Anything Goes on a Friday Night (10 page)

I didn’t know where I was driving. I should call Channing, but then he’d see me upset. He needed me happy even if he didn’t say it out loud. I couldn’t imagine how exhausting it would be to have a girlfriend with constant issues.

I drove toward his house and decided that I’d just get my shit together by the time I got there. He didn’t need me to notify him I was coming. He’d just be happy to see me. I drove faster, listening to the most upbeat music I could find on the radio.

I pulled into Channing’s driveway and parked next to his truck. I pulled down the mirror to look at myself. I was a mess. I pulled my powder from my purse and tried my hardest to make myself look better.
Ah, hell.
Who was I kidding?
Channing would see right through the makeup.

I turned the car off and got out. I knocked on his door and waited. I looked over my shoulder and noticed it was just his truck here. Instead of waiting any longer, I just let myself in. I could hear the squeak of bolts and heavy breathing coming from his room down the hall. I had the most sickening feeling brewing in my stomach. When the labored breaths got louder the more I inched down the hall and a moan escaped from not just Channing but a female, my breath caught in my throat, and I froze. It would take an idiot not to figure out what was going on behind his door.

My heart stopped and fell to my feet. I swear it did. I couldn’t get myself to move. I wanted to burst into his room and catch him in the act, do something to interrupt their moment, but I couldn’t. I was paralyzed with hurt. Getting my feet to move was impossible. I looked down at my hands that were shaking. I couldn’t even cry. I couldn’t do anything but stare at his door.

I pressed my back against the wall and sank to the floor. I just sat there like this pathetic doormat being trampled on, listening to my boyfriend finish with God-knows-who. For a second, I was almost mad at myself for not giving it up to him. I almost, for a split second, thought that it was my fault because he wasn’t getting it from me and had to get it from somewhere. But I knew that was far from the truth. This wasn’t okay. This wasn’t my fault.

Channing had no idea I was sitting there listening to him fuck some girl. He had no idea that I was breaking and crumbling in his hallway. But if he honestly cared, he wouldn’t be doing this to me.

I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them tightly. My chin rested on my knees while silent tears fell down my cheeks. I wanted to leave. I wanted to get as far from him as I possibly could, but my body just wouldn’t move. I was frozen in my self-pity. What would I do when he came out and saw me sitting here? How would I react?

I felt nauseous when I heard the moans stop, and then whispers. I listened as a girl’s voice giggled and talked to
my
Channing.

“Ellie is missing out. Damn, you’re so good, Channing.” She giggled some more. Her voice sounded familiar, and I tried to make out who it might be, but I couldn’t quite place it between her labored breathing and quiet voice.

Channing laughed. He actually laughed. He found this funny?

“I love her, but I’m a guy with needs. And she’s been so spacey lately with everything going on. She can’t find out.”

“Find out? Come on, Channing. This has been going on for the past four months without her knowing. She won’t find out. Especially now that she’s at a different school.”

“Katie, she’ll kill us.”

My mouth fell open.
Katie?

I stood, my body finally listening to my brain, and went to storm into the room. Before I could open the door, it pushed outward, and Katie stood there, her eyes wide in shock. Tears sprang from my eyes, and I slapped her. I slapped her so hard my palm and fingers stung.

I shoved past her and pushed the door open all the way. Channing clutched the sheets over his bottom half, and he looked at me in terror.

“Ellie—”

“Don’t!” I screamed. “Don’t you dare try to explain a bit of this to me! Fuck you, Channing! Fuck the both of you!” I turned and ran out of his house. I got in my car and drove so fast that the surroundings and everything in front of me was a blur on my way to Kerrville.

My heart was broken, and I had no one. I couldn’t call any of my friends. They were all friends with Katie and Channing, and honestly, I didn’t even want to talk about it. I didn’t want to allow Channing and Katie to exist in my life anymore.

How could they do this to me?

I had no idea where to go. I drove to the nearest park, parked my car, and lost it. I punched my steering wheel several times. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I cried so hard that I wasn’t sure if I was even getting air in.

When would things start making sense again? When would people stop hurting me?

After I calmed down some, I looked at my phone. Texts from Channing and Katie poured in, but I had no intentions of reading what they had to say or responding. I scrolled through, trying to find someone I could talk to. I just needed… Someone.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I hit Jane’s name and put the phone to my ear. I know I said I wanted nothing to do with friends in Kerrville, but whether I wanted to admit it or not, Jane was my friend.

A
RE YOU SERIOUS?” SHE
gasped, covering her mouth. “And you just sat there and listened to them have sex?” She took a bite of her Oreo Blast.

