Ashes of the Day (9 page)

Conrad was out, for obvious reasons, as was Damian. Julie didn’t even know as much as he did about these subjects now, and Heather knew even less than that. Elise had helped him before but she was missing, and as for Nighthawk, he was too much of a wildcard. He might be a good source of information and Marc didn’t think he’d intentionally betray or mislead him, but could he trust him to keep his mouth shut? That wasn’t something he’d want to bet his life on.

In fact, Marc could think of only two people who might be in a position to help him, but probably not willingly. Which meant he would likely have to resort to either bribery or blackmail. Or intimidation. Or even all three.

After Brennan left for work, Julie cleared away the dishes from the breakfast she’d made him. Then she went back to bed. She lay for a while among the rumpled sheets gazing pensively at the room around her. She had never been one to linger in bed very long after dark, although she’d certainly been happy enough to make exceptions these past few months, when the bed in question had been Brennan’s, and when he was in it with her. Tonight, even with him gone, she was still in no rush to get up and leave. Once she did, she wouldn’t be coming back.

She’d made her decision. It hadn’t been easy reaching it, and having been the recipient of so much unlooked-for advice really hadn’t helped. It was always annoying being told what to do, being treated as though she hadn’t had a clue. Because really, when it came right down to it, this situation she found herself in wasn’t anything new, was it? Brennan was hardly the first boyfriend she’d had. She and Marc had both had their share of human lovers over the past couple of decades, and especially in the ten years or so after Conrad and Damian had gone back to San Francisco without them.

They’d had no jobs, no real friends, no one but each other to talk to. What else did they have to do with their time? But lovers were temporary, that was something they’d always understood. Only family was forever.

So, yes, despite what Armand, and even Damian, seemed to think, she knew what had to be done. It was just that doing it, actually putting her plan into action, was harder than anticipated. It always hurt to say good-bye, and putting it off never made anything easier, but Brennan had worked his way deeper into her heart than any of her previous boyfriends. Maybe because he was the first one who knew her nature and wanted her anyway.

She’d toyed with the idea of just backing off a little, cooling things down between them in hopes that nature might take its course and they’d simply drift apart. Tonight, she’d gotten her first good look at what that had led to.
Don’t make me force you to come back here. Don’t make me compel you to give me what I want
. That wasn’t the kind of thing either of them wanted.

She could no longer pretend things were getting better, or that she was getting over him, that they were finding their way. It was time to bring things to an end, time to set them both free before someone got hurt. And what better time could there be for a new beginning than the start of a whole new year?

Resolutely, she got out of bed and tugged the comforter into place, making the bed quickly before she could change her mind and dive back in. She spent a few minutes collecting her things, the scant handful of belongings she’d allowed to accumulate here in the past few months. Then she went to the closet and unearthed the suitcase she’d hidden there weeks earlier—her mother’s suitcase, the same suitcase Armand was always after her to return.

As she ran her hands over its scarred surface, she felt a sense of peace. As usual, thoughts and images filled her mind, faces and places—some familiar, but mostly not. She knew it wasn’t anything more than imagination, but she felt so close to her mother when she touched her things, almost as though she knew her. Of course, Armand really
had
known her, which gave his claim to the suitcase some merit. But Conrad had known her too and he’d said Julie could keep the suitcase and its contents. So who was Armand to demand she let them go?

It had been a stroke of genius hiding the suitcase in Brennan’s closet, someplace no one else had any business being. Someplace no one could claim to have stumbled upon by accident. Someplace no one else would even dare to go, since to do so meant defying Conrad’s explicit orders to leave Brennan alone. Now, however, she’d have to try and find another hiding place for it. Just as she’d have to find another way to keep Brennan safe, as well.

Julie’s heart was heavy as she left Brennan’s apartment for the very last time. She couldn’t help sniffling just a little as she thought of all she’d be missing. She was so preoccupied with her grief she didn’t even notice her usual shadow until he stepped directly into her path.

“What’s wrong now?”

