Artistic Licence (25 page)

‘So how is Molly involved?’ He was frowning. Did he disapprove of his second cousin once removed, or whoever she was, putting her money into a hair-brained scheme?

‘I couldn’t get a mortgage in time to pay the deposit and things, so she’s lent me the money. But she’s also a sort of partner, because she’s doing all sorts of admin. She’s brilliant at it.’

‘You don’t find her too domineering?’

Thea shook her head. ‘Derek told me – via her, actually – to channel her energies. It works a treat. I did think we might fall out over what work we show. I think she wanted Cotswold views and wild flower watercolours. When she realised that I didn’t and either she had to let me have artistic control or give up the gallery, she gave in.’

‘It wouldn’t have been a good idea to mortgage your house for something so uncertain.’

‘Well, thank you for your confidence! Actually, I think I might sell it eventually, when I’ve got time to think about it.’

He frowned harder. ‘But what about your lodgers? At least they’re assured income.’

‘You’re such a pessimist. I could buy a house here, with a garden, and have a couple of lodgers if I wanted. At least I wouldn’t be traipsing across country
to go home each night. And I’d have money over. Property is cheaper here. I should be able to manage to buy a nice little cottage with a garden and still have change from what I’d get for my present house. Anyway, I’m far too busy to think about moving at the moment. It probably won’t happen until next year, although really, I should start doing it when the lodgers go home for the vac, only I’ve got the next show to sort out.’

‘So how will you manage for money, when the lodgers go home?’

‘You’re very nosy.’

‘Sorry. Of course, you don’t have to tell me.’

She put down her fish and chip paper. ‘Fortunately I’m not at all secretive and don’t mind telling you, although if I started asking you such personal questions I expect you’d get very huffy.’

‘I expect I would. So, how
do
you manage, without their rent money?’

‘I used to have a job and I live cheaply. Not having them in the house saves a fortune in bills.’

‘But you haven’t got a job now.’

She smiled and made a sweeping gesture. ‘I have my work.’

‘But seriously –’

‘Seriously, it’s none of your business and you don’t have to worry.’

‘I worry about Rory letting you down. It would take ages for you to earn as much from anyone else.’

‘But if I sell my house, I can pay Molly back.’

‘You’d have to buy another house and you wouldn’t have the income.’

‘I do wish you’d stop fussing. I am going to make a
great success of this gallery. People will flock to it. They will buy paintings and they will pay a fortune to show their work in it. And if I think Rory’s going to back out, I will go to Kilburn or wherever it is he’s gone to in London and sort him out.’

‘How will you do that?’

‘On a train, I expect. Although I could take the coach.’

He humphed. ‘I didn’t mean that and you know it.’

Thea tried to look insouciant. ‘I have my ways. Now, I must go to the loo. Lager always goes straight through me.’

Aware that this was a little more information than he wanted to hear, she hobbled past him. Alone, she felt despondency creep in. Ben had only been saying things and asking questions that she’d asked herself. She’d thought of answers, so why was she letting anxiety rain on her parade? She decided it was because the loo was dingy and chilly. Once she was back in the gallery again she’d feel fine.

‘What I need, of course,’ she said a little later, getting into a corner with her varnish brush, ‘is a rich husband.’ The moment the words had left her mouth she regretted them. He would take them the wrong way whatever she said. ‘I mean like Derek. He supports Molly in all sorts of mad projects.’ She sat back and wiped her brow, adding to the layers of grime. That should make it all right, stop him minking she was talking about him. ‘I might advertise. Anyone would do, as long as they were rich and indulgent.’

‘It could be very dull, being shackled to a man just because he was rich.’

‘Then I’d take a lover, for entertainment.’

‘Like Rory, for example?’

‘Oh, yes. Perfect.’ She paused for a few moments, wondering how she’d managed to talk herself into this situation. ‘It’s funny about fish and chips, about twenty minutes after I’ve eaten them, I always want them surgically removed. You wouldn’t have a Rennie – or some sort of mint – about your person, would you?’

Later, they drank tea. Thea was beginning to get drowsy and wanted to lie on her sleeping bag and doze, but what would she do about Ben? ‘Are you sure you don’t want to go home?’

‘I was going to be staying with Molly and it’s too late to disturb her now. Why, do you want to get rid of me?’

‘No, I just wanted to rest for a bit. We can’t put on another coat for a couple of hours.’

‘I’m tired myself.’

Thea exhaled in exasperation. ‘OK, let’s share the sleeping bag. It’s in the little bedroom downstairs, but we’ll have to tiptoe or we’ll wake the puppies.’

Thea had opened out the sleeping bag and had laid it in the corner of the room. She had brought a light blanket to put over her as she didn’t want her limbs confined when it was so hot. Now, when she looked at it with Ben at her shoulder, she realised it looked like a love nest.

‘I’m not sure I can share that space with you,’ he said.

‘Why not? It’s a bit hard, but it’ll do for a couple of hours.’

‘I don’t know how to put this …’

Thea wasn’t going to help him out. She wanted him to say he wanted her, even if he didn’t do anything about it.

‘I don’t have casual affairs.’

Thea was indignant. ‘You told me you don’t have the other sort, either. Well, neither do I!’

‘You don’t get it. I can’t lie down there with you and not want to make love to you. Christ, Thea, you’re half naked. You have been all night. I’m only human.’

‘I’ll put my jeans on. It’s chilly down here anyway. Would that help?’

‘Only marginally.’

‘This is silly. Surely we can lie down on the floor next to each other without’ – how could she put it without sounding coarse? – ‘anything happening. Petal’s lot often share beds platonically.’

She was suddenly too tired to go on arguing, and she was also too tired to fetch her jeans, which were in the bathroom upstairs. She flung herself down on the sleeping bag, in the space nearest the wall, and pulled the blanket over her. ‘You can do what you like, wander around all night watching the varnish dry, or lie down and rest, but I’m having a nap.’

He looked undecided.

’I don’t know why you’re making such a fuss about sharing a bed with me. Toby did and he didn’t come to any harm.’

‘Toby did! What did you say?’

‘What you thought I said. When Toby stayed the night with me he got cold and lonely, and he got into my bed. I know that may make me some sort of monster, but I promise he went back to sleep the moment he was warm.’

Ben stood looking down at her as if indeed she were either a child molester or a wicked seductress, but as he couldn’t decide which, he couldn’t accuse her of either.

‘It’s no big deal. He was in a strange place, with someone he didn’t know very well – ’

‘He knew you well enough to get into bed with you.’

‘He’s a child! He only wanted a little warmth and company. Don’t make things so bloody complicated. Now either get in, or stay up, I don’t care, but I’m going to sleep.’ She turned on her side and pulled up the blanket, suddenly exhausted. Ben could take a running jump if he liked, as long as he didn’t disturb her.

She awoke and was aware of his dormant presence by her side. She lay still for a few moments, relishing his solidness and the sound of his breathing. She realised that actually she wouldn’t have felt happy sleeping in the gallery by herself. It was a big space, but only part of a much larger building that was all offices. During the day the building felt busy and welcoming. At night it was extremely quiet. It was a shame she needed the loo and would have to get out of bed, and somehow manage not to disturb him.

The easiest way would be to stand up and step over him, but although her ankle felt a lot better, she realised that if she tried to stand, she’d quite likely fall on top of him. She could crawl down to the bottom of the sleeping bag and creep along by his feet. As long as they weren’t sensitive this might work.

Her indecision must have disturbed him because he suddenly turned over and put his arm round her waist.

She froze, forbidding herself to relax into his hold. It felt so good, so comforting, all she had to do was to shuffle backwards a bit and she’d be totally embraced. It would have been so easy, and lovely, and one thing would lead to another.

She hesitated just too long. He pulled her closer and nuzzled into the back of her neck.

It wouldn’t do. She wanted him to make love to her while he was conscious, doing it on purpose. While he was asleep, thinking she was someone else, would not count. And his guilt would be unendurable.

By now his hands were on her ribcage, pushing upwards under the shirt. She’d undone her bra some time during her nap and he’d reach her breasts any second. For her, that would be the point of no return. She cleared her throat. ‘Ben. It’s me, Thea. We’re here varnishing the floor, remember?’

For a second of two he was bleary and confused. ‘Thea? What? Oh, my God, what did I do?’

‘Nothing, it’s all right. I’m just going to the loo.’

‘Can you manage?’

‘Of course.’

When she came back he said, ‘I am so sorry. I thought you were someone else.’

‘I know. Don’t worry, it’s a mistake anyone could make.’ She smiled to hide her hurt. All cats are grey in the dark; it’s easy to mistake good old Thea for someone you really fancy when you’re asleep. ‘I’m going to put another coat on,’ she went on. ‘You stay here. If you’re still sleepy you might as well sleep.’

‘OK.’

Thea crawled back upstairs, wanting to cry, she felt so pathetic. Rejected by Ben and now doing
the floor all by herself. It would take for ever and it would be no fun.

She’d just realised how like Petal she was sounding in her thoughts when he joined her. ‘I couldn’t go back to sleep after all. Where’s my roller?’

They didn’t go back to bed again. They just worked through. They had four coats of varnish on by morning and Thea felt exhausted, more from the awkwardness between them than from the work and lack of sleep.

‘So, shall we load up Lara and the puppies now?’ he asked. He’d already walked her round the waste ground and between them they’d watched the puppies have their breakfast.

It was still early. Thea’s ankle was hurting, although not as much, and she badly wanted to be at home. On the other hand, because she was tired, and despondent and irrational, she didn’t want Ben driving her. She didn’t want him forced into helping her up the stairs, into the bath, or whatever. It would be so intimate and yet so detached.

‘Actually, Ben, I’ve got one or two things to do in town. I might as well do them while I’m over here. I’ll give Molly a ring later.’ She glanced at her watch. It was still only seven o’clock. ‘She’ll come and give me a hand, if I find I can’t drive. If you go now, you’ll be in London before the worst of the traffic’

He looked at his watch. ‘Hardly. I might as well stay and see that you’re all right.’

‘I
am
all right.’ She forced a smile to reinforce her words.

‘I’m not happy about leaving you here like this.’

‘You don’t have to be happy about it. Just do it. I’ll be fine. Really I will.’ A whole lot more fine than if you
stay looking down at me like that, as if I were a delinquent schoolgirl.

She resolved that she was definitely going to wean herself off Ben. It was just no good loving a man like him when you had morals. She could have let him carry on what he’d started when he’d been three-quarters asleep. Many a good man had been trapped by more devious means. But unless he wanted her while he was wide awake and conscious, he couldn’t have her at all.

‘Very well. But you’ve got to promise me you’ll be more careful. No more climbing on ladders if you’re here alone. You could have been seriously injured and no one would have known anything about it.’

She wanted to hit him. Now he was treating her like a delinquent geriatric. Thea put on an expression of mock contrition. ‘Yes, Daddy.’

A spark lit the back of his eyes in a way she hadn’t seen before. Too late she remembered that he was also tired and possibly frustrated. She had to force herself not to step back and risk falling over.

‘Daddy!’ he whispered dangerously quietly. ‘Daddy, is it? I’ll show you.’

His kiss was suitably punishing, hard, intense and intrusive. Thea closed her eyes and went with it, even though it was anger that had motivated it. It was still extremely effective. When at last he was satisfied that she was sorry, he pulled away.

‘Mm, that was nice,’ said Thea foolishly. Then she did step back, aware that she should have kept silent or at least been less flippant.

He glared down at her and Thea sensed from his expression that he wanted either to smack her or make
violent love to her, or both – one false move from her and he’d flip. She also knew that he blamed her entirely for making him feel such primitive emotions.

Neither of them dared to speak. He sent a few volts of silent fury at her and then flung himself out of the door. Thea watched him march down the road, half wishing she’d had the courage to push him beyond the limits of his civilised boundaries. She closed her eyes and fantasised about it for a moment, before she realised that their coupling, or however it could be defined, would have been taking place in what amounted to a shop window. Unless, of course, Ben threw her over his shoulder and carried her downstairs – where they would be joined by Lara and six puppies.

A reluctant smile forced its way past her frustrated passion. ‘Come on, Thea. Go and deal with the dirty newspapers, and then see if you can get those puppies upstairs on your own.’

Chapter Fifteen