At the Earl's Convenience (9 page)

With a heavy sigh, he crossed his arms. “Very well. Begin.”

She sat on the chair. “I didn’t finish telling you about my discussion with the gamekeeper yesterday. I gave him your orders to leave some of the fallen trees to afford the game protection from foxes. Scullen tells me there’s no need to restock, for game birds have bred in large numbers. There’s a glut of deer too, and there’ll be a shortage of food for winter, so they must be culled and provide venison for the table. There’s a good supply of salmon in the river.”

“I’ll be well enough to do some fishing soon. Have Frobisher bring down the rods and equipment from the attics. I’ll fish while you’re away.”

He still wanted her to go. “If the weather is fine. Take care not to get wet. We are coming into winter. It would be most unwise.”

He plucked at the sheet with restless fingers. “How long will you be gone?”

“It will be at least a month.” She tried to read his expression. “Anne and the children will want me to spend time with them.”

He nodded. “Of course. They must miss you.”

She hurtled back to earth as reality struck. She’d hoped he’d begun to care for her and had expected him to protest at her lengthy stay. “When I return, we must talk.”

“Oh?” He folded his arms.

“We have not yet discussed what happened on our wedding day. I feel it stands between us.”

His eyes narrowed. “I may be in a weakened state, madam, but you can only push me so far. I will tell you what I choose when I choose to.”

“As you wish, my lord.” Furious, Selina dropped into a curtsey fit for a king and walked to the door.

“Selina?”

She turned. “My lord?”

“When you return from Bath, you and I shall begin life as man and wife. I require an heir.”

Still no explanation or apology. He was so sure of her. “How do you know I will return?”

He frowned. “If you’re not back here by the end of the month, I’ll come and get you.”

“What? And drag me home by my hair?”

He gave a thin smile. “If I have to.”

Selina went to her chamber to organize the packing. She trembled with a surfeit of emotions: anger and disappointment that he didn’t love or trust her enough with the truth and, to her great annoyance, an overriding desire for him to beg her not to go or, at the very least, come to fetch her away from Bath and make passionate love to her.

She was fighting to protect her heart. If only she didn’t love him, she could live with him in quiet contentment. Even endure the prospect of him seeing other women, a practice common amongst the
ton
. But she hadn’t been born an aristocrat and was cursed with the morals of the gentry. Such a betrayal would eat her up. Was she fighting a battle that was impossible to win?

The morning dawned fine. Against her wishes, Devereux insisted on coming downstairs to see her leave. He took her by the shoulders and kissed her, a brief touch of their lips. She wanted to throw her arms around him and hug him tight but drew away with the pretense of fastening her bonnet. Was there regret darkening his blue eyes? Perhaps a trick of the light.

“Have a safe journey.”

“Take care of yourself. I shall be back before you’ve even noticed I’ve gone.”

He shook his head, managing a woeful expression. “Who will play chess with me every evening?”

“You always win, anyway.” She forced a smile while a huge lump blocked her throat.

An appreciative gleam warmed his eyes. “Not for long, I suspect.”

He must now experience the long, dull evenings she had endured before he came, but she didn’t wish him to suffer. It was tempting to stay with Anne a little longer just to see if he would come for her. She wouldn’t. She wasn’t good at playing games of that sort. And in the deep recesses of her mind, she feared he wouldn’t miss her, just merely go on living the life he’d grown used to before she came into it.

Chapter Eleven

Giles firmed his jaw as he watched the carriage roll away down the drive. This dashed illness! No chance of an heir now. He’d refused to use her for breeding like cattle. When they made love, it would be because there was desire on both sides. It would be damnably dull without Selina, but she’d be safe in Bath. Without her infernal fretting, he’d work at regaining his strength. It was worrying how quickly a man came to enjoy a woman fussing over him. The beggars would have killed him if he hadn’t escaped when he did, and then the influenza nearly finished the job. But in a few days, if the weather held, he’d ride the stallion, Firefly. Best way to build up muscles. Be seen to do some fly-fishing while he took a good look around the estate. He must clean his pistols. Whomever it was lurking about might have gone, but they’d be back. And he wasn’t about to welcome them with open arms. Not until he was certain of what they’d come for.

