Autumn in the City of Angels (16 page)

“Maybe we should come back?” Ben whispered.

“That’s silly,” Connie said.  “This is where we treat our people, and Autumn requires assistance.  Plus, I’d like to visit with Shad for a moment.  They’ll just have to take their argument somewhere else.”

“Put me down now!”  I whispered sharply to Ben.  If Grey was here, I certainly didn’t want him seeing me over Ben’s shoulder with my rump in the air.  Ben didn’t respond, so I pounded my fist into his back a few times, hoping it would throw him off balance enough for me to dismount.

Connie led Ben to the curtained area, where she loudly cleared her throat to let the others know they were no longer alone.  Grey opened the curtain, revealing Todd, Lydia and a few others I recognized.  I shrank back to hide behind Ben.

“Grey, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I was hoping you or Lydia might have a moment for Autumn.”  Connie motioned to me over Ben’s shoulders.

Grey walked around Ben and leaned down to look at me.  “Are you okay?” he asked me.

“They’re overreacting.  I’m fine,” I said.  My hair was mostly covering my face at this angle, and I felt ridiculous.  But then it got worse.  Ben slapped my butt, hard.

“Ben!”  I yelped in shock.

“Tell ’em the truth.  She was complaining in the cafeteria,” said Ben in his most matter-of-fact tone.  It seemed like Grey hadn’t appreciated Ben slapping my behind any more than I had, but I couldn’t be sure.  Grey had such a refined air about him and was good at masking his feelings.  I was never really sure of what was going on inside that beautiful head of his.

Grey reached down and parted my hair so he could see my eyes more clearly.  “I’m sure having all the blood rush to your head isn’t helping, hmm?”  He instructed Ben to set me on the table.

“Did we interrupt a meeting?” I asked Grey.  Todd and the others had filed out of the infirmary.  I could hear snippets of their conversation from the other side of the curtain.  They sounded worried.

He shook his head and said, “Look over here.”  Grey held a finger up to the right of my head.  I focused on it, and, in my peripheral vision, a light flashed in my eyes.  Then he said, “The meeting was over a while ago, but I don’t think they noticed.  Look at me.”

Something fluttered in my stomach, and I looked directly into his cool blue eyes.  I didn’t even notice when he shined the light in mine.  His eyes were shaded sapphire pools, their cold depths silent as a forest in winter.  I felt frozen as stone.

“Autumn,” Grey said, and I realized he’d said my name twice now.  He was holding a finger up to the left side of my face.  “You okay?  You zoned out for a minute there.”  He was staring intently at me.  I nodded and quickly looked at his other finger.  He flashed the light in my eyes a third and final time, then leaned against the exam table beside me. “Your pupils look a little dilated, but you seem okay.  I think you just need more rest.”  I swallowed and nodded again.  He was so close.  His hand brushed mine.  I wasn’t sure if it was an accident or on purpose.

Connie had gone over to Shad’s cot, where he slept soundly.  Ben, on the other hand, made his way over to the curtain and appeared to be straining to hear the conversation that had moved to the other side of the room.

“We’re going to have to leave,” Grey murmured to me.

I glanced up at him, surprised.  “They’re that close now?”

“They’ve got more people in the subway tunnels searching.  It could be any day now.  We have to move... quickly.”

From the other side of the curtain, I heard an unfamiliar voice angrily say, “There are too many people for a mass evacuation.  We can’t get enough supplies through the crawlspace to last us more than two days, even if we could evacuate without being seen.”

“We’re out of options,” Todd said.  “Grey is right.  We’ll be sitting ducks in here.  We’ll send a team ahead today to feel out the situation up in Hoover.  Discussion’s over.”

“I could help with that,” Ben said loudly as he pushed the curtains aside.  “I’ve been to the Hoover Dam before.”

“Ben!?  What are you doing?”  I started to get off the table.

Grey put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.  “Wait here,” he said and joined the group.

Connie appeared beside me.  “What’s wrong?”

“I think I just heard Ben volunteer for a scout!”

“Who’re you?” said an auburn-haired man.  I remembered him coming in with the supply run the night Shad was injured.  I thought his name was Daniel.

Ben drew himself up to his full height of five foot nine inches and said, “Name’s Ben.  I’m seventeen, and I’ve been to the Hoover Dam several times.  I know everything about it.”

