Astounding! (14 page)

But John halted, pulling Carter to a stop and then turning to face him. He put his hands on Carter’s shoulders. Even though the night was dark, Carter could make out his expression: earnest and more than a little sad.

“There
are
benefits, Carter. In this body, I can
feel
. Like this.” He caressed Carter’s cheek with a warm palm and then suddenly tugged a lock of hair hard enough to hurt.

“Ow!” Carter exclaimed, although it wasn’t much more than a twinge.

John laughed, pulled him closer, and nibbled on Carter’s ear instead. “You see?” he whispered. “Even pain can be good sometimes. In the right context. And then there are the other senses. The sight of someone smiling at you. The scents of new rain and maple syrup. The sound of rustling paper.” His voice dropped, becoming raspier. “The taste of come.”

A shiver ran up Carter’s spine. “You can’t experience those things when you’re… yourself.”

“Not as deeply. It’s like the difference between reading about the tides and actually standing on the beach with the waves washing over you. I think… I think once upon a time my people were physical entities. We evolved, I suppose. But we lost some things when we did. Important things. And when I leave—” He stopped abruptly, pressing his lips together.

“When you leave…?”

“I’ll miss what I’ve lost.”

Carter could understand that.

Back at the RV, the door to the bedroom was closed and Carter saw no sign of Freddy and Keith. Presumably they’d gone to sleep long before. John and Carter each took a quick turn in the bathroom, Carter wondering what it was like for John to be forced to excrete and floss and do all those other mundane human tasks. Working as quietly as possible, they transformed the dining area into their bed, then crawled inside.

Although Carter expected they’d fall asleep quickly—it had been a long day and a tumultuous night—John reached for him almost at once. Maybe he just wanted to nuzzle at Carter’s skin. But soon the simple touches turned more purposeful and they made love. Not fierce this time but slow, almost dreamlike. They lay side by side, John sliding inside Carter and breathing heavily in Carter’s ear, never emitting a sound louder than a tiny whimper. Carter stroked himself with one hand and clutched behind him with the other. They didn’t fly or spin through the universe. But when Carter came and John followed immediately after, and then John kissed the sweaty nape of Carter’s neck, Carter decided that much could be said in favor
of
good, corporeal, earthbound sex.

John fell asleep first, his arms still wrapped around Carter. Carter stayed awake for a while. He didn’t think about the fact that he was sleeping with an extraterrestrial, and he didn’t try to relive the experience he and John had shared in the meadow. Those things were too big. He’d need to let them settle for a time before he could parse them.

Instead he thought about something John had said to him as they walked back to the RV. “When I leave,” John had said. Not
when I go home
. Carter was an editor, alert to the nuances of word choice. But even though he turned the phrases over and over in his mind, he fell asleep before he could decide what they meant.

A
LTHOUGH
THEY
went to bed late, Carter and John woke up early, before their travel companions stirred. Carter was still processing the events of the night before, but he felt wonderfully energized. He hadn’t felt so good since he was a kid excitedly planning the debut of a groundbreaking magazine. Of course, that magazine was now in its death throes, and John would soon disappear. But for some reason that knowledge did little to dampen his spirits.

John joined Carter for a long, hard run. The ground was more uneven than Carter was used to, the terrain steeper, yet he ran almost impossibly fast and much farther than he would have predicted. And when they returned to the campground, sweaty and warm, he was barely winded. He could easily have jogged another mile or two.

“I’m ravenous,” he announced when he stepped into the RV and the smell of frying sausage greeted him.

Keith stood at the stove, wearing a T-shirt that read
Sorry girls. I like joysticks
. He was flipping pancakes. “Good, because I used, like, the whole box of Bisquick.”

Someone had turned the bed into a table again. Freddy sat there with a cup of steaming coffee and an open laptop. He glanced up at Carter and John. “You two are certainly early birds.”

“It’s so beautiful here,” said John. “I don’t want to miss a minute of it.”

Maybe Freddy caught the wistfulness in John’s voice, because he gave John a long, searching look before replying. “It is beautiful, isn’t it? Have you been here before?”

“Yes, but that was… a long time ago.”

Carter wondered how long. Perhaps before any of the rest of them were born. He gently patted John’s back. “How about if we shower real quick before breakfast?”

The RV had a propane-heated water tank, but it didn’t really hold enough water for two showers, so John and Carter went to the communal showers instead. That could have been fun if they’d had the place to themselves and a sturdy lock on the door, but they had neither, so their washing was boring and businesslike. Carter was actually okay with that, but only because he was in a hurry to get to the pancakes and sausages.

After eating and cleaning up, the four of them set off on a trek. It was a slow walk because Keith took about a million photos of trees and rocks and waterfalls. He grew increasingly more puzzled as to why his pictures of Carter and John wouldn’t turn out.

Everyone ate the hearty lunch Keith prepared, and then John and Carter went on a long ramble while Keith and Freddy rested in the RV. And then they had dinner—burgers and chips and salad—and quiet conversation around the fire.

That night, John and Carter returned to the meadow. John entered him again and they flew. And when they climbed into bed much later, even though Carter should have been exhausted, they made love.

And thus they established a routine that carried them through the next several days. It was a good routine. The company was excellent—not only did Carter cherish his time with John, but John got along swimmingly with Keith and Freddy. Everyone ate well. Carter got more exercise and more sex than he’d had in years. John smiled a lot, delighting in everything he experienced. Delighting especially in Carter’s touches.

Carter tried very hard to pretend they’d all been transported to another universe where he’d never again have to worry about what he was going to do with himself. And where John would never leave.

But that was fiction. If someone had submitted a story like that, Carter would have rejected it. Too far-fetched. Not enough conflict.

