Ascending Darkness (Shattering the Darkness) (2 page)

Opening my bar I met Brynn Carson and Avery Brooks, both from Carson and Reynolds law firm. Brynn is tall, model thin with beautiful and thick blonde hair that hangs to her chest
. She has a heart shaped face with chocolate brown eyes. She is managing partner at the firm that her father had started. Avery is the epitome of male beauty, totally encapsulating the meaning of tall, dark and handsome. He’s an accountant at Brynn’s firm. They helped me to get my bar up and running and we somehow hit it off and have remained friends for years.

They are goofy, rude, obscene and crude. Just like me.
Or how I used to be…

We get along great and have spent a lot of time together the past few years. Brynn has also recently started dating Rich Alexander of Caldwell
, Inc. Rich is very handsome, of course, but he pales in comparison to the owner and CEO of the company.

Breccan Alexander Caldwell.

Tall with dark blonde hair that hangs to his shoulders, an amazing body, and cerulean blue eyes that could make you come where you stand, are all the things that make Breccan the definition of the Adonis he is. I have never in my life seen anyone more beautiful.

And
I have never loved anyone more…

Which i
s why we are no longer together…

I know, I’m not right upstairs, but Stevie had friends and those friends could want to find me. I thought I was safe, but Nikko had told me that the reason nothing ever happened to me when I was still in Vegas was because he was always watching out for me. And, according to him, he wasn’t the only one, which is why he had to get me out of there. If those ‘friends’ want to find me it wouldn’t be hard if I was on the arm of Breccan Caldwell- America’s number four most eligible bachelor. He’s famous for being at the top of his game and building his company from the ground up making it very successful at a young age.

Now at the ripe age of thirty-four Breccan Caldwell is the star of every woman’s wet dream. At least I’m sure he is. But therein lies the problem. He’s well known and if I were to be on his arm out in public then I would become well known and easily found. I changed my last name to Reagan after Nikko got to me, but I still look pretty much the same as I did a decade ago.

A week ago was the
Taste of Paradise
here in the city. A yearly event for tourists and citizens to come downtown and enjoy all there is to offer. Breccan helped me set up my station for the event, right outside of my bar, and someone obviously thought we were photo worthy. The next day my picture was splashed on the internet with Breccan and they had my name.

Nothing about my previous life
was on the site, not that they would be able to find anything, but my picture and the name ‘Harper’ made me pretty recognizable to someone whom might be looking for me. Therefore I had to end it with Breccan. If they could find me… they would take him out just to fuck with me. It is how these people work.

Breccan didn’t take it well
…

Neither did
I…

I think back over my life. Especially these last ten years that I thought were the best of my life. Then I met Breccan and was completely blown away. I am a headstrong person. I know this. It has kept people at bay and kept me from allowing myself to feel. I have lost myself little by little each and every day. Thinking of the time since I met Breccan, and how he has brought true light into my life, I realize it’s time to be something more. I need to think of my Adonis and his future. The future he deserves with someone better than me.

I swallow hard and stare into his eyes. I compose myself and take a deep breath, so that my voice doesn’t shake.

“You should go Breccan. I’ll never tell you about my past. Ever,” my voice is hard and cutting.

I need to make it quick and get him out of here; he needs to heal from the pain I’ve inflicted upon him. The shit storm that is my life has come through and left him broken hearted. I know that. I also know that he will heal.

I won’t.

I can feel my composure slipping; I grind my teeth to hold on.
Just a little longer girl. Breathe
. I do and let it out slowly.

“A-are you… serious?” Breccan asks and his voice sounds thick and broken.

I want to scream and run into his arms, and hope they will keep everything at bay. But they won’t. My life will destroy us and the sooner he is free of me, the better off he will be.

“Yes. You need to leave. Take your things.” I’m shocked my voice remains hard; I feel anything but.

I’m fragile and I want to bawl my eyes out. I want to run to him and beg him to never leave me. I want him to fight for me.

NO
.

I see moisture in his eyes and the room starts to get blurry. By the grace of God only, do I keep my feet
planted.

“Okay.” A tear rolls down his face.

Oh, God! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! THIS IS FOR YOU!

He turns and walks out of the room. I stand there in a daze for long moments, until I hear the back door slam, then I collapse. I curl into a ball and cry my eyes out. Body wracking, life altering sobs. My heart lays in shambles around my body; pieces too small to ever put back together.

Never will I have what I just lost. The best three weeks of my life flash through my mind and I let them. I embed the memory of that time deep into my psyche. I never want to forget him. The only man I’ve ever loved was kind enough to love me back. I’m pretty lucky, in that aspect, I suppose.

The thought does little to comfort my mind and heart. I continue to cry and I feel Bane come over to me and curl up next to me. I latch on to him, desperate for something
…

Someon
e…

Desperate for Breccan
…

Eventually my eyes run dry and I pass out, dying a slow death, as my past meets my future and destroys me.

I shake off thoughts from that horrid, life altering, soul searing day and roll out of bed taking Bane with me for our morning run.

*****

When I return, I’m still plagued by thoughts of Breccan. I’m always plagued by him, though, if I’m honest with myself. I fill Bane’s food and water dish and head to my gym to see if I can pound out my thoughts on the punching bag.