Todd shook his head.  “No, you’re not going.  I don’t care if you know how much the friggen dam weighs, you’re not going.  No new people leave.”

“Six million, six hundred thousand tons.” Ben blinked owlishly from behind his glasses.

Everyone stared.  He continued, “It took twenty-one thousand men five years to build, and one hundred twenty-one men died during that time.  The water flowing through the dam can generate up to two gigawatts and powers most of the Southwest, which, I’m assuming, is why you want to go there.”

Daniel gawked for a moment before responding.  “Well, long as we agree he doesn’t get a weapon, I’m sold.  This kid could be useful.”

“I dunno.  I’m not a fan of newcomers on scouts,” Todd said, eyeing Ben up and down.

“I heard you guys talking.  None of you have ever been there, and I’ve been three times.  I know how it works.  I’ve been on all kinds of tours inside the dam.  I can fill everyone in on the way.  Plus, you’re the one who wanted us to pull our weight if we stayed here,” added Ben in his most persuasive tone.

Todd smiled at having his own words thrown back at him.  “Grey, what do you think?” It was the first time I’d heard him sound so uncertain.

“He’s survived alone a lot longer than any of us have.  And, based on what I saw in the apartment he and Autumn were living in, it appears he’s been living there for a while.  It’s doubtful he’s affiliated with The Front,” Grey reasoned aloud.  My jaw dropped as I listened to him.  He was telling Todd to let Ben go on the scout.  He couldn’t go!  People got hurt on scouts.  I started to panic.

Todd nodded approval, and Ben smiled widely.  Then Daniel clapped him on the back and said, “We leave in an hour, kid.  Bring something warm to wear.  We’re planning on stealing a plane or two from Whiteman Airfield and flying to Hoover.  Be prepared to be gone for a few days.”

When Daniel left the room, Ben turned toward me, a proud, almost smug expression on his face.  He opened his mouth, but I cut him off.  “What do you think you’re doing!?  You can’t go with them!”  Ben’s face fell.  He had obviously been hoping for a different reaction, but I was furious.  He didn’t know how dangerous these scouts could be.  He hadn’t seen Shad brought in that night.

“I just wanted to help,” he said as I stared angrily at him.  “Sounds like they could really use it, too.”  I turned my head then, not even wanting to look at him.  He was being an idiot.  I ignored the hand that Ben offered as I slid from the table.

“Try to get some rest before the scout,” Grey said to Ben as we left the infirmary.

A few minutes later, as we walked back down the hall, Ben’s mood changed.  His face clouded, and he muttered to himself.  I hoped against hope he might have changed his mind.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked.

“I don’t like him.  He acts so high and mighty.  I don’t know why you like him so much.”

“Who?  Todd?”

“No, Grey!  He thinks he’s so important.  He’s weird.  All those questions he wouldn’t answer on the trip home.  You know I didn’t notice anything out of place with the elevator, like if he’d hotwired it or something.  And what about that explosion?  I don’t trust him.”  He paused and looked down at me.  “And you know what’s worse?  It’s like he’s got some kind of spell on you or something.”

“Oh, yes, I’m the one acting irrationally here,” I said sarcastically.  “Grey doesn’t answer a few questions the way you want, and he’s the bad guy.  But you go off and volunteer for an incredibly dangerous scout right after I nearly kill myself to get you here.  Sure, Grey’s the one I should be upset at, clearly.”

“At least
they
think I can do it.  I’m not a kid, Autumn!  I don’t need you to protect me.  Do you know how bad you made me look in there?!”

It took me a second to respond.  I realized I’d completely undermined him, emasculating him in front of the leaders.  I hadn’t meant to hurt him.  I just wanted him to be safe, but he was right, he could take care of himself.  If he wanted to prove himself on a scout, I couldn’t stop him.  “I’m sorry,” I said. “Just, be safe while you’re gone.  Don’t do anything, you know...”

His face began to soften as he raised an eyebrow at me “What?  Stupid?  Please,” he chuckled, “Me?  Stupid?”

I looked back up to him. “Yes, you.” I forced myself to smile at him.  I memorized the lines of his face as they curled into a crooked smile, hoping I’d get a chance to see him again.

