Apples (10 page)

‘Ooh, did you hear that one,’ was all she could say. Of course you did – it was blitzkrieg, and I wanted to be out there. Mum was a lot more amiable than my dad, but she was dead boring and she always went along with whatever he said. How are your kids meant to go anywhere in life if you just ground them all the time? All I could do was sit around staring at walls, fantasising about bonfires and Catherine wheels and sparkles. Funnily enough Burny hadn’t invited me out since we went down the Grove, but there was the Christmas disco on its way and I figured we’d hook up for that. In the past I never bothered with the discos and suchlike, too scared about dancing or fighting or being embarrassing but I saw it as a good excuse for them to let me out again.

‘That was a loud one,’ Mum said, these red stars dropping round the rooftops. There was a bonfire down Saltersgill field, and I had in my head all the fun going on underneath the light show. And in contrast the sheer hell staring at the Rover’s Return on telly. It was the nearest I’d been to a pint of lager since for ever. Dad had started keeping his bedroom in strict order, so now there was no chance finding a bottle of booze or porno mag or anything – it was just wall-to-wall boredom. Mum worked at Greggs in the Village and she often brought home pastries and whatnot, but sitting in stuffing your face was pretty miserable too. I crunched into a chicken bake, wallowing in pain and eating it so slowly on purpose.

‘God I nearly had a heart attack!’ the stupid cow said. I didn’t speak. We watched a really beautiful one – it was gold and exploded into five bits, and those bits exploded into five bits, and so did those bits. I tried to make a wish, and it had something to do with girls and discos and stuff like that. I carried on the stubborn act for the rest of November.

When Natasha had her hen night I wore the mauve dress and the appropriate shoes, these little purple fellows with the fake Jimmy Choo logo. We pushed through the peeling doors of the Social, then strode to the set of tables they’d cordoned off for our party and plonked down. Me, Natasha, Laura and Mam were all dressed to kill. It was ages since we’d all been somewhere, and Mam was more than willing to get us pissed on her dinnerlady wages. We swanned about in different colours: me purple, Natasha in silver, Laura peachy-orange, and Mam in a new black number. I learnt in English no words rhyme with purple, silver or orange, but it didn’t spoil it. There were tons of Natasha’s friends already sat at the table, and I knew it would be fun times when they started cackling and howling as we all downed drinks. Mam didn’t want me going too mad because it was a school night, but as soon as she got tipsy she was practically forcing the drinks down my neck.

Stripper’s coming at half-eight, then we’ve got taxis for Time at tenish, one of Natasha’s mates said to her; I didn’t recognise all of them, but it was nice to see loads of people there. I guessed a lot of the girls had been to school with her, or worked with her in the pound shop or One-Stop or the Top Shop. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to invite Debbie or Rachel or Jen or anyone like that, but I liked the idea of spending the night with just my family. I wasn’t sure who invited the old men in the corner, though; they looked identical in brown and grey workshirts, slurping beers and black lagers while their eyes popped out at us. Natasha had a mission for the hen night (1 = get ten guys’ phone numbers, 2 = blow up ten guys’ condoms), but she’d get nowhere in here. The place smelled a little bit like vasectomies. Drinks were only about a pound, and we gradually got sillier as the karaoke machine spun the colour lights. A few girls I didn’t know and one of our cousins from our dad’s side got up to wail a few songs, but most of the night me and Laura just sat and whispered to each other and kept well out of it. Mam and her dinnerlady pals had done the buffet, and some of the old blokes tried to tax it while we tucked into the ham buns and those tiny sausage rolls and cheese-on-sticks. It was gorgeous, and I was famished. My head was light as air and I felt embarrassed for the men trying to flirt with us in the blacklight. I had all my defences down and my mouth full.

Nice to see some young ladies in here for once, one of them said to me; he was about fifty with scruffy hair and almost a full beard. I smiled, then moved away discreetly but he added, So youse are staying all night?

Naw, I don’t know, I replied, but I could’ve just said we were going to Time.

So do you have a fella then? the guy carried on, gobbling up a few Pringles.

