Angel of Redemption (42 page)

Tears
are rolling down his cheeks. He
’
s wiping at them furiously, to no avail. I
’
m stunned into silence. Emily appears
in the doorway. Her face is white, her eyes watery. Obviously, she heard what
he just confessed. Neither one of us knows what to do.

Logan
leans against the wall, and then slides down it, his massive hands covering his
head and face. There
’
s no fight in him.

“
Logan?
”

“
Leave me the fuck alone,
”
he growls as I step closer to him.
Maybe there
’
s
a little fight left. Emily holds up her hand. She
’
s got this.

“
Logan?
”
Her voice is soft and low. She bends down in front of him.
“
Honey, come on.
”

“
No.
”

“
Sweetie, come talk to me.
”

“
I don
’
t want to.
”
His voice is weak, childlike. Emily isn
’
t touching him, but she
’
s holding out her hand, waiting for
him to make the first move.

Eventually,
he reaches out for her, letting her comfort him. She rubs his arm as he stands
up and wipes his cheeks with her thumb. I want to check in with him as he
’
s walking out, but he refuses to make
eye contact. It
’
ll
have to wait.

“
We
’
ll be in my office,
”
Emily whispers solemnly.

I
rub my hand over my jaw. I haven
’
t shaved in a couple of days, so the growth feels a little
like sandpaper against my fingertips. It
’
s incredible how quickly a day can turn to shit.

While
Emily is talking to Logan, I make my way up the stairs to find Matty. I have an
intense urge to call Kayla, but she spent all day on the road. She called me when
she got to her house and said she was just going to collapse. Logan
’
s right: this is my job. As much as there are days I
question whether I
’
ve chosen the right profession
—
days when I want to walk out the door and not look back
—
I
’
m the caregiver, the guardian, the father figure. These
boys need me.

Stopping
in front of Matty
’
s door, I glance across the hall into
Eric
’
s
room through the open door. He and Edgar are sitting on the floor. They
’
re looking at some comic book that I
’
m sure is full of graphic violence and
women with big tits. They look up at me warily as I take a deep breath and
knock.

When
I don
’
t
hear a response, I open the door. He
’
s lying face down on his bed with his hood pulled up over
his head. His iPod lies on the comforter next to him, and I can hear the music
blasting.

Leaving
the door open, I make my way over to him and sit down on the edge of the bed.
He obviously knows I
’
m here, but he doesn
’
t move. I give him about a minute before I tug on the
earbud wire.

He
grabs it and shoves it back into his ear. Instead of fighting with him, I grab
the iPod and pull the connector out so he can
’
t hear the music anymore. He huffs and
after a minute, turns over. His eyes are red and puffy.

“
You know he didn
’
t mean that.
”

“
Yes, he did.
”

“
No, Matty, he didn
’
t. He was mad at me.
”

“
He blames me for everything.
”

I
want to tell him that it isn
’
t true, but I have no idea if it is. I
’
ve barely had time to process what
Logan said. The shrapnel of his bombshell is still hitting me.

“
He
’
s gonna forget I ever existed.
”

His
words break me. It
’
s exactly how I felt when Aiden was leaving. But the
difference is that there are no parents to tie them together anymore. When
Logan leaves, it
’
ll
be his connection to Matty that brings him back. If anything severs that, he
could very well disappear from Matty
’
s life forever.

“
He won
’
t, Matty.
”

“
How do you know?
”
He sniffles and wipes his nose with the sleeve of his
hoodie.

“
Because I know he loves you. He can
’
t stay in care forever, though. You
know that.
”

He
nods pathetically, tears welling up in his eyes.

“
We
’
ll work it out, okay? I can
’
t make promises about what will
happen, but I can promise I
’
ll do my best to make sure you and Logan can still hang out
once he leaves. In the meantime, I want you to talk to me, or Kayla, or Emily,
or Aiden, or whomever you feel comfortable with. But you can
’
t keep hiding.
”

“
‘
Kay,
”
he agrees.

“
Promise?
”

He
nods again. I put my hand on his head and then stand up to leave, my back to
Matty.

