Angels and Ashes (Heaven's Rejects MC Book 2) (22 page)

“Fuck,” she moans. “Holy fucking shit.”

“You feel so fucking good, darlin’. I’ve never felt a vice grip pussy like yours before.”

Her head swivels back toward me and gives me a look of confusion before I thrust into her again and make her confusion melt into pure, relentless pleasure. The desk moves with each thrust as moans begin slipping from her lips

“Just shut up and fuck me harder,” she begs.

She arches her back and grinds her hips into me while she takes my cock farther inside of her. I can feel the vibrations of her impending orgasm begin to build and her walls clench down. She’s close. I release her hair and grab her ass, slamming her onto my cock. It takes three more thrusts before she comes undone. Her body bucks as she wails while riding out her orgasm. Her scream sends me over the edge and I find my own release, making me fall over her body while we both pant. It only takes a few minutes before she begins to squirm, so I pull my softening dick from her body.

She reaches down and pulls up her leggings before side-stepping me and walking toward the door. She hesitates when she reaches for the knob, and I can see the guilt on her face.

“We didn’t do anything wrong, you know,” I tell her while I pull up my jeans and tuck my dick back inside before zipping my fly. “We’re both consenting adults that needed a release.”

“That wasn’t exactly a release,” she says while straightening up her appearance. “That was a hate fuck.”

“A hate fuck?” I question with a raised eyebrow.

“Yup,” she declares. “It’s when two people who have a spur of the moment fuck even though they hate each other.”

What the hell is with the trend of naming everything these days? Maybe I’m older than I think, but why can’t things be what are they without some fucking label attached to them?

“Well, darlin’. I’m not sure that exact term applies to what just happened, but if that’s what you want to brand it so you sleep better tonight then go ahead. We both needed a release and that’s what we got. No need to brand it as anything. It felt good and served a purpose. End of story.”

“How could something that felt so good feel so wrong at the same time?” she asks before walking out the door and away from me.

Fuck, this is going to be harder than I thought. Fucking her out of my system just flew out the Goddamn window because I want her now more than ever.

I don’t know who came up with the idea that ignorance is bliss, but they deserve to be dragged into the street and shot. Ignorance is far from bliss and more like the elephant in the room. It’s been three days since my escapade with Michael in his office. Three days of hiding in this room that’s almost become like a prison cell because I don’t have the guts to face him again. I tried to push the experience we had out of my mind by drowning myself in books and Facetiming with the kids, but nothing could erase the things I felt as he fucked me over his desk. The ferocity and animalistic nature of what we did is only something that I thought existed in books. No imaginary book boyfriend could have prepared me for him. How my body ignited and burned from his touch.

My only time outside of these four walls is to sneak out for food before rushing back to the safety of my solitude of shame. The moment he pulled out of me everything felt wrong and right all at the same time. My body hummed for hours afterward trying to come down from the high of it all when my heart shattered in betrayal of fucking someone who my husband called brother. My mind was littered with imaginary conversations with Brent and apologizing for betraying his memory. Where Brent was gentle and loving, Michael was rough and intense. My body continued to betray me as it only screamed more for Michael’s touch and to repeat it all. Well, maybe on a bed this time since I pulled several splinters from my hands, but I still ached for his touch.

Shit. It was a one-time thing, you idiot. No more, even if you want to know if the second time around is as intense as the first time or if that was a fluke.

Several times over the last few days, I have cowered when I heard heavy footsteps stop outside the door and stand silent before just walking away. My heart fluttered every time I heard him and my stomach churned into tightly-wound knots. My feet froze in place as my hands tried to detach from my body to throw open the doors and let him take me again because even I know if I open up that door, I won’t stop it from progressing further. Fuck, my life has spiraled out of control. I had intended on being here to get answers, and, I still ended up in Michael’s arms. My stupid fucking curiosity and last attempt to find that packet were my downfall.

Today has been relatively quiet with no visits from Michael. After taking a quick shower, I throw on one of my old t-shirts and a pair of panties before curling up into bed to try to read myself to sleep. It doesn’t take long before my eyes begin to droop.

“Darcy?” a voice calls from outside of my door.

I freeze again in place, hoping and praying he just moves on like the last few times, but his position doesn’t change.

“Darlin’, I can hear you breathing like you just ran a marathon in there. Just open up so we can talk.”

Shifting from my position on the bed, I quietly creep to the door and lean on the wall beside it. I can feel the gravitational pull from him through the wall while my body screams at me to just open it up to him and the possibilities that come with him. My hand starts for the door knob before a thud reverberates from the door with what I can only assume is his head hitting the door.

“I’m not a begging man, Darcy, and I’m making a fool out of myself standing out here day in and day out just hoping you’ll open the door. Can you please help me save some of my pride and just open the door? I promise that’s all I want,” he says with a pause. “Well, that’s a lie, but I’ll keep my hands to myself if you’ll just let me in.”

With a sigh, my needs overrule my wants while I watch my hand nearly on auto-pilot go for the knob again. I twist it open, and Michael nearly falls into my room when the steadiness of the door falls away. He stumbles and catches himself before he could face-plant on the floor. His startled gaze moves from the floor to my face. He studies me for a few seconds before taking two large steps and wrapping me in his arms. His face nuzzles my neck until I go stiff in his arms, fighting against myself to place my hands on his body. Touching him would be like the last step until you fall into the pits of hell. I need to stay on this side of the spiral staircase of amazing sex and darkness as long as I can.

