Angel's Curse (15 page)

I laughed as I thought how he would squeal and how Death would probably cry out for more of his blood. Would I have the strength to deny the blade what it wanted?
I guess I’ll find out if it ever comes to that.
Would there still be a place for me in heaven if I killed the sleazoid? After all, wouldn’t I be doing the world a favour if I disposed of him? He certainly wasn’t going to heaven. He was going straight to hell, and rightly so.

I walked to the bedroom.

I wish I could change out of these clothes into a negligee,
I thought,
for Danny, in the blink of an eye.

I blinked — the world was different. I was wearing the little black lacy number, the tags still on it and digging into my back. The clothes I’d been wearing were neatly folded and sitting on the armchair in the corner of the bedroom.

“
If you can do that you can show yourself!
” I yelled out in frustration.

No,
Danny’s voice said, inside my head.

“Yes, you can!”

No, I’m dead,
he replied.

I pounded my fist on the door. “You made it sound like death would be no barrier. Show yourself
now!
”

No, I’m dead,
he insisted.

I was getting really angry at his pig-headedness now.
And he has the cheek to call me pig-headed.
He was making me suffer for no valid reason … unless he really did blame me for his death.

I pointed repeatedly at his side of the bed and said through clenched teeth, “I don’t care if there are rules and regulations you’re meant to follow, you show yourself on that bed
right now.
”

I gave one final quick jab with my finger. Whitish-blue ice erupted from the tip of my finger, freezing the bed into a solid block of ice. I made a fist with my ice-emitting hand and covered it with my other hand, trying hard to quell the sudden eruption that had occurred. I didn’t know how it had happened, but I definitely didn’t want to freeze the entire room.

I sat down in the armchair, on top of my neatly folded clothes, and surveyed the damage. What the hell had I done? That could only be angel ice, but I wasn’t
that
type of angel. It wasn’t one of my abilities or talents.

“Danny, what’s going on?’ I whispered.

The blood, Helena, it’s always to do with the blood, he said. Look inwards and you will find what you seek.

I shivered. It had only just occurred to me that it was only since coming to the La’miere that I’d heard Danny’s voice in my head.

In my head, it’s all in my head,
I thought.
Look inwards and you will find what you seek, that’s what he said.

I was afraid to look — afraid of what I’d find, or what I wouldn’t find.

“Oh god, please don’t make me look.”

The voice was quiet and I began to calm down again.
Maybe tomorrow … maybe.
I put my head in my hands and looked at my feet.

“Thaw out the bed, Danny. I’m tired and I want to sleep.”

When I looked up the bed was as it had been before it was encased in ice. I crawled into bed — it was a little on the chilly side — and pulled the covers up and over my shoulders, curling into the foetal position to make myself as small as possible. I closed my eyes …

You have to look, Helena,
Danny said.
You can’t move on until you look.

“I don’t want to move on. I want to stay here with you, Danny, stay here forever.”

You can’t. You have to move on,
Danny said.
You’re not dead.

I folded my arms across my chest. “Then I’ll just curl up and die.”

If you love me you won’t do that.

“Why do you always use my love for you as a weapon against me?” I wailed.

Because you’re so pig-headed,
he chuckled.

“Is it so wrong to want to be with you?”

Like this, yes.

“Don’t make me look,” I begged.

You have to.

I could feel myself looking inward even though I was willing myself not to. I was no longer in control — it was a futile struggle, yet I struggled all the same.

I don’t want to look!
I screamed in my head.

Someone had put me on autopilot and I was being taken where they willed, being forced to look. My eyes may have been closed, but I could still see, and the brightness of the light that filled my vision hurt them. There was one thing, and one thing only, in the light — it was me, or rather a reflection of me.

I sat up and gasped. My eyes opened wide as it dawned on me what had been happening these past few days. “Oh my god, Danny gave me a free upgrade.”

He had passed his talents, abilities and knowledge on to me. Everything was mine, whether I wanted it or not. Whatever he’d accumulated over thousands and thousands of years, and then some, was in my head.

“
Fuck,
my head’s going to explode! And his voice, in my head… it was me all along.
That voice was me!
”

I was taken aback by the revelation. I didn’t want his abilities, I wanted him. I would quite happily have lived with him as my guardian angel, still in my life, just not visible to me, but to not even have that, to have struck a dead end … he was really gone.

I looked at the clock — three fifteen in the morning. I was wide awake now and couldn’t sleep, so wired that
my
reality — the here and now — was blurring with that part of Danny, which was now fully unlocked.

“I miss you,” I called out, pulling a pillow to my chest, resting my head on it and crying. Were they my tears or his? “
I miss you.
”

13.
Varakiana

I never knew you could cry your tears dry — a bit like dry heaving after your stomach is well and truly empty — but eventually they stopped flowing, even though I was still sobbing. The pulling sensation in my chest, caused by the sobs, slowly subsided and I was left with a terrible ache in my stomach and chest.

I climbed out of bed, changing into my old clothes as I did so, and headed to the living area. I turned on the television and flicked through the channels — one hundred channels of nothing, unless I thought commercial after commercial telling me to call someone for a good time, or the countless shopping channels, were worth watching.