Armand again. Julie’s heart lurched. She wasn’t sure what feeling predominated. She was relieved that it was him. Touched by his concern. Anxious to avoid another confrontation over the suitcase she was carrying. She blew out a frustrated breath and settled on annoyed. Why was he here? Was he stalking her? “Why is it every time I turn around I’m running into you? Don’t you have anything better to do than follow me around?”

Armand’s eyebrows rose. “What makes you think I’m doing anything of the sort? We live in the same house,
chérie
. Is it really so surprising for us to run in to each other now and then?”

“Maybe not,” she said, not really believing him, half-hoping there was more to it than that. And how dumb did that make her?

“Now, are you ever going to answer
my
question? What happened? Why are you crying?”

“It’s nothing,” Julie replied, taking care to keep the suitcase on the far side of her body as she edged past him. “I…stubbed my toe. If you’ll excuse me, I’m just on my way back to the house.”

“Not so fast.” Armand put a hand on her arm to stop her. “Even if that were true, you’d still want to re-think your plan. If I were you, I’d wait for a bit. Stay out here with me for a few minutes more. Don’t go inside right away.”

Julie froze. The idea was tempting. Very tempting. It was exactly what she needed, to let him comfort her, distract her, take her mind off Brennan. But she couldn’t. Not when she was carrying her mother’s suitcase, the one thing that would invariably spoil everything between them. “What do you mean ‘re-think’ it?”

“I assume you’re still concerned about Brennan’s well-being, aren’t you? Even though I’m certain it’s he who’s made you so unhappy.”

Julie ground her teeth. “Would you stop it? Of course I’m concerned about him. Why wouldn’t I be? And who says I’m unhappy anyway?”

Armand rubbed his thumb across her tear-streaked cheek. “These do—the tears that you shed for him. When are you going to admit it’s true and let him go?”

“Soon, all right?” Julie jerked away from his touch. “Not that it’s any of your business. Just leave me alone.”

“Wait.” Armand grabbed hold of her once again. “Let me finish. How do you think Conrad is going to react if he sees you returning from Brennan’s bed in tears? Take a moment to compose yourself—for everyone’s sake—before you plunge us all into a world of pain.”

“A world of pain?” Julie snorted. “Oh, please. Overdramatic much?”

“No, not at all. Have you ever seen Conrad lose his temper? You have no idea how upset he could get if he were to believe one of us were in trouble.”

“Don’t I?” she asked, glancing pointedly at him. “You mean like at my birthday party? When he got upset with
you
?”

Armand shook his head, a bitter smile curving his lips. “I assure you, I got off easy that night—and only because Damian intervened.”

Julie nodded, acknowledging Armand’s point, remembering scars and ravaged flesh, tales of Conrad’s viciousness. Vincent. Damian. Who knew how many others? “All the same, I doubt he’s going to lose it over a few tears. Besides—” she pointed at her face, “—see? No more tears. So it’s all good. No need to worry. So…I’ll see you around, I guess.” She turned away once more, but before she’d taken more than a couple of steps he stopped her again.

“Wait!” His voice was sharp, the single word an order that lit the fuse on her temper.

“What now?” she snarled, turning her head to glare at him over her shoulder. No one barked orders at her like that. No one.

“Where are you taking
that
?” he said, pointing at the suitcase.

Her heart began to race as he closed the distance between them. “I told you. I’m going back to the house.”

Armand frowned. “Back to the… Wait, is that where you’ve been keeping it? In Brennan’s apartment? I should have known.”

“What you should have done is forgotten about it. It’s mine now, Armand. And it’s no business of yours where I keep it.”

“Ah, now there’s where you’re wrong.”

“Really?” The stubborn set of his mouth did not make Julie happy. And the way he was eyeing the suitcase, as though debating whether or not to try and snatch it from her hand, that
really
didn’t make her happy. He couldn’t be seriously thinking that, could he? “Wrong about which part?”

“All of it! It’s
not
yours. It
is
my business and I’m not so faithless I’d have forgotten after a mere few weeks.”