I nodded and wiped away the few tears that were falling. “I couldn’t move. It was so weird. Finn was right. Channing is an asshole, and I was too dumb to see it. I loved him, Jane. He was the only thing in my life that made complete sense.”

I spent the next hour telling her everything. I told her about my parents, how my mom erased me from her life, and how Dad didn’t believe me about Nancy. I couldn’t go home. Not without Dad there. Maybe not ever.

“I hate to ask you, but can I stay with you until my dad gets back from his business trip? I understand if I can’t. I hate to just spring this on you.”

“Oh my gosh, Ellie! Of course you can! I was going to ask you to stay anyway! My parents will love you!”

I smiled a little. “Really?”

“Cross my heart!”

“Thank you.”

She smiled. “Of course.”

HER PARENTS WERE AMAZING.
Especially her mom. She reminded me of my mom pre-divorce. She made me feel so welcome, and it felt like I had known her family for years. I had just gotten out of the shower and into the pj’s that Jane let me borrow when my phone started vibrating on the bathroom counter. It was Dad.

“What,” I answered.

“Where are you? Nancy is panicking because you never came back home! She wants to apologize. She said she and her ex-husband were in an argument over some of their belongings she was supposed to get, and she just flipped. She said she’s really sorry, and she really wants to work this out with you.”

“I’m at my friend’s house. I’m not going home until you’re there. It was freaky shit, Dad. I know you don’t believe me, but whatever. I’m not going back there right now.”

“She said she didn’t lay a hand on you. Why would you say that? Maybe you thought she was going to or something, but she would never hit you.”

My hands started shaking so badly that I was having trouble holding onto the phone.

“I gotta go.”

I hung up and dropped the phone on the counter. I gripped the edge of the granite until my knuckles turned white. I closed my eyes tightly, trying hard not to cry. I didn’t want to cry anymore.

I took a few deep breaths, telling myself my tears weren’t worth it. My life was becoming too much to handle, but I refused to let the stupidity of others affect me like this. This stress wasn’t healthy. It would be the death of me if I let it. I pulled myself together and left the bathroom.

When I walked into Jane’s room, she waved me over. I plopped down on the bed next to her and laid on my stomach. She had the school’s yearbook stretched out in front of us.

“Okay, we’re going to play a game. Hot or Not.”

“This sounds like something I’d do in junior high.”

She chuckled. “It’s stupid-fun. Come on, admit it. You need stupid-fun!”

She was right. “Okay. Fine.”

“I point, and you either say hot or not.”

“Got it.”

“You have to be 100% honest though. No bluffing!” She pointed a serious finger at me.

I laughed. “Fine. You too, though.”

She nodded. “Deal.”

The game was hilarious. Some of the guys she thought were hot surprised me. She seemed like the type of girl that would go for the mysterious, dark guys. But she liked all of the guys that were the Ken Barbie doll type. I didn’t like any of those guys. I liked the in-between guys. The guys who stood out but not really. The ones like…I froze when she pointed to Finn Kerr. I didn’t want to admit that I thought he was hot. Not after expressing my distaste for this so-called ladies’ man.

“Oooo, nothing? Not even a not? You’re crushin’ on him!”

My mouth fell open, and I shoved her shoulder. “Am not! I don’t think he’s hot, and I don’t think he’s not hot. I’m indifferent when it comes to him.”

“Liar!”

I laughed. “Okay, fine! Hot. Now go to the next one, dammit!”

She burst into laughter. We both laughed so hard we had tears in our eyes. I had no idea why we found this so funny, but I’m glad we did. I needed this. I needed laughter that didn’t make sense. I needed stupid-fun.

T
HE REST OF THE
week was a blur. I kept myself busy, finishing several of my assignments early just to keep my mind off of Channing and Katie. I even applied for some jobs, because Dad told me that I needed to start paying for my own things, like car insurance and my car payment. But did he check on me to make sure I was alright? Nope. He just ‘checked in’ to tell me I needed to get a job and that we’d talk more about things when I cooled off and came home from Jane’s.

I wasn’t mad about the job thing. I was actually excited about it. It’d be my money, and dammit, I just needed something that was mine and no one else’s right now. Like Channing was mine, but, without my knowledge, I was sharing him with Katie.

All of my friends back home must’ve heard about what happened, because my phone started blowing up with missed calls and “how are you” texts. I didn’t respond to anyone. I had this theory that if I just forgot about that place, those people, everything, the hurt might not hurt so badly. Throwing things under the rug isn’t smart; I knew that. But sometimes you have to, to make it through the day. I’d deal with it later.
Maybe.