Ash (13 page)

She’d loved her cow-wrestling,
gun-toting gran. Joan had been a hoot for sure.

I chuckled. “I’ll be
okay, I will survive.” I let some of my confidence seep out in those words, hoping
like hell the last thing I said to my best friend wasn’t going to be a lie.

Later that night I sat on the bathroom
counter putting on mascara as Jayden coached me on how to pencil my eyebrows.

“It’s the year of the
brows,” Jayden was saying when a knock came on the door. Tonight was party time,
when all of the culling participants forgot about their shitty lives and had
fun. My bestie cracked a smile. “My surprise is here.”

I raised an eyebrow.
Please
be a gorgeous straight boy here to take advantage of me.
Jayden returned
with a bottle of homemade-looking liquor.

“Strong-ass vampire
moonshine.” He held up the bottle and I grinned. Second best thing.

“Will it get the job done
for a change?” Beside the blood-wine, almost nothing else even gave me a buzz.

“My guy says if we split
the whole bottle we’ll be drunk for a few hours and it’ll wear off long before
the culling. Everyone is drinking it tonight.”

“Your guy?” I raised an
eyebrow.

He smiled, flashing his
perfectly straight teeth. “One of Ryder’s enforcers. It’s only fun right now,
but it looks like I landed me a sexy six.” He winked.

Well damn, even Jayden
was getting some. Which was the best thing I could hear about my best friend.

I leapt off the counter,
pulling my short black dress down to cover my ass. Tessa had snuck me some sexy
clothes. I really wished she was here with us now.

Jayden poured two glasses
and clinked it with mine. “To surviving the next week.”

I chugged the contents
and erupted in a coughing fit. “Holy shit! I feel like I can breathe fire.”

Jayden laughed and we
poured more.

An hour later I was feeling damn good. The
buzz had hit me hard and the walls of Base Level were spinning a little. I was drunk
for the first time in a year. Hip hop blasted out of the DJ booth and I danced,
rubbing my butt all over Jayden. He laughed and spun me around. Then some
hottie ash came up and put his hands around my waist, pressing me into him and
grinning.

“Hey, beautiful,” he
whispered. His hair was shaved close to his head. I think he was blond, and like
all ash he was hot as hell. Of course I was looking at him with moonshine eyes,
so he had extra hottie points. Was he in Ryder’s crew? He wasn’t a sexy six,
but he might be in the extended group of enforcers. He did look familiar.

“Hey there,” I said as I danced
up on him. Maybe he would be my special friend tonight. Might as well have some
fun before dying tomorrow.

“Johnson, back off,”
Ryder’s growly voice echoed behind me.

The ash, who had just
placed his hands on my waist, went rigid and backed away, before turning tail
and scurrying off.

I spun around, almost
falling on my face, but managed to right myself at the last moment. Ryder was
standing a few feet away, his expression unreadable.

“Uh-oh, you’re no fun,” I
slurred.

Ryder narrowed his eyes
as I continued to dance by myself, swiveling my hips and feeling the beat.

“You’re drunk,” he
stated. “The males in here are like any other men. They will take advantage.”

I gave him what I hoped
were bedroom eyes and danced closer. “Maybe I want to get taken advantage of,”
I purred, and pressed myself into him.

He placed his hands on my
hips and looked down on me. Was that a groan?

“Charlie… ” I could see
something stirring in those silver and black eyes. “You have no idea how
beautiful you are, do you?” His voice went so low I almost wasn’t sure I’d
heard him right. Did Ryder just say I was beautiful? My Ryder? Try to kill me
and push me away constantly Ryder? I swallowed hard, but before I could answer,
he deposited me back a few feet. Okay, this was the Ryder I recognized, and I
was sobering up quickly with him pulling out his usual bullshit.

“You’ve got issues,” I
stated. The flirtation left me, and I was hit with this weird ache in my chest.

His face took on a
haunted expression. “I just came to tell you that you were a top pick, and
slated for the last round of the individual fights.”

