April Shadows (5 page)

"Oh, yes. He called again today. Brenda will be so pleased. He is getting here early enough to go to her game," she said. "We'll all go. Maybe we'll get your father to go this time. Sometimes, he can get out of work early enough. Hopefully, we'll have a victory celebration right afterward. That's why I want to get as much as I can done now," she added.

Her eyes were bright from the glow of so much hope. She believed that in one day, in one dinner, she would restore happiness to our home. It was on the tip of my tongue to warn her about what I had just seen when Daddy and his junior partner passed by on the boulevard. I should tell her how unhappy he looked and what a bad mood he might be in when he did come home, but it would be like telling a four-yearold that Santa Claus was not real. I nodded and left her.

I went up to study. My redemption would be my getting a very good grade on tomorrow's social studies quiz. It would help me convince Mr. Leshman it had all been a terrible misunderstanding and I had no wicked intent in my behavior. Perhaps he would stop the school from sending home the referral. Was I a dreamer, too? Was it like a disease in this house now to hope for things that would never come true?

Brenda was home before Daddy. Usually, when he was going to be very late, he would call Mama to let her know. With all her attention and concentration focused on Uncle Palaver's arrival, the big dinner, and what she hoped would be a wonderful family weekend, she had decided to order in Chinese food. Brenda came right to my room to find out if the school had called.

"I knew they wouldn't," she said when I told her that as far as I knew, they hadn't. I then told her how I had seen Daddy being driven in his own car.