I threw the remote on the couch and dragged an armchair to the window, so I could sit and watch the lights, and when dawn broke, the sun rise. I let my mind wander and it took me back to the first time I met Danny, in a derelict house. It was after I’d been attacked by some sicko — a vampire as it turned out — and was in excruciating pain. My first reaction was that, being surrounded by a blinding white light, he was an angel. As my vision had improved I thought he was just a man, but my first assessment had been correct. Danny was an angel, and he’d been sent to help me. Only he wasn’t there to help me initially. He’d come to investigate what was going on, as he’d sensed a wrongness in my attacker —
he never did tell me what that wrongness was
— and found him dead and me alive.

I thought about the daisy chains I’d made from flowers in the garden, and how Danny had turned them into crystal with his breath.
I want them back, both of them, on the table, now!
I thought to myself. I twisted in the chair to look at the coffee table and they sat side by side in the middle of the table. I smiled. I could bring back everything …
could I, would it be possible?
I closed my eyes and concentrated really hard, rubbing my temples gently.

“I want him back. Come back to me, Danny,” I said.

There was a shocking pain behind my eyes and I gasped. I heard thunder in the distance. Was that a good sign or a bad sign? It was a few minutes before I could open my eyes because of the blinding pain, and thunder in my ears — the noise made me squeeze my eyes shut even tighter, as though I could somehow block it out. When the pain and thunder suddenly stopped I opened my eyes and looked around. Nothing appeared to have changed. I checked every room — under the bed, in the wardrobe, behind the curtains — and Danny was nowhere to be found.

You can’t bring back the dead,
I scolded myself.
If it was that easy all the angels would do it. The pain and thunder must have been some sort of backlash for attempting it.

I would have given up everything else, including immortality, to have him back. Freedom wasn’t worth having if you didn’t have a reason to be free.

“They just keep taking and taking until I have nothing left to give!” I yelled.

Who are they?
The voice in my head asked.

“God, people, the universe, everything and everyone!” I ranted.

I paced back and forth in front of the window, throwing my hands up in the air every now and again or hitting my thighs.

“It’s not fair.”

Life isn’t fair,
the voice replied.

“Shut up!” I yelled. “I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

The sun had come up and I’d missed watching it rise between the buildings and reflecting off them. I checked the time. It was nearly seven. Had my eyes been squeezed shut for nearly two hours? I could have sworn only ten minutes had passed. Would I never be able to judge the passage of time accurately again?

It was all too much for me. I stormed out of the room towards the elevator, forgetting my swipe card.

“
Ah, shit!
”

There was no one but me around, no one to see what I was to do. I quickly transported into the room, grabbed the swipe card, credit card and some cash — there were still stores that didn’t accept credit cards — and left the room via the door. It would be hard to explain if I suddenly popped into the hall and one of the housekeeping staff, vacuuming the carpets or dusting, was there.

Peter was not at the front desk. Perhaps it was too early for him or maybe it was his day off. I handed my card to a young woman who could hardly keep her eyes open, smiled and left.

It was surprisingly crisp and fresh outside. The worst of the traffic was yet to come and the air was still relatively clean. I headed towards the small park Danny and I had walked through not that long ago — my heels had sunk into the soft earth — and found the even smaller children’s playground. I sat on a swing and kicked my legs back and forth to get the swing moving. Higher and higher I went, until, at its peak, the swing was almost horizontal.

“Wow, Mum, look at that lady. She can swing really high,” a little boy said in awe. “I wish I could swing that high.”

His mum nodded and steered him towards the roundabout. She seemed a bit concerned about a grown woman swinging so early in the morning, and rightly so. I could’ve been a psycho for all she knew, or high on drugs.
Parents have a duty of care to their children!
These days you just couldn’t tell, but I kept swinging regardless. If she wanted to stare me down she could. It was nothing compared to what I’d been through — laughable in fact.

When more parents arrived with their children I decided it was time to leave. It hurt too much to see so many happy children and their parents, something I’d never had or would have.

As I was leaving I noticed nearly all of the children were identically clothed, and realised it must be a school day, for they wore school uniforms. Stopping at the park on the way to school must be something of a ritual for them. I felt a pang of jealousy, for this was the childhood I should have had — normal and carefree.

I walked towards the part of the city — the more affordable end of town — that parents frequented when buying things for the family, from clothes and games to books and toiletries. There was bound to be a store that opened a little bit earlier to cater for people wanting to make purchases on their way to work. After walking the streets for an hour I found a rather large department store that opened at eight, though it was now almost nine.

What the hell am I doing? I can just make things appear and poof, they’ll be there. Why am I wasting my time?
I thought.
Because you need to keep busy. If you stop you’ll think about Danny and if you do that you’ll cry again!

I wandered through every floor that might hold something of interest for me, from basic clothing to toiletries and makeup, music and books. I bought for the sake of buying. When I had six bags on each arm I decided enough was enough. I couldn’t possibly carry another thing. I followed the escalators to the ground floor, got my bearings — the hotel was east — and set off.

Every set of traffic lights seemed to be against me. I had to continually stop and wait my turn. At the seventh set of lights a man ran across just as they changed to red and ran smack bang into me, knocking me to the ground, flat on my arse.

I stood up, grumbling about people watching where they were going and started picking up the things that had scattered from my bags. The man stopped to help, apologising profusely about what an idiot he was.
Got that straight!