Atonement (28 page)

Tate leaned down and gave me a gentle, loving kiss. I was hoping and praying it was a kiss of understanding. I hoped he understood it was a little hard on me. I would change it if I could. He deserves so much more than a bride who still fractionally felt love for another person. A person that had also asked for her hand in marriage as well. That seemed like a lifetime ago now, but the crazy part was, me agreeing to it! I had agreed in one way or another to a future with John. I can’t imagine how Tate could get past that. I would still be reeling from it if it had been Tate committing to someone else. I mean I thought he was enjoying Lauren a little at the same time, but actually, he wasn’t. He was just using her to fill a void that had been put there by pure manipulation. Tate had been hurt over and over again by Lauren and John. How did he not crush John before now? It had to be pure love for me. What else could it be?

{
Tate}

God, no, don’t let this be happening. What was she doing? Please let her be moved on completely from
him
. I can’t take this. I know she still thinks of him occasionally. I don’t want that, but I can handle it. But does she still want him…does she still love him? Damn it! I should’ve beaten the shit out of him, and threatened him within an inch of his life. All that time of torture for Reese and me, it had been by his hands. He couldn’t have what was mine, but damn if he didn’t try to take it. The truth was I hated him for it. If I hadn’t thought Reese would hate me, I would have physically destroyed him by now. Luckily, he won’t live near us, in fact basically a nation away, since we would be in California, and he would be here in North Carolina. That was what kept me sane. I was thankful in a way, that he hadn’t worked out some strategy to use his money and influence to draw her back somehow. I hoped to God once we were officially married, he would drop all contact, and leave her the hell alone…forever. The more I think about it, the more I want to pay him a little visit. Once we are married, maybe I’ll do just that…pay dear old John a visit and leave behind a little reminder that Reese is and always will be mine.

Just another hour, that’s all I had left before I was hitched. Tate had left a letter in my room last night. He was such an amazing man. The letter told of how much he loved me, and couldn’t wait to start our ‘forever’ together…then there was a mention of what comes next, with lots of words for my eyes and ears only and winking faces. That got me giddy. I
was more than ready for what came next…in fact, what came next couldn’t come quick enough. My breathing changed just thinking of it.

I must have had a sly grin on my face staring at myself in the mirror, because I heard snickering behind me. Then full out laughter.

“We don’t have to ask what you’re thinking Reese. I know you just want to get the show on the road, so you and Tate can um…”

“OKAY!” I butted in. When I turned around, I was stunned. “Look at how beautiful y’all are.” They were gorgeous. Each one had their long, thick hair pulled up in a loose twist on top of their head. Trendles of curls piled up with baby’s breath intermingled throughout. Classic beauties. My eyes got all misty.

“Reese, we could say the same about you. You. Are. A. Vision.” My dress was simple but accentuating of my assets. I was going barefoot, and I didn’t have much of a train since the wedding was on the beach. The back of my dress was very, very low showing off my tanned back. The front was cut low in a ‘V’, my breasts were peeking over the top, threatening to fold over. Luckily, the fabric had a rubber lining to keep that from happening. Satin and silk was what the bodice was made of. It hugged every inch of me. I hoped Tate liked it. I had left my hair mostly all down with loose curls, and had pulled the sides up in a loose twist with curls similar to the girls. I didn’t have on a veil, but I did have white flowers scattered delicately throughout my hair, and my grandmother’s diamond hairpin helped keep some of the hair neatly in place.

The girls each wore a different shade of yellow and a different style each as well. God had provided a beautiful day
with sun and no rain. We had decided on an 11 a.m. wedding because we didn’t want to worry about an afternoon thunder storm popping up. My parents had planned a lavish seafood feast for the reception. Also, being it was April, the sun wasn’t scorching yet…just perfect.

After all of us girls were ready, and hugged, and cried out, it was time to be downstairs, and head out on the beach. The guys would already be down under the tents, waiting on us to arrive. Guests would also already be there by now. My mom was rushing around doing last minute things for the reception to follow. I snuck down the front stairs, on the street side of the beach house so no one would see me. I needed a moment…that was all I could say. I wasn’t having second thoughts, not at all, I was just outright nervous.

I was pacing back and forth, bouquet in hand, when I heard the crunch of gravel or something like someone had stepped on rocks behind me. Turning around, I dropped my bouquet. Staring back at me, and walking toward me was none other than John. He was gorgeous. His dark hair was tousled by the wind. His blue eyes more piercing because they were surrounded by red. He looked like he had been crying.

I sucked in a deep breath, and stood still. I was thankful Tate was already out on the beach. It hadn’t dawned on me until now that John might come here. After all, I hadn’t invited him of course. But, Maura and Chloe would have Harrison and Bret here. I should have known. I was shaking my head from side to side. I think I had stopped breathing all together. John was walking closer to me in khaki pants, flip flops, and a white t-shirt. I sucked in a big breath.