“Shit, sorry,” he mumbles, pulling away from me. “I guess I didn’t keep my hands-off rule, but you can’t answer the door dressed like that and not expect a man to respond.”

My eyebrow cocks upward before I realize how much I don’t have on. I squirm under his gaze, but I can’t show him my unease and still maintain the level playing field. I just need to play it off and he won’t notice how nervous I am to have him in my room.

“What do we have to talk about,
Raze
?”

Calling him by his road name makes him wince.

“I thought we’d been over this before. I’m not Raze to you; I am Michael.”

“If it’s okay for me to call you by your given name, why do you insist on everyone else calling you
Raze
? I can distinctly remember your ex-wife even calling you by your road name.”

“Because Raze feels so wrong coming off those beautiful lips, and because I don’t feel like the club president with you. Just a normal man who is fighting to keep his life and his business in order.”

“But, that doesn’t make any sense. We barely know each other—” He hushes me by pressing his finger to my lips. He traces them before his hand falls from my face and takes my hand while he leads me to the edge of the bed. He sits down and pulls me down next to him. His hand doesn’t leave mine as his thumb strokes my palm in a calming motion.

“Darcy, we know each other far more than you think. We’ve been in each other’s lives for nearly eight years, and even though we didn’t talk, I know so much about you. I know that you hate roses and prefer wildflowers and that you hide when things get too serious. I know that you live for your children and that you take far better care of them than you care for yourself.”

My eyes widen at his admission before falling to confusion. He talks about me like we’ve been intimate for years instead of being acquaintances through my husband. It both excites and uneases me at the sheer volume of knowledge that he has about me.

“How do you know about the flowers, or hell, any of that?”

His eyes fall from mine and focus on the floor. “I know because of Jagger. I’ve seen the things he did for you. I watched your face light up with a smile when he would surprise you with flowers that he picked up on his way home from a run.”

“Why would you pay so much attention to little things like that? You had your own wife and family to focus on, so why the interest in mine?”

He sighs before dragging his eyes from the floor and looking back to me again.

“Because I wanted what you and Jagger had. Stability, great kids, and just a fucking sense of love.”

My heart breaks as I realize he’s spilling to me how unhappy his marriage was to Maj. Until the last few years, they appeared happy, but her absence in his life now must be an indication that not everything is what is seems on the surface.

“Don’t get me wrong, I loved her at first, but as the years faded into the next, I saw an entirely new side of her that wasn’t the woman I met so many years ago. She changed and maybe so did I, but I’ve wanted out for a while.”

“Why didn’t you just leave her?”

“My kids. I didn’t want them growing up without a mother, but even now, I think it would have been for the better because not having a mother would have been better than the traitorous bullshit that came with her.”

“The what?” I confusingly question.

“Nothing. Just the drama and bullshit that came with her departure.”

“You sure about that?” I reply. “Because it sure didn’t sound like nothing when you said it.”

“Just drop it, okay? It’s not worth rehashing. It’s in the past and that’s where it’s going to stay,” he bites back. “Talking about her isn’t why I came in here. I want to talk about us.”

“What us? What happened in your office was a spur of the moment mistake, and it won’t happen again.”

In one swift movement, he’s off the bed and in front of me. His arms come down on either side of the bed, bringing his face directly in front of mine. His hot breath burns against my skin while chills roll down my spine from his closeness.

“That’s where you are wrong. It will happen again, and you damn well know it will. Once wasn’t enough for me, and from what I see laid before me, it isn’t over for you, either, as much as you try to fight it.”

My breath hitches under the intensity of his heated glare. His muscled arms are tense while the veins become more pronounced with each passing second. My body shifts nervously as his glare only intensifies further.

“It can’t happen again. It feels so wrong. I can’t do that to my husband’s memory and still be able to live with the after effects. I’m not ready to commit to something new so soon.”

“I’m not asking for forever, darlin’. We’ve only fucked once, but guilt be damned because I want to see where this goes. I’ve never felt something like this before. It’s all hate, aggression, and fighting for dominance, and I’m into it. Just give it a chance, will you?”

I inch my arms to his broad chest, splaying them against the hardness of his muscles and inhaling deeply as my core flames with need.

“What about the kids? We have to think about them. What if we get involved and shit goes south? I don’t want them in the crosshairs.”

“Until we know for sure what this is, the kids don’t have to be involved. I don’t want to hurt them anymore than you do, but this is just a trial. I want a chance to see what this is and if it doesn’t work out, we’ll walk away knowing we gave it a try.”

My heart softens at his proposal with his words. He seems so sure of himself that he would be able to walk away so easily, but what if I can’t? What if my heart breaks all over again and this time there’s nothing left of me to rebuild? What if he hurts me or cheats on me? It’s not like he doesn’t have access to the girls to do it, and with the secrecy of the club, I’d probably never know. The thought of cheating brings me back to those photos of Brent with the mystery woman, and my heart pangs with pain. Even with Michael’s endorsement that nothing ever happened, I can’t help but be skeptical. Another thought pops into my head that’s dangerous in nature. If I do this and things progress between us, maybe he’ll be more trusting and forthcoming with information. I mull it over as he watches me, waiting for a sign of my decision before I exhale as my decision’s made.

“I’ll try, but on a couple of conditions.”

“Well, shit, this was further than I thought I would get. Lay ’em out for me.”

“No other girls. If you want to try this, it’s just us. If I even suspect there’s another girl on the side, I’ll walk.”

“Darcy, all I see is you. Other girls aren’t going to come between us no matter how hard they try. What’s next?”