Arian (41 page)

‘Damn you, Gerald Simples!’ she said but her voice was drowned by the creaking of the timbers and the roar of the engines.

Bridie looked up at Paul. ‘I think Arian’s offended because I didn’t want to go to bed yet.’

‘Surely not,’ Paul said. ‘I think Arian has more sense than that. Come along, let’s enjoy a last look at the sea before we turn in.’

It was cool on deck with a soft breeze blowing across the channel. Bridie shivered and was tinglingly aware that Paul had put his arm around her in a protective gesture.

‘I find you very attractive, Bridie James,’ he said, ‘but then I don’t have to tell you that, you are not so stupid that you haven’t guessed already.’

She stood in the circle of his arm wondering what it would feel like to enjoy a man’s kiss. She knew that if she so chose, she could find out, here and now in Paul Marchant’s arms. But she was frightened, she was so inexperienced, she wouldn’t know how to respond if he did make an advance.

‘Bridie, don’t look so worried, I’m not going to harm you.’ He leaned forward and then his lips touched hers, softly at first, experimentally, then his mouth hardened in passion, his arms tightened around her. She stood quiescent in his arms. The scent of him moved her. She felt transported with joy into a world of excitement.

‘Paul, don’t … I’ve never …’

He put his finger over her lips. ‘Hush, I will take care of you, trust me. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.’

She tipped back her head. The skies were above her, the stars dazzling, the moon a glorious orb ringed with light. Bridie felt as though she had drunk a great deal of wine.

Paul edged her backwards and, in the shadow of the wheelhouse, drew her down onto the boards that creaked and groaned beneath her as though with life of their own. Paul was stretched out beside her, his hand on her breast, and she drew a ragged breath, her hand on his, drawing it away from her in sudden fear.

‘I could take you back to my cabin,’ he said softly, ‘but it seems so romantic here, under the night sky and with the sea lapping against the ship. Can you feel it, Bridie, the life force around us? Don’t be frightened by it. I’ll teach you, I’ll take care of you.’

Slowly, she put her arms around Paul’s strong neck and drew his head down towards her. His breath was sweet, tinged with the taste of wine, as he kissed her. His hands were on her naked breasts though she didn’t remember him opening her buttons.

‘Paul,’ her voice was a whisper, ‘I’m frightened.’ He drew away from her a little.

‘I’ll not hurt you, Bridie James. I’ll teach you about passion, teach you about love. You don’t want to be a maiden for the rest of your life, do you?’

She was torn between her desire for him and her conscience. All her convent teachings had not prepared her for a moment like this when the sea was in her pulse, the air was heady and love was a glittering prize to be grasped.

She turned towards him and he tipped her face back, kissing her eyelids, her throat, her breasts.

His kisses lifted her into a world of magic, a world of heightened senses. She pressed against him, feeling the breeze lift her hair, drift across her face, and as the tide of passion rose within her, she clung to his young strong shoulders.

He brushed her thigh with his fingers and suddenly, she pushed him away, rising to her feet and straightening her clothes. She was trembling.

‘It’s not right, Paul. I’m sorry, I just can’t do this. Not now, not like this.’

‘All right, all right, my little darling. I promised I wouldn’t do anything you didn’t want me to and I meant it. Come, sit by me, we’ll just talk.’

They didn’t talk, they simply sat together in the darkness, hand in hand. The waves lapped the sides of the ship and the moon dipped behind clouds. Paul leaned on an elbow and looked down at her. ‘Are you cold, lovely, sweet Bridie?’ he spoke softly, like a man in love.

‘I’m so cold I want you to hold me close again,’ she said, reaching up and touching his face. ‘Look, the dawn will break soon. Let’s not waste a minute of this lovely night.’

Paul laughed low in his throat. ‘A woman after my own heart. I want you Bridie, not just for tonight but for as long as I can have you. Sail the seas with me.’

Bridie felt her throat constrict. She felt she’d never been so happy in the whole of her life, never been as alive as she was this moment. ‘I love you Paul.’ Her words fell softly into the darkness and he took her hand and kissed her fingertips.

Arian was awake when Bridie at last returned to the cabin. She edged restlessly about on her bunk but didn’t look up. She was being tactful, Bridie realized.