I slept fitfully that night.  My body refused to relax, and my feet burned and ached underneath the bandages.  But Rissi was bunking with me now while Ben was gone, and I tried to keep as still as possible so I wouldn’t wake her.

My mind raced, despite my utter exhaustion.  My thoughts switched back and forth between worrying about Ben on the scout and wondering about Grey and the many unexplained things about him, including the mysterious past he seemed to want to tell me about.  My inability to concentrate reminded me of flipping the television between two shows I couldn’t commit to.

I tried a trick my dad taught me.  I closed my eyes and started a movie in my head.  I chose my favorite one,
It’s a Wonderful Life
.  I knew every line of dialogue, every music cue, every camera angle.  I saw the opening credits in my head and heard the first few strains of music.  I imagined the first scenes down to the costumes and body language of the actors.  This usually helped me relax, and I would fall asleep within minutes.  But it didn’t work tonight.  I was at the part where George and Mary threw rocks at the windows of their future house when I realized I was picturing Grey as George Bailey instead of Jimmy Stewart.  I sighed and turned over.

 I kept replaying the explosion outside The Water Tower, when Sam and the other Greeters were closing in on me.  I was certain now it wasn’t a random occurrence.  First, we had been blown away from each other, as if the explosion happened between me and my pursuers.  I was barely lifted off my feet when the force of it knocked me back, while they seemed to bear the brunt of the concussion, as if it were aimed at them.

Second, there wasn’t any fire.  If it had been a gas leak, wouldn’t fire have accompanied the blast?

Finally, the only sound had been the noise of the various objects caught in the blast.  What kind of explosion was silent?

Grey’s face flashed to the front of my memory again.  I was certain I saw him in between Sam and me for a split second.  But it didn’t make sense, because he appeared in the elevator with Ben and Rissi only a minute later.  He couldn’t have been in two places at once.  Was I so enamored with him that I saw him everywhere?

I wondered where Grey was now.  He told me he’d keep an eye on Ben during the scout.  I just hoped Ben wouldn’t notice.  He would dislike Grey even more and think I had put him up to it.  I wondered how far away from me they both were.  Could they already be outside the city?

I must have fallen asleep because, when I opened my eyes, I heard the sounds of morning outside my door.  I untangled myself from Rissi and covered her again with her small blanket.  I tested a little weight on my feet and found that a lot of the pain had diminished overnight.  I grabbed my rationed toothbrush, comb and a bottle of water and let myself out into the hallway. I immediately ran into Connie, who looked absolutely exuberant.

“Hey,” she said cheerfully.  “Guess what?  Shad comes home today.”

“Oh, right!” I answered.  “Are you going to get him now?”

“I am.  Want to come?”

“I would, but Rissi’s still asleep.  I’m going to go clean myself up while I can.  I’ll come by later to visit.”  I gave her a quick hug. “I knew he’d get better fast.”

She nodded, still grinning like a carved pumpkin.  “I wasn’t sure they’d actually let him leave the infirmary today, but Grey came and told me this morning.”

“Grey?  I thought he was on the scout?”  My heartbeat quickened.

“I thought he was, too, but Todd told him he had to stay here this time.  Said he wasn’t looking good enough for the trip.  Poor guy, he hardly ever gets to sleep a full eight hours.”

My thoughts raced.  Grey was here!  But the scouts left yesterday morning?  Where was he all day yesterday?  My worry for Ben grew, knowing Grey wasn’t with him.

Connie hugged me again and took off for the infirmary while I headed in the opposite direction toward the bathrooms.  While I knew it wouldn’t be as good as a hot shower, taking a sponge bath out of a modified high school bathroom sink would feel good.  I washed quickly and then brushed my teeth, trying to ignore the noise of my discarded water dripping into the bucket under the sink.  I used the smallest amount of my water ration as possible, but enough to fill the bucket up to the line drawn on its side with a permanent marker.  When I saw that I had enough, I capped my water bottles and took the bucket into one of the bathroom stalls.  I used the toilet, then poured the bucket into the tank so I could flush.  I was grateful that this group hadn’t let their septic system go.  Dealing with an outhouse situation while trying to hide from The Front would have been difficult.