No, I snapped. I looked him in the eye and took a bite of a chipolata, then added, I’m only thirteen.

I thought that’d scare him off, but he sort of chuckled and went, Well that’s alright by me. Maybe you come and sit on my knee later on?

I blinked and toddled off. I hoped to the Lord he was joking. Back in the corner we had more Archers and Cokes on the table, and we scoffed loads and drank ourselves to bits while a stripper jigged about. He was supposed to be a fireman but he didn’t have the scorch marks. I kept out of trouble by sitting between Mam and Laura – a few girls on the other side of the table got writhed against and got bits of uniform round their necks. I just laughed. Natasha naturally had to rub baby oil into the stripper and squirt squirty-cream on his tail – he had an amazing job really. Everyone was shrieking and I got blurry eyes from all the joy and drinks. When the stripper finished his routine he knocked around for a couple lagers – he was from either Berwick Hills or Pallister, and Natasha got his phone number for her mission thing. I was feeling extremely pissed by nine o’clock, and me and Mam ended up rambling about boys and school stuff while everyone went all over the place. Waking up in the morning was going to be disgraceful.

The main thing is just enjoy your life, Mam said to me, and I cringed but she was dead right. You should definitely try to be happy all the time while you’re on this earth. I clapped my heels on the lino floor and pulled down my mauve top. While she talked she patted my hand, and I spotted the beardy paedo still staring at us across the brown room. The old blokes got ushered back in when the stripper finished, and I was surprised they were still interested in sex after that. I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling and tried not to look at them.

You okay, honey? Mam asked, rubbing a finger up her glass. I stabbed her with eyelashes, then went, Are you coming to Time with us? I just wanna get going, you know what I mean.

Mmm, yeah it should be fun, she replied. She was looking really well with her face made up and the fifties black-and-white hat – it was one of those nights you prayed you don’t get a maudlin-mouth and talk about the cancer.

I sat up in my chair then downed the rest of an Archers, wobbly as anything and looking forward to grooving at the club. I tried to think which boys would be out, but I hadn’t asked around – I thought about texting someone, but I was so pissed it didn’t really matter who I got off with. Before the minibuses, Natasha had to do a speech about not getting to fuck any other boys but Dean and having to clean up after him when they moved to Gresham, then Mam roped me, Laura and Natasha into singing ‘Like a Virgin’ together on the karaoke. I wondered if Mam thought we were still virgins, but we belted it out anyhow. Back in the day we’d all pretended to be Madonna in our rooms at least once – I wasn’t much of a singer, but I posed like a starlet as the ball thing bounced along the words. I didn’t look the way of the old men, but you could catch them all applauding as we came off the stage. It was a bit of a relief when the Boro Taxis started tooting their horns outside. We piled in and shot up Marton Road like randy girls on a hen night, me and Laura and Natasha and Mam and a few cousins and a few of Natasha’s mates squeezed in one, everyone else in the other. I held on for dear life as the bus swerved and bobbled my head around. I pushed the frilly boob bits off my shoulders, watching the town fly by as the driver put his foot down. I was feeling frosty, but I rocked around in a haze of Archers and tried not to keel over. When we got to Time we had to wait outside for the other minibus to catch up, and me and Laura and Mam huddled in a cuddle while Natasha chattered to her mates on the roadside. Someone had given her a banner saying DON’T TOUCH: I’M ENGAGED but she wasn’t looking too dishevelled yet in her chainmail dress – I was just happy there was no way she could get stabbed that night.

We got into Time at about ten o’clock, and Natasha swanned around with her best mates trying to conjure up phone numbers and plastic johnnies. Laura met up with a few boys from St Mary’s, dancing with them in the centre of the room and probably getting a few gropes. They weren’t bad looking actually. Me and Mam watched from the side of the dancefloor, spending the whole night together and getting bored a lot quicker than everyone else. I didn’t want to be the one to ditch her, but it was miles too loud to talk to each other and we couldn’t exactly go on the pull. Mam never wanted to hook up with anyone after our dad, especially after she found out about the cancer. With the drinks fading off, the hen night began to feel incredibly rubbish. Drained by boredom and old pervs trying to cop off with me, I didn’t want to socialise and me and Mam ended up getting a taxi home an hour after getting in. After all it was a school night, and the thought of my yellow ducks bedcover was starting to feel like heaven. I set my mind on that and we set off into the night. And I made sure I didn’t say one thing about the cancer.