She undressed and washed quickly, though it was hardly worth going to bed but once she was beneath the blankets she closed her eyes, drowsy with sleep. She felt dazzled, in love. Whatever happened in the future, wherever fate led her, she would always remember this night as the best one of her life.

Later that morning, Arian woke heavy eyed. She sat up to look into the flushed face of Bridie James.

‘You slept so long, I wanted to wake you up, talk to you. I’m so happy. I’m in love Arian, really in love.’

‘You took all the water for washing,’ Arian said, rolling out of the bunk, ‘but then a woman in love doesn’t always think rationally.’

‘You know what I’ve done? I’ve allowed Paul to take what my mamma would have called liberties. Do you think Paul will consider I’m loose because I was so forward? I just couldn’t help it, I wanted to … I wanted him to make love to me. I just stopped myself in time, I don’t know how.’

‘Hussy.’ Arian’s voice was stern but she was smiling. ‘I had my first lover when I was about sixteen. It seems worlds away now, though I remember it as if it was yesterday, that feeling of wonder it gives you to be loved.’ She glanced at Bridie. ‘I suppose I did play fast and loose but then I wasn’t a nice convent-trained girl like you.’

‘Well, I know I let him be … intimate in a way that would have shocked the nuns but I mean to have Paul for a husband one day.’

‘You deserve to get what you want and I hope you do.’ Arian studied Bridie. She was a natural wife while Arian was not meant for marriage. From the day she had taken Eddie into her arms, she’d felt her role was to be a lover not a respectable married woman, and being tied to Simples had been enough to put her off marriage for life.

Love, now that was a different thing entirely. She allowed herself to think about Calvin. She had felt real love for him but it had all come to nothing. Men were usually false, self-seeking, and no, she would never want a serious relationship with a man again. She would use them as she’d done when she was so young. In those days, she’d known what was good for her.

‘God, I hope my marriage isn’t legal. It would be wonderful to be free, to be my own woman again, to do what I want to do instead of what I’m supposed to do.’

Bridie touched her arm. ‘Poor Arian. I’m sad that you haven’t found love but it will come. One day it will happen and then you’ll feel as I do now, so happy.’

At daylight, they stepped ashore at Calais, Arian flanked by Bridie and Jono. At least she felt safe this time, sure that she was not going to be flung into a French jail:

Her first stop, however, must be the church of St Catherine; it was from there the priest had come to perform the marriage ceremony, at least according to the information Sarah Frogmore had given her.

Jono asked the way of some young men, pointing to the written word with his thick finger. One of the men made a gesture and pointed ahead. ‘Gauche, the left, one half mile, perhaps.’ He smiled and doffed his hat and Bridie’s colour rose.

‘Come along, Arian you can’t trust these foreign gentlemen,’ Bridie dimpled. Since last night, she’d become aware of herself as a woman, and about time Arian thought dryly.

They followed as Jono turned left and then walked briskly for about twenty minutes. They turned a corner into a rectangle of houses, and there at the end of the block, Arian saw the spire of a church reaching above the rooftops.

She paused for a moment, her heart beating swiftly. Now, perhaps, she would know the truth about her marriage and for an instant, she was afraid. Bridie jogged her arm.

‘Come on,’ she said softly, ‘there’s no turning back, not now.’

There was no turning back. The words rang in her ears as Arian went slowly forward towards the arched doorway of the church.

Calvin lay beside Daphne in the large bed and knew with a feeling of sadness that what had once been between them was no longer there.

Daphne sat up and stretched her slender white arms, and her breasts, beautiful breasts, jutted forward in a way that once would have filled him with desire. Now there was nothing, just a feeling of disquiet as he wondered how he could sever the ties between them. But Daphne was nothing if not perceptive.

‘It’s over, isn’t it?’ she said, slipping out of bed and standing naked before the long window. She sounded sad.

He wondered for a moment if he should protest, tell her how much he had enjoyed her company and her body. But it would all seem like faint praise. He’d merely be going through the motions and Daphne was too intelligent to be taken in by pretence. In the end he said nothing.

‘I know it’s over, my dear, and I don’t want you to worry about it. The best things must come to an end.’ There was a hint of laughter in her voice and he knew she wanted to end it as much as he did.

‘Daphne,’ he began but she held up her hand. He subsided against the pillows rubbing his hair from his eyes.

