Anne Stuart (32 page)

Emma looked up at her through tear-drenched eyes. “What do you mean?”

“
Killoran knows how to handle things with exquisite delicacy. It would have been a simple matter to deflower you and then dismiss you so gracefully that you barely noticed. Instead you come running to London in hysterics, and arrive on my doorstep complete with a terse note from his high-and-mighty lordship telling me to take care of you. Most promising, I call it.”

“
Promising of what?”

Lady Seldane’s smile was mysterious. “That there’s redemption in the lad, after all. Come along now, Emma. Let’s get you settled. There’ll be time to work this through soon enough.”

She wanted to protest, but the fit of stupid, hated tears had taken the last of her reserves. She went willingly, to the bath, to the tray of dainty, invalid food in her room, to the silk-sheeted bed in the vast, elegant chamber. And then she slept.

Only to dream of Killoran.

“
You’re lucky he didn’t kill you,” Barbara said flatly.

Nathaniel stared up at her. He was lying on a bed, albeit an uncomfortable one, and the day was far advanced. The room was cold, he had the world’s most vicious headache, and Barbara knelt on the mattress beside him, smelling of flowers.

“
I’m surprised he didn’t. Where is he?”

“
Gone to some party. At Sanderson’s, I believe. We weren’t invited.”

“
I would have thought you’d be invited anywhere.”

“
Killoran said specifically that I wasn’t to come. I gather it’s rather wild.”

“
Aren’t you used to that sort of thing?” he asked bitterly.

So it went, Barbara thought numbly. He’d finally accepted her for what she was. “Quite,” she said briskly, climbing off the bed. “But since he’s decided to take me to Paris, I expect he’s feeling a bit territorial.”

“
Are you going to go with him?”

“
Why shouldn’t I?” She wandered over to the shuttered window, keeping her back to Nathaniel. She didn’t quite trust her carefully schooled expression. “After all, Killoran is reputed to be a marvelous lover. I’d be foolish to turn down the chance to be his mistress, would I not?”

“
So you admit you aren’t his lover already?”

“
It would be a waste of time to deny it. You’re very observant, Nathaniel.” She turned and gave him her most enchanting smile.

“
You don’t love him.”

“
I don’t love anyone. I don’t believe in it. That’s for the innocents of this world. Go back to Northumberland, Nathaniel. Find another Miss Pottle. Haven’t you learned by now that Killoran and I are two of a kind? We’re not for the likes of you.”

He was silent for a moment, and she turned away again, rather than see the contempt and disappointment on his face. It was all for the best, she reminded herself. Killoran had just given her a salutary lesson in how to be cruel in order to be kind. She could do no less.

“
I suppose he would kill me,” Nathaniel said after a moment, his voice surprisingly wry.

She turned. “Undoubtedly.”

“
Then there will have to be another way.”

“
Another way for what?”

“
To change his mind about you. I can’t count on you to have any sense of self-preservation—obviously you’ve been intent on going to hell since you were... what did you say? Barely out of leading strings. Someday you’ll tell me why.”

“
Never.”

He ignored her fierce protest. “So I shall simply have to rely on Killoran to give you over. I’m going to marry you, Barbara. And I’ve grown fond of Killoran, despite his black temper.”

“
You hit your head too hard,” she said flatly. “You’ve gone raving mad.”

He sat up, wincing in pain, and then smiled at her. It was a heartbreaking, beguiling smile, one that took all her effort to resist. “No, my love. I think Killoran knocked some sense into me. You’ll like Northumberland. It’s wild and beautiful and untamed. Like you.”

“
I love the city. I like shops and the theater and gay parties.”

“
You love me,” Nathaniel said. “And sooner or later you’ll realize it.”

Ah, but she already realized it, she thought miserably. She just wasn’t about to admit it. “You’re quite young,” she said. “You’ll get over it.”

“
Over you? Never.”

And she wondered whether she dared to believe him.

“
Come here, love,” he said softly.

She kept her distance, wary. “Why?”

“
I want you to lie down beside me.”

She felt her mouth twist into an ugly smile. “Of course you do,” she said with false sprightliness. “I wondered how long it would take you to change your mind.” She started toward him, lifting her skirts, a practiced smile on her face.