.sdrawkcab no erew stnap sih yllatnediccA. esuoh eht morf yawa klaw mih gnihctaw das tlef I dna, wodniw ym tuo dekool I .sregifliH sih tsuj ni edistuo nworht gnitteg ekil t’ndid eh ylsuoivbo – niaga denohp reven dna deracs tog baF. ti detah dad ym teb I .llew sa elyts yggod gniod erew ew dna tuo gnippop bonk sih fo pals tew eht – em ffo baF gnillup dad ym fo dnuos eht tegrof reven ll’I .thgin ta eman ym gniyarps dna meht gnisahc syad ym tneps I dna, syob kcalb rof etsat eht dah I no neht morF. kliM yriaD s’yrubdaC ekil dekool dna teews saw eh tub, taht retfa hcum rehto hcae ees t’ndid ew – hguoht, baF devol I .yeknom a yb nepo tilps gnitteg rethguad sih was eh nehw rorroh eht enigami dna moordeb ym otni demrots eh, gnikcinaP. rehtegot owt dna owt tup t’ndluoc eh – ylthgils gnikaeuqs deb eht dna gninaorg dna gninaom em draeh eh nehw eew a rof gniog saw eH .deredrum gnitteg saw I thguoht ev’tsum dad yM .niap fo tib ysneet a htiw gnikeirhs dna gninihw neht dna won pleh t’ndluoc I tub, mhtyhr pets-owt a pu dekrow eh elihw mih kcen dna ecaf s’baF barg ot deirt I – decneirepxeni mees ot tnaw t’ndid I .snigriv htiw yaw eht syawla taht t’nsi – gnits gniht sih tlef I dna pu dehcnum tog steehsdeb der yM .seilliw gib gnivah skcalb tuoba eurt demees ti tub ot ti erapmoc ot hcum evah yllaer t’ndid I .ni ti kcuts eh dna em fo pot no lwarc mih tel I, dnuora gniporg dna gnissik fo tib elttil a retfA .sretsop idnoD eht derimda eh kniht I tub, deb ym no tas ew sa teiuq ytterp erew eW. trap nigriv eht tuoba mih llet t’ndid I .neethgie saw I mih dlot I – ytinigriv ym esol ot tuoba saw I dna eno-ytnewt saw baF esuaceb deticxe daed gnitteg saw I edispilf eht nO. gnihtemos detuohs dna su was enoemos esac ni suovren tlef llits I tub, tuoba eno on saw ereht – daoR llewdaorB nwod deklaw ew sa sdnah dleh baF dna eM .sgowillog meht dellac syawla dad yM .rehtona ot del gniht eno yllarutan dna etatse eht ot kcab ixat a derahs su fo ruof eht dna, eohnekcarB morf dal dnolb emos dellup dah evE .ffo dekcik yletelpmoc dad ym, edisretsaE ot kcab dal a thguorb I emit tsrif ehT .tnagorra lla dnuora tnew llits syoB-B eht tub, decidujerp daed eb dluoc oroB ni elpoep esuaceb sredistuo ekil tlef llits syug eseht fi derednow I .spil kcalb evissam rieht no pu dne dna meht tsniaga pu bur ot ysae ytterp saw ti sdneirflrig evah t’ndid yeht fI .dnuora gnippob syoB-B eht gnihctaw dna ehcarae gnitteg srekaeps eht yb emit elohw eht tneps I dna yadsruhT eno esuohrenroC eht ot tnew won ot klat t’nod ew srehto wef a dna evE dna em, eniN raeY retfa remmus tuoba nI .syob kcalb eht yltsom saw ti: yaw eht ni tog taht aixelsyd eht yllaer t’nsaw ti uoy htiw tsenoh eb oT .eibbeD tleps yllaer saw ti wenk I; hgual a rof taht ekil ti etorw ylno I – yggoD nwod EDIS/E VO EBED hctarcs ot nwonk neeb dah I .dnuorgyalp ybsemrO htroN nwod selbbircs esoht edtnuoc uoy sselnu, enecs farg a evah yllaer t’ndid hguorbselddiM .erucinam ruoy dekcerw elzzird tniap eht dna, hguoht pu ezorf sregnif ruoy semitemoS .selbbub dna wobniar fo lluf llaw a ot thgilyad daorb ni kcab gnimoc neht, srettel eht tuo triuqs uoy elihw flesruoy gnippap – elbidercni saw hsur ehT .pu eman ym tup dna revlis dna knip toh fo nac a htiw tuo tnew I thgin taht, trohs yrots gnol a tuc ot oS .efil ni erehwyna teg ot gniog saw I fi evitaerc eb ot dah I wenk I aixelsyd eht tuoba tuo dnuof I nehW. trap ytra eht htiw thgirla saw eh tub, deretrauq dna nward gnuh dna derehtaef dna derrat tog elpoep kcalb erehw emit a ni pu werg dad ym esoppus I .ecilop morf yawa gninnur dna stnulb, sruoloc thgirb – gnizama os dekool efil taht dna, (syob itiffarg etiruovaf ym lla) sretsop senoniuQ eeL dna edalB and idnoD yb dednuorrus moor ym ni gnittis rebmemer I .ecnassianeR eht ekil saw ti itiffarg derevocsid I nehw tub, loohcs morf etS dna zaG dna naD ekil elpoep ycnaf ot desu I – gnirob dna ykeeg tib a demees syob etihw em oT .sadidA orter dna sorfA htiw yseehc tib elttil a fi, suoegrog erew seithgie eht ni CYN ni detniap ohw sepyt yoB-B eht – setsac-flah dna skcalb otni neeb syawla d’I .gnilleps naht wolf dna sruoloc tuoba erom saw ti tub, sdrow gnitirw tuoba lla gnieb ti htiw itiffarg otni tog I driew s’tI .sdrawkcab nwod sgniht deipoc I yllatnediccA

