Apocalypse Burning (9 page)

Disbelief swept through Megan with paralyzing force. “Because I kept Gerry Fletcher in the hospital without his parents’ knowledge—for an hour?”

“It was,” Benbow said, “the last hour they would have spent with their son.”

“They didn’t know that then.” Pain replaced the disbelief as she gazed at the young lieutenant. “
I
didn’t know that then. I spent the last hour when I could have been playing with my youngest son trying to help Gerry.”

“I know that.”

“I gave up that time with Chris.” Saying her son’s name somehow made Boyd Fletcher’s case against her even more hideous. Megan made a fist and pressed it against her mouth in an attempt to control her warring emotions. “I kissed my baby good night and left him. He didn’t want me to go.”

Chris’s voice haunted her.
“I’m just going to sleep for a little while, Mommy, so you can come and get me soon.”
Sweet and delicate, despite the fact that he hadn’t wanted to be left in the care center, Chris had curled up, closed his eyes, and pretended to be fast asleep.

Megan felt her heart break all over again. “I’m never going to see my baby again in this world.”

“You don’t know that,” Benbow said. “A lot of people are working on what caused the disappearances. Maybe those people, maybe your son, can be brought back.”

Shaking her head, Megan said, “They’re not coming back. Ever.” Her eyes burned with unshed tears. “See? You don’t even understand what’s happened.”

“Nobody does,” Benbow agreed. “Not yet, anyway. But we will.”

Megan wanted to curse and scream. That was something she hadn’t often done. She was so mad and so hurt she trembled and thought she was going to be sick. Jerking her gaze from Benbow, trying desperately to remember that although he wore that uniform, he wasn’t really part of the vast machine presently arrayed against her, she peered through the truck’s windshield.

Is that what this is coming to, God?
she demanded.
Is this what You want to do? To tear me completely down? Because if that’s what You’re all set to do, it’s working. How much do You think I have left to give? How much more do You think I can take?
She tightened her grip on the steering wheel and tried to hold the tears back. But she couldn’t.

“Megan—,” Benbow began.

“
Don’t,
Lieutenant,” Megan said in a hoarse voice. “Not one word.

Not till I’m ready.”

He nodded and sat still on his side of the pickup.

Megan struggled to keep from crying. She shook with the effort. Her face grew hot and wet. Her vision blurred. She smelled Goose all around her. Then she cursed him for being gone, for not being here when she needed him so much. It was unfair, she knew, but she couldn’t help herself. She faulted him for not being here to help her through the court situation, for not being here to help find Joey, and—most of all—for not being here to help her grieve over Chris’s disappearance.

It’s not Goose’s fault, God. It’s Yours. You’re doing this. I don’t know what I did that was this wrong, so wrong that I deserved this. But I believed in You. Over these past few days, I’ve come to lean on You in ways I never before imagined. Now You’re going to do this to me? to my family? Is this what I get for trusting You? You’re not being fair!

Gradually, Megan emptied of tears. She didn’t regain control of herself so much as she just ran out of emotion of any kind. She felt dead inside. Her eyes were swollen and puffy in the grayed-out reflection of herself she saw in the windshield.

All those brave words she’d spoken in Trimble’s office about seeing Chris again didn’t mean a thing. She knew that now. More than anything, she feared she would never see her baby again. God had given her no reason to believe that. She wasn’t asking for proof, just the ability to believe as best she could in peace.

Now she wasn’t even being given that illusion.

Megan wiped her face with her shirttail. She didn’t look at Benbow. “You haven’t mentioned whether General Braddock’s people are offering a deal.”

Benbow didn’t say anything.

“Are they?” Megan looked at the young lieutenant.

Obviously torn, Benbow hesitated. “I was approached. Off the record. This morning after the provost marshal’s office received the reports on Leslie Hollister.”

“What does Leslie Hollister have to do with Gerry Fletcher?”

“The provost marshal plans to tie the two together to strengthen the case against you.” Benbow spoke quietly. “They’re going to use what happened last night to Leslie Hollister against you, Megan.”

Megan was stunned speechless.

“The reports—and I haven’t seen them yet—indicate that you persuaded the Hollister girl that she was just dreaming, that the whole sequence of events she was going through—including the disappearance of her mother—was a figment of her imagination.”

“I was trying to get her to relax. If I could have gotten her to lie down, she would have gone to sleep. She was out on her feet. Instead—instead—” Megan heard the sharp report of the gunshot echoing in her memory, then saw all the blood and smelled the cordite of the expended round.

Benbow nodded. “The provost marshal’s office isn’t choosing to see things that way.”

Megan found her voice with difficulty. “And neither is General Braddock.”

“No. He’s not.”

“How are they going to present what happened?”

Shifting uncomfortably in the seat, Benbow said, “Worst-case scenario? They’re going to say that you tried to convince Leslie Hollister to commit suicide.”

“That’s insane.” Megan couldn’t believe it. “Why would I do something like that?”

Benbow hesitated only a moment. “The provost marshal’s office is prepared to make the case that you did that because you’re suicidal yourself.”

“That’s not true.”

“They’re going to say that you tried to get Leslie Hollister to commit suicide so you could box yourself in with your own self-destruction. That you wanted to get your own personal life so tense that you could see only suicide as an option. You didn’t want to give yourself an out.”

“They think I want to kill myself?”

Benbow looked at her earnestly. “Megan, I know you. I know that you’re going through a tough time, but I know—in my heart—that you’re not suicidal. I don’t think they really believe that either, but they’re going to use it. If the provost marshal’s office at least makes a case that will question not only your ability to do your job but also your mental state, they can better separate themselves from any kind of civil repercussions.”

