At Any Price (Gaming The System) (12 page)

“You nervous about tonight?” he finally asked after a long pause.

I looked up and met his scrutinizing gaze. “Perhaps.”

But that wasn’t the truth. I wasn’t nervous. I was already dreading the drop into reality. The return to normalcy afterward. And the fact that I’d never see him again. How insane. I didn’t even know if this was something I’d enjoy yet. For all I knew, I’d hate every second of it. But that’s not what was on my mind at that moment. Instead, all I could think of was how much I enjoyed being in his company, trading banter, smelling his smell.

And I already knew that my plan to guzzle wine and lie back and think of medical school had gone up in smoke. I doubted this man would allow me to lie back and think of anything else but him.

We danced only two more before he collected my wrap and the car came to take us back to the hotel.

After all the joking and laughter earlier, the air between us had grown somber, tense. Weighted with the expectation of what was to come. My insides clenched, just below my navel. I was becoming aware of some new, inner fire. It felt like a candle inside a lantern, glowing bright and hot. It was as if my body was already preparing me.

The entire ride back—less than ten minutes, actually—Adam did not touch me or speak to me. He stared out the window, one hand resting on his knee. He was distant, tense and definitely not present in that limo.

When we entered our suite, he placed a hand on the small of my back, guiding me inside. Every nerve in my body instantly jumped at the contact, as if he’d shocked me. The muscles beneath his touch tightened and my breathing rate jumped.

The lights had been turned on and then down, to an ambient glow. A bottle of wine rested in the place of the champagne of earlier that evening. He pulled his hand away and went to it.

“Wine?”

I cleared my throat. “Anything stronger?” I joked. I actually rarely drank hard liquor, but his reaction to my light joke startled me more than anything else. He wore a dark scowl before his features went blank again.

“They don’t stock anything hard when I’m here, I’m afraid,” he said in a neutral voice.

So he didn’t approve of drinking. “But you drink wine and champagne.”

“Yes. Sometimes. On special occasions. Or a glass with dinner when it’s called for.”

I took the glass of deep plum Cabernet Sauvignon that he’d poured. “Sounds like it’s very personal to you,” I said, echoing his own words back to him.

He took a small sip and settled the glass on the bar, leaning on the hand braced there. “It is. My mother is an alcoholic.”

I nodded, instantly regretting the question. That would explain why he’d come to live with his cousins at such a young age. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

He shrugged. “I haven’t seen in her in years. She lives her life and I live mine.”

“Are you afraid that if you drink the hard stuff, it would happen to you, too?”

He looked up. “It’s a disease and addiction has a genetic component to it.”

Like cancer. I nodded. Suddenly understanding him a whole lot more from the last few minutes than I had in the entire day we had just spent in one another’s presence.

He picked up the glass and reached out a hand. I hesitantly placed mine in his. “Come. There’s something I want to show you.”

I snorted. “Isn’t that someone’s cheesy line to get a girl into the bedroom?”

He laughed. “Not mine.”

He led me up the staircase and to a closed door just before the bedroom. I hadn’t noticed it before, when I’d come up this afternoon. He opened it and we were immediately on a rooftop terrace, looking out over one of the canals. Here on the top floor, we could see the roofs of Amsterdam and twinkling lights stretched out before us. The tiny cars in the distant square jockeyed for position around a complex traffic circle, their headlights glowing bright yellow and white.

A chilly spring breeze danced about our hair and shoulders. I went to the rail and he moved behind me, adjusting my wrap over my shoulders. His hands lingered there long moments before slowly slipping down my arms. I suddenly forgot about the gorgeous view in front of me.

He was touching me. Like he meant it. Like he wanted it. I gasped for breath and his hands fell away.

“I remember the first time I saw this city,” he murmured, still behind me, gazing out at the view over my head. “I had just sold my first code. Took the summer to travel across Europe and started here. Still had about a year until college. I wasted a lot of time that year, but it was the most memorable of my life.”

The display before us seemed otherworldly—all gold, silver and red, like Christmas in fairyland. I remembered the glass of wine in my hand and shakily downed the rest of it. Adam took the glass from me and set it down on a nearby table. When he returned, he stood behind me again, so close he almost touched his chest to my back.

