Avoiding Mr Right (6 page)

♥

The next morning I woke up feeling almost jet-lagged,
although I'd had a good eight hours' sleep. The kids were
staying at their cousins' place so there was no lash pulling
to wake me early. I felt strange about the dream but put
it down to the wonderful time I'd had with Sylvia at the
Greek restaurant. I channelled my energies into hooking
up with Shelley before lunch and moving into a house in
St Kilda as soon as possible.

As I walked down Eildon Road I liked the tree-lined street
and the quiet of the area. It was peaceful, and when I saw
the house I felt at home. I was so pleased to be moving to
St Kilda, into a house that was close to cafes and the tram,
and with a flatmate too, so I wouldn't get lonely. Everything
had fallen into place. There was no such thing as coincidence,
and bumping into Shelley the night before had proven
that again.

She met me halfway up the driveway with a cup of coffee
in her hand.

'Hihi, I've been waiting for you. So, this is it,' and she
waved her hand around the garden.

'I love it!' was all I could say.

'Let me show you around, you might just like the rest of
it as well.'

Shelley's family were obviously loaded and she offered
me the room at a ridiculous price. Who was I to argue?
I offered to do the cleaning and take care of the garden,
ready to plant herbs as soon as I could. This was better than
Coogee: I had a yard now, and could sit in it to read or
sunbake or whatever, if I wanted to. It was much better
than a balcony. I took a photo of the bird bath and texted
it to the girls.

'Would you like a Pimm's, Peta?'

'Love one, thanks.' It was like the old days and having
gin'n'tonics with Alice. It made me like Shelley even more.

She brought out our drinks and as we sat in the back
garden with birds chirping away and the sun setting, we
shared bits about ourselves as a get-to-know-you session.
I had to confess I didn't know much about the industry
she worked in and I'd always been a bit suspicious of
stockbrokers.

'Isn't the stockbroking world very corporate and
competitive and, sorry, but just about making money?'

'Essentially yes, but there are a few of us who are
interested in corporate responsibility and do pro bono work
with community organisations and so on. Most brokers
aren't like that, though, and most of them are men, which
means I'm around money-obsessed blokes all day who just
want a meaningless shag of a night. But I'm not in it forever.
I'll do some good work for some good people and then take
my skills elsewhere.'

Shelley sounded okay, and when she told me she
collected handbags and shoes, I knew we would get on
perfectly. She also liked watching TV to relax, sleeping
in on the weekends and food. Later that night, when I'd
moved my stuff in, we went to a local Chinese restaurant for
salt'n'pepper squid and talked some more.

Shelley was Australian-born, but her parents were both
from Brunei.

'It's on the island of Borneo in South-East Asia. The
official language is Malay.'

'I'm from Coolangatta,' I told her. I didn't tell her about
my mother's three husbands and that I'd never met my
father – it seemed too far removed from Shelley's perfect
family. I told her about Alice, Dannie and Liza, instead,
and the dramas I had with them when I broke the news that
I was moving to Melbourne.

'Be prepared for more, Peta. I just ended a relationship
with someone who was originally from Sydney, and he never
let the childish discussions end if he could find someone to
argue with about the two cities.'

Shelley had been single for only a month after breaking
up with her long-time boyfriend Josh – he just wouldn't
grow up – and she wasn't in any great rush to meet someone
new. Shelley was the only female stockbroker in her firm
and had endured male chauvinism and sexist remarks every
day for five years, so admitted that she had all but started to
dislike men altogether.

'It really was timely Mum and Dad went away because it
meant I could have the warmth and security of my old room
again. I feel like a bit of teenager.' She ate the last piece of
squid and I was glad, I was totally full.

'That's so nice. I feel like I've found a home too. See, I've
got a lovely guy, James, in Sydney, and we're trying to do
the long-distance thing for the next twelve months. Well,
he's really trying more than me. I'm trying to learn to be
independent in a new city. And I already feel good flying
solo down here. We're kinda like two peas in a pod really,
you and me, aren't we?'

'Or, snow peas in a wok maybe,' Shelley said, and we
both laughed. I liked her sense of humour.

We dropped into the George on the way home and it
was livelier than the last time I was there – every table full
and the bar crammed. When it was my turn to buy a round,
I got talking to the cute guy behind the bar. When Shelley
came to find me, we kept chatting a bit longer and he gave
us our drinks on the house.

