Away From the Spotlight (24 page)

I laughed.  “Poor you.  The price you have t
o pay for being so handsome.”

Seemingly embarrassed, he abruptly changed the subject.  “How
was your day after we talked?”

“Same old.  Studied.  Class. 
Carrie
’s gone so I’m home alone.”

“I’m sorry.  You have no idea how much I wish I was there.  I need
to be with you.”

“Is that
all
I am to you?” I asked only half
-
joking.  “
Because I’m sure you could find a number of wil
ling volunteers where you are.”

“No
, n
o.  That’s not what I meant
.  W
ell, it is
in part
.  It’s just that when we’re together like that I really feel like you’re
mine
.  It’s hard when you
’re far from me.  It just feels
wrong.”

“I know and I feel the same way, but
this was your idea, not mine.”

“I know and I’m suffering for it, believe me.  I just hope that
you’re not.”

“What do
you
think?”

He paused as he thought about that. “I promise I’ll try to make this righ
t again when all this is over.”

“It is what it is.  There’s nothing to make right.  I know you’re just trying to protect me.  It doesn’t make it les
s painful, but that fact helps.”

“I
am
, you know, t
rying to protect you and I do t
hink about you
a
ll the time.
So what are your plans for the weekend?” he
asked
as he tried to
l
ighten the subject a little.

“More studying.  Oh, and I’m going to lunch with John tomorrow to talk about my trip.”  As I said it, I immediately wished I hadn’t.  Sometimes my mouth
runs
before my brain kicks in.

“John,” he said simply.

“I
t’s no big deal.  He called to see if I would go to drinks with the guys tonight after work
, b
ut I couldn’t because of my class.  He noticed I sounded depressed so he offered to take me to lunch to help
me
plan my trip.
  He loves that kind of stuff.”

“I doubt that’s why.”

“You’re overreacting.  I told you that he
’
s had the same girlfriend since he was in
h
igh
s
chool and has no interest in me whatsoever.  We’re just friends
l
ike you and Katherine.”

“I’m going to have to get you together with Katherine when I get back just so you can see that we do not look at each ot
her the way John looks at you.”

“That can’t be true.  I’ve seen the pictures.”

“That’s us acting.  It’s not the way we are when there are no cameras
around
.”

“Hmmm.”  Although he had explained this to me before, I trie
d not to sound truly convinced.

Will
changed the subject back to John and me
.  “John offends me.  He’s just hedging his bets.  He doesn’t want to be without a girlfriend, but I imagine that if you indicated any interest, he and his gir
lfriend would be over quickly.”

“I think you’re wrong.”

“I hope so.”

“Let’s not spend what little time we have to talk arguing, okay?  I imagine you need to get to sleep soon if you have
to be up early
and
it’s
after
two
there already.”

“I know.  I’m sorry.  We’ll talk about something else.  You know what?  I
realized that I
don’t know when your birthday is.  When
is it and how old will you be?”

“August
fifth
. 
Twenty-five
.”

“Mine’s in November.  The
twelfth
.  I’ll be
twenty-six
.  It’s a shame though.”

“Shame?”

“Yeah.  I’ve always had a thing for older women.”  He laughed under his breath and I wonde
red if there was a story there.

“Well, I probably won’t age as well as you so
,
eventually
,
I’ll just look older.”

“Funny and not likely.”

“I miss you and wish we could talk all night
, b
ut I know I have to share you with the rest of the world so you b
etter get some rest.”

“I miss you and love you mo
re than anything.  Good night.”

“
N
ight. 
I l
ove you too.”

I
woke
up early and g
o
t in a few hours of studying before I
received
a call from
John to finalize lunch plans.

John picked me up at my place and, as I opened the door to greet him, he
gave me a big hug
.
  I noticed then that I was dressed pretty casually and that he
had
put a little more effort into his appearance.

“How are you doing today?” he asked
,
a little concern
reflected
in his v
oice.

“Fine.  Glad to get out and about,” I replied as I grabbed the
folder
with all the paperwork for my trip.  J
ohn seemed to like that answer.