Downstairs was a mountain of condoms. I never got the chance to ask Natasha how the mission went – I just cracked up and carried on getting ready with the TV talking to me. I think it was
Newsround
. I wasn’t overly keen on these school disco things – often it was just an excuse for the geeks to come out and pretend to be wild, but it was Christmas and the only way to have fun on a Tuesday night really. I put on a load of Urban Decay and sipped up some vodka but I didn’t want to go too mad; all the teachers would be there and I didn’t want them seeing me in a predicament. The rest of the girls were upstairs – the disco was fancy dress, and we made a pact to come out looking like cats. I had on Mam’s black dress with the one-inch sleeves, a white belt from H+M with a cat’s tail attached to the back. We got the tails from a shop off Borough Road, and we painted three sexy whiskers on each cheek and went round and round our eyes with mascara. I had on sheer black gloves up to my elbows and Laura’s shin-high black booties – some of the girls had on cuffs and collars like playboy bunnies, and when I stepped into my bedroom again I laughed. Surprise surprise Debbie was a brown kitten, Gracie had gone for white albino stylee and Claire was looking really pregnant under her tight tabby outfit. Rachel and Jenni were similar to me in simple black and white – we were all bums and boobs and paws, the outfits clung to you like anything. We had a few cheap bottles of wine flowing while we got ready, Radio One chirping in the background but it was just the indie crap they put on weeknights. We were all crouched round my bedside mirror, pissing ourselves because we looked like total freaks. Me, Claire and Rachel purred at each other while we sat on my yellow duvet, preening ourselves. Perhaps it was the drink but the night felt unstoppable – it was a bit like prom night with all of us crammed in the one room. There was that slight expectation that the music and the disco was going to be shite, but the fact we were dressed as cats gave it that extra kick. Mam kept coming in with the Kodak.