After almost a week in Yosemite, they were running low on food, so John accompanied Keith on an afternoon walk to the little grocery store in Curry Village. That left Freddy and Carter together in the RV. Freddy was supposed to be writing, and he had his laptop propped in front of him with an array of backup batteries nearby, but mostly he stared at Carter, who was reading a Stephen King novel.

“What’s up with you?” Freddy finally asked.

Carter automatically feigned innocence. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re
glowing
, Car.”

Carter glanced down at himself, half expecting to see green luminosity emanating from his skin. But he looked perfectly ordinary, although tanner than usual, so he looked up again. It was hard to evade Freddy’s sharp gaze. “I’m on vacation. I’m supposed to be happy.”

“I don’t think it’s the glory of nature that’s putting that smile on your face.” Freddy snapped his laptop closed. “You’re head over heels, aren’t you?”

“No!”

“Don’t bullshit me, Carter Evans. You never mooned like this over me. Or over anyone else. And your guy, he’s mooning right back. He looks at you like you’re the Second Coming.”

Carter squirmed uncomfortably. “I’m not the Messiah. I’m fairly certain he knows that.”

“Maybe.”

A few moments dragged on. Carter could tell Freddy was thinking. The whirring cogs in his head were almost visible. This was a man who gleefully and viciously murdered characters who were beloved by millions. He didn’t appear to be feeling any more merciful toward Carter.

Slamming his book closed, Carter stood. “I think I’m going to—”

“What’s the catch?”

“Huh?”

“For fuck’s sake, stop pretending you’re stupid. You and John have practically crawled into one another’s skin, but there’s clearly a note of melancholy to the whole affair. A big note. Why can’t you two just ride off into the sunset together?”

“Because this is real life, not a goddamn movie,” Carter snapped. “You don’t just meet someone and feel your destinies permanently entwine—the end, cue soaring music.”

If Freddy was annoyed by Carter’s tone, he didn’t let it show. He rarely did—it was one of his more irritating habits. Back when they were a couple and got into arguments, Carter would rant and rave while Freddy sat impassively. It drove Carter nuts then and it still did now.

While Carter glared, Freddy tapped a slow rhythm on the tabletop. “Is it because of money, Car? You have too much pride to get serious with a man if you don’t have a steady income of your own?” He frowned slightly. “What does John do for a living anyway?”

“He’s sort of… financially independent.”

Probably remembering the very modest little duplex in which John lived, Freddy raised his eyebrows. “All right. So is that the problem?”

“No.”

“Then… it’s your usual commitment issues. Jesus. Not everyone’s going to hurt and abandon you. Get some therapy.”

They’d had this particular discussion before. Many times. Freddy claimed that Carter pushed people away out of fear they’d reject him first. It was the fault, Freddy assumed, of Carter’s father abandoning him as an infant and his mother and stepfather dumping him later. Carter had to concede that maybe Freddy had a point—in general, not in this particular case.

“That’s not the problem. And why are you so insistent on making a thing out of this, anyway? I never appointed you keeper of my love life.”

Freddy grinned. “Hey, that’s a great idea. I think I’m going to add a new character in this book—the official Keeper of the Prince’s Love Life. You don’t mind if I totally steal this, do you?”

“Go ahead. But you’d better kill him off. Painfully.”

Of course, Freddy wasn’t perturbed. “Only if he becomes a favorite character. Carter, I’m being insistent because I want you to be happy. I love you, dickhead. If you were in one of my books, I’d have done away with you long ago.”

Despite himself, Carter chuckled. “Gee, thanks. I love you too. But just let this go, okay? John and I… it’s complicated. I just want to enjoy him while I can.”

After a pause, Freddy nodded. “Fine. But I reserve my right to give you a boot in the ass if you’re being an idiot. I like John. I like him for you. He completes you.”

“That’s plagiarism.”

“So sue me,” Freddy said, smiling. Then he opened his computer and started clacking away. Maybe he really was creating a love-life keeper.

Carter sat down again and reopened his book. But his eyes wouldn’t focus on the page. However misplaced Freddy’s intervention had been, the guy was nothing if not perceptive. And he was right—Carter had been feeling awfully happy about John, but with those gloomy undertones of impending misery. Maybe it was all the out-of-body experiences they’d shared, but Carter’s heart raced when John was present. Even when John was present only in his thoughts, like right now. And whenever John was out of reach, Carter’s arms felt empty and his soul bereft. But the magazine would hit print very shortly, and then John would be gone.

Fuck. Carter couldn’t imagine returning to his ordinary life, where he’d be alone and would never again feel his spirit soar.

“I
LIKE
it here,” Keith said. “It’s stunning. But I really, really want steady power and my own shower and Internet. Could we move on?”

The four of them sat around the dying fire, watching the sparks jump and glow. Carter and John had gone for two runs that day, plus a hike, yet Carter still felt restless. He looked forward to their time in the meadow.

“Where do you want to go?” Carter asked Keith.

“Civilization.”

Freddy must have anticipated this, because he had a suggestion right away. “How about we head to San Francisco? We can spend a few days there and then go down to Big Sur or up to Mendocino. That’s pretty civilized.”

Keith leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Perfect. And you’ll take me to some bars in San Francisco, right? I like those kinds of bears way better than the Yosemite kind.”

“Done, sweetie.” Somewhat belatedly, Freddy looked at Carter and John. “That plan okay with you guys?”

Carter wanted to say no. He didn’t want to leave the little bubble of happiness he’d found over the past week. But he’d known all along the bubble was bound to pop eventually, and he didn’t want to be an asshole to his friends, who’d treated him so nicely. “Fine with me,” he said.

That left John, who appeared slightly startled to find all eyes focused on him. “I don’t… I don’t really have a say. It’s your vacation.”