Anne Douglas (26 page)

‘Please excuse me a minute,’ she said to Neil. ‘I just want to see –’

See what? That Rod was still choosing his cards, but that she didn’t say.

‘Back in a tick.’

Over in the corner, by the racks, two people were debating between pictures of robins on snow and holly with berries. No one else. No Rod. Surely he hadn’t just gone? Hadn’t bothered in the end with cards? Hadn’t wanted to come to the counter? She’d said herself, there was no point in talking . . . But to go without even saying goodbye? A dull pain was consuming her as she returned slowly to the counter and Neil.

‘All right?’ he asked.

‘He’s gone.’

‘Who? Who’s gone?’

‘Rod.’

Neil stared. ‘Your fellow? I thought you said you’d finished with him?’

‘He came in to buy cards. He didn’t know I was here.’ Her eyes fastened on Neil. ‘He must have seen you.’

‘What do you mean? I frightened him off? He doesn’t know me – how could I have done that?’

‘I don’t know – but I think he must have guessed who you were. We were talking –’

‘You want me to go?’ Neil asked in a low voice. ‘I’ve upset your fellow, so you want me to go?’

‘No!’ She put her hand on his arm, looking round to see if Miss Burnett was near, but she was still with her customer. ‘No, I don’t want you to go, Neil, it’s nothing to do with you what Rod thinks, and he’s no’ my fellow anyway. It’s true what I told you. He didn’t even know I was here.’

‘You’re sure you want to go out with me tonight?’

‘I’m sure. But will you wait for me at the main entrance? We’ll be closing here any minute.’

‘At the main entrance. You’ll come?’

‘Neil, I’ve said so.’

‘OK, then.’

His shoulders drooping, he left her, looking back once before he reached the escalator and vanished from sight.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, we’re closing now,’ she heard Miss Burnett call. ‘Please come to the till if you have anything to purchase.’

Thank God, Lindy was thinking, soon she would be out of the shop and not having to put on a pretend face before customers. And she needn’t worry about Neil. He would understand, anyway.

In spite of avoiding any mention of Rosemary or Rod, they had a pleasant meal in a West End café, Neil chatting fairly easily about things in general, Lindy telling him about her model training and how she’d had to walk about with a book on her head, which brought a smile to his face. Then there was the news about Struan and Jemima – had he heard about them?

‘No, what about them?’

‘Well, it’s just that they’re going to the pictures tonight – together. We’re all so amazed.’

‘Struan and Jemima?’ Neil drank coffee. ‘I reckon that is amazing. Isn’t he a bit young for Jemima?’

‘Everyone says that, but there’s only two years between them. Thing is, he seems a lot younger because he’s so immature. Well, I think so, anyway. Look how he used to tease you!’

‘I remember.’ Neil shrugged. ‘Well, Jemima must’ve wanted to go out with him or she wouldn’t have said she would. I agree, it’s surprising, but you can never be sure what folk will do.’ His face had darkened, his eyes losing their brightness. ‘That’s a lesson everybody needs to learn.’

After a pause, when Lindy could think of no reply, he said he’d ask for the bill. It was a rotten night out, cold and sleeting, and they’d better be on the move.

‘You don’t have to take me back, Neil,’ Lindy told him. ‘It’s right out of your way. I’ll just get the tram.’

‘No, it’s all right – I’m staying at Ma’s tonight. We can go back together.’

‘Do you think you might come back to number nineteen permanently?’ she asked when they were shivering at the tram stop. ‘It’d be nice if you would.’

‘Aye, but I’m best off where I can write in peace. You’d never believe what a difference it makes to be on your own.’

‘On your own . . . sounds sad, somehow.’

‘No’ for a writer. I can see folk when I want to, and that’s different to having your brothers knocking about whenever you’re trying to get on.’

‘I suppose number nineteen isn’t the quietest place anyhow.’

Neil laughed as their tram drew up and they climbed aboard. ‘You can say that again, Lindy.’

They were almost home when she turned to him. ‘That was lovely, Neil, thank you. But next time, no arguments – the meal’s on me. No need for you to always pay. We often went Dutch in the old days.’

‘Next time?’ Neil took her hand. ‘Maybe there won’t be a next time.’

‘What do you mean?’ Her eyes searched his face in the gloomy light of the tram. ‘You don’t want us to meet again?’

‘I do. You know I like to be with you. Though why you’d want to see me after the way I treated you, I’ve no idea.’