“
I
’
m going to go check on your brother. Dinner should be ready
in a few minutes.
”

“
Dean?
”

I
turn around and am hit full force in the chest. Matty wraps his arms around me,
holding on for dear life. He doesn
’
t have to say anything else. I hug him back as tightly as I
can.

This is exactly why I do what I do.

Kayla

I wake abruptly on my couch before the sun has even hinted
at coming up. After an extremely long day at work and the trip to Ely, I
changed my clothes and lay down to watch some TV. I must have fallen asleep.

Reaching
over to grab my phone, I hit the button to check the time. It
’
s 5:32 a.m., but I can
’
t dwell on how early it is due to the
fact that I have three missed texts and a missed phone call
—
all from Dean. My heart jumps up in my throat, beating
frantically. I don
’
t know whether to be scared or excited.

As
I hit the button for my voicemail, I suddenly feel very nervous.

“
Hey, it’s Dean. I know you had a long day, but I need you to call
me as soon as you get a chance. We had an incident with Matty and Logan.
Everyone’s
okay, but there are some things we need to talk about.”

I
swear out loud several times. This can
’
t be good
—
but he said everyone is okay. My mind
races with the possibilities. Did Matty have another panic attack? Did Logan
get into a fight? Make a threat? He
’
s seen what happens when threats are made
—
he wouldn
’
t do that, would he? I have nowhere left to put him. He
would have to go to an RTC, and Matty wouldn
’
t be able to follow.

I
hit
CALL
and wait impatiently for Dean to pick up.

“
Hello?
”
he mumbles into the phone.
“
This
is Dean.
”

I
want to slap myself. It
’
s not even six in the freaking morning.

“
Crap, Dean. I
’
m sorry. I wasn
’
t even paying attention to the time.
”

“
Hey, no. Good morning. I was up.
”

“
Are you sure?
”

“
Yeah, it
’
s fine. I
’
ve been kind of zoning in and out. I
’
m awake.
”

“
I just got your messages. What happened?
”

I
hear him take a deep breath.
“
Logan had a meltdown last night.
”

“
Logan or Matty?
”
I
’
m not sure I heard him clearly. Or maybe he said the wrong
name, seeing as it
’
s the buttcrack of dawn.

“
Logan.
”

I
take a second to consider what he
’
s telling me. Logan is my rock. He acts out, but he doesn
’
t have meltdowns. If he lost the plot, something bad must have
happened.

“
Is he all right?
”
I ask calmly.

“
Well, I
’
m not his favorite person in the world right now, but he
’
ll survive.
”

“
What do you mean?
”
I ask hesitantly.
“
What
did you do?
”

There
’
s shuffling, and the sound muffles
slightly before I hear him breathing again.

“
The guys down at the shop picked up an old Honda for him to
fix up.
”
I don
’
t say anything, waiting for the
problem.
“
The car
’
s for him, Kayla,
”
he continues.
“
As
soon as it
’
s
put back together, the title belongs to Logan.
”

“
Oh.
”

“
Yeah. I overreacted,
”
he admits.
“
I told him no.
”

I
know I
’
m
missing something. It
’
s far more like me to overreact about Logan getting a car
than it is for Dean.

“
Why do I get the impression that
’
s not the whole story?
”

Dean
sighs heavily on the other end.
“
Because it
’
s not.
”

Again,
I
’
m silent, waiting for him to continue,
but he doesn
’
t.

“
Are you going to tell me what
’
s going on or do I have to guess?
”
It may sound rude, but it
’
s too early for me to censor myself.