She supposed she couldn’t argue with that. If circumstances were different, if for example it was she to whom he was so committed, she was sure she’d find his faithfulness a very admirable thing. Right now, however, it was simply infuriating.

“How could you think I’d forget?” Armand continued. “I told you it wasn’t over.”

That stung. She recalled his remark clearly. She’d thought he’d been referring to them. She should have known better. “Well you know what, Armand? It
is
mine. Conrad
gave
it to me. Besides, you told me the girl it used to belong to is dead. She
is
still dead, isn’t she?”

A look of pain crossed Armand’s face. “
Oui
,” he answered, his tone somber.

“Exactly.”
And I’m right here, damn it, and still alive.
“So we know
she
doesn’t care what becomes of this stuff. And
you
certainly weren’t using it. All this time it’s been locked up in the attic. Nobody even knew it was there. How was that better?”

“
I
knew it was there. I was trying to keep it safe. I was trying to preserve her memory. Why can’t
you
understand
that
?”

Julie sighed. “I do understand. And I appreciate it more than you could possibly imagine. I wish there was some way to make you see that.” He deserved honesty. He deserved to know why it was so important to her. But Conrad had insisted she say nothing. “Why can’t you just let it go? I promise I’ll take care of it. You know I will.”

“But
why
should you have it? What do you want it for? Other than to torment me. Is it simply because it comes from Conrad? It didn’t, you know. Not originally, I mean. None of this came from him.”

“This has nothing to do with Conrad. And you can’t really believe I’d do all this just to upset you.”

“What else am I to think? You say I have no use for them, but what about you? Other than the night of the party, I’ve yet to see you wear a single piece of her clothing, nor a single piece of jewelry. So what good are they doing you? Why not let me take care of it until you have need of another costume?”

“You don’t know that.” Julie gestured at the suitcase. “You think you’d recognize every item in here? You hadn’t even opened it in what—forty years?”

“
Oui
. Forty years. What of it? She meant a lot to me. Have I not made that clear?”

Oh, yes. That was abundantly clear, had been so all along. She shook her head. “Why can’t you just let it go?”

An angry growl left Armand’s lips. “You’re impossible. I don’t know why I even waste my breath talking to you. You’re nothing but a spoiled child. Do you really think you’re entitled to whatever you want, simply because you want it? Do you think it’s owed to you somehow? Well, it’s not!”

“That’s not fair.” She didn’t expect to be given everything she wanted, just this. And it
was
owed to her. Not that she could ever hope to make him understand that.

“No, it isn’t fair.” He stalked closer as he spoke, his hands fisted menacingly at his sides. “After all this time… It’s not at all fair that I should have to grovel, that I should have to beg you to return what was never yours in the first place. It’s not right.”

Julie shrank back a step. She wasn’t used to being treated so harshly, wasn’t used to feeling threatened like this. Wasn’t used to being frightened. It was the worst feeling in the world and she hated it.

No. Never again. Never again!

Memories sifted through her mind, reminding her of who and what she was. Her spine straightened as the surge in her blood shifted fear into anger. “Enough.” She held up a hand to halt his progress. “Stop right there. I don’t want to fight you, Armand, but I will if I have to.”

“Fight me?” Armand looked startled. “What are you talking about? I’m not going to fight with you.”

“Oh. Okay, well, that’s good. Glad to hear it. But I guess that means you’re backing down now, because you’re not getting this away from me without one, so…”

“Why are you doing this?”

Julie sighed. If it were up to her, she’d tell him everything. She’d say whatever she had to say to erase this anger between them, to ease his worries and stake her claim on her mother’s belongings… So what if he’d known her, loved her, remembered her? Julie was her
daughter
, her blood. And blood was still thicker than water, wasn’t it? Either way, the decision to speak or not speak was still not hers to make. “Look, it was Conrad’s decision to give me the suitcase, all right? If you don’t like it, I suggest you take it up with him. Just leave me the hell alone.”