‘It’s that girl. You are in love with her. I don’t know why you don’t just admit it to yourself and go and find her.’

‘It’s not as simple as you seem to think,’ he replied. ‘In any case, how can you know my feelings so well when I don’t know them myself?’

‘You are like most men in that respect,’ Daphne said softly, ‘you won’t face up to the truth, you’d rather hide your head in the sand and pretend that everything is all right.’

‘I see.’ Calvin attempted an indulgent smile but he knew she was speaking the truth. If he were honest, he would give anything to have Arian beside him now, sharing his bed.

‘She’s married,’ he said at last. ‘Now, I can’t get more realistic than that, can I?’

‘It’s an obstacle, yes,’ Daphne conceded, ‘but not an insurmountable one as you’ve proved in your own life.’

‘Divorce, you mean?’ Calvin said. ‘I’ve had a belly full of that, I can tell you.’

‘Then take the girl away somewhere and live in sin,’ Daphne said impatiently. ‘It’s not like you to admit defeat, Calvin my dear.’

Daphne was right. He wasn’t one to accept defeat easily and yet there was something about Arian that baffled him. Calvin wasn’t at all sure that she would welcome his attentions. She was a woman with her own views, an independent strong woman. She might not even want him. Daphne might have read his mind.

‘Every woman wants love and protection,’ she said. ‘She wants the man to be the hero, to take charge, to make decisions. Wake up before it’s too late.’

Daphne disappeared into the dressing room and Calvin heard the sound of running water. He closed his eyes for a moment trying to imagine Arian’s face, her silver hair, her slender figure. She had such a fragile beauty, her eyes seemed to look right into him, to read his thoughts almost. But then, many women had that gift, had other gifts too, so what was so special about Arian?

He climbed abruptly from the bed. He was becoming introspective and it was about time he pulled himself together, time he cleared his mind of all the nonsense evoked by Daphne’s words.

It was easier said than done. His thoughts returned to the subject of Arian and, in spite of himself, his emotions seemed to take charge. He must find out where Arian was. She had moved out of Swansea, that much he knew.

She had left her husband; this bit of information had been the subject of gossip at quite a few dinner tables recently. Gerald Simples, it seemed, had become ‘adviser’ to Sarah Frogmore. He was doubtless more use in her bed than he was handling her finances.

Sarah-Calvin was well out of that tangle. How ill advised he’d been to be taken in by her charms. She was nothing but trouble, tainting whatever she touched. His mouth curved into a smile. She had done him one favour at least; she had split Simples from Arian apparently for good and all.

Arian might have returned to Clydach to work with Eline and her new husband. Hope rose within him. There was every likelihood he would find her there … if he decided to pursue the matter.

Daphne entered the room on a cloud of perfume. She was fully dressed and her eyes sparkled as though she had found a lover and was not losing one. He admired her greatly. What a pity they were not in love with each other.

‘Well darling, it’s bye.’ She blew him a kiss with the tips of elegant fingers, ‘I shall see you at some supper party or other I dare say.’

‘Daphne,’ he began, and she waved aside his words. She was smiling but there was a tear trembling on her dark lashes.

‘Now don’t spoil things, Calvin. Let me remember you as you are now, naked and magnificent, the strong silent sort of man that I most admire.’

She sailed out of the room, the scent of her perfume lingering in the air. Calvin sighed. Why couldn’t a man fall in love at will? Daphne was a beautiful, sensuous woman, she was open and honest about her lust for life, she had breeding and money of her own. In short, she would be an ideal partner for him.

He closed his eyes and he could see Arian’s fragile beauty and he knew he wanted her more than he had ever wanted anything in all his life.

Arian walked along the French street, breathing in the strange evening scents, looking at the glazed pastries as she passed the open door of a shop. She tried to force her mind to concentrate on anything, anything but the unshakeable fact of her marriage. She felt in a daze, close to tears, unable to speak. It was Bridie who was the first one to break the silence.

‘It isn’t the end of the world, Arian, dear. So your marriage is legal. That doesn’t mean you have to live with the man.’

Legal husband; the words echoed inside her head. Now, she would never be free of Gerald Simples. Father Alain was a properly ordained priest, he’d been kind and sympathetic but somehow it didn’t help to make the truth any more palatable.