"I don't know why someone else would be driving his car. He looked very upset," I said,
"So, what's new? I was going to take that picture of him and me when I received the basketball trophy last year and pin it on the front of our door so he would remember how to smile.'
"You wouldn't, would you?" I asked, afraid of how he might react.
"I would if I could, but I couldn't find the picture. It used to be on his desk in his office. You haven't seen it anywhere, have you?"
"No.'"
"Forget about it. Just don't mention anything about seeing him before." she told me.
We joined Mama in the kitchen, where she repeated most of what she had already told me and then suddenly realized what time it was and the fact that Daddy hadn't called or come home. She went to the phone, but Daddy's office was already closed for the day, and the answering service took over. They patched her through to his private office line, but he didn't pick up.
"He's probably on his way home," she said. "I'll order the food. I know what he likes, anyway."
She took out the take-out menu we had from the Fortune Cookie restaurant, and for the next few minutes, we debated what we should get and how much we should order.
"Maybe that's too much. Oh. I guess I can eat leftovers for lunch," Mama concluded.
Her eyes kept swinging toward the wall clock. We had yet to hear the garage door go up and Daddy drive in. I could see she was growing increasingly nervous.
"I'd better call the restaurant," she decided. "It takes a while, and he'll be disappointed if he has to wait too long to eat."
Brenda and I looked at each other, both of us thinking the same thing. Who cares if he is
disappointed? What about disappointment in him? Unfortunately, we were growing accustomed to Daddy's being late. Daddy not calling. Daddy not thinking first about us, as he used to. However, that didn't make it any easier to accept. To pass the time and not think about it. I returned to my room and my homework. Brenda did the same. A little more than an hour later. we heard the doorbell. We both came out of our rooms and went to the front door to see Mama accept the Chinese take-out and pay the bill.
She brought it into the kitchen, set it on the table, stared at it a moment, and then pressed her lips together and sucked in air through her nose.
"He's still not home, and he still hasn't called. Mama?" Brenda asked.
"No. I'll just get everything a bit warmer." she said, nodding at the bag of food. "I'm sure he'll be here any minute. Set the table, girls."
Without uttering a sound. Brenda and I did what she asked. Daddy was now hours past the time he usually came home. He was even past his record for being late. Mama told us to sit, and she brought in the food. Daddy's dish was left over a small fire to keep warm. We ate, but we were all listening so hard for any sign of his arrival that no one dared talk much. Brenda tried to keep our minds off things by describing the game, her practice, their chances to win the first-place title. Mama listened politely. but it was easy to see she was looking through us both, the words merely brushing over her ears.
Finally, the phone rang. We all jumped inside our own bodies. It was as if a bomb had gone off. Mama leaped out of her seat and went to the phone in the kitchen. Brenda and I rose and went to the passthrough window to listen.
"But why didn't you call me. Matt? I've been worried sick about you."
She listened some more.
"I don't understand." she said, her voice finally permitting some anger to show. "You could have had John call for you. You've done that before. I don't understand." she repeated. "The three of us are just sitting here like idiots waiting on pins and needles. I don't care. Do what you want," she concluded, and hung up abruptly.
She must not have realized we were standing by the pass- through window. We saw her press her forehead against the wall phone, and then we saw her shoulders start to shake.
"Mama!" I cried, and ran around first to hug her.
Brenda followed, her aims folded, and stood by as Mama turned to embrace me.
"What did he say. Mama?" Brenda asked, her face glowing with rage.
"He said...," she began between deep breaths and sobs. "He said they had a crisis with a case, and he went to Memphis to meet with attorneys. He said the meetings are continuing, and he will remain in Memphis overnight for a hearing in the morning in federal court about some bankruptcy motion or another,"
"Why didn't he call to tell us?" Brenda followed.
"He said he didn't realize he would be so involved so long."
"Doesn't he still have a watch on his wrist?" Brenda pursued.
Mama nodded and then continued to cry. "Go finish your dinner," she said waving us away.
"I'm not hungry."
"Me, neither."
I
said.
"I'll help put it away," Brenda told her, and urged me to leave Mama be.
"Why is he being so inconsiderate?" I asked Brenda when we returned to the dining room.
"I don't know, and I don't care. When I see him. I'm going to let him know it, too,' she said.
After we cleaned up.
I
tried to keep Mama company, but she shooed me away and told me to do my homework. She didn't watch television or do any of the things she usually did in the evening. Instead, she went to bed early herself. It broke my heart to see her bedroom door close. I knew she was crying and feeling miserable. Now, more than ever, I hoped and prayed Uncle Palaver would bring some of his magical rainbows into our lives.
Mama was up before Brenda and me in the morning. It wasn't hard to see she had cried herself to sleep, but she fought back depression and tears and talked only about Uncle Palaver's impending arrival.
"Probably, you should just remain at school. April," she told me. "The game is at four, right. Brenda?"
"Yes, Mama. She can hang out with me," she said.
Actually, that idea excited me. I wanted to hang out with the junior and senior girls. Just listening to them talk about themselves and their social lives was entertaining. I had done it a few times before and felt like a fly on the wall, hearing about this one's romance and that one's breakup. They had no inhibitions when it came to talking about their sexual behavior, either. Girls who had shared experiences with the same boy made shocking comparisons, rating this one and that one for his love powers, as they called it. I noticed how Brenda ignored them and made no comments at all, even when some of the girls told her some boy had expressed interest in her.
"I can fix you up any time you'd like." Shelby Ohm told her. Brenda glanced at her and shook her head.
Brenda wasn't that close with any of the girls in her class. She rarely attended any of their parties. Her social life was built completely around her sporting events. Occasionally, on weekends, she joined two other girls who were her teammates and went on hikes or long bike rides.
She went out on a date once in a while, but she hadn't met anyone she said she liked or with whom she would go on a second date, and as far as I knew, she had yet to go out on a single date this school year. She did attend pep rally dances, and Mama was hoping she would attend the junior prom. She talked about it with Brenda often, recalling her own highschool social life. She loved to show us her pictures, especially the ones taken during her prom. Although Brenda listened politely, she didn't seem to be at all excited about it. Her only interest in boys these days, in fact, was in beating them at various sporting events. On more than one occasion, I heard boys teasing each other by saving. "Brenda Taylor could whip your ass," in whatever sport they meant.