When I came out of the stall and saw my reflection in the mirror, I almost felt like a girl again.  I squirted antibacterial gel into my palms from the bottle on the counter.  One of the scouts must have raided a bath store warehouse full of this stuff because the bathrooms and common areas were stocked with pastel bottles with names like Daydream Meadow.

I sat down on the tile floor and pulled off the layers of socks from my feet, then unwound the bandages.  My feet were no longer swollen or red, and the blisters looked mostly healed.  I had to hand it to Lydia, even though she was probably incapable of telling a joke, she did good work.

When I finished, I headed back to my room, and I began to anticipate going to the infirmary to see Grey later.  Hopefully, Lydia wouldn’t be there, and I would be able to ask Grey all the questions I wanted.

I was about to open my door when I heard Rissi giggling.  I peeked in the room across the hall.  Rissi and Connie were sitting on one of the mattresses, playing with a couple of Rissi’s dolls.  Connie looked in her element.  Then I saw Shad propped up on the bed in the corner, his torso stiff with bandages.

“Welcome home!” I exclaimed.

Connie looked up at me, smiling brilliantly, then looked over at Shad.  His cheeks were full of color, and he grinned back at her.

“Doc says I’ll make a full recovery.  I should have some pretty cool scars though.  The chicks should dig that,” he said proudly, and I laughed.

Connie rolled her eyes and said, “It hasn’t been the same without you.”  She glanced at my feet.  “Looks like you’re healing, too.”

I wiggled my toes and said, “Yup, I won’t be walking like a bear on stilts anymore.”

Rissi giggled and said, “You should put shoes on or you’ll catch a cold.”

It was true; the cement floor was cold under my feet, but it felt good after having them wrapped up like mummies for the past day and a half.  “Yes,
mom
,” I said.

I was pulling on socks and sneakers when Connie appeared in the doorway.  “I forgot Shad’s pain medication at the infirmary.  I’ll be right back.”

I stood up quickly. “I’ll go.  You stay here with Shad.  I need to talk to Grey anyway.”

Connie winked at me, and I felt a flush cross my cheeks.  I hoped she didn’t notice.  I set off down the hall, trying to keep my pace normal.  I felt almost giddy.  Connie’s happiness was contagious.  Sarah’s happiness had been the same way.  When she laughed, I always had to laugh as well.  I remembered passing notes back and forth with Sarah in geology class at school, drawing pictures to make each other laugh.  I chuckled now, just thinking about it, but my chuckle died quickly as homesickness tapped me on the shoulder, reminding me it would always be lurking just behind me.

This homesickness wasn’t just for my physical home back at The Water Tower.  It was for a time period of my life, it was a mood, it was the feeling that my parents weren’t too far away if I needed them.  It was sitting out on our terrace with Sarah on Friday nights drinking Shirley Temples and giggling until my dad shuffled up the steps in his blue terrycloth bathrobe and told us to knock it off.  My heart ached for that again.

The only bright corner of my heart, where nothing seemed to hurt, was where Grey was.  When I thought of him, I could see a future where I could be happy again, where I might not be just like I was before the Crimson Fever, but at least a version of myself that felt whole.

I stayed in that warm corner of my heart until I reached the door of the large supply room.  I saw the curtained-off area and moved to it.

I wasn’t sure what to do then.  I didn’t want to walk in unannounced, but there was no solid surface to knock on.  So I just cleared my throat said, “Grey?  Are you there?”

There was a pause, and, suddenly, the curtain was whisked open. Lydia stood staring at me.  I inadvertently took a step back, and Grey came into view behind her.  He was sitting on the exam table, a tourniquet tied around his upper arm, giving himself an injection of what looked like a very large amount of clear fluid, based on the size of the syringe’s barrel.

Connie’s voice echoed through my head, “Todd thought he didn’t look well enough to go on the scout.”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to interrupt.  I can come back,” I said, flustered.

Grey glanced up at me right as Lydia stepped in front of him, blocking him from view.  “Yes,” she said icily, “You’ll need to come back later.”  She grasped the curtain as if to close it, but Grey called out from behind her.

“Wait, Lydia.  It’s okay.  Autumn, will you sit with me?”

