Average Joe and the Extraordinaires
Read Average Joe and the Extraordinaires Online
Authors: Belart Wright
Average
Joe and the Extraordinaires
By Belart
Wright
Copyright 2014
© Belart Wright
Written by Belart
Wright
New cover designed
by Alexandra Engellmann 2015
Former cover
designed by Michael Holladay and Belart Wright 2014
Gears Inside a
Clock Tower image licensed by Belart Wright from LDF of iStock.
Headline Cracked
font licensed by Belart Wright from IMAGEX
All rights
reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any
electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval
systems, without written permission from the author, except in the case of a
reviewer, who may quote brief passages embodied in critical articles or in a
review.
Trademarked names
appear throughout this book. Rather than use a trademark symbol with every
occurrence of a trademarked name, names are used in an editorial fashion, with
no intention of infringement of the respective owner’s trademark.
The information in
this book is distributed on an “as is” basis, without warranty. Although every
precaution has been taken in the preparation of this work, neither the author
nor the publisher shall have any liability to any person or entity with respect
to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by
the information contained in this book.
This is a work of
fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the
author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual
persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Table of Contents
Chapter
8 An Effort of Futility
Chapter
10 Then Who's Protecting Me?
Chapter
11 The Must Have Candy Bar
Chapter
13 That Can't Be Sanitary
Chapter
15 Extraordinaires Assemble
Villain
View 2: A Powerful Motivator
Chapter
17 The Price of Popularity
Chapter
20 Home Sweet Clock Tower
Chapter
27 A Good Deed Never Goes Unpunished
Chapter
30 Of Killers and Lizards
Villain
View 3: Marching Orders
Villain
View 4: The Daily Grind
Chapter
34 The Glamour Conference
Villain
View 5: The Spotted Tail
Chapter
37 The Right Kind of Hatred
Something
Exciting This Way Comes
Welcome,
audience, to this tale of a guy. Yes! The tale of a normal guy. This is the
story of a young man so unnoticeable that you’d pass him on the street without
a second glance. This guy is so unremarkable that the only name that
registered in my brain for him was Joe: mediocre, plain, simple,
indistinguishable, Average Joe. Yes, this is a story about a very plain guy
but, hopefully, amongst all the extraordinary, unbelievable, and larger than
life characters, the plainness of Joe’s own character will stand out with a
certain bold starkness. This is an ode to all the Average Joes of the world.
May you all live on in comfortable mediocrity. The world needs you just as
much as it needs its stars.
Fun at
the Game
The day
was hot and the crowd rowdy and rambunctious. Everyone was getting riled up
for today’s statewide collegiate football match where the state favorites, the
Sunshine City Fowlers, would take on the underdogs, the Orangetown Pickers.
Joe and his girlfriend Kate, along with her little brother, Mod, had predicted
a bloodbath today between the two rival teams and their rabid fans. Too bad
for now the line had stalled.
Joe:
“This line is way too long.”
The three
teens were here to support their hometown team, the Pickers. Joe and Kate were
set on going to Orangetown University. Neither had even considered the
alternatives. Joe himself didn't have any bright prospects when it came to
choosing his college, but Kate on the other hand had many schools to choose
from. In the end she chose with her heart and decided to stay with Joe.
The line
had finally started to move, but everyone was still pretty antsy. The game was
set to start in only thirty minutes. As always the red-haired siblings
couldn’t help but fuss at one another. Mod stopped arguing with his sister
just long enough to lean over to Joe.
Mod: “Hey,
Joe, I brought some game boosters.”
Mod
smiled a devilish smile that lasted longer than it should. He pulled off his
backpack, took out a bright red insulated cooler bag, opened it, and showed its
contents to his shocked sister and Joe.
Kate:
“How did you get that?”
Kate
looked at her fourteen year old brother with alarmed blue eyes. His smile still
hadn’t faded as he stared her down with his green eyes, so she knew he had
something planned. She waited for his explanation of some half-brained scheme.
Mod: “The
how
is unimportant, dear sister, at least when it comes to the
where
.
A different
how
should be asked.”
Mod
smiled over towards where Joe was absentmindedly standing, and repeated himself
a bit louder after delivering an elbow to Joe’s side. Joe snapped to attention
and responded.
Joe: “As
in
how
we’re going to get it in there with all that security.”
Mod: “And
the answer to that, my dear sister, is you.”
Kate:
“Why do I feel as if this is going to make me feel so stupid?”