Shit, he was here to give
me some positive news, and I’d danced all up on him and practically thrown
myself at him. Apparently moonshine made me drunk, slutty, and bitchy.

“Ryder…” I reached for
his hand, but he turned and walked away. I remained where I was, half frozen on
the dance floor, half wishing I was brave enough to run after him. My attention
snagged on Jayden then. He was dancing with – holy shit, Oliver, the hot Latino
sexy six. He really had scored one of the core group of enforcer hotties. The
pair of them were watching me now, and that better not be pity I was seeing in
their gazes. 

I drifted closer. Ryder
was gone from sight, but I still felt his presence out there. “What’s his
problem?” I said too loudly. Oliver’s very dark eyes turned to the direction
which Ryder had disappeared.

“Don’t stress on it,
Charlie. But you might want to give that one up as a lost cause. He’s
notoriously single, which is not a huge surprise after everything that
happened.”

My stomach dropped. I
knew from his hot and cold behavior that he had demons littering his past, and
I wasn’t sure I was ready to know about them. Still, I had to ask. “What
happened?” I was getting soberer by the second.

Oliver sighed and lowered
his voice. I had to strain to hear it over the music. “I shouldn’t be telling
you this, but you’re Jayden’s best friend, and I promised I’d look out for you.
When the boss man first found out he was an ash, the night he turned he was
strong. Too strong.”

My eyes widened as Jayden
and I leaned in closer, so as not to miss a word. “He attacked and killed his
fiancée before they could bring him in.”

 
Oh shit.
That was
not what I’d expected him to say. Each word hit me like a slap to the face. My
emotions were a complete tangle, but my heart truly ached for the pain I knew
Ryder would have experienced that day and probably every day since. He was
clearly still beating himself up. He must have loved his fiancée more than
anything.

I rubbed at my eyes a few
times. Jayden was hovering close by as if ready to hug me if I needed it. I
gave him a half smile. It was my best attempt.

“I might call it a night,
guys. Big day tomorrow.” I was no longer in the mood to party, and the alcohol
seemed to have dissipated inside of me.

I waved goodbye and left,
hoping like hell a good night’s sleep would rid some of the terrible ache inside
of me. Still, I preferred to know, no matter how painful. So much of Ryder’s
behavior made sense now – his aloofness, the rigid way he controlled himself. I
understood it too. If I had hurt or killed Tessa or my mom, I would never have
forgiven myself either. Of course, with the culling tomorrow, the timing of
finding out this secret was not the best. There would be no true rest for me
tonight.

Sure enough, that night I
tossed and turned, dreaming of the culling, of blood and Ryder. By the time
morning came, my head was heavy with the need for more sleep. As I pulled
myself up, Jayden was sitting at the edge of his bed, staring at a blank wall.

What’s wrong?” I dragged
myself off the bed, surprised that I didn’t feel hung over. Last night was
intense.

“I’m slated to fight
first.” His voice sounded hollow. Shit. Ryder had told me I was last. Good for
me, bad for Jayden.

Pep talk time. I crossed
our small room, standing before him. “You’re gay and black,” I announced.

He forced a grin. “How
very observant of you, darling.”

I grasped both of his
shoulders and made him look at me. “You’re the underdog. No one expects you to
whip ass, which is why you will. I’ve seen you fight. I’m jealous of how strong
and controlled your movements are. Show everyone just how deadly an ash you can
be!”

Jayden grinned and stood,
raising one fist above his head. “For black gay ash everywhere!” he declared,
and we both laughed. But a lump had formed in my throat. I loved this guy, for
reals. He was my family now too. And family don’t quit each other. 

After getting ready and
putting on my jumpsuit, I made my way with Jayden to the gym. As we neared I
heard the rumbling of a crowd. Jayden looked nervously at me. Some of that
blank stare was back on his face. I was pretty sure I was going to throw up. We
took the side entrance and walked in through the locker room where Jayden’s
coach was.

