Anne Douglas (10 page)

‘Sorry I’m late,’ he said, still smiling. ‘Just bumped into Rosemary on the stair and we were chatting.’

‘My fault,’ Rosemary murmured. ‘So sorry, Lindy. But I’ll be on my way now – I’m going to visit my mother.’ She held up a small carrier bag. ‘With her favourite chocolates.’

‘How is your mother?’ Lindy asked politely, moving her gaze with an effort from Neil.

‘Oh, much better! In fact, she’ll be going to a friend’s in Devon soon for some convalescence.’

‘That’s grand,’ said Neil. ‘But look, would you like me to get you a taxi, Rosemary? I can ring from the phone box down the street.’

‘A taxi? Oh, no, I’m trying to master the trams!’ Her smile was radiant. ‘Goodbye, then, you two, have a lovely walk.’

And she was gone, Neil hurrying to open the outer door for her, before turning back to Lindy.

‘Sorry about that, Lindy. Are you ready, then?’

‘Just come in for a minute,’ she answered coldly. ‘I’ll get my hat.’

‘So, where’s your folks?’ he asked, stooping in the living room to scratch behind Gingerboy’s ears while Lindy put on her straw hat.

‘It was such a nice afternoon, they’ve gone to the Botanic Gardens. Maybe we could go too?’

‘And meet half of Edinburgh?’ Neil hesitated. ‘The truth is, Lindy, I want to talk to you.’

Alarm bells ringing, she raised her eyebrows. ‘First, Neil, I’d like to know where you got that sports jacket.’

He looked down at it, shrugging. ‘I bought it, of course. Saved up for it.’

‘Without a word to me? You know I’d have liked to help you choose it.’

‘Sorry, didn’t think. Just felt it was time I had something decent to wear.’

‘And you got a new shirt and tie as well, and pressed your trousers. What’s going on, Neil?’

‘What d’you mean, what’s going on? Can’t I look respectable for once?’ His eyes flashing, he suddenly drew up a chair at the table and sat down, putting his hand to his brow. When he took it away his eyes had changed, become dark, with a look of hurt Lindy had never seen in them before.

‘Och, you’re right to ask,’ he said in a low voice. ‘I wanted to look good for her.’

There was a long silence broken only by Gingerboy’s mewing as he wove round Lindy’s legs, while she took off her hat and threw it to one side. The clock struck the half hour but neither Lindy nor Neil looked at it and, after a moment, Gingerboy departed back to Lindy’s bedroom as she sank slowly into a chair.

‘You said you wanted to talk, and I want you to. I want to hear exactly what you’ve got to say.’

‘Lindy, I’m sorry. I’m more sorry than I can tell you—’

‘Don’t tell me about being sorry. Tell me about her.’

He had lowered his sad eyes, was staring at a button on his new jacket, and for a little while seemed unable to speak. Finally he looked up, met Lindy’s stormy gaze and put his hand again to his brow. ‘I’d never expected it, never knew what it was. I mean, I’d read about it and all that, but it’d never happened to me, you see, and until it’s happened you don’t know what it’s like, can’t even guess—’

‘What are you talking about?’ cried Lindy, leaning forward, her lovely face so strained it seemed for a moment not hers. ‘Tell me what you’re talking about!’

‘Falling in love,’ he answered quietly. ‘Falling in love at first sight.’

‘At first sight?’ She sat back, turning pale. ‘You fell in love with her, with Rosemary, at first sight?’

‘From the moment she walked through the door after the taxi driver with her luggage.’ As though in wonder at his own words, Neil was shaking his head. ‘I didn’t know it at the time, but that night I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I kept seeing her face, hearing her voice, and it came to me – it was just like all the books say, and the poetry and stuff that I never thought would apply to me. I thought I’d gone mad, was dreaming or something, but it’s just gone on the same. I see her everywhere, think about her all the time, and I know that’s how it’s going to be for me, Lindy. She’s the one. I’ve found her; I’ll never let her go.’

‘No,’ Lindy wailed, ‘no, Neil, you’re wrong. She isn’t the one for you. How could she be? This is the sort of thing that hits folk and then goes. Passes. It’s no’ real, no’ the same as what we’ve got, Neil. Can’t you see that?’

‘Oh, Lindy!’ He tried to take her hand but she snatched it away and he sat, wincing, in his chair until he could bring himself to speak again.

‘Lindy, what we’ve got is different. It’s special, and we’re true friends, but we’ve known each other all our lives, and maybe that’s too long. You’re so beautiful, any man would want you, but we . . . I guess we just know each other too well.’