The crowd
started to move forward faster, the group’s shady acts cleverly hidden from the
security staff. No one could really see what they were doing with all the
secrecy. When the line paused again Joe stood in front of the two to block
what they were doing. Mod took what looked like an albino baby seal and a gray
sweatshirt from his backpack and stuffed the cooler bag and his backpack into
the weird seal looking thing. He attached it to Kate and hid it under the
sweatshirt that he had also hidden in his backpack.
Kate:
"Did you get this sweater from Grandma?"
Mod:
"Nah, it's one of Dad's old sweaters."
The weird
thing wrapped around Kate wasn't really an albino baby seal, as that would be a
ridiculous and smelly thing to attach to someone, even more ridiculous than a
regularly pigmented seal. He had attached a fake pregnancy belly to his sister.
Mod:
“Okay now act natural, sis.”
Kate
scoffed at the notion.
Kate:
“Act as if I’m pregnant? You jerk, that’s not even funny.”
Mod:
“With the rate at which you and Joe have been going, I will be able to say that
with a straight face a few months from now.”
Kate and
Joe both blushed.
Kate:
“You’re lucky I don’t slap you.”
Uncomfortable
conversations aside, the line was moving full speed ahead and Joe’s group was
finally nearing the front doors of the stadium. The closer they got to
security, the more nervous they all became. It was difficult to tell if Kate’s
sea of sweat had formed because of her nervousness or the hot fake belly and
sweatshirt that she now had to wear over her clothes.
At the
front of the line, Joe went towards the doors, but was pushed back by a large man
the size of a pro-wrestler, wearing a red t-shirt. Kate looked at him with
rising fear in her eyes and a growing knot in her stomach. The large man might’ve
been a wrestler, but he had the words UNIVERSITY SECURITY on his shirt. He approached
the group and looked right at Kate and Joe.
Security:
“Is this woman with you?”
Kate and
Joe looked at each other, and then back at the security officer. Joe nodded
his head and Kate sweated even more, to the point of drenching her socks.
Security:
“Where’s your head at, kid? Let the lady go first. She’s with child.”
He looked
right at her and smiled, which Kate guessed was meant to be inviting, but
didn’t make her feel any more comfortable.
Security:
“Go on through, miss.”
Kate
gulped down her previous fear and strolled past the man, while the other two
followed close behind. Joe got the stink-eye from the security guy. Sensing
DDTs and power-bombs in his future, he decided to hasten his pace towards the
ticket taker, who then took their tickets.
Inside,
they all had a powwow about where to go and if they would get snacks. Eventually,
they got it all together and found their seats. The game began with the singing
of the national anthem, which got everyone riled up and patriotic. The players
on both teams took to the field in a frenzy, to everyone’s delight. You could
feel the high levels of energy throughout the stadium. The pops that the
players took created audible “pops” throughout the audience.
The
hometown team was losing in the first quarter, to the chagrin of Joe and the
gang. Mod had pulled the thermos from Kate’s baby belly when he was sure no
one was looking. Kate hastily ripped off the hot sweater and fake belly and
threw them underneath her seat. The upper part of her green tanktop was
drenched with sweat.
Kate:
“Ugh, I need to cool down.”
Mod
pulled a couple cans of Double Dog Brew for himself and handed another to Joe
and then to Kate. Joe sipped his beer while the other two downed theirs like
old pros and argued over who had finished first. Kate and Mod grabbed more
beers and shared stories of the time Mod had accidently soiled his underwear
during a camping trip. Mod tried not to laugh but couldn’t help himself.
Mod: “You
guys are poop-heads.”
Kate:
“Great choice of words, little bro. You might want to rethink what comes out
of your potty mouth.”
When the
second quarter picked up, they poured their hearts into cheering the Pickers,
while pouring more beers into their mouths. You would’ve thought the Fowlers
had murdered the families of their rivals from the jeers they got. Joe, Mod,
Kate, and the rest that sat in their row, screamed expletives at the rival team,
and a few death threats as well. Mod and Joe had made friends with the group
sitting next to them and even shared some of their beers. The man sitting next
to Mod was very grateful.
Neighboring
Fan: “Yeah, they’re selling beers at the concession for about seven flippin’
dollars. If I didn’t think security would be so tight I would’ve brought me
some cans too.”
Mod:
“Yeah I always come prepared, man. Otherwise I’d blow all of my allowance—er
paycheck, on these drinks.”
Kate
elbowed Mod in the ribs and the friendly fan merely laughed. Towards the end
of the second quarter the group started smelling something weird.
Joe: “Do
you guys smell that?”
Kate:
“What is it?”
Joe:
“Smells like something is burning or something.”
They all
smelled it, but it was so faint that no one paid it any major attention. The
Pickers were still down and so the group cheered louder than ever.