His coach greeted him. I
was pretty sure his name was Bryan. “Hey, big guy, you ready to make me proud?”

On the bench next to him
I saw a long-handled axe. The weapon was a mid-sized one, and would have been
too heavy for me to use effectively.

Jayden gave a weak smile.
“Is that my weapon?”

His trainer nodded. “You
got picked for the bottom because it’s a popularity contest full of bribes and
favoritism. Trust me, they have overlooked how strong you are. You will be
fine.”

I cringed at the mention
of bribes. I had no doubt Lucas probably paid a shitload of money to get me at
the top of the fighting roster, but still, Jayden’s trainer’s confidence in him
made me happy.

I forced down the burning
in my chest as Jayden turned to face me, eyes full of emotion.

“If I die, you can have
my Coach wallet and my fancy tweezers. Don’t let those eyebrows get too crazy.”

I chuckled, tears springing
to my eyes as I pulled him in for an extended hug. “Don’t leave me,” I
whispered. Seriously, I needed him. 

He squeezed me back, then
his trainer asked me to go so he could get him prepared. I left the gym and
suddenly I knew that I couldn’t watch. There was no way in hell I could watch
this fight. Not Jayden. I turned the corner to go to the cafeteria and slammed
into Ryder. My breath whooshed out of me.

As he pulled back, his
eyes ran over my face. He was doing that thing where he attempted to ferret out
my secrets. Probably he was seeing quite clearly the anguish I was not hiding
very well.

“You should watch the
fights. It will help you learn the other ashes’ moves, and it will desensitize
you a small amount to the killing.”

“Jayden’s fighting. I
can’t … I will watch the others,” I mumbled, and my answer seemed to satisfy
him. He nodded and turned to walk away towards the gym. I felt a need to say
something more.

“Ryder, about last night
… I’m sor—”

He cut me off. “It’s
fine. You’re right, I have issues.” Without another word he stalked off.

I groaned and went in
search of food. Blood hunger was not a good thing and I needed a major
distraction from the fact that Jayden would be very shortly fighting for his
life. I had every faith in my bestie, but that didn’t make the next few hours
any easier.

Then next five days were the worst of my
life. Ryder sat by my side and made me watch every fight. He was an expert at
noting weaknesses, and he drilled it into me over and over. Of course, it was
up to me to read the fighter once I was in the ring, to utilize any and all
weaknesses. Twenty-five ash were dead. Each battle was a bloodbath of mammoth
proportions, and sometimes as I sat there I wondered how the hell it could even
be real. Though Ryder had been right about one thing: I was growing
desensitized to the killing.  

I mean, in the last
fight, the middle-eastern-looking ash had torn out the spinal cord of his
opponent – his mutha-freakin’ spinal cord – and I’d barely even flinched. I
didn’t like the coldness which was starting to spread out from my chest, but I
knew it was essential to me having the smallest chance of surviving. I just
hoped when it was all over, if I survived, there would still be some of the old
Charlie left inside.

Jayden, who had survived
all his fights so far, was in the recovery wing, regrowing part of his calf
muscle, and my first fight was in an hour. I forced myself to focus. I could do
this. I was strong and smart and had boobs – surely boobs were a distraction I
could use to my advantage in an all-male lineup.

After the spinal cord
fight, I’d been escorted back into the locker room. I sat on the bench, my foot
bouncing in a weird, agitated manner. I hadn’t told my mom or Tessa I was
fighting today, skirting around it every time they asked. I couldn’t hear their
goodbyes or any sappy shit. Even if that was unfair to them, I needed a clear
head.

The door opened and I
looked up to meet the eyes of my trainer. Ryder looked all kinds of badass and
sexy today. His black-ribbed cotton shirt, tight across the biceps, did more
than hint at the heavy muscle beneath. I stood and he crossed over to stand
right beside me, dwarfing me as usual with his bulk and height. We clashed
gazes. His eyes were a storm cloud of silver gray. I felt it then. The emotions
from him were stronger than usual, and I somehow knew that If I died, Ryder
would care.