‘Oh, come on, that’s in the past. We can still meet as friends.’

He let go of her hand. ‘It wouldn’t be right for you. Things aren’t the same as they used to be.’

She hesitated. ‘I thought you’d come back.’

‘I have. Or, I might have. But I could tell this evening, when you were looking for Rod, that nothing was over for you where he’s concerned. I know you’ve got your new career and you want it, but you want him, too, eh? There’s no place for me in your life, Lindy. Better get that straight.’

‘No, Neil, no, you’ve forgotten something – oh, God, here’s our stop – why do we try to talk on trams?’

‘Forgotten what?’ he asked, taking her arm on the slippery pavement as their tram rumbled unconcernedly away.

‘I may still want Rod, but he doesn’t want me. I’m different from what he thought – I have the wrong ideas, so he’ll want to do without me. I think he’s the one with the wrong ideas and won’t be changing mine, but I’d have liked to find what you said – you know – a middle way.’

‘There you are, then. Proves what I said.’

‘We’ll never find it, though. We’re too far apart.’ Lindy, her face spattered with drifting sleet, looked up at Neil. ‘So, I can still see you, Neil. There’s still a place for you in my life.’

They had reached the door of number nineteen and were stumbling in together, shaking off their wet coats.

‘Are you listening, Neil?’ she asked.

‘Yes, but I think we should see how things go, eh? I’ll be here at Christmas. Why don’t you come on up to Ma’s sometime, eh?’

‘All right, if that’s what you want.’

He kissed her on the cheek. ‘It’s what I want.’

‘Wonder how Jemima enjoyed her evening out with Struan,’ she murmured, trying to sound light-hearted as Neil began to move towards the stairs.

‘I’m sure you’ll find out,’ he said with a grin. ‘Goodnight, Lindy.’

‘Goodnight, Neil. Thanks again.’

She watched him go, her old friend who thought it would no longer be right to see her because of Rod, something she couldn’t believe. She and Rod – well, as she’d told Neil – could never be together. All she could do now was learn to do without him and look to her new life, her new career, to give her what she needed. If Neil understood that, maybe they could meet from time to time? Best to do what he said, though, and see how things go. Yes, that would be best. Quietly, she let herself into the flat.

The following day was not one of Lindy’s Logie’s days, and she planned to use it putting up Christmas decorations Miss Burnett had let her have at a reduced price.

‘Why not?’ she asked Myra, showing her the collection of paper chains and lanterns, balloons and artificial holly. ‘Why shouldn’t we decorate at Christmas? Other folk do.’

‘Some, you mean,’ said Myra, preparing to leave for Murchie’s. ‘Most here haven’t the money to spare. Lot o’ fuss about nothing is my view.’

‘You don’t mind if I do?’

‘Suit yourself, if it cheers you up. Look a bit like a wet weekend, if you don’t mind me saying so.’

‘Oh, thanks,’ said Lindy. ‘That makes me feel grand.’

When Myra had gone she worked steadily, dusting down and cleaning before putting the decorations in place, and by the time she’d finished it was time to see if any post had come.

Nothing. Oh, well, she hadn’t expected anything, except maybe a card or two. There wouldn’t be anything from Mrs Driver until after New Year, she’d said, and then it would probably be photographic work. Anything would be acceptable, thought Lindy, for all she’d had was one payment, of which quite a high percentage had had to go to Mrs Driver anyway, and the part-time money from Logie’s didn’t go very far. Furthermore, that would be coming to an end once the festive season was over, and then what?

Even the sight of the newly decorated flat and comforting cup of tea did nothing to lift Lindy’s spirits as she looked into a doubtful future, so that when there came a knock on the flat door, she answered it in no great hopes. Perhaps that was the way to answer a door, to expect nothing, and then to be so wonderfully, amazingly surprised . . .

For it was Rod who had knocked; Rod who was standing waiting, Rod who was saying, ‘Lindy, I had to see you. Oh, God, you don’t know what it’s been like!’

‘You think?’ she whispered, as he put out his arms and as in a dream, she went into them. For blissful moments they clung together in the hall, their eyes half closed, their mouths meeting, never parting – until Lindy released herself and drew Rod into the flat.

‘You think I don’t know what it was like?’ she asked as she closed the door and turned to him. ‘I knew, all right. Oh, Rod, I knew!’