'He was into you,' Shelley said as we turned into our
street, walking in the middle of the road.

'I've got James in Sydney, remember? Anyway, he was a
barman.'

'What, so he's got a strike against him for being a
barman?' Shelley sounded appalled, and stopped still in her
tracks.

'Pretty much.'

'You're a snob, Peta. He seemed really intelligent and
had interesting things to say about workplace reform and
the union movement and he was a really up-beat guy.' We
hadn't even had our first night in the same house and we
were already having a fight about a guy that neither of us
was interested in. I had to explain.

'Of course he was intelligent and insightful, and
generous, too, given he shouted us a drink. But I'm serious
about not wanting to meet anyone this year. I'm technically
in a relationship, and besides, I'm completely committed
to doing my job the best I can and making my way up
the departmental ladder, which means I can't have any
distractions. But, if I were looking for a guy, to be honest
it wouldn't be a barman I'd end up with. I don't expect a
man to pay for me, but I'm not going to cover the costs of a
guy who's studying and doing bar work to survive. I'm over
it. Been there, done that.' I sounded like a bitch but it was
true. I'd done the bar work gig myself when I was going
through university, and those were the days when I had my
most fun as a single girl. I couldn't imagine that a barman
going to uni would be chatting up women with a view to a
relationship. He'd be crazy if he was.

'All right, hypothetically speaking, what about a barman
as a one-night stand then?'

'Well hypothetically speaking, when I was single, I had a
three-date rule anyway, so it never could really be classified
as a one-night stand, could it?'

'Well if you just had sex once, then yes, it could. I'd
classify that as a one-night stand.'

'Then I guess I was a slut when I was single.' And we
both cracked up.

♥

The next morning I woke up in my new room, no kids
at my face, no cat calling 'herrow' at my door, no Aunt
shuffling around in her slippers and talking to herself.
Light poured in through the windows and I heard the
sounds of the birds in the big trees in the garden. The
olive trees out the back made me laugh as I remembered
my dream about Delphi.

I knew Shelley would sleep late, because it was Sunday,
so I didn't move. I just lay there and thought briefly about
James and how we used to make love on Sunday morning
and then go for a swim and brekky down Coogee beach.
Then, as if he had ESP, he called me.

'Babe, where are you? You didn't call yesterday.'

'I know, I'm sorry, it was the biggest day. I'm in my
new home already and it's a massive house in St Kilda,
with a beautiful garden, and it's walking distance to just
everything I want – bars, restaurants, cake shops, the sea,
shopping and the tram. I love it.' I paused for breath, but
not long enough for James to say anything. 'And my new
flatmate Shelley is from Brunei and has the best taste in
shoes, and she's funny, and likes a drink and we get on
really well. I love it here.'

'Sounds like you don't miss me at all.'

'Awww, don't be like that. I'm supposed to be settling
in and feeling safe and happy. I thought you'd be happy
for me.'

'Of course I'm happy for you. It's just that I'm sitting
here waiting for the phone to ring and you're having a party
of a life down there.'

'Now you're being silly. I'm settling in. And don't sit by
the phone, go out and have fun, catch up with your mates.'

'I thought I'd visit next weekend.'

'Oh right, well, I'll need to check that it's okay with
Shelley, I mean I just moved in. I'll call you back later.' I
wasn't sure how I felt about James visiting so soon. I felt
like he was gatecrashing the chicks' slumber party. But I did
miss him – and the sex.

James arrived at Shelley's at ten am on Saturday; she was out
shopping so we had the place to ourselves. I hadn't realised
how much I'd missed him until I saw him and we kissed.

We spent that day seeing
my
St Kilda. I wanted him
to see the area the way I did, so he could understand how
I loved being in Melbourne so much, and why I hadn't
missed Sydney as much as everyone thought I would,
including me. We walked along the pier and it was romantic;
we held hands and laughed like we'd never been apart, like
we were still a couple, like the couple he wanted us to be
back in Sydney.

'It's so great to be here with you, Peta.'

'Mmmm, it's really good, eh?' I was truly content.

'We can have all this again you know, when you come
home. I've started looking at some places for us in the
eastern suburbs near the sea. I know that's what you like. I
love it there too.'

'Why are you looking already? Twelve months, that was
the deal.'

'What deal? It wasn't a deal with me, it was a deal you
made with the department. I miss you. I miss us.' He
stopped and looked me in the face.

