Awkward (18 page)

“Of course you will,” Chelsea snarled. “You’re such an idiot!” Then she flounced off.

“Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise.” I looked up at Spencer, who was staring at me with a mixture of concern and guilt. “It really is paradise. You’re house is
ridiculous
. It’s even got a fountain!” I poked Dylan. “Did you see the fountain? Maybe we should all go see the fountain.”

But no one appeared to be listening to me anymore. Logan was pulling car keys from his jacket and handing them to Dylan.

“Don’t give these back unless you’re sure. There are more in the cabinet by the bar. You got it?”

“I’ve got it.”

“Okay. Spencer, you’re officially down one designated driver. Find a replacement for me fast. Let’s get her to the car.”

But before Logan could drape my free arm over his shoulder, Dylan said in a voice that was deadly serious. “This is my sister, man. Hurt her and I’ll hurt you. We clear on that?”

It was sweet of him to warn off a high school boy who could trash him. Then again, Dylan would put up one hell of a fight.

“We’re clear.”

“Hey!” I protested as Logan took hold of me. “I’m right here! I’m fine. That was really great of you, Dylan, but I can take care of myself.” I bunched my hands into fists. “See!”

“Yeah, you’re ferocious.”

I turned to Melanie. “You know what I mean, right? They’re acting like I’m a damsel in distress and I’m
not!
”

I admit that last part sounded pretty whiney.

“No, you’re just a damsel.” She opened the passenger’s door of Logan’s car.

“Wow, that was quick.” It hit me then that I was leaving the party. “Wait! Just give me a second, I can snap out of this. Melanie. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m so sorry I’ve ruined our first sleepover!”

She brushed my hair back. “It’s fine, Mackenzie. Just feel better, okay?”

And with that, my seat belt was clicked into place and I sped away from my first high school party smelling like a bar floor and feeling worse … with Logan.

Yeah, I didn’t see that one coming.

“G
od, I’m stupid,” I told Logan as I swayed in my seat. The world didn’t want to stop spinning.

“No, you’re not.” Logan drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Usually.” “You’re wrong. I’m stupid. I’m really stupid. I’m just good at hiding it.” I craned my head to look at him. “Did you know that?” “Nope. Must have fooled me.”

I sat up straighter. “Really? I did? Because you’re …” I considered for a moment. “Tough. You’ve got this look when you stare
really
hard.” I mimicked his expression, “It’s like you’ve got X-ray eyes!” “X-ray eyes,” he repeated, and I thought I heard amusement in his voice.

“Yeah! It’s like you know what everyone is thinking. Although you can be pretty dumb too, no offense.” I pressed my nose against the window and enjoyed the coolness. “When will the world stop spinning?” “Soon. So I can be dumb?”

“Oh, yeah. But just with girls, I think. Otherwise you’re way smart. God, I’m dumb.” “You’ve mentioned that already.”

“Okay. I don’t want to be repetitive. Why did I drink so much? That was not smart.” I struggled against my seat belt to face Logan. “And I’m always very responsible. Mackenzie Wellesley never does stuff like this. She knows better than to do tequila shots at a party. Bad decision.” “Ease up on yourself, Mack. So what do you mean, I’m dumb with girls?” “Well, first, you like Chelsea Halloway. That’s pretty dumb.” “I do.” I couldn’t tell if he said it as a question or a statement.

“Either that or you like her boobs.” I chuckled. “Maybe I should shut up now.” “Oh, no, please. Enlighten me.”

“Well, someday you guys will have Notable babies. They’ll probably have superior immune systems, so that’s a plus.” I could feel the intensity of Logan’s stare. “Of course the kids might become calculating, cutthroat, and cruel … so there’s that.” I leaned back against the seat as the world tilted again. “Calculating, cutthroat, and cruel,” I repeated. “Well, I can still appreciate a good alliteration. That makes me smart, right?” “Right.”

“I just need to work on my social skills. Although people seemed to like me tonight.” I tugged on his sleeve, enjoying the feel of plain cotton between my fingers. “Did’ya see that?” “Yeah.” His fingers tightened on the wheel. “I noticed.”

I leaned toward him to whisper confidentially, “I think it’s the dress.” He only studied me for a second while he idled at a red light, but it was long enough to make my pulse pound. “It’s one hell of a dress, Mack.” “Thanks. My bra is cute too. See?” I tugged my halