As You Wish (23 page)

“But he wasn't killed,” Katie said firmly. “Christy, think about it. God saved him. God isn't finished with him yet. God has a plan. He always has a plan. Some God-things will come from this. Don't freak out on me now. You have to stay strong!”

Katie's sharp words worked like splashes of cold water on Christy's rampant emotions. “You're right. God is here. He's in this. I know He is. He's going to do His God-things.”

“Well, duh!” Katie's biting humor rubbed Christy the wrong way. “Look at what happened already. Your brother got saved.”

Christy had forgotten. Still, in her pain, she didn't think that was a good enough reason for Todd to have to go through such a terrible experience.

“Chris,” Katie reached over and rubbed her shoulder, “we have to keep our perspective here. We're in shock, yes. It's awful. But God isn't pacing the floors of heaven, wringing His hands, saying, ‘Oh dear, oh dear, how could this have happened?' He's God. He can do whatever He wants. At this point, it appears God wants Todd to live.”

Christy felt the tears on her cheeks. She couldn't believe
she had any moisture left in her system.

“I'm going to get some air, too,” Katie said. “Why don't you try to sleep a little bit?” Katie gave Christy a weak smile. “You know that when Todd is ready for visitors you'll want to be as calm as you can be. Try to rest.”

Christy closed her eyes and leaned her head back. She drew in a deep breath. All she could smell was ammoniascented disinfectant mixed with garlic from the marinara sauce. She pushed the food containers aside with her foot and tried to pray.

Peace came over her. She almost believed that if she opened her eyes she would see Jesus seated beside her. He wasn't wringing His hands in fear. Katie was right about that. He was in control. But Christy knew Jesus would feel her pain right along with her.

“Christy?” Uncle Bob's voice spoke into her quiet moment. “Are you okay, honey?”

She opened her eyes and nodded bravely. “I'm okay. How are you doing?”

“Okay,” he said with a nod of his head. “It shouldn't be too much longer before they let us see him.”

Christy looked at her uncle more closely. “How are you doing, really? I mean with Aunt Marti and everything.”

“I'm sorry you had to see her that way. With . . . with him.”

“I already knew about Cheyenne,” Christy said. “Marti told me about the art colony and her pottery and everything when she came to see me a few weeks ago.”

“Did she tell you she's planning to go with him to Santa Fe?” Bob asked.

Christy nodded solemnly. “I promised her I wouldn't say anything to anyone about it. I wish I hadn't promised her,
though. I'm sorry I didn't come to you and talk about it.”

“Don't apologize. You couldn't have done anything.” Bob sat down and put his feet on the coffee table. “Your aunt is going her own way. You can't change her decision.”

Obviously Marti's relationship with Cheyenne was no surprise to Bob. Christy wondered if Marti was making plans to leave fairly soon. Gently, Christy asked her uncle, “What are you going to do?”

“A guy I know from church directed me to a verse that relates to my situation,” he said. “It's 1 Corinthians 7:15. ‘But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.' ”

Christy thought her uncle sounded like a robot as he recited the verse. She had to say something. “Are you just going to let her go?”

“I can't fight it.” His voice was flat.

“Yes you can.” Christy had no idea where the strength to say such words was coming from or why she was saying them. She seemed to have a different well of emotions for Uncle Bob's situation that was separate from the well she had been draining over Todd. This other well was full of opinions, and she drew from it freely. “You can still fight for her, Uncle Bob. Pray for her. Love her. You can't give up.”

His eyes filled with tears. Christy didn't think she had ever seen her uncle cry.

“Uncle Bob, that may be a good, helpful verse for you right now, but a lot of other verses about marriage and love are in the Bible.” Christy decided to keep talking before this well of strength gave out on her. “If I've learned one thing so far in my Bible classes at Rancho, it's that it can be dangerous to take only one verse and build your belief about a
topic around that verse. We have to study everything the Bible has to say on a topic to clearly understand God's heart on the matter.”

Bob looked at her quietly before saying, “You're right. I have given up on her without a fight. I was going to let her go off to that art colony, but that might not be what God wants.”

Christy had to remind herself that her uncle had only been a Christian for a short time. In his enthusiasm to change everything into a peaceful reflection of Christ's understanding and love, he seemed to have forgotten that this same Jesus got mad, turned over the moneychangers' tables, and openly wept when his friend died. Jesus commanded a dead man to come out of his grave and told the wind and waves to “shut up.”

All of these examples were fresh in Christy's mind because she had been getting to know Jesus better by reading the New Testament. She told her uncle about what she had read in the Gospels, and then she suggested he might want to do the same thing.

“It's the Word of God that changes us,” Christy said. She had heard that in one of her classes but didn't remember which one.

Bob rubbed the back of his neck and looked up at Christy, his eyes clear. “You know what? I've never read the whole Bible.”

“Not many people have.”

“But you're right. How can I say I'm a follower of Christ when I haven't even read His life story?”

“He only wrote one book,” Christy said. “The Bible. We just need to dig for the answers sometimes.”

“You know,” Uncle Bob said, “I think I've been depending
too much on others to study the Scriptures for me and to pass on their wisdom to me. I don't do that with my investments. Why should I settle for that in my spiritual life?”

Uncle Bob leaned over and gave Christy a kiss on the cheek. “I've missed you, Bright Eyes. You always were my favorite niece.”

Christy smiled. “And I've always been your only niece.”

“Minor detail, my child. Minor detail.”

Todd's dad stepped into the waiting room. “The doctor said we can go see him now. He's in room 302.”

“I'll find Katie and be right up,” Christy said.

Uncle Bob and Todd's dad went ahead. Christy and Katie joined them in room 302 a few minutes later. Christy could see that Todd's eyes were open, but he didn't seem to recognize her when she came in the room.

With her heart pounding, Christy forced her tears of mercy to stay back. She slipped over to the side of the bed and tenderly took Todd's hand in hers. “Hi,” she said.

Todd's expression lit up only slightly, but Christy felt confident he recognized her.

“Da sove,” Todd mumbled through his swollen lips.

“What?” Christy leaned closer. He looked awful. “Don't try to talk if it's too hard right now. You can tell me in the morning after you've slept.”

“Ar sove,” he repeated.

“Sove?” Christy repeated.

Todd nodded ever so slightly.

“Sove. Oh, do you mean stove? Our camp stove?”

Todd nodded. It looked like it hurt him to do so.

Katie stepped in and gave her interpretation. “He's trying to say that he's worried about your camp stove. It must have been in Gus.”

Christy gave Todd a smile. “You're worried about our camp stove? Oh, Todd, don't worry about that. We can get another one. It's much more important that you're okay.”

Todd closed his eyes.

Christy gave Katie a concerned look. It was hard to know what to do or what to say.

“We're going home for a few hours,” Todd's dad said, stepping next to Christy. “I'll be back tomorrow.”

Christy felt Todd grasp her hand a little tighter.

“I won't leave you,” Christy said. “I'll stay right here.”

Todd's grasp released, and he appeared to fall into an exhausted sleep.

“Are you sure you want to stay all night?” Uncle Bob asked.

Christy nodded. “You can go back to school, if you want, Katie. I don't mind staying alone.”

“I think I'll do that,” Katie said. “I'll come back tomorrow morning. Do you want me to bring you anything?”

“No. I'll call you if I think of anything.”

They all hugged good-bye, and Christy was left alone beside the bed. She pulled up the chair from the corner next to the bed and tried to quietly lower the metal bed railing so she could hold Todd's hand more easily.

The first ten minutes Christy prayed. The steady ticks and muffled bleeps of the monitors became the echo of her pleas to God. As long as those ticks and bleeps stayed constant, Todd was stable. He was alive.

Christy looked at one of the tubes that entered Todd's body through his right hand.
He has my blood in him now. My blood and the blood from my family, his family, and his friends. Oh, Todd, you said the other day that you felt
so
isolated your whole life because you grew up without brothers or sisters. And now look!
You are surrounded and supported by a whole family of brothers and sisters in Christ. Our blood runs in your veins.

Christy gently traced her fingers along the veins on the top of Todd's left hand. She studied where the stitches had been taken, knowing that the scars from those cuts would be with him for the rest of his life.

Just like Jesus. That's what you told the youth group last weekend. When we enter heaven, Christ will hold out His hands to us, and we will see His scars.

Christy closed her eyes and imagined Jesus standing right behind her, His nail-scarred hand resting on her shoulder. She had felt this close to the Lord only a few times in her life. With the closeness came peace. She felt calmed, imagining His hand on her shoulder, her hand in Todd's.

“Can you feel how connected we are, Todd?” Christy whispered. “God is here. He is in this with us. His presence is so real right now. Katie was right. God isn't wringing His hands, asking why this happened. He's reaching out with those hands. Touching us. Drawing us to each other. Drawing us to Him.”

Christy's thoughts spilled into a whispered prayer. It was a precise prayer, thanking God for His mercy in sparing Todd's life. She then surrendered to the Lord their future together. Christy ended with the words Todd had used on the camping trip, “As you wish.”

Suddenly Christy opened her eyes, surprised by an insight.
I always want to control and schedule and plan everything. Ultimately, I'm not in control of my life. Not really. God is.

Christy thought of how, when Christ was on earth, He prayed, “Not my will, but yours be done.”

That's what Todd meant when he said, “As you wish.” He was saying, “God, you do what you want, and I'll agree with it.”

She and Todd might never know why this terrible accident had happened. But together they could say to God, “As you wish. You do what you want in our lives, and we willingly will agree with it, even if we don't understand.”

Christy wished Todd were awake. She wanted so badly to share her thoughts with him. But he was sleeping. Peacefully sleeping. She couldn't rob him of that precious gift in his long journey to recovery.

For the next few hours, Christy sat, wide awake, beside her beloved, basking in the peace of Christ's presence. The night nurse came in several times to check on Todd. She offered Christy something to eat or drink, but Christy declined. She didn't need anything. Her heart and body were full.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Christy stood to stretch, and when she did, Todd seemed to know she had moved. He stirred, too.

To comfort him, Christy placed her cool hand against his swollen cheek. Todd's breathing returned to a steady pace. With her finger, Christy gently traced the outline of Todd's lips. She ran her fingers across his defined, square jawline and memorized the angle of his face.

“I love you,” she whispered. The words tumbled out naturally and unrestricted. A straight path had been cleared from Christy's heart to her mouth. Along that path, those three beautiful words ran unhindered, leaping from her lips and joyfully sprinkling themselves over Todd as he slept.

Christy giggled as she spoke them aloud again and again. “I love you! I really, truly love you! I know you can't hear me, Todd. That's okay. When you wake I'll tell you again with my face in your eye, or whatever Katie's poem said. I will give you the best gift I've given you so far. I will give you
evidence of my promise to you. The promise I've already made in my heart.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Christy smiled and said clearly, “I love you, Todd Spencer. Forever and ever, and nothing can change that.”