'I miss you too, but I need this time alone to learn to
fend for myself, to take care of myself. I need to know who
I am before I come back.'

'And by then you'll be ready for us again, right?'

'Yes,' I said softly and as sincerely as I possibly could. I
truly hoped that I would be ready for us by then.

'And kids and a dog and big diamond, right?'

Why did he have to go and ruin it?

There was a long silence.

'The water's really flat, isn't it?' James offered.

'Yeah, it's a far cry from Bondi and Bronte and Maroubra,
eh? I really miss the surf beaches back home.' He squeezed
my hand tightly.

'Yes babe, but they don't have piers to stroll down, do
they?' Like me, he had begun making the trade-offs. Sydney
had something, Melbourne had something else, but it was
like measuring apples and oranges so there was just no point
in even trying.

'Let's take a photo and send it to Alice and Gary,' he
suggested. I felt like he was trying to prove something to
them – that we were as happy as they were. But I did it
anyway because I wanted to please him.

We watched lots of families making their way along
the promenade, kids in prams and on rollerblades, babies
screaming, spoilt kids throwing themselves on the ground
having tantrums.

'That'll be us one day, sweetie,' James whispered in my
ear.

'You think so? Whiny kids make me want to get my
tubes tied.' James looked deflated, and I knew I had to do
some damage control. 'Anyway, I don't want to share you,'
I said, cuddling into him until he smiled.

We went to Chinatown for dinner, then to a bar called
Eurotrash with a groovy red velvet Harem Lounge with
chandeliers. James was too conservative to try the Red Light
District for two because the bar was packed and everyone
was watching who entered the confined porn booth.

It was nice to be around so many straight men, which was
rare in Sydney, so without even knowing it I was ordering
drinks with a certain girly spark.

'I'll have a Pimm's and lemonade, thanks,' I smiled
cheekily.

'This one's on the house, love, for being so pretty.'

'Why thank you, sir, I do believe I might have to come
back here.'

'Can you stop flirting with everyone?' James said with
gritted teeth.

'What?'

'You seem to take their flirting personally – they probably
give every girl a free drink like that to make sure they
do
come back.'

'I know that. What? Are you jealous?'

'Of course I'm jealous. You live in another city, I don't
see you for weeks and when I do you flirt with men in front
of me. What's wrong with you?'

What was wrong with me indeed? Maybe I was missing
my single days and ways and Melbourne had made me
realise that.

'I think you need to make a choice between us and this
new lifestyle you've got. You can stay here or you can come
home and let me make you happy in Sydney.'

'What? You're giving me an ultimatum? I'm already
happy. My new job is making me happy. Haven't you heard
a word I've said about my career and my goals?'

'Don't you love me any more? Is that why you're really
here?'

And then I snapped. 'Of course I love you, as if I'd move
states just to end a relationship!'

'Well, you want to be careful, or you'll end up alone.'

'Oh, for God's sake.' I put my glass on the bar. 'Let's go
home.' I didn't have to ask twice.

♥

It was icy-cold silence in the cab for most of the drive home
until we took a sharp turn and I started playing corners,
pushing right into James like I did with my sister Giselle
in the car when we were kids. We both laughed and the ice
broke. I started kissing his neck and told him I missed him.
We made out like teenagers on the back seat, and I hoped
the taxi driver wasn't getting off on my muffled moans.

Shelley was still out when we arrived at Eildon Road and
fumbled our way to my room.

'What the—' I felt something metal in my mouth when
I went down on him. 'You could've warned me!'

'Oh, yeah, I wanted to surprise you.'

'Well, you did. Why though?'

'I thought that maybe you thought that I was too
conservative for you, or that maybe it would turn you on or
please you more.'

'Why would you think mutilating your body by piercing
your penis would please me or turn me on?'

'I read somewhere that women got certain pleasure from
piercings.'

'Some women might. Did you also read that most
women don't get any pleasure from straight sex at all?'

'I'm sorry.'

'There's no need to be sorry, and thank you for going
to so much trouble and pain, but you really didn't have to.
We're fine together, you and me. The best.'

'I thought maybe it was me who turned you celibate.'

'No-one turned me celibate. Anyway, how can I be
celibate when I'm here with you? I'm faithful to you and
celibate for myself. Does that make sense?'

'Not at all, but as long as there's no-one else I'm cool.'