We
exited
through
the main door
s
of my apartment building and
walked
down the path toward
John’s car
which was
parked along the street
alongside
my apartment complex.  It was summer and there weren’t a lot of cars
around
.  He opened the
car
door for me and helped me into his
silver Audi
sports
car.  John was such a low-key conservative guy.  His car, on the other hand, was flashy and looked fast.  I thought for a minute wh
at a sharp contrast they were.

We didn’t talk much on the way to the restaurant.  John turned on the stereo and we listened to
music
from the 70’s
on the way to lunch.  John was smiling broadly as we drove.  The music was differen
t from my norm, but I liked it.

John chose
a small restaurant in Pasadena
and
we
sat in the
outside patio w
here the
tables
were
covered in part by umb
rellas.  The table was
big enough
to
allow me to
spread out my
paperwork
.  John sat to my right rather than across the table from me.
 
I ordered a Thai chicken salad and an iced tea an
d John ordered a club sandwich.

I was thinking about what Will had said last night about how John looked at me.  I noticed
then
that he
appeared
wistful when he looked at me, like he wished we were
more than
friends.  Th
is
made me uncomfortable so, in order to, feel a little less awkward, I asked, “So
what’s Ashley doing today?”

“Working.  She has a big project and has been working a lot of weekends lately. 
S
he’s been out of
town
quite
a bit as well.
It’s been a little lonely so I’m glad we could go out
today
.”

T
his was not making things less awkward
an
d it got worse from there.

“Glad I could help
, b
ut you must spend time with
Max
and Da
niel
and some of the other guys.”

“Yes, we have a good time, but I like talking to
you
.”

I could tell that he was losing the courage to say
something more
which suited me
just
fine.  I took advantage of that to turn the conversation
back
around to my trip.

“
W
hy don’t you tell m
e where I should go this summer?
”

Our lunch
was
then
served. 
I managed
,
without too much effort,
to keep the conversation on track
regarding
my trip for the balance of the meal.
  I did notice that
John
was stretching things out to keep me out with him as long as possible.  I could
’
ve been making too much out of that though.  Maybe he
just
didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment, that’s all. 
I also noticed that John’s chair had migrated closer to me over the course of the lunch. 
I
shouldn’t
let Will’s imagination get to me.

When I thought of Will at that moment, I began fantasizing that the man sitting
next to
me was him instead of John.

The
car ride home was
as
silent
as the ride over
, but for the continued
music on the stereo.  However,
John didn’t have the broad smile he had on the way to the restaurant.  He looked like he was struggling with something.  I wasn’t going to ask.  I didn’t
know if I
want
ed
to know
, Will’s suspicion still looming in the back of my mind
.

John walked me to my door and I started to feel really uncomfortable again.  Because I didn’t want to do the doorstep awkwardness, I asked him if he wanted to come in for a mi
nute.  He jumped at the chance.

“You want to do something tomorrow?” he asked hesitantly as he walked into my
apartment with me.

“You know
,
I probably should study.  Besides, you probably have to put in
a sixth day of work as usual.”

H
is face fell and I felt for him so I asked,
“How about next Saturday?”

“I’m playing golf with
Max
in t
he morning.  Can we do dinner?”

Uh, oh
.
  This is getting to be more date
-
like.
  “How about an early one?  I’m trying to get a lot of
rest as I gear up for the Bar.”

“I understand.  How about I pick you up at
five
?  I pro
mise I’ll have you home early.”

“K.”

John looked ecstatic for a second and then appeared to try to control it.  He
hugged me tightly
and lingered a lit
tle
, rubbing the top of my back.  I couldn’t really break away without being rude.  He then kissed my cheek while holding my should
ers with his hands and was off.

“See you next week?”

“Yes.”

Will was not going to be happy about this.  This time
,
I w
as going to
try to keep my mouth shut.

As was the case for the L.A.
premiere
, Will sent me a camera phone picture of the crowd in New York.  It seemed even larger than th
e one
in L.A.  I received a text message as well.  “Thi
nking of u.  Wish u were w/me.”

“Me
2. 
ILY
,” I replied.

“
ILY
2
,” came back quickly.

I felt gui
lty, like I had cheated on him.

I hadn’t been studying for more than two hours when the phone rang.  It was Kate.

“Hey, Shannon
.  Stephen and I were thinking you could use a break and
some dinner.  You interested?”

“Sure,” I said
,
surprised to hear from her.