After a few more moments of awkward silence, I leaned backward into him, craving the contact. He exhaled in surprise but said nothing. I shook, feeling every nerve ending where my body touched his. And suddenly I was aching to have his arms around me. “I wanted to do study abroad when I was an undergrad, but the scholarship didn’t cover it. I’ve only been in Europe less than a day and already I’m falling in love with it.”

“It’s easy to do. And you haven’t even seen France yet.”

Paris. God, I’d love to see Paris. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against him. No gasp of surprise this time. My shoulder blades pressed into his hard pecs. His head tipped down, his mouth pressing to my crown. Energy crackled right through me like a live electric tower. Fear was there, too, lurking in the background like a clammy mist.

Then he reached up and tangled his fingers through my hair, pressing along my scalp. I tensed and jumped, instantly reminded of another man’s hands wound tightly there, pulling with all his strength, forcing my head down.

Icy terror sliced through me. I gasped, my heart beating its way out of my throat in cold fear. I struggled, pushing away from him, my breath not coming fast enough.

“Get away! Don’t—” The world twisted around me and I hit against the railing, holding my hands up to protect myself from him. He’d hit me—so many times—grabbed my long hair and wrapped it around his hands like rope, pulling so hard—so hard. I couldn’t breathe. I had to get away.

“Emilia—Mia!” Adam’s voice cut through the fuzzy haze of panic that clouded my thoughts. He approached me slowly, eyes wide with concern. Spots formed at the edge of my vision and I felt like I might faint. Breathe! Breathe! I couldn’t draw the air in fast enough.

“Mia—My God, are you okay? What is it?”

I put my face in my hands, shaking so fiercely I didn’t think I’d be able to talk. “Emilia…do you hear me?”

I turned away from him and closed my eyes. I was safe, a distant voice tried to tell me. I wasn’t up on the Ridge, alone and begging Zack not to hit me again. I was with Adam. I was safe. I couldn’t stop shaking.

“Mia,” he said again, quietly. He stood closer now.

“I’m… fine…”

“Like hell, you are.”

“Please,” I said, putting an icy hand to my cheek. My heartbeat danced in my throat and I could hardly catch my next breath. I reached up and smoothed my hair. It was all still there. There was no blood. I was safe. There’s no way Adam could have known—hell, there was no way
I
would have known that him putting his hands in my hair would do this to me.

“Emilia. Slow down. If you keep breathing like that you’re going to pass out.” He took my arm gently and turned me toward him. “Gently. Hold your breath. Close your mouth. Look at me. Look in my eyes.” The panic receded as I stared into his dark eyes. He held both my shoulders now. “You’re safe, Emilia. There, breathe in through your nose. Keep your mouth closed.”

I shook my head, my eyes squeezed tight. “Just…” My voice faded, the cold fear dissipating slowly but leaving an oily trace in its wake. I took a deep breath and continued when I could. “It was just a bad memory. That’s all.”

“You’re white as a sheet. What did I do wrong?”

I shook again and he moved closer, quieting me while I shook in his arms. He pulled me to him and I pressed my face to his shoulder. “I’m sorry—so sorry.”

“There is absolutely nothing to apologize for,” he murmured.

“I just…I don’t like my hair pulled.”

There was a long silence. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

I shrugged my quivering shoulders. “You didn’t know.”

He cleared his throat. “We shouldn’t do this.”

“No,” I pulled back from him and stared into his eyes again. “I’m fine. I’m just fine.” But doubt clouded his handsome features.

“But if that happens again—”

“It won’t. I took care of what I could think of in the paperwork. Except I didn’t think about fingers in my hair.” I shuddered at the memory of it.

He paused. “Did someone hurt you? Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about it. I hoped he took the shake of my head to mean that someone hadn’t hurt me—hadn’t wound his hands into my hair, tearing chunks from my scalp as he forced his erection down my throat. I shivered again.

He gently pulled me toward him again, as if expecting me to bolt over the rail at any moment. “Whoever did it deserves to have the shit beat out of him.”

