Awakened in August (Spring River Valley Book 8) (10 page)

She rose and handed him the T-shirt he’d just tossed on the floor. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Moving stiffly as if battling with himself, he took the shirt. “As soon as I pass the bar, things will be different.”

“No, they won’t. Then those cases will be yours, the clients will be counting on you like they were counting on the partner who left. Do you really think you’ll tell them to wait if they need you?”

He put on his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing for who you are. Just remember Landon. Who will he have if you burn yourself up? What happens when the chest pains are more than just stress?”

“I won’t let that happen. I’m going back tonight to meet with Mr. Esterhause, and I’ll come back tomorrow.”

Lydia stepped in front of him. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him once on the lips. “Don’t come back. Go home tonight and get some sleep. I’ll be back on Saturday and we’ll talk then, if you want to. There’s no point in you driving another five hours in two days.”

“I’ll meet the bus.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Do you want me to be there?”

Lydia stepped back. “Only if you really think you have room in your life for this relationship. Maybe you’re not ready for it.”

He took her hands in his. “I have room for you in my life. I need you in my life.”

“Then don’t leave now.”

“Lydia…”

“I’m sorry. That’s unfair. Go. Do what you have to do. We’ll talk later.”

In silence, Riley finished dressing and left the cabin. Lydia forced herself not to follow. There was no point in begging him to change. He couldn’t, and she’d been a fool to expect it, even after learning about his brother.

Riley was trapped in his corporate life, and as much as she wanted him, she’d never be able to free him just by asking. He needed to find his own way out, and she doubted that would ever happen.

“I can’t believe he didn’t meet you at the bus,” Lily said as she handed Lydia a steaming cup of chamomile tea.

Lydia inhaled the calming aroma of the herbal brew and concentrated for a moment on letting the tension leave her body. She’d never been this uptight at the end of a shift in Red Fork. Worry about Riley had negated all the effects of two weeks in the mountains, and even a relaxing day at the Green Solutions Zen Center in Stanton with her friend had done little to chase away the self doubts that had plagued her since she’d sent him away.

She’d spent too much time wondering if she’d been too unbending. The demands of a law career couldn’t be dismissed, and knowing what she did about his family, she’d come to accept that he might always live with the fear of being unable to care for his brother financially. “I guess I didn’t really expect him to,” she admitted. “I was hard on him.”

“Someone had to be. It was no secret that he was knocking himself out with work. You’re exactly what he needs to keep his life in balance. You’d think someone as smart as he is would see that.”

Lydia wanted to say Riley’s choices were less about logic than emotion, but she didn’t think Lily knew about his brother, so she just nodded and concentrated on stirring a spoonful of organic honey into her tea. “I don’t know if I want to be with someone just because I balance their life. I want to be with someone who’s willing to throw his life out of balance for me.”

Lily glanced down, her blue-gray eyes shadowed for a moment. “I get it. But there’s something to be said for complimenting one another. Yin and Yang fit together for a reason.”

“Yes, but they have to be at the same place at the same time to fit together. If I’m in Red Fork and he’s in the courtroom…”

“Even if you can’t be together all the time, you can still be what the other one needs.”

Lydia considered. Did she need Riley, or just want him? Was she demanding all or nothing from him because she was afraid of what she might become if she was drawn back into that world. “It doesn’t matter. I gave him a choice, and he made his decision. It was just a fling and now it’s over.”

* * * *

Riley stretched and took another deep breath of warm country air. He’d been to Kattinger Farms dozens of times to visit Landon, but the placed seemed different since his last visit.

On the tour with Lydia he’d seen the place in a new light. It had always been a treatment center in his mind, an institution, albeit a comfortable, homey one, but nevertheless a place that represented a great tragedy in his life.

Then she’d come along and called it an oasis in his world. Now, for the first time since Landon had come here, Riley saw it as a retreat. Today hadn’t been a chore but a respite from dizzying carousel of work at EBD.

He’d just bid his parents goodbye after their scheduled visit, one of the family dinners he hadn’t realized he cherished so much. All he could think about was how he wanted to tell Lydia about the difference she’d made in his perception, in his soul.

He hated himself for not meeting the Green Solutions bus when it returned from Red Fork, but she’d been clear when he’d walked out of her cabin.
Don’t come back unless you really think you have room in your life for this relationship.

He hadn’t been sure.

He still wasn’t.

She deserved more than a part time lover.

“You’re a million miles away,” Marla said as she and Landon made their way up the walk from the parking lot to the porch of the main house where he waited. If not for the slight shuffle to Landon’s steps, they could have been any other young couple strolling along on date rather than a nurse and her patient. His brother looked good today, healthy and happy. Landon loved visiting with their parents. If he noticed the toll it took on the elder Thayers, he didn’t let it show.

“I’m just enjoying the breeze. It feels good to sit in the shade on a hot day.”

“It’s still too warm for me out here. I’m going inside. Call me if you need anything.” Marla led Landon to one of the Adirondack chairs on the wraparound porch and headed indoors where the house’s central cooling unit kept the temperature more comfortable.

“I’ll bring him inside in a bit. I’ve got to be heading back soon.”

Marla left them, and Landon lowered himself into the chair. “How soon do you have to go?”

Riley checked his watch. “Maybe an hour or so, to beat the traffic.”

“Mom and Dad say they don’t know Lydia.”

T
he mention of Lydia’s name startled Riley as did the directness of his brother’s comment. He hadn’t mentioned her all day, and Riley had been sure Landon didn’t remember meeting her. “You mentioned Lydia to Mom and Dad?”