He caught her hand in his, forcing her to drop the heavy silk as he pulled her closer. “No, Barbara,” he said. “I want you to lie with me. That’s all.”

“
Don’t be absurd,” she mocked him. “Aren’t you a man at all? I’m willing to do anything you want me to, and you—”

“
I want you to lie with me. Beside me, in my arms. All night long. And nothing more.”

She stared at him. At his strong hand on her slender wrist, at his fierce blue eyes. And uncertainty swept over her.

“
You don’t want me?” she asked in a small, frightened voice.

His smile could have broken her fragile heart. “Oh, love,” he murmured, “I want you more than life itself. But not until you’re sure.”

He tugged, gently. She went, willingly. The bed was narrow and sagging, his body was strong and warm, and he put his arms around her, holding her close against him, tucking her face against his shoulder.

She held herself stiffly, unused to gentleness, unused to tenderness. But when he stroked her hair away from her face, dropped a kiss on her forehead, and settled back with a sigh, she knew he meant what he’d said. He was hard with wanting her, but he wasn’t going to take her until she was ready.

The room was dark now, night having fallen. She felt very safe, safe enough to warn him. “It will be a long time,” she whispered against the strong column of his neck.

“
I’m a patient man,” he said softly. “I’ll wait.”

Chapter 18

“
I do not understand the man,” Lady Seldane announced. “It really is most unlike him.”

Emma glanced up at her hostess. She had been in residence for a week, a week in which Lady Seldane had fed her, cosseted her, teased her, and played cards with her, all the while refusing to discuss either Killoran or the future. Now, over an elegant dinner a deux, she’d finally brought him up, and Emma didn’t know whether she was grateful or sorry.

“
He’s back in town, isn’t he?” She kept her voice deliberately toneless as she stirred her soup.

“
Who, Killoran? He’s been back these past four days. Most odd—not a word from him, not even a simple inquiry as to your well-being. Most unlike the lad. He was always exact about the social details, and outrageous about larger issues.”

“
Perhaps he considers me beneath his notice.”

“
Or too much to deal with,” Lady Seldane said shrewdly. “Either way, he’s keeping his distance. I am not, by nature, a patient woman, and I dislike seeing you miserable.”

“
I’m sorry,” Emma said swiftly. “I’ve trespassed shamefully on your hospitality. I have been thinking a great deal these past few days, and making plans—”

“
You’re not going back to that harridan you told me about,” the old woman interrupted sharply. “Killoran says she’s not to be trusted.”

“
His lordship has a great many opinions for someone who has taken himself out of my life. Cousin Miriam is a difficult woman, but one of the highest moral character.”

Lady Seldane sniffed. “I knew she sounded dreadful. You’re not to go back to her, Emma.”

“
I have no intention of doing so. I thought I would go away.” She said it half defiantly, expecting a loud protest.

She was disappointed.

“
There’s merit in that notion, gel. For one thing, you’ll be out of Darnley’s clutches. Lord only knows where the creature is, but I don’t trust him. Why in the world Killoran didn’t simply call him out and finish the matter years ago is beyond me. It would have made things so very simple.”

“
Life is seldom simple,” Emma said, giving up all pretense of eating.

“
Wise for your tender years, child,” Lady Seldane murmured approvingly. “If you were to disappear, it might make Killoran come to his senses a bit more quickly. He’s spent the past few days doing his damnedest to go straight to hell, and as long as he thinks you’re safe with me, he can carry on like that.”

“
I thought he was planning to take Lady Barbara to Paris.”

“
He said that? How absurd of him. They wouldn’t suit at all. She’s back in town, as is Killoran’s guest, but I’ve heard no word of assignations or new involvements. I gather Lady Barbara has been keeping her distance from the pair of them, and I make it my business to hear everything, even if I rarely leave my house.” Her eyes narrowed. “I do know that Killoran has done everything in his power to bring himself to ruin. He has gambled, far more wildly and excessively than is his wont—”

“
I thought he never lost.”