****

When the carriage stopped in the drive, Anne, Harry, and the children rushed out to greet her. Selina fumbled for her handkerchief to hide her tears. She was determined to conceal the disturbing state of her marriage, but the sight of her beloved sister made it difficult. She dried her eyes and fortified herself with the conviction that, when she returned to Halcrow Hall, things would be better. She planned to make it so. On the way here, she’d realized how tired she was. She’d thought of little but Devereux since she’d agreed to marry him.

Anne piled the small bundle into Selina’s arms. “Meet Benne.”

Selina peeled back the blanket to expose the snowy-haired cherub, sleeping peacefully, his tiny fingers curled against his velvet cheek. “He has his papa’s strong chin, I see. I can’t wait to see his eyes when he wakes.”

“They’ll turn green, like Mama’s and yours,” Anne said with a proud smile.

Conscious of her growing hunger for a child of her own, Selina settled the baby back into his mother’s arms. Brother-in-law, Harry, kissed her cheek.

“It’s wonderful to see you, Selina. Your calm good sense has been sorely missed in this unruly household.”

The children had grown in the short time she’d been away. Six-year-old Lucy was determined to bring Selina up to date on the fate of her pets. A pet frog had passed away, and Selina must come and see the grave in the orchard. One of the cats, the poorly named Rupert, had performed a miracle, producing a litter of kittens. Aunt Selina must take the cutest of them home with her, the black kitten with the dainty white paws.

“Not all at once, Lucy.” Anne laughed. “Let Aunt Selina come inside. I’m sure she’s dying for a good strong cup of tea.”

In her old chamber, Selina washed off the travel dust, changed from her carriage gown, and went downstairs to the morning room. This had been her home since her father’s mansion had been sold after his death. The comfortable room was untidy, strewn with the children’s toys, Anne’s silks, her tapestry, the romping dogs, and a basket of tiny, mewling kittens. It all seemed so normal that she felt bruised and emotionally exhausted.

“Many of our friends want to see you,” Anne said. “And others want to meet the new Countess of Halcrow. We’ve having a party on Saturday evening.”

“How lovely,” Selina said with a silent groan. She dreaded the questions she couldn’t answer. The first of them came before she’d finished her tea. “Why didn’t you go to London as planned, dearest?” Anne’s delicate brows met in a puzzled frown.

Selina knew that her sister was already on full alert to detect any sign of unhappiness. “I wanted to see my new home.”

“What is Halcrow Hall like?”

“It’s beautiful,” Selina said. “The layout of the gardens is truly masterful. I can’t wait for spring. Just imagine, Anne, acres of bluebells in the wood, daffodils and daisies strewn over the meadows. There’s a rhododendron walk and banks of azaleas. It rivals Bath in autumn, with chestnuts, oaks, birches, and maples…” she rushed on. “The house is huge; I’ve barely entered all of the rooms. My favorite is the well-stocked library. I wish I had more time to read, but Devereux and I have been busy with the restoration. We have great plans for it…”

“Enough, dearest.” Anne laughed. “Drink your tea. You have four whole weeks to tell us.”

Harry winked, but his eyes looked uneasy. “Why didn’t the earl accompany you?”

“He’s not been well,” she said. “The influenza. Devereux is recuperating and sends his blessings.”

The following weeks were crammed with soirees, picnics, rides in the country, and dances at the assembly rooms, but for Selina, the time crawled by. She was uneasy about leaving Devereux. The doctor had assured her he was close to a full recovery, but she still worried. When she closed her eyes at night, she saw his beloved face, and her restless dreams were about him. She wanted to rush home but for Anne, who was so happy to have her with them again. She tamped down her impatience while clinging to the hope that he might miss her.