I leaned into him and his strong arms came around me, pulling me tightly to him. I was instantly soothed, but my heart was beating an even harsher staccato, pressed up against his sternum. His body felt so hard and powerful next to mine. The smooth material of his jacket caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes.

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine now. Thanks,” I said, my voice sounding as if it came from a far-off place. From that dreamland I’d drifted to all throughout the previous day. Then I lifted my head and looked into his face and I asked him for the one thing I’d wanted all evening. “Will you kiss me?” I asked in a tiny voice.

Without hesitation, his mouth descended slowly on mine, our lips meeting half the distance between us, both heads pressing in for an urgent taste of the other. His touch was gentle, at first, lips firm but closed. But I wanted more—I wanted a kiss like the one he’d left me with that day in my apartment.

My tongue darted out to outline his lips. He expelled a sudden breath and lowered an arm to the small of my back, hooking my waist closer to him. He opened his mouth to my tongue. I deepened the exploration until he met me with his. Another tight gasp from deep within his chest and I was cinched so tightly to him that I detected every contour and ridge of the muscles beneath his shirt. I tilted my head back, eager for more. I locked my hands atop his shoulders, holding him to me.

And suddenly the control was no longer mine. One hand settled at the back of my neck, careful not to twine in my hair while he laid me open with nothing more than his tongue and lips. His tongue delved into my mouth and I couldn’t breathe, dizzy with desire. I wanted to whisper his name but I couldn’t say anything with the contact so intimate, so deep. And this night it would be deeper still. Fear trembled in my belly. I was actually going to go to bed with a man. This beautiful man.

His mouth left mine, traveling along my jaw to take my earlobe between his lips. His caresses were white-hot and ice-cold at once. Everything in the center of me curled into a tangled tension, crying for release.

His teeth grazed my earlobe and I whispered his name. His mouth and tongue blazed a trail across my neck, my throat. Each touch made my body jump. I arched my breasts into his chest. A deep groan emanated from the bottom of his chest, the first vocal acknowledgement of his arousal.

“Let’s go inside,” I said, emboldened, my center feeling as if it was on fire and he the only one in the vicinity holding an extinguisher. The boldness was an act. Inside I was shaky and not a little terrified of what this night would be like.

Adam stepped back and took my hand to lead me inside. A rush of warm air surrounded me as we stepped into the bedroom. I thought he would pull me toward the bed, but he stopped beside the couch against the wall. He removed my wrap from my shoulders, slinging it over the back. Then he unbuttoned his coat and did the same. But his eyes never left mine and mine never left his, which glowed like coals under a bonfire.

I was in no doubt now, if I ever had been, really, that he wanted me. That it was as powerful and as ferocious a want as the one singing through my own veins. Before he said another word, I turned toward the bed while I still had the courage. “No,” he said, stopping me. “Not yet.”

I turned back to him and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me down with him onto the sofa. I landed in his lap and he was kissing me again—ferociously pressing his mouth to mine, my neck, my throat…and then lower. When he pulled his face away, he looked up at me, his eyes glazed with desire and his features flushed. He lifted a hand to my shoulder, stroking softly along my upper arm.

“Your skin is so soft,” he said, his fingers gliding over me as if he’d never touched a woman before.

“Vitamin E,” I said lamely when I didn’t know what else to say. What does one say when the man who is about to sleep with you lavishes you with compliments? “Thank you” seems kind of stupid.

His eyes didn’t leave mine. His hand traveled gently along my collarbone. “Here, too.”

I let out a slow breath, excitement jumping into my throat. His touch was igniting new fires I never knew lay dormant in my body—between my legs, all over. My eyes fluttered closed, concentrating on his touch.

His hands stroked lower, dipping into the V between my breasts. “And here,” he murmured. And before another moment passed, he pulled me off his lap and sat me beside him on the couch, slipping one strap off my shoulder. I felt the cool air touch my naked breast.

Here we go,
I thought. It was not unlike staring over an abyss from atop a rollercoaster that had just paused before plummeting full speed down the hill. My stomach dropped.

I opened my eyes. He was watching me as his hand came up to cup my breast. The breath hissed out between my teeth and his eyes—if it was even possible—seemed to darken.