Angel Unaware (25 page)

Tony and Dora took a seat near the front where Penny, who had been taken backstage when they’d arrived, could see them.

“Did she ever let you see her essay?” Tony whispered. Dora shook her head and chuckled softly. “It’s been top secret. I don’t think even Millie knows.”

Tony’s deep laughter told Dora his dark mood had lightened a little. “Then it has really been top secret, because there’s nothing that Millie doesn’t know.”

Just then the lights dimmed and the auditorium went silent. Penny’s teacher, Mrs. Johnson, walked onto the stage and announced the fifth- and sixth-grade class chorus would do a selection of holiday songs.

For the next hour they listened to a variety of choral pieces, several solos by both male and female chorus members, and a selection of Christmas carols. Despite the renditions sometimes being a little off-key, when Dora looked around her, she smiled at the pride glowing in the faces of the proud parents. Deep inside her a wish formed that she would one day sit in the audience and watch her own child perform. But the futile notion died with the last notes of the chorus. This would have to suffice and fill in for the family she would never have, only cherished memories helping to ease a future that would be bleak and lonely.

After the chorus shuffled from the stage, Mrs. Johnson took their place again in the spotlight. “Very well done,” she said, applauding as she waited for the last chorus member to disappear behind the side curtains. “Now, we have a very special treat for you. My first-grade class was asked to write about the best Christmas present they had ever gotten. The essays were judged by all the first-, second-, and third-grade teachers. The first, second, and third place winners are going to read their essays for you tonight.”

Mrs. Johnson glanced to the side of the stage. “First to read her third place essay is Amanda King.”

A tiny girl dressed in a pink, flouncy dress and with long blond curls falling over her shoulders emerged hesitantly from the right side of the stage. She walked slowly to the center, apprehension written clearly on her face. Nervously, she peered out over the audience. Spotting her parents sitting in front of Dora and Tony, her nervousness seemed to vanish, and she gave a little wave with the tips of her fingers. She waited until Mrs. Johnson nodded for her to begin.

Amanda’s essay was about a talking doll she’d gotten from her grandmother. Not only did it have a full wardrobe and long golden curls just like Amanda’s, but it also talked, wet itself, and said “Momma.” It even came with its own carriage. Her grandmother had sewed an entire wardrobe for the doll, as well.

The applause was exuberant, but no one applauded harder than Amanda’s parents. As Mrs. Johnson reappeared on the stage to announce the next winner and Mrs. King pulled her husband back into his seat, Mr. King clapped one more time and then the auditorium went quiet.

Joseph Stein followed Amanda. He had written about a Hanukkah present, a Lionel train set his dad had given him that was a family heirloom and had been passed down through four generations of Steins. The engine whistled and blew smoke. There was a station house with a little man who came out and waved a lantern whenever the train passed by.

Again, the volume of the applause of Joseph’s parents far outdid everyone else in the room. Joseph made a courtly bow and exited the stage.

At last it was Penny’s turn. As she took her place in the center of the stage, she smiled shyly at Dora and Tony. Tony gave her a thumbs-up, and Dora waved. She looked so pretty in the dark green velvet dress Millie had given her just for this occasion. Dora had pulled her hair up, tied it with a white silk bow, and let her copper curls cascade down her back.

“Ladies and gentlemen, our first place winner, Miss Penny Stevens,” Mrs. Johnson said, then stepped off to the side of the stage.

Penny waited while the applause died down, then cleared her throat, and began to read.

The best Christmas present I ever got was an empty box. My mommy gave it to me. She said what was inside was special. She said the box was full of love. She said you can’t see love. You can only feel it. Mommy’s with the angels. My Uncle Tony and Dora take care of me now. This year, I’m gonna give the box to Uncle Tony. Uncle Tony always looks very sad because he misses my mommy, too. I think he needs lots of love.

Deafening applause followed. Tony couldn’t move. He couldn’t applaud. He couldn’t talk. He could barely breathe.

Memories rushed at him with all the force of a hurricane. Rosalie had given him that empty box every year to remind him how much he was loved. The first time she’d given it to him was the first Christmas after their mother had died. Because their father had passed away a few years earlier, Tony had been feeling especially alone. He’d thought Rosalie had forgotten to put the gift in the box, but when he asked her where it was, she’d assured him the box was filled to the top with love.

Every year after that, right up until Tony moved away, Rosalie had given her brother the empty box. Until this very moment, he’d forgotten all about it. Evidently, she had kept the tradition alive by giving Penny the box.

Rousing from his memories, he realized Penny was standing at the edge of the stage staring expectantly at him. His heart swelled with pride and love for his niece.

He grinned, then started to applaud. Penny beamed. Then Tony stepped to the edge of the stage, reached up, scooped her into his arms, and lifted her down to the floor.

“Let’s go home.” Taking Penny’s hand, he smiled down at her. “We need to talk, and there’s also something you and I need to do.”

CHAPTER 20

By the time they got home, Penny was out for the count in the backseat. Tony carried her inside and headed for the living room. He laid her gently on the sofa, and Jack charged in from the kitchen and jumped up beside her.

“Poor baby. She’s exhausted,” Dora said. “She needs to go to bed.”

“I’ll take her upstairs in a few minutes.” Tony looked at Dora with purpose in his eyes. “Why don’t you make us all some hot chocolate?”

Penny, who, after Jack had enthusiastically licked her face and was now fully awake, sat up, and looked at Dora with pleading eyes. “Please, Dora?”

Relenting, Dora headed for the kitchen. She’d barely started down the hall when she wondered if they’d like cookies, as well. Heading back to the living room to ask, she overheard Tony talking to Penny, and paused in the hall to listen.