“
I
’
ll tell you,
”
Dean concedes.
“
But not over the phone. Regardless, he got pissed at me. He
started yelling. He said some things.
”

“
What sort of things?
”

“
Like I said, Kayla, I
’
d really rather talk about this in person once I
’
ve had a cup of coffee and a shower.
Can you come by today?
”

“
Probably. Let me get into my office. I
’
m supposed to meet Kate this morning
for a rundown on my cases. Let me see if I can push it to this afternoon. That
way I can include whatever happened with the boys, too.
”

“
That sounds good. Text or call me. I
’
m here all day.
”

“
I will. Hey, Dean?
”

“
Yeah?
”

“
I need to know so I can prepare myself
—
should I start looking for a new
placement?
”

“
No. We handled the meltdown. Don
’
t worry about that.
”

“
Good. Thank you.
”

* * *

I smile when Dean opens the door to Wyatt House later in
the morning.
“
I
have other cases, you know.
”

He
reaches for my shoulder, pulling me inside, and doesn
’
t take his hand away after closing the
door. Instead, he slides it down to the middle of my back.

“
Hi, Kayla,
”
Emily calls from her office.

“Hey, lady.” Aiden grins, walking down the
hallway. Reaching me, he leans in and kisses me on the cheek.

“
All right, all right. Stop harassing
the woman,
”
Dean scoffs, pushing his brother away with his free hand and, in turn, pulling
me closer to him.
“
She
’
s here for business, not pleasure.
”

My
face flushes with the dirty thoughts that pass through my mind when Dean says
“
pleasure.
”

“
You want to do this in your office or mine?
”
Emily asks.

Dean
nods in the direction of his office. When we get there, Emily and Aiden take a
seat on the couch next to each other. I sit in the chair in front of Dean
’
s desk and he leans against it, his
feet crossed in front of him.

“
You already know what led up to the meltdown,
”
Dean says solemnly.

“
Yeah, but I
’
m not sure I understand it,
”
I admit.

Dean
looks over at his brother. Aiden nods, and I watch Dean
’
s appearance change in front of my eyes. It
’
s almost as if he
’
s put on a mask. Color drains, emotion disappears, and his
body posture becomes rigid and controlled.

“
You know I got into a car accident when I was sixteen,
”
he starts. I nod. Without looking at
me, he continues.
“
I have triggers. I was driving a tricked-up Honda when it
happened
—
same make as the car Logan was given.
He started talking about speeding
…”
Dean shifts his weight, staring at his feet.
“
He caught me off guard, and I reacted poorly. He got upset
and threatened to leave and never look back.
”

I
know where this is going. My stomach churns.

“
Matty was sitting right there,
”
Emily adds, shaking her head.
“
He ran out.
”

I
groan.
“
Oh
my God. I just had this conversation with Logan. He knows Matty
’
s worried about what
’
ll happen when he leaves.
”

“
He was upset,
”
Emily defends.
“
He wasn
’
t thinking about what he said.
”

“
Obviously.
”

“
He went off about how he was tired of always protecting
Matty from everything. He started screaming about being hungry, and
…
beaten.
”

I
flinch. I know Logan was abused. When he first came into care, he had a black
eye, was covered in bruises, and had evidence of previously broken bones. But
he
’
s
never talked about it.

“
Kayla,
”
Dean says solemnly.
“
Logan admitted to being molested.
”

I
swallow my breath.
“
By who?
”

“
He didn
’
t say,
”
Emily tells me.

“
But he said he was?
”

“
He said their mother let some guy touch him so she could
get high. That the guy wanted Matty, but he took his place.
”

I
feel sick. Logan certainly isn
’
t the only kid in my caseload to have suffered sexual
abuse, but I hate that he
’
s held it in so long
—
that
he didn
’
t
feel like he could trust me. And I
’
m
simultaneously awed that a nine- or ten-year-old boy would put himself in a
position to get hurt to save his little brother.

“
Did he say anything else?
”

Emily
shakes her head.
“
I
got him into my office, hoping he was in the frame of mind to talk, but he shut
down completely. Wouldn
’
t talk about anything. He said I must have heard him wrong.
We offered to let him stay home today, but he refused.
”

I
close my eyes.
“
I
should
’
ve
sent him to a therapist. He
’
s gone before, but he hated it. It
’
s been awhile.
”

“
You could try again,
”
Aiden offers.
“
He
might be in a different place now.
”

Dean
shrugs.
“
It
might be worth a try. I wouldn
’
t get my hopes up, though.
”

“
What about Matty?
”