Her closest friend, Elsbeth Millichamp, the only one she could confide in, had been away in London. When she walked up the path, Selina rushed out to hug her. “How wonderful to see you, Elsbeth.”

“Oh, Selina, I’ve missed you.” Elsbeth looked pretty and animated in a russet-colored pelisse, primrose ribbons on her poke bonnet.

“Come into the parlor. The family is away for the afternoon, visiting Harry’s mother.”

As soon as they’d sat on the sofa, Elsbeth took Selina’s hands in hers. “I have such news. You’ll never guess.”

Selina laughed. “Then you shall have to tell me.”

“Fredrick Goodwin and I are to be married.”

“That’s hardly a surprise,” Selina said, delighted for her friend. “But it’s excellent news. Tell me all about it.”

As Elsbeth exuberantly went into details, Selina decided not to mention her own problems.

“But what about you, Selina?” Elsbeth said when she’d paused for breath. “You must be deliriously happy with that handsome husband of yours. Where is he?”

“We have been very happy. He came down with a heavy cold and has stayed at home.”

“Oh, then I shan’t see him. I am sorry. Tell me more about the house. It is said to be very grand but not in the best repair.”

When Elsbeth departed, promising to send them an invitation to the wedding, Selina was glad that she hadn’t been tempted to unburden herself.

Finally, the day came for her return to Halcrow Hall. She hugged a tearful Anne, who promised to visit when Benne was a little older.

When the carriage entered Halcrow Hall’s ornate gates, the butterflies battering Selina’s stomach quieted. She was home. Her tiny kitten mewed from the basket. “This is your new home, Bitsy.” Selina scooped the kitten into her arms, and the warm body throbbed with a raspy purr. She stroked the soft fur as the carriage drove past workmen in the woods. A cart stood loaded with firewood, and a huge pile had been set alight, sending smoke billowing into the lowering sky.

A blanket of sludge covered the ground, the clouds threatening snow. She threw off the carriage rug as they approached the house, hoping to see Devereux standing waiting for her. He wasn’t.

Joseph stood in the drive with Frobisher at the open door. She hadn’t received a reply to her letter, but that hadn’t concerned her. It was just a short note filled with Bath news, which didn’t require an answer. Surely, his condition hadn’t worsened while she was gone. Accusing herself of being foolish and overly dramatic, she was out of the carriage as soon as Joseph put down the step.

“Where is his lordship?” she asked Frobisher as he helped her off with her pelisse.

“Gone. A week ago, my lady.”

For a moment, her heart seemed to stop. “Gone? Where?”

“His lordship went in a hired carriage to London.”

Her heart sank to somewhere in the region of her half-boots. She blinked back tears, unable to hide her dismay. “Did he give you notice of when he would return, Frobisher?”

“Lord Halcrow didn’t say, my lady.” Concern darkened the butler’s grey eyes. “After his lordship received a letter, he left the next day.”

“And…he was well?”

“Quite fit, my lady. He’d begun to ride again.”

There was that at least. Selina went upstairs to her chamber, where the maid had begun to unpack her trunk. She rushed to the mantel where a note was propped against the gilt clock. Her fingers trembled as she read it. There were only two words scrawled on the page.

I’m sorry
.

She couldn’t deny the evidence any longer. He did not want her. “Leave that until later, please, Sarah. I’d like to be alone.”

When the maid left the room, Selina lay on the bed and buried her face in the pillows. Her tears dampened the linen. Devereux didn’t care one jot for her, beyond the necessity for a dutiful wife to fulfil his needs. Had she been so foolish to forget? He respected her so little that he didn’t see the need to explain his absence or write her in Bath to advise her of his plans. She took a shuddering sigh and pounded her fist into the pillow. Was there a woman drawing him back to the metropolis? Not just one but probably several.

Her stubborn mind flooded with questions. Had she been wrong to leave him? Would her presence have kept him here, or did he find the country too lacking in company? She couldn’t be sure of anything. Her sister’s cool assessment of love came back to her. You can fall out of love just as easily as fall into it. Why didn’t she believe that of herself?