same way when Aiden was getting ready to go to
college. He suddenly had no time for me. I haven
’
t talked to Logan. I don
’
t know if he
’
s distancing himself on purpose or
what.
”

Kayla
nods and looks like she
’
s in deep thought when our food arrives.

“
Thank you,
”
she says to the waitress, licking her lips. I watch her
tongue and wonder what it would feel like against mine.
“
Let
’
s talk,
”
she says, interrupting my little
fantasy.

“
What do you want to talk about?
”
I ask, picking up my burger and pretending I wasn
’
t just having dirty thoughts about her
tongue.

“
One big thing, remember?
”

I
sigh and set my burger down again.
“
What
do you want to know?
”

“
Let
’
s start with these,
”
she says quietly, reaching forward and stroking my
knuckles.

“
That
’
s quite a place to start.
”

“
They
’
re visible to everyone.
”

“
It
’
s not like I can hide them. They are
what they are.
”

“
Tell me,
”
she murmurs, never taking her eyes off mine. The compassion
I see on her face is nearly tangible. Aiden was right. Of all people, she might
be able to understand.

“
Did you know I was in prison?
”
I ask her, my voice low. Kayla looks at me warily and nods
her head.
“
Do you know why?
”

“
Sort of,
”
she admits.
“
But I
’
ve learned that the truth is never
told completely by others. I want you to tell me.
”

I
take a drink of my iced tea in an attempt to wet my suddenly very dry mouth.
Kayla continues to run her fingers over my left hand.
“
I was in Fairbault Correctional for three years,
”
I begin, setting down my drink.
“
There
’
s a sort of caste system inside, except it doesn
’
t really matter who you were before or
where you came from. You have to earn your place. When I first got there, I was
really fucking scared. I thought I was tough, but I wasn
’
t. It took less than two days for me
to get into my first fight. I was fresh meat for them. They taunted me, and I
practically pissed myself waiting for them to get to me. It was a big guy named
Shank.
”

“
Shank?
”
Kayla scoffs.
“
As
in
…”

“
Yeah. Original, right? Luckily, he
wasn
’
t
trying to kill me. He just beat me to a bloody pulp. I was in the infirmary for
a couple days, but then they sent me right back. I could barely move. I had
three broken ribs and my face was all busted up.
”
I
’
m focusing completely on Kayla
’
s touch. I don
’
t know if she realizes just how much
it
’
s comforting me right now.
“
My cellmate, Leo, took pity on me, which was surprising
because he didn
’
t
take pity on anyone. I still don
’
t know why he did it. He protected me from certain
…
aspects of prison life.
”

“
That really happens?
”
Kayla gasps.
“
How
can they allow that?
”

“
They don
’
t, officially. But Faribault has more
than two thousand inmates. They can
’
t monitor everything. There are dozens of battles every
day. The sex offenders and pedophiles get the worst of it. No one has sympathy
for them.
”
I take a deep breath before
continuing.
“
I still needed to earn my place,
though. Leo helped me work out
—
get stronger so I stood a chance. Eventually, I was able to
survive the fights without much more than a black eye and a few scrapes. And
then I started winning.
”
I glance down at where Kayla is still
rubbing my knuckles.
“
Those are my wins.
”

“
Is that a lot?
”

“
I lost more fights than I won.
”
I shrug.
“
But people tend not to pick on you so
much once you can beat their shit back.
”
Kayla puts the thumbnail of her free hand in her mouth. Her
eyes are scrunched up as though she
’
s upset.
“
Sorry you asked?
”

Her
gaze flickers up toward me and softens.
“
No.
I
’
m just trying to process everything. I
mean, it
’
s
one thing to see it in movies, but to hear someone who
’
s experienced it is a little surreal.
”

“
Yeah, well, it was a little surreal
being nineteen and locked up with a bunch of hardened criminals, too.
”
I realize quickly how harsh my words sound.
“
Fuck, sorry. I didn
’
t mean to be so abrupt.
”

“
It
’
s okay,
”
she says quietly. Kayla pushes my shirt up a little,
revealing the bottom of my ink. She tilts her head and peers up at me. She
wants to know about the rest, but I
’
m not ready for that. Not yet.

“
Maybe we can leave those for another
day,
”
I suggest. She nods, and the smile she
gives me makes my stomach drop. I really am a fucking pussy.

We
finish our meals without any more discussion about our pasts. Instead, we talk
about Matty and Logan. Despite Logan
’
s little act of defiance, he
’
s doing well. Kayla says his teachers
report that he
’
s
adjusting better than expected and his grades are good so far. His counselor
even mentioned that he asked her for some brochures on local colleges.

Matty,
on the other hand, is not adjusting well. His counselor thinks he needs more
structure
—
educational goals laid out for him in
smaller steps so he can see his progress. On the plus side, I think he
’
s beginning to trust me
—a
t least somewhat. Kayla must think so,
too, because she starts explaining what she does when he panics. When we
’
re done I pay the bill, much to her
chagrin.

“
It
’
s a business expense,
”
I say, stealing the leather check folder and tucking my
credit card inside.

Back
at the house, Kayla grabs Logan and sits down at the dining room table. I
listen for a second as she talks to him about sneaking out. He
’
s still defiant, but he apologizes
anyway. Kayla doesn
’
t linger on the topic. She quickly moves on to his
Independent Living study. Emily stops in and offers to take him to the bank to
open an account on Saturday morning. I head back to my office as they continue
talking. I figure it
’
s time for me to stop eavesdropping when they start
discussing detailed steps, goals, and plans. I
’
ll need to know, but Kayla can go over
it with me later.

My
dad calls while they
’
re deep into their session, and I
’
m still on the phone when Kayla pops
her head in and waves good-bye. I want to see her out, but I can
’
t. My dad is going on and on about
some big-time donor he met with this morning. I
’
m not really listening to him. I can
’
t stand talking about money, but I can
’
t just tell him to fuck off, either.

“
My
dad
,
”
I mouth at her.

“
Ah
,
”
she mouths back with a nod and a smile. It
’
s her smile I think about as my dad
continues rambling on.

* * *

Oh, God. It hurts. What happened? Gage? Ow. Pain. Pain.
Pain. Blood. Screaming. It hurts. Make it stop. Make her stop. I don
’
t want to see this. Please, God, I don
’
t want to see this. Her face. Her
eyes. Crying. I can
’
t move. I can
’
t help her. Where
’
s Gage? What
’
s that smell? I can
’
t do anything. I
’
m sorry. I
’
m so sorry.

I
bolt straight up in bed, sweat dripping down my temple and back. Fuck. I hate
that dream. At least her face didn
’
t morph into Kayla
’
s
this time. It
’
s horrible to think, but it
’
s true. I know what I did to her
—
to them. But when she turns into someone else, someone I
really
care about, I can
’
t
handle it.