'There's no-one else. Are we okay?'

'All okay, my princess.'

'Then can the princess and her prince go to sleep now, is
that okay?'

'That's okay.' I realised then that James truly loved me,
and he just wanted to make me happy. My happiness was
his happiness. Oh, how we could all live happily ever after
if I wasn't so obviously emotionally flawed.

I woke up about five am with my head resting in his
groin. I was desperately dry but as I got up James yelled.
My earring was caught on his piercing. Every time I moved
it tugged on him.

'I'm sorry,' I said, but I couldn't help laughing.

'Don't move,' he said fearfully.

'Okay.' And so I stayed still. 'So, now what?'

'Just don't move,' he said determinedly.

'I'm not moving.' I squealed with laughter again. 'But
I can't stay like this all day. We're going to have to separate
ourselves.'

'Well, can't you do it? You're down there.'

'I can't see anything, my head's side-on, and my hair's
everywhere, and so is yours for that matter. Thought about
waxing?' And I cracked up.

'Oh, very funny. Let me see if I can get it.' He tried
to find my ear through my hair but we both just got the
giggles.

'This is ridiculous. Hand me my phone – it's near the
bed.'

'What do you want your phone for?'

'Just give it to me,' I ordered.

'Not until you tell me what it's for.'

'James, just give it to me or I'm going to sit up right
now really quickly and rip your dick right off and wear it as
an earring.' He handed me the phone immediately, as any
smart-thinking guy would. I punched the keys, laughing
to myself the whole time. There we both were, naked, and
not joined at the hip as the saying generally went, but
joined at the ear and penis. What a sight.

I was embarrassed and nervous but there was no other
option. What would my new housemate think, the one
who'd only known me a week?

'Shelley, it's me. Sorry . . . I know . . . In my room . . .
Long story . . . Can you come in, please, I'm in a bind . . .
Yes he is, but he's in a bind too . . . Just come in, please,
and be warned, it's not pretty.' I put the phone down on
the bed.

'Are you mad? We're both naked.' James wasn't happy.

'What choice do we have?'

When Shelley entered the room she gasped loudly
and put her hand over her eyes. 'I am so not interested in
a threesome. Sylvia never said that was your thing. This
situation really isn't going to work, sorry.' And she started
to walk out.

'No, no,' I called after her. 'I'm stuck, we're stuck.'

'What? What do you mean?' And she tilted her head
to the side trying to figure out how we could possibly be
stuck.

'Shelley, this is James. James, this is Shelley.' They both
threw little embarrassed waves to each other. 'My earring
is caught.'

'On what?' she asked.

'On his—' I paused, 'penis piercing.' She screwed up her
face. 'We need you to uncatch us.'

'Are you serious? I don't want to see his – you know –
and I'm certainly not
touching
it. Sorry, James, no offence.'

'None taken.' He had his hand over his eyes.

'Shell, if you don't come and unhook us I'm going to yell
out to you all day, and pee in this expensive ensemble that
your parents love. Now please do it – I'll cook and clean for
the next two weeks, I promise.'

'Liar. I know you can't cook. And you're already supposed
to be doing the cleaning and looking around this
room I don't think you've been doing too much at all.'

'Well, I'll buy all the wine and Pimm's, then.'

Shelley walked over cautiously, mumbling, 'I must be
freaking insane. I'm putting the rent up now – I need danger
money living with you.'

When Shelley left the room holding in her laughter, I
crawled up the bed. For some bizarre reason we were both
suddenly horny as hell and all over each other, like my
roommate was some crazy aphrodisiac.

I lay back and James went down on me. I was still
thinking about what we were going to do about our
relationship, and how I should probably just break up with
him properly and completely, because I was almost certain
that I was never going to be the wife and mother he wanted
me to be. Having sex with him then made me feel like the
jerk guy who has sex with a girl knowing she loves him
even though he doesn't want the commitment. I felt guilty,
but I couldn't bring myself to stop James. He seemed to be
having a good time, and so was I, for that matter. I decided
I should show him due respect and let him finish the job
before we started talking about our future, or lack thereof.

James left on Sunday evening and I cried at the airport.
Things between us were still uncertain, but I wasn't interested
in being with anyone else while I was in Melbourne
and nor was he in Sydney, so we agreed that we would just
keep going the way we were going and would wait until we
were living in the same city again to see what we would do.
Well, that's what
I
agreed.