‘Yet you made me give up Rod Connor,’ she said quietly. ‘To think of me with another man, you said, was very upsetting – maybe we were more than good friends, you said, maybe you did want more. And I thought you were so much a part of my life I could never let you go, so I said goodbye to Rod and we were fine, better than before. Until Rosemary Dalrymple walked into our lives and now she’s all you can think of . . . Is that no’ true, Neil?’

‘Oh, God, Lindy, I wish it wasn’t, but it is. I’m hers, I have to be, I canna live without her, there’s no more that I can say—’

‘Does she even know?’ Lindy asked, her voice so cold he seemed to shudder.

‘Nothing’s been said, but she knows, all right,’ he brought out slowly after a moment or two. ‘Women always know these things, eh? Every time she looks at me, she’ll see what I feel.’

‘And you think she feels the same?’

‘You think she might not? Because of the differences in our lives?’ Neil stood up, his face mask-like in its seriousness. ‘I told you, she’s no snob. She’ll know me for what I am; she’ll see that I can make her happy.’

‘But you’ve never said anything to her?’ Lindy had also got to her feet, her face as serious as Neil’s. ‘Better speak to her, then, so you’ll know where you stand.’

‘I intend to, but I had to speak to you first, Lindy. It’s been worrying me for days because I didn’t want to hurt you.’

‘Didn’t you? That’s nice to know.’ She walked swiftly to the front door and held it open. ‘Better go now, Neil. Sorry about our walk.’

‘Look, let’s still go out, Lindy, and have tea somewhere. We can still be friends, you know, no need to part—’

‘Oh, no, Neil,’ Lindy said decisively. ‘We can’t still be friends, because we were special friends and now we’re not. You’ve put Rosemary in my place – that’s changed everything.’

‘Lindy, that isn’t true!’ he cried, then lowered his eyes and turned aside. ‘I told you, this happened – I didn’t choose it – but I – I can’t put it back. It’s with me now, for ever.’

‘Just what I said. Everything’s changed. Goodbye, Neil.’

‘Lindy –’

She looked away, her hand on the doorknob, and when he finally walked through, his face still set, still mask-like, she closed the door after him. Then she went to her room, took off her new green dress, changed into an old blouse and skirt and lay down next to Gingerboy on her bed, waiting for the tears to fall.

There was no hiding Lindy’s red eyes from her father and Myra when they returned from their walk, and as soon as Myra saw her she was quick to pounce. Why wasn’t Lindy out with Neil? Why wasn’t she wearing her new dress? Why were her eyes all red?

‘Have you had a row, then? Better tell us what’s been happening.’

‘Aye,’ said George, putting his arm round his daughter. ‘Tell us what’s wrong, pet.’

‘Neil and me have split up,’ Lindy said, leaning against her father’s shoulder for a moment, then pulling away and blowing her nose. ‘We can’t be friends any more.’

‘Why, you’ve been friends for years!’ cried Myra. ‘More than friends, eh?’ Her green eyes sharpening, she shook her head. ‘There’s more to this than you’re saying, eh? Now, you tell us just what’s been going on.’

‘Hello, hello, any tea going?’ came Struan’s voice as he appeared at the door, his eyes going to the unlaid table. ‘Hey, what’s up, then? Are we no’ eating today?’

‘You know we don’t have much tea on a Sunday,’ Myra snapped. ‘You had a big enough dinner, Struan, to last you till bedtime!’

‘Are you joking? I left the lads to see what was going, and here you all are looking like wet weekends.’ Struan’s gaze went to his sister. ‘Lindy, have you been crying? What’s happened?’

‘She’s had a falling out with Neil,’ Myra told him. ‘Now leave her alone, Struan, and sit down while I get the tea. What there is of it.’

‘Fallen out with Neil?’ Struan’s face darkened. ‘What’s he done, then? If he’s upset you, Lindy, I’ll go up the stair and knock his block off! That great jessie was never right for you, anyway.’

‘Oh, stop that talk o’ fighting!’ George ordered, taking his chair by the range. ‘Neil’s no’ a bad lad, there’s no need for you to get your dander up, Struan. This’ll all be over tomorrow, eh? Lovers’ quarrels never last.’

‘Lover? Neil MacLauren’s never been Lindy’s lover! He’s never appreciated her and that’s the truth. Why, I saw him the other day making sheep’s eyes at Miss Rosemary, and she was looking bored out of her head. He needs to be taught a lesson.’

‘Talking to Miss Rosemary?’ Myra asked quickly. ‘Lindy, is she what the row was about? Did you catch Neil with her, like Struan says?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ Lindy said huskily. ‘All I know is that it’s all over between Neil and me and it’s what we both want. Aunt Myra, I don’t think I’ll bother with tea, if you don’t mind. I’m going up to see Jemima.’