My gym is pretty big, with enough room for a large mat in the middle of the space, where Nikko and I grapple. At the far left corner of the room there is an area set up with a speed bag, heavy bag, and a multi gym off to the side.

In the opposite corner there is a small area where I can do yoga or Pilates if I feel like it, which is pretty much never. To the right of the door is a large set of shelves that carry a multitude of things such as towels, gloves, hand wraps, foot wraps, powder, my stereo
system, which is wired with speakers throughout the room, and some other things here and there.

I walk to the stereo system and turn on a Skrillex mix and turn it to maximum volume. I then grab some wraps and tape and wrap up my hands before heading over to the heavy bag.

I start to go a few rounds with the bag, hoping to direct my thoughts elsewhere. The bag makes a ‘thwack’ noise with every punch I throw. I try to focus on
Ricominciare
… Bane… Nikko… but everything brings me back to Breccan.

Thwack
.

He was barely in my life for three weeks; how can every memory and situation be tainted by him?

Thwack.

Though, I suppose that he didn’t really “taint” anything. More like made my life a million times better than it had ever been.

Thwack. Thwack.

With just the way he would look at me… God, it would always
be my undoing.

Thwack
.

Those amazing blue eyes,
piercing so deep into my soul.

Thwack. Thwack.

His voice, so rough and deep and as smooth as silk the way it would wash across my skin and through my body.

Thwack
.

I miss him so
fucking
much.

Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.

I try harder to clear my mind from everything I feel, as a tear falls out of my eye. I just focus on the intense beat of the music. And I manage for about two and half minutes before the music is gone. I stop and put my arms around the bag to stop its movement. I look over by the shelves and see Nikko standing there in his jeans and gray t-shirt, arms crossed and watching me.

To be honest, I’ve been avoiding him
this past week. Every time we talk or he comes over, there is always a hint of disappointment in his eyes and voice.

I know he doesn’t agree with me that I did the right thing. He’s been trying nonstop to get me to go see Breccan. I never told him,
though it was obvious since he got through to some part of me, but he just about broke down my defenses the other day.

*****

I was sitting on the couch watching some mind numbing home shopping show about jewelry and dresses with Bane lounged out on the couch with his massive head in my lap, when Nikko walked in. It had been three days since I broke it off with Breccan and I wasn’t handling it well. I hadn’t eaten a thing and was barely managing to drink water to keep from dehydrating.

I hadn’t showered and barely moved from the couch. I was still in Breccan’s shirt that I was lucky enough to keep. In a way it felt like a curse, with how his smell clung to the shirt. It was magnificent, as are all things with Breccan Alexander Caldwell.

I hadn’t been to work and Nikko had been stopping by daily to rant, coerce, bully and beg me into going after Breccan. But in true stubborn form, I just sat there, not looking at him and not responding, before he would yell some more and storm out. I had become amazingly good at pretending to ignore him.

I was rather shocked on day two when he started yelling. Nikko never yells. He made his point that day.

He was Team Breccan.

Gotcha, big man. Loud and clear
.

Still, here he is again. He makes his way over and taps Bane on his rear to get him off the couch. Bane hops up and saunters out of the room. Nikko sits down in the emptied space, puts his arm around me and pulls me to him. I rest my head on his shoulder and let out a heavy
sigh.

“How you
doin’ baby girl?”

“I’m fine Nikko. I wish you would leave it alone. I just need some time.”

“I know,” he lets out a frustrated breath and I feel his arm move to run through his hair. “I understand you want time to let the Breccan thing settle, but babe, you’ve got to get out of this apartment and come to work. Everyone’s getting worried and threatening to come here to check on you.” My body tenses and I wonder what the hell would make my employees think we were on those kind of terms. I don’t have to wonder long as Nikko continues to explain. “They saw a different side to you when you were with Breccan. You let them in and became closer to them. Now they’re worried. If you don’t want them here, you’ve got to go to work, at least.”

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck.

I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding and sit up straight, away from Nikko, turn in my seat so that I’m facing him and cross my legs on the couch.

“Nikko, I don’t know if I can
,” I shake my head wearily, leaning into the couch. “How am I supposed to find the motivation to get the hell out of this place? I don’t even care anymore.” I give another heavy sigh.

Nikko turns toward me and grabs my hand. “Harper, you’ve got to find the strength somewhere. You have it in there, you just need to bring it to the surface. It would also be a lot easier if you would just call Breccan. Those broken pieces of your heart would come together and you wouldn’t hurt so much. I still don’t understand what the hell happened. You never told me.”

Should I tell him?
He might understand and quit pestering me if he knew the reasoning as to why I ended it with Breccan…

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“There was a picture and article of us online,” I answer, my head down with my eyes focused on our hands.

“Yes. I saw that. But, Harper, I have you protected. I know a couple guys I can call to help me out to take care of you. Nothing will happen. To you or Breccan. And honestly, don’t you think it would have been smarter to keep him with you
, rather than push him away?”

My eyes and head come up to look in his eyes. “Why do you say that?”

“Because, he’s been photographed with you. If they have seen those pictures at all, then they’ve seen him. By pushing him away, he’s exposed to them. If you were still with him, I could monitor everything and make sure he’s protected.”

My heart rate doubles and I feel panic start to kick in.

Oh God, what have I done?

Nikko is
so
right. Breccan is unprotected, which means they could get to him.