I looked at Lydia as she slowly backed away from the opening.  Her head was turned away from me, so I couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like she murmured something like, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

We passed through the opening at the same time, and as she swept by me, I smelled a very faint yet sharp smell, almost like citrus, but not quite.  I couldn’t place it, but I knew I had smelled it before.  I walked slowly to Grey, confused at the sight of him with the needle and syringe.  The same strong citrus smell seemed to emanate from him as well.  It smelled almost like the solution my mother used to mop the kitchen floor.  Maybe they just cleaned the infirmary.  I was about to ask if he was okay when Lydia’s voice made me jump.  I thought she’d left, but she was standing behind me in the doorway.

“Don’t let your attention wander, Grey.  It's not like you to forget to do this.”  It was the first time Lydia’s voice had shown anything more than just icy crispness.  Instead, she sounded condescending and almost sarcastic.

Grey’s blue eyes twinkled, and a hint of laughter showed at the corners of his mouth.  “I won’t.  Thank you, Lydia.”

And then we were alone.  I stood awkwardly at the end of the exam table.  I ripped my eyes away from the giant syringe and let my gaze travel up his muscular arm, tied tight with a tourniquet, to his neck, where his veins looked strangely swollen, and then to his face.  He was watching me intently.  My heart thudded when our eyes met.

“How are your feet?  Would you like to sit down?”  Grey nodded to a folding chair across the room.

“No, I’m okay.”  I didn’t want to be any farther away from him.  “They feel much better.”  I hesitated, then asked, “Are you okay?”

I suddenly saw what Connie meant about Grey not looking well.  His beautiful eyes had dark smudges under them and looked puffy, like he needed sleep.  His skin was pale, not quite sickly looking, but definitely void of a healthy color.  I was slightly shocked.  He didn’t look like this when I last saw him.

“Of course I’m okay,” he smiled and continued.  “I’ve had to take these for years.  I’ll get sick if I don’t have one monthly.  Don’t worry about me.”  As he said this, he gently pulled the needle out of his vein, put the now-empty syringe on a tray beside him and pressed a bit of cotton over the small mark. He wrapped some medical tape around his forearm to keep the cotton in place, took a deep breath and leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed.

“Are you okay?”  I asked again.

He didn’t open his eyes, but he murmured, “Just fine.  Those doses always sap my energy.  I’ll be good as new in a few minutes.”  His crystal blue eyes opened just a crack and searched the room behind me.  “Could you please hand me my sweater?”

I turned and saw a navy sweater on another table.  I walked over and picked it up.  It was the same button-front sweater he always wore.  When I touched the soft, thin wool, I was instantly transported to the night he held me in the alley.  I remembered the texture of this sweater and the way it’d felt against my skin.  I handed it to him and said, “This feels like its a hundred years old.”

He just smiled and shrugged into the sweater, fastening the large wooden buttons without looking.  He closed his eyes again and leaned his head back against the wall.  I took the opportunity to move a bit closer to him.

“So you didn’t go on the scout?”

He shook his head slightly, his eyes still closed.  “No, Todd didn’t think I should go.”

“Oh.” I noticed the color was coming back to his cheeks.  He didn’t look nearly as exhausted as he had when I first walked in.  Had I imagined the dark circles under his eyes and bulging veins in his neck?  Because they’d now disappeared completely.

His eyes slipped open, and he looked at me.  “Don’t worry about Ben.  He’ll be fine.”

I nodded, guilty I hadn’t been thinking about Ben when Grey thought I was worried.  “Where were you all day yesterday, if you weren’t on the scout?  I didn’t see you around.”

“I had some things to take care of that kept me busy.  I’m sorry I wasn’t around to say hello to you.”  He gave me a small smile.

“It’s okay,” I murmured, watching him breathe.

He slowly leaned forward and reached out his hand to my throat.  Everything inside me froze for a moment as his finger gently brushed the Celtic knot charm dangling on its silver chain between my collarbones.  I’d forgotten it was there.  I’d grown so used to the light weight of it over the years of wearing it.

“
Fòmhair... a bhean mo chroi
...” he murmured suddenly.
³
  My eyes flicked up at the recognition of my name in Gaelic.  To hear the familiar words coming from Grey was startling, but I almost wasn’t surprised.  Of course he would know Gaelic.  He seemed to know everything else, why not a language that was centuries old and probably a hundred years removed from being widely used?  I realized my mouth was hanging open slightly and shut it quickly.