‘But I was the one who was a fool. I was the one who started laying down the law, telling you what to do.’ He shook his head as she made him walk with her into the living room, where they sank on to the old couch and sat entwined together, looking into each other’s faces.

‘What could you have thought of me?’ he murmured, his hand smoothing her face. ‘I’ve hated myself for weeks but I couldn’t manage to tell you, and when I heard you’d started your modelling classes, I thought, well, that’s the end, Lindy’s going ahead with her career. She doesn’t want me. I didn’t know how I was going to face it.’

‘And then you came into Logie’s and saw me,’ she said softly. ‘Couldn’t you tell then how I felt?’

‘I thought I could, and then I saw this fellow at your counter and something told me – I don’t know how – that he was Neil. You were both talking and I thought, so he’s come back, he’s over Rosemary and he wants Lindy, and I just – well, I saw the door at the other end of the department and I went through it. Couldn’t face seeing you with him, you see.’

‘Oh, Rod, you didn’t give me a chance! That was Neil you saw, but I’d only just met him again and we said we’d meet, but he isn’t truly over Rosemary and he’s still only my friend. If only you’d said something yesterday!’

‘How could I, when he was standing there with you? I just went back to the hostel and began doing some jobs, trying to keep my mind blank, but it was no good. I’d seen you again and all I wanted was to put back the clock, make you come back to me. Make us as we used to be.’

‘And you came to find me. But how did you know I’d be here?’

‘I didn’t. I left Dougie in charge and I went to Logie’s and asked for you. They wouldn’t say where you were, but they said it was a day you didn’t work there, so I took a chance and came to number nineteen.’ He held her away from him, looking at her. ‘And, thank God, here you were!’

‘I was putting up some decorations. We’ve no’ had any before. What do you think?’

‘Snap, I’ve been decorating the hostel.’ He looked around at her streamers and balloons, the holly placed over the pictures, and smiled. ‘Very nice. So, can we enjoy Christmas now?’

‘But tell me first – have you really changed your mind about modelling? Do you think it’s no’ so bad?’

He hesitated. ‘I’ll be honest, Lindy, I still think in principle it’s – well – what I said before. But I was wrong to think the girls themselves are only interested in making money the wrong way. I know you’re not like that – you don’t see it that way, and I should have respected that from the beginning. Will you forgive me, because I didn’t?’

‘If you’ll forgive me. Because I was so sure I was right, I never thought you might have a point. I was upset because you seemed to be disappointed in me, and I couldn’t see why.’ She shrugged. ‘So I dug my heels in and wouldn’t think of meeting halfway. That was what Neil said we should do.’

‘Neil said?’

‘Yes, he told me there must be some way we could stay together.’ Lindy lowered her eyes. ‘But I said – I said we were too far apart. I’m sorry, Rod.’

‘Lindy, it was my fault you felt that.’ He held her close then let her go. ‘Listen, shall we really be as we were before? The only difference being that you have a different job?’

‘You want me to keep it?’

‘I do. You’ll be good at it and you should have your chance with it.’

‘Rod, it’s grand you should say that.’

‘The whole point of the new us is that I should say it.’

‘The new us?’

‘The tolerant, understanding us,’ he said with a grin. ‘And we’ll agree never again to put ourselves through what we’ve just been through. Promise?’

‘I promise.’

Their kisses then were long and serious, until Rod tore himself away and said he had to get back to the hostel. ‘I’ve played truant long enough. But there’s something else I want to say before I go – I’m on duty on Christmas Day, but I’ve got Boxing Day free. Would you come and have tea with my dad and me?’

‘Tea with your dad?’ she echoed. ‘Oh, of course I will, Rod. I’d love to meet him.’

‘I’ll come for you then, about three o’clock? There’ll be Christmas cake, because Dad’s got an admirer who’s baked him one, and some mince pies and scones – bought, I’m afraid . . .’

‘As though I care what we eat,’ she said fondly, walking with him from the flat to the outer front door. ‘Rod, I couldn’t be happier.’

‘Me too,’ he said quietly. ‘See you on Boxing Day, then.’

‘On Boxing Day.’

They embraced once more, then Rod went out to his car and Lindy watched and waved until he had driven away.

Alone in the flat, she felt strange, still feeling as though she’d been dreaming and the dream was still with her. Had Rod really come? Really put his views aside and asked her to forgive him? Yes, it had happened, but was it any wonder she was thinking it was too good to be true?