“
Don’t interrupt me, Emma,” Lady Seldane said. “Apparently Killoran has managed to rise to the challenge and lost a great deal since he’s been back. He’s drinking too much, he’s playing too deep, and on top of that, he’s made a perfectly idiotic wager that he can ride that monstrous black horse of his to Dover in five hours. Wagered that ornate mausoleum he lives in on the outcome, as well as a large amount of money. If it weren’t so pigheaded stubborn of him, I’d find it most promising.”

“
No one could make that ride in five hours. It’s not humanly possible,” Emma said. “He’ll break his neck.”

“
Oh, if anyone could do it, Killoran could. He has a rare gift with horseflesh. But I’m not certain anyone could do it, particularly someone in Killoran’s current state of mind.”

“
Then why do you consider it promising?”

Lady Seldane just looked at her for a moment. “You’re very young, aren’t you, child? If the man didn’t care about you, he’d hardly be so set on destroying himself, would he? Now, where would you like to go?”

“
It would be better if I made my own arrangements. I’ve trespassed on your kindness enough as it is.”

Lady Seldane’s reply was suitably coarse. “Don’t be absurd, child. I live a boring life, and you’ve brought color into it. Now, where shall we go?”

“
We?” Emma echoed, astonished. “But you never go anywhere.”

“
It’s been too damned long. I’ve a mind to see Ireland again. I have an estate near Sligo. What say we go there and rusticate for a bit?”

Emma looked at her for a long moment. It sounded like heaven. Without Killoran, it sounded like hell. “Yes,” she said weakly, turning back to her soup.

“
You’ll cheer up,” Lady Seldane announced confidently. “Let’s forget about the past and concentrate on your future. We’ll find you a husband, my dear. A tall, handsome Irishman, with poetry in his soul. How does that sound?”

Emma glanced at her across the broad expanse of table. “Killoran is Irish.”

Lady Seldane smiled. “I know, dear. I know.”

“
They’re planning to go where?” Darnley thundered.

Miriam DeWinter barely blinked. She despised Jasper Darnley to the bottom of her soul, but she was a practical woman. She needed the man. If she had any chance of succeeding without him, she would have done so. But now that Killoran knew who and what she was, it made things doubly difficult. Not, however, with this recent turn of events.

“
Ireland,” Miriam said again, in the patient tone of one trying to communicate with a mental incompetent. “I’ve had people watching her, and I just received word. I was afraid I was going to have to handle this myself.” She glanced around Darnley’s withdrawing room. It was stuffy, airless, and far too hot. In all, not a bad sort of room.

“
And Killoran? Is he going with her?”

“
I don’t believe so. As far as anyone can tell, he hasn’t seen her in more than a week. He’s severed all connection with her.”

An unpleasant expression crossed Darnley’s pasty face, and he flicked a greasy crumb off his baby-blue satin waistcoat. “What makes you think I’m still interested in your little plot, woman? It’s Killoran I’m after. If he has no interest in your wretched cousin, why should I?”

Miriam considered just how far to push him. Her informants were vastly knowledgeable, but to her experienced eye, Darnley was not quite sane. Since the last time she’d confronted him, he seemed to have deteriorated even more, both physically and mentally. His color was bad, his eyes were faintly glazed, and he moved like a man in constant, furious pain.

“
I’d gathered you had a weakness for young women with red hair,” she said delicately.

“
Why should I want Killoran’s discards?”

“
Because if you went after her, Killoran would be forced to interfere.”

“
I can’t imagine why. Killoran has never been the sort for heroic gestures. When my—when a young woman turned to him for help, he ignored her pleas, and she ended up killing herself. It was his fault,” Darnley said fiercely. “He’s hardly likely to bestir himself for a chance-met trollop.”

Miriam shrugged. “Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps he’s content to let her go. You’re a gamester, Lord Darnley, experienced in playing the odds. As for me, I’m certain Killoran will go after her. He deserves to be punished for murdering my father in cold blood, for luring my innocent niece away from the bosom of her family, for despoiling and then abandoning her. I mean to see they both pay. Killoran for his evil, Emma for her licentiousness. I can do it without your help.” She rose, her stays creaking, and started toward the door.