I didn’t want to cry and ruin my makeup and eyes. I needed to get away. I was walking backwards, still shaking my head. “John,” I barely got out. “You can’t be here. You have to leave.” I couldn’t walk back any further. My back had ended up against the stair railing.

He stepped up close, eyes deep with pain. “Reese,” he paused and swallowed hard, “You look…beautiful.” A tear slipped from his eyes. This I couldn’t take. “So this is really happening,” he said making a firm statement. I could feel his breath on me, that’s how close he was.

I slowly nodded my head yes, unable to speak.

“I had to see you for myself. I had to know what a gorgeous bride you would be.” More tears, this time they were from me too. He let out a deep sigh. “Reese, please don’t do this. Don’t marry him. Please!” Oh God, this was too hard. He was begging. I had to stop this before I broke down. I wouldn’t ruin Tate’s day. Somehow, the thought of Tate and all of his pain last year came to the front of my brain. John had caused that…Thank you God for making me remember.

Swallowing the lump as best I could in my throat, and rolling my shoulders back, I finally regained my composure. “John, you need to leave. I need you to leave. I love Tate. I am marrying
him
. I will always be loyal and faithful to
him
. Please…leave. You, you will find someone John. But, it can’t be me. Besides, I can’t ever trust you to have my best interest and to protect me. You caused so much of my pain, thinking you were doing it for the best. One day I may forgive you, I’m sorry, but that day is not now. You…you were wrong on so many levels.” I was praying I was getting to him. I knew I was
hurting him now, but I couldn’t do this, not now…and after today, not ever. I was shaking, trembling so hard I was afraid my heart would burst.

“Reese,” His pain seemed intensified. “Please, I need you to forgive me…I need to know you don’t hate me. You said you loved me.” His voice was marked with so much pain. He grabbed me by the waist, “I love you Reese, I love you so much. I don’t think I can go on without you.” What was he saying? The door at the top of the stairs opened, and I couldn’t make myself turn around. I was scared it was Tate. He would be confused and hurt, and then he would want to kill John. But all I heard were gasps, and light footsteps running down the stairs.

“John, what are you doing here?” Elle was screaming at him. She pushed at him. I couldn’t speak. He looked down where his hands were and dropping them, he took a step back. “You can’t be here John. You have to leave. I can’t believe this shit. You’re upsetting Reese today! Stop! Get over it already…move on! How dare you come here?”

She was right, how dare he mess this up. I know why, he was hoping he would change my mind. But he couldn’t. I was in love with Tate, I was about to become his wife. I picked up my bouquet and ran around the house toward the beach. My mom was coming down the stairs at the back of the house. She looked so beautiful, so young. She caught my expression and came running over to me.

“Reese, what is it honey, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? What is it? Are you having second thoughts?” She was holding my shoulders giving me a good look over.

“Oh Mom, it’s John. He’s here. He just approached me in front of the house. He’s trying to talk me out of marrying Tate…he wants me to forgive him for all he did.” I was trying not to sob. I knew if I got to a certain point of no return, my eyes would be swollen, and it would be hard to hide the fact that I was upset. I couldn’t have Tate see me like this. This was his special day too after all. I wanted our memories of today to be the best ever, not laced with heartache.

“Sweetheart,” she hugged me tight. Then lightly rubbing underneath my eyes she said, “Hey, listen to me…you are a gorgeous woman with a heart of gold. You are going to have other guys vie for your heart, trying to conquer you. John won’t be the only one. And as gorgeous, wealthy, and sweet as he can be, he is not your true love. Tate is. He stole your heart, he nurtured you when you were shot, he protected you, he forgave you for not believing in him, he only has eyes for you Reese. You have to remember that after today, he is and will always be your husband Reese. Love him, cherish him, and enjoy each other.” Ahhh, I let a soft sigh escape. My mom, my mentor, she knew what she was saying. I was sure there had been times in her life she was pursued. She loved my Dad whole-heartedly; she was teaching me how to do the same. “By the way honey…you look beautiful. Your dad will cry as soon as he lays eyes on you, so beware. And Tate…Tate will be head over heels all over again. I love you. Come on, let’s go and get my only daughter married.

I was smiling now. The moment from earlier tucked away from the present. I heard laughter behind me. Elle and Maura were coming up to me.

“What’s so funny?” I said, “and where’s Chloe?”

“Nothing Reese, let’s go find Tate. Chloe will be here momentarily.” They both looked at each other. “We can talk about this later…much later.” I was curious, but I didn’t want to push it. All I really wanted to do was see my handsome groom.

could hear the music playing. I could feel my heart beating so hard and fast that blood must have been rushing to my ears. I suddenly felt I was in my own little world, and everything was playing out in slow motion in front of me. I was walking closer, my girls beside of me. We stopped at the back of the tent. The girls were walking down one by one.