I heard them say other things about her, too, nasty things, and some even teased me with comments like "What's your sister do for sexual excitement, sit on fire hydrants?"
I fled from their laughter and smiles, my heart pounding. How I wished Brenda had a romance and could wipe those smirks off their faces. I wished it for her more than I wished it for myself. In my heart of hearts. I thought I wouldn't ever have a boyfriend until I lost weight. I made the mistake of telling that to Jamie Stanley once. She thought a moment, and then, as if she were afraid I would have a boyfriend before she did, she said. "You probably will never lose weight. You're afraid of having a boyfriend."
Was I?
Could such a thing be true? I wished I had someone I could ask. I was afraid to ask Mama, afraid I would make her think less of me, and I had never had any such conversation with Brenda.
Despite all the distraction and worry- that hovered about me all day. I knew I did well on the social studies quiz. I was as attentive as could be in Mr. Leshman's class as well and tried to look repentant and sorry. He had my written apology on his desk, but he said nothing more about it. The only interest any of my classmates had in my unfortunate episode was to hear how mean Dean Mannville had been to me. I could see they were disappointed in my description, and soon no one wanted to know anything more.
Brenda let me sit with her and her two teammates with whom she usually sat at lunch. Nicole Lawford and Natalie Brandon, both girls almost as tall as she was. The importance of the upcoming tame was all they talked about. They had to win to stay in contention for the league title. Their entire
conversation was about the best and the weakest server on their team and how they would try to work off one another for offense. Although it was boring to me and nowhere near as interesting as the usual locker-room gossip. I tried to look interested.
At the end of the day. I joined Brenda again in the gym and followed her to the locker room. None of the other -iris took much notice of me. I sat on a bench and watched Brenda change. Although she hadn't said anything more about Daddy, I was sure she was thinking the same thing I was: Would he appear at the game with Mama and Uncle Palaver?
I watched Brenda and her teammates limber up for the Death Match, as they called it, and then, with them. I observed the arrival of the opposing team. The girls on that team seemed bigger and older. I knew from listening to Brenda and her teammates talk that they, like our team, were undefeated.
I
was caught up in the excitement and for a while didn't think about Daddy at all.
The crowd of supporters for both sides began to arrive at about three-thirty, and the gym started to fill up quickly. I was nervous about finding good seats for Mama. Uncle Palaver, me, and maybe Daddy. It was hard to save that many spots in the bleachers. Finally. Mama arrived with Uncle Palaver at her side but without Daddy. My heart did a flip-flop, happy to see Uncle Palaver but so disappointed in Daddy's failure to appear.
"Look at her!" Uncle Palaver exclaimed as soon as he saw me. "You grew a foot since I saw you last."
"Did not," I said. "At least not upward.'
He laughed and hugged me. I looked carefully at Mama to scrutinize her face. She was smiling, but there was an emptiness in her eyes that chilled my spine.
"Where's Daddy?" I asked her.
"We'll see him later," she replied, and glanced quickly at Uncle Palaver, who slapped his hands together as we sat, him in between us. He rubbed his palms, and when he lifted them apart, there was a girl's wristwatch in his left palm. It had a circular face with little hearts that popped in and out.
Mama laughed.
"I'll be doggone," Uncle Palaver said. "What's this?" He plucked the watch out of his palm and held it up. "Must be yours," he said, turning to me. "Try it on." It fit tightly on my wrist, but I pretended it didn't matter.
"Thank you. Uncle Palaver,"
I
said.
He sat back and pulled in his jaw.
"I
didn't give it to you.
I
have no idea how it got there," he said.
We heard a whistle blow. The teams were introduced. Brenda looked our way and saw Daddy wasn't there.
I
noticed the way her shoulders hoisted when she turned away. Anger had replaced pain and disappointment. What she was able to do, however, was place all that fury into her game. When she spiked the ball over the net, it looked as if it would drill a hole in the floor. The crowd watched her in wonder, and the applause began to build and build, our side's cheering voices drowning out the
opponents' supporters.
In
awe and amusement, Uncle Palaver watched Brenda play.
"Don't get on that girl's bad side." he said when she stopped the opponents' lead player from delivering a return. The ball bounced off the poor girl's head and she fell on her rear end. The laughter embarrassed her and affected the rest of her game. Brenda was intimidating.
We had a hard-fought but sweet victory, and there was no doubt in anyone's mind that it was all because of Brenda.
I
could see the pain in Mama's eyes because Daddy hadn't been there to see her play. Uncle Palaver tried his best to make up for it, lavishing praise on Brenda. He tried to cheer her up by plucking a watch for her, too, this time out of her own closed fist.
"How did you do that?" she cried. laughing. Uncle Palaver shrugged.
"I didn't do anything," he said. "I saw it peeking out between your fingers. That's all."
For a while, we were all distracted. On the way home, he talked about his latest trip and some of the shows he and Destiny put on. They had been part of a variety show last week, and he said there were jugglers and acrobats like he had never seen.
"And there was this dog that could understand words. I swear. He knew colors, numbers. It was incredible. Now, that's magic." he told us.
"When am I ever going to meet Destiny?" Mama asked him.
"Oh, one of these days our schedules will coincide," he replied quickly.
"Maybe she's another one of Uncle Palaver's illusions," Brenda quipped.
Uncle Palaver laughed, but he sounded more nervous than usual.
It wasn't until we arrived at the house that Brenda actually asked after Daddy.
"He said he was stuck in court all day," Mama said. "We'll start dinner without him, because he could be very late," she added.
Brenda looked at me and then at Uncle Palaver, whose eyes told her he was worried about Mama.
"Well, not to worry." Brenda said. "We have Uncle Palaver. He could make Daddy appear whenever we want him to, right. Uncle Palaver?"
"Right, honey," he said. but I could see he didn't want to linger on that topic. "'What a game you played. I was very proud of you."
"Thanks." she said. She flashed a smile and headed for her room to change for our wonderful dinner. Maybe no one else could tell, but I could from the way she walked and held her shoulders and her head: pain and disappointment had won back their position in her heart and pushed anger away.