“They don’t know her.”

“I know.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.” Riley stifled a nervous chuckle, wondering what his parents’ reaction had been to Landon’s comment. He could practically guarantee there’d be a message from them before he got home tonight. “I just haven’t introduced her to them. Thanks for bringing it up, by the way. They’ll interrogate me later.”

“When is she coming back? I like her.”

“I like her, too.” He hated to disappoint his brother, but there was no point in lying. “I don’t think she’s coming back.”

“Did she dump you?”

“Dump me? Where’s this coming from? We weren’t even really dating—when did you get so nosy?”

Landon grinned. “Marla said she was your girlfriend.”

“Marla was mistaken. Lydia is just a friend.”

His smile fading, Landon pinned Riley with a sober gaze that held such rare clarity it sent a shiver down Riley’s spine. “I don’t remember a lot.” Landon tapped the side of his head. The scars from his surgeries were hidden by his hair, but Riley could never forget they were there. “I usually forget things…but I remember how you looked at Lydia.”

The point of Landon’s comment tempered the pleasant shock of his sudden insight. Riley had to shift his gaze away. Brenda had lectured him, and Lily had as well. Now he was going to hear the same thing from his brother? If the moment hadn’t been so rare, he would have laughed. “Tell me how. How did I look at her?”

“Like she was a girl.”

“She is a girl.”

“Marla is a girl, and you don’t look at her that way.”

For just a second, Riley forgot what Landon had been through. They were just two brothers having an awkward conversation. “What’s your point?”

“I might forget how you looked at her. But you shouldn’t.”

“Well, we’re not right for each other.”

“Why not?”

“You’re full of questions, aren’t you? It’s just…it wouldn’t work out.”

“That’s dumb.”

Riley couldn’t disagree. He’d asked himself a million times since he’d left the resort if he was just being realistic or if he was standing in the way of his own happiness. Those few days with her had made him believe he could make it all work, that he could have a life that wasn’t as regimented and work-centric and still manage to be the pillar of strength his brother would always need. “So what should I do?” He turned back to Landon, smiling, eager for more of his brother’s rare insight, but the moment had fled. He found Landon dozing in the chair, a sign that he’d lost his train of thought. His grin faded, and he nudged Landon’s sneaker-clad foot with his own. “Hey, buddy, wake up.”

The eyes of a child met his. “Hey.”

“Hey, you must be tired; you fell asleep.”

“Sorry. Are Mom and Dad here yet?”

Riley sighed. “They left…dinner’s over. It’s time for you to go in, and I’ve got to go back…to work.” He realized it was unnatural for him to say ‘home.’ He rarely went home to relax after these family days. Up until the day he’d taken the bar, it had always been to the university law library to study, or to EBD to catch up on work. He held out his hand to help Landon up.

“We had hamburgers.”

“That’s right. We had hamburgers tonight.”

“When are you coming back?”

“Next week, like always.” Riley steered Landon toward the door. Marla was already on her feet, holding the screen open for them. “I’ll see you then, okay?”

Landon waved. “Okay.”

“Everything all right?” Marla asked, her clinical gaze tracking Landon’s stiff movements.

“Yeah. He’s tired, but otherwise we’re fine. I’ve got to head out.”

She took Landon’s arm and led him inside. “Thanks for coming. See you next time.”

“Next time.” He waved and headed down the stairs and out to the parking lot. All the way to the car he told himself he was out of his mind. He’d gone back for her once because she was what had been missing from his existence and he hadn’t even known it. He wanted to be with her more than anything, but his job was his identity. It was what kept him focused, his way to ensure his brother would never suffer more than he already had.

He climbed into the car and headed out to the highway. At this hour there was no traffic, so he could expect to be back in Spring River Valley in just over five hours. That wasn’t so bad, and it would give him time to think, to make plans that included Lydia, if she’d still have him after all this.

He’d made it three-quarters of the way home to the spot where the highway divided and traffic from a service road fed into the main lanes. Up ahead a huge tractor trailer was headed for the merge. Riley kept his eye on the truck which was moving pretty fast. It would ease into the lane well ahead of him, but he slowed down just to be on the safe side. He knew his reflexes weren’t a hundred percent after such a long day, so he kept glancing at the monster truck as it sped toward the spot where the two roads became one.

The trailer eased onto the highway ahead of him, and he relaxed his muscles, his eyes on the taillights. He’d settled back into the rhythm of the road, not minding that the enormous vehicle was in front of him, slowing him down a bit. At least it would keep people from trying to merge in front of him.

His thoughts had turned back to Lydia and how he could make this up to her and convince her that he was ready. Should he even try? Was he just stringing her along? Would he ever be able to let go and really separate the two aspects of his life? She hadn’t asked him to quit being a lawyer, just to make room in his life for something else, for all the things he hadn’t realized he’d been missing. He wanted to take long walks with her, spend lazy Sundays reading the paper and watching it rain. Where would the time for that come from when he put in sixty-five hours a week at least?

Suddenly red lights flared in front of him. The tractor trailer was skidding to a stop. Riley slammed on his brakes, but something on the road—a slick, shiny substance that might have been oil—caught his tires and sent his car careening into the next lane. He swerved, heading for the gravel shoulder while another car catapulted past him and screeched to a halt. He breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn’t hit anything, just before brilliant headlights flared in his rearview mirror.

“Six weeks is a long time,” Tyler Brady steepled his hands in front of him and let out a long sigh, that sounded to Riley very much like a tire deflating. Unfortunately, the tire was a metaphor for his career.