‘And what good can she do, then? First sign of trouble you go running up to those Kerrys.’

‘Jemima’s my friend. I want to tell her what’s happened, that’s all.’

‘Suit yourself,’ Myra retorted, sniffing. ‘But family’s best when the bad times come, if you ask me.’

‘Ah, let the lassie go,’ said George. ‘She knows what she wants to do, eh?’

‘Well, come back down,
some
time,’ Myra called, as Lindy moved to the door.

As soon as Jemima opened her door Lindy flung her arms around her.

‘Oh, Jemima, it’s so bad, so awful – Neil’s fallen in love with Rosemary!’

Jemima drew Lindy into the flat and closed the door. ‘I know,’ she said sympathetically.

‘You know? How? How do you know?’ Lindy’s great eyes searched Jemima’s face. ‘Did he tell you?’

‘No, of course not! I could see it, plain as day, every time I saw the way he looked at her. I thought you’d have seen it, too.’

‘I never saw it,’ Lindy said desperately, thinking it was she who’d said to Neil, ‘love and a cold can’t be hid’, and all the time he’d hidden his love from her, yet not from Jemima. How could that have been possible? Because she hadn’t been looking, hadn’t expected to see it, and so had not. How could she have been so blind?

‘He talked about her a lot; he always admired her, but I didn’t think – I never thought – he could be in love with her. I mean, it’s crazy.’

‘Well, I’m no expert, but that’s what love is, eh? The sort he’s got, that takes a hold of you and keeps you prisoner. Want a cup o’ tea?’

‘Just tea would be fine.’ Lindy looked round the living room. ‘But where’s your ma?’

‘Gone out with Mrs MacLauren. They’ve taken the tram to the Meadows, but I said I wouldn’t go because I’m preparing for the interview.’

‘Interview?’

‘You remember: I’ve got an interview at Logie’s tomorrow for a job in the alterations department. I’m taking some samples of sewing work I’ve done – mending, embroidery, lace and that.’

‘Oh, Jemima, I’m sorry! ’Course I remember, I’m just no’ thinking straight.’

‘Don’t worry, I understand. You’ve got enough on your plate to think about without anything from me. Just wait till I make the tea, and then you can tell me what happened.’

When they were sitting with their tea Jemima asked how Lindy had finally found out about Neil’s love for the new tenant. Had he admitted it?

‘Yes, he told me this afternoon. We were due to go for a walk, but then I saw him coming down the stair with her – with Rosemary – and he was wearing a new sports jacket and new shirt, tie and everything, and I sort of knew he’d hadn’t bought them to please me. Then, in the flat, it came out – he told me he’d fallen in love with Rosemary the minute he first saw her.’ Lindy looked across at Jemima, her lip trembling. ‘That time when she arrived and the taxi driver had her luggage. Do you remember?’

‘I remember.’ Jemima pushed a plate of shortbread biscuits towards Lindy and took out her cigarettes. ‘Come on, eat something. You’ll feel better.’

‘Feel better?’ Lindy sighed, but took a biscuit anyway and crunched on it, not tasting it, not caring. ‘I’m just so shocked and upset, Jemima, I don’t think I’ll ever feel better. It’s as though I was on solid ground and suddenly it’s gone. I’m falling, like you do in nightmares, only without stopping.’

‘I can understand how you feel, Lindy. Neil’s always been there, eh? Sort o’ rock. What’s happened has to be a shock for you.’ Jemima lit a cigarette, her eyes thoughtful. ‘The thing is, though, you two were never in love, were you? Weren’t you always . . . just friends?’

‘What are you trying to say?’ asked Lindy, her eyes glittering. ‘That I shouldn’t mind if he tells me he’s crazy about someone else?’

‘Well, didn’t you once say you’d accept it if he did go out with another girl? Didn’t you say you wouldn’t let someone else come between you?’

‘I said that?’ Lindy sat back. ‘No, wait a minute, I remember now – I did say it, but that was before things changed for us. After I’d said I wouldn’t see Rod it was different for us, for Neil and me. He said he couldn’t stand to think of me with another man, and I said I couldn’t hurt him. So . . . we became more than friends.’

‘You really loved each other?’

‘Well, we never put anything into words, but I felt the love was there. We neither of us were keen to get wed – but everybody does get wed, eh? I did wonder sometimes where we were going because we both – you know – wanted something better than we’d got.’

Jemima drew on her cigarette. ‘Like writing for Neil? And what for you, then?’

‘Och, just daydreams.’ Lindy smiled a little. ‘Something in the dress world, maybe? Pie in the sky? But whatever I did, I must’ve thought Neil would be there.’