“What motive would I possibly have for killing myself?”

Benbow pursed his lips and exhaled. “They’re going to say that it’s because of the loss of your son. They’re prepared to say that you’ve been stressed for some time—which accounts for the ill-advised decision to keep Gerry Fletcher from his parents. They’re going to say that losing your son pushed you over the edge.”

Anger burned through Megan. “They’re going to—going to use
Chris
—” She couldn’t go on. When she did, her voice was coarse, as if it had been sandblasted. “They’re going to use my little boy like that?” Her voice grew steadily tighter, ending up as a squeak. “They can’t do that!”

“I’m sorry, Megan. But you need to know what you’re going to face. If we go to court.”

“
If
we go to court?”

“You have a choice.”

“What choice?”

“The deal from the provost marshal’s office.”

Megan waited, swallowing hard. Her mind whirled. Thoughts chased themselves, and none of them made any sense. She was crying again, despite the fact that she’d thought herself drained of tears. Everything Benbow was saying was so … so … unbelievable. None of this could be real.
God,
please
don’t let this be real.

“They want you to admit culpability in the Gerry Fletcher matter,” Benbow said. “Say that you were willful in dereliction of duty. Because of the personal agenda you have against Boyd Fletcher.”

“I was trying to save Gerry.”

“No one has to save Gerry now,” Benbow stated gently. “He’s gone, Megan. Wherever he is, he’s no longer part of this.”

“But they’re going to use my baby against me. And he’s not—he’s not here either.”

“Megan, I’m sorry. But, yes, they’re prepared to do exactly that.”

Megan forced herself to think, forced herself to breathe, and maybe she even forced herself to live in that moment. “What happens if I agree to that?”

“The provost marshal’s office recommends leniency. The downside is that you’ll be left completely exposed to Boyd Fletcher’s civil suit.”

Megan whispered, “Goose and I could lose everything we’ve worked for.”

“Probably. If Boyd Fletcher wants to pursue the civil suit.”

“He will.”

“I think so too.” Benbow let out a breath. “I’ve never met a more vindictive man.”

“You’ve met Boyd Fletcher?”

Benbow nodded. “I wanted to see if I could reason with him. That didn’t happen.”

“Goose and I will lose everything, but the army will be clear.” Megan’s tears dried as the anger inside her turned cold and burned away the feelings of helplessness.

“That’s what General Braddock is hoping.”

“That’s insane.”

“It’s the best shot they have of walking away from this thing.”

The anger grew stronger, pushing aside the frustration and helpless feeling.
Is that how it’s going to be, God? I’m supposed to help myself because You don’t care?
She was angry with God and Goose and Joey and Benbow, mad at everyone who was supposed to be here to help her but was somehow MIA.

“What do I get out of this?” Megan asked.

The question caught Benbow off guard. He hesitated. “They’ll drop the charges.”

“Only because I admitted guilt for those charges. There’s nothing in that for me.”

“They’ll agree not to come after you, Megan. They won’t press criminal charges. You won’t take the risk of losing your counselor’s license.”

“I don’t think anyone would be inclined to hire me after I admitted guilt in something like this. It’s not the kind of thing you want on a résumé.”

“I don’t know.”

“
I
wouldn’t hire me,” Megan said.

“You also won’t be looking at any jail time.”

“Jail time?” That surprised Megan for a moment. No one had mentioned jail time.

“This is the military,” Benbow said. “There is the possibility that you would have to serve out a sentence. Probably no more than a few months, but more time could be involved.”

“Because I didn’t tell Gerry Fletcher’s parents that he was in the ER that night?”

“No. I was told that if they had to prosecute you for the Fletcher case, they’ll come after you for Leslie Hollister on a follow-up investigation. They may even press charges for second-degree attempted murder.”

Megan felt trapped. No matter which way she turned, things only got worse. “What would you do?”

“Megan, I’m not facing a trial here.”

Taking another breath, somehow getting calmer by the heartbeat, Megan said, “If I decide to fight them, will you represent me to the best of your ability?”

“If you decide to do that, it’s not going to be easy.”

“That wasn’t the question, Lieutenant.” Megan made her voice hard. “Your career is going to be at risk in this too. I know that. I want to know if you’ll stick with me. And how far you’re willing to go.”

Benbow looked clear eyed and competent, like the kind of guy who would take a bullet for a friend. Like the kind of soldier Goose would be proud of. “Yes, ma’am,” he declared. “I’ll stick with you. Every inch of the way.”

“Fine. Then you take a message to the provost marshal’s office and General Braddock for me. Tell them if they’re going to hang me out to dry, use my baby against me, and put me through hell so they can protect themselves, tell them that I’m going to take them with me.”

“I really don’t think we should respond in such an inflammatory manner.”

“Do you have a nice way of putting it?”

Benbow shook his head. “No, ma’am.”

“Then you tell them. Just like I told you. I don’t want them to get the mistaken idea they can change my mind.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Megan gathered her purse and her portfolio. “I’ve got to go. I’ve got a job and I’ve got kids depending on me. If you need anything else, let me know. I’ll make time for you. If these people want a fight, they’re going to get one.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Megan let herself out of the truck and turned her steps toward the counseling center.
Okay, God, if You’re not going to stand up and be counted, I’ll do it myself. And if You think You can break me, then do it. I’ve got to fight to survive. And maybe I have to fight even You. I don’t know. You haven’t given me many options here. But I’m not going to give up. Do You hear me? I’m not just going to lie down and die. That’s not in me. I hope You understand that. If not, I guess that’s just one more reason You’ve abandoned me.