“When I was very little, I wanted to put the angel on top of the tree, but I couldn’t reach, so your mommy would lift me up to do it. Every year after that, she lifted me up to put the angel on the tree. Now I think it’s time, if you want to, for you put the angel up there.”

Dora peeked around the door in time to see him hand Penny the angel tree topper.

Penny took the tree topper and then looked at Tony as if to verify that he was serious.

“Well,” he said, “do you want to?”

Her face glowed as brightly as the lights on the tree. “Oh, yes. Please.”

Penny stood and turned her back to her uncle. He gripped her tightly around the waist and lifted her high in the air. Very carefully, she placed the angel atop the tree. He set her back on her feet, and the two of them stood looking at it for a long moment.

“I told you this tree was special, Uncle Tony.”

“That you did, and you were absolutely right, sweetheart.”

In the hall, Dora fought back the tears suddenly clogging her throat. She knew how much the ritual meant to Tony. The fact he had been willing to finally share it with Penny said much about his progress toward freeing himself from the emotional prison in which he’d locked his heart.

Tony sighed with relief. Letting go hadn’t hurt at all. He’d been so sure that it would, that the pain would come rushing in, but it hadn’t. Instead, the act of sharing the simple ritual with the child his sister had loved so much filled his cold, empty soul with a rush of consoling warmth.

The forlorn little tree was, indeed, special. It had played a big part in bringing him closer to Penny and his feelings than anything else could.

Now that he’d opened the door and let the feeling back into his heart, he knew he had one more thing to do. Taking Penny’s hand, he led her back to the sofa and sat beside her.

He inhaled deeply, not totally sure about holding the conversation with his niece, but knowing he had to. “Penny, the night you ran away, you told me you thought I hated you.” He brushed a stray hair from her forehead. “Do you think you can tell me why?”

Penny folded her hands in her lap and dipped her head. “B … because it was m … my fault.”

“What was your fault, sweetheart?”

She took a deep breath, and in a voice that emerged as barely a whisper choked with tears, she said, “That M

… Mommy and D … Daddy died.” Tony was stunned.

For a moment he couldn’t think, couldn’t even absorb what Penny had said. He’d always felt that of the two of them, Penny had come to terms with her parents’ deaths much faster and better then he had. This particular thought had never entered his mind. That she’d been carrying the unbelievable burden astonished him and tore his insides to shreds. That he hadn’t realized it made him feel ashamed.

Was this why she’d worked so hard to win his approval? Why she’d been afraid of disappointing him? Why she’d never complained about anything and obeyed him to the letter on everything? Had she been afraid that if she made what she saw as another bad decision, that he’d get hurt, too, or worse?

His heart twisted painfully in his chest. His whole body felt as though he’d been beaten, but he knew it was nothing compared to what Penny had been carrying on her slim shoulders for over a year.

With shaking hands, he drew her into his lap and wrapped her securely in his arms. For a time, he was too emotional to speak. Then he cleared his throat.

“Penny, you are not to blame. I’m so very sorry you even thought that. Whatever could have made you imagine such a thing?”

She buried her face against his chest. “… because I wanted pizza. If we hadn’t gone to get it, they w … wouldn’t have gotten into the a … accident.”

The emotional knot in Tony’s throat almost choked him. Tears trickled silently down his cheeks. “Your wanting pizza had nothing to do with the accident,” he told her gently. “A man who had been drinking ran a red light and hit their car. It didn’t have a thing to do with you.”

She leaned back and looked at him. Her cheeks glistened with tears. “But—”

He laid a finger on her lips. “No buts about it. You were not to blame for the accident. You have to believe that. Okay?” She nodded hesitantly. He kissed her forehead. “And I could never hate you.” He looked deeply into her eyes. “You are very special to me, and I love you, very much.”

Something let go inside him when he said the words he’d been holding back for so long. He couldn’t say what it was, but it spread a
good
pain throughout his entire body, as though a dam had been breached, and the pressure of the water pushing against it was suddenly released.

“You love me? Really?”

“Really.” He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers and kissed her nose.

Penny looked as though he’d just told her she could have the run of the local candy store. “You don’t hate me?” He shook his head, his heart suddenly feeling like it was two sizes too big for his chest. “No, I don’t hate you. And I promise I will always love you, no matter what.”

Something told him he’d have to repeat that declaration often for a while to totally convince her, but at least they were on their way. For the first time in a long time, he could say the words, and he found the idea of having to say them over and over very comforting.

Jack jumped into Tony’s lap along with Penny and began licking both their faces. Penny squealed.

“I think Jack’s happy that you love me, too,” Penny declared when she could catch her breath. Then she looked up at Tony. She brushed away the tears from his cheeks. “Don’t cry, Uncle Tony. I love you, too.”

In the hall, Dora smiled through tears that washed her face in happiness.  Yes, Jack probably was happy. After all, with Tony’s declaration of love to Penny, Dora’s job was done. Her mission was complete, and Jack, aka Calvin, could go back to Heaven without fear of suffering reprisals for her messing up another job. Dora just had to come up with an explanation for his sudden absence that would not break Penny’s heart.

Smiling, she went back to the kitchen. But the smile faded when she recalled that they still had one more hurdle to get over on Friday.

Friday dawned with freezing temperatures and an overcast sky spitting out a light, wet snow. The cold air seeped through Tony’s sheepskin-lined coat and bit into his skin. Somehow, the dismal day was appropriate for what would to take place, and perfectly mirrored the gray fear that had enclosed his heart.

As he and Dora climbed the courthouse steps, Tony held her hand in a tight grip. He didn’t care that the gesture transmitted to her that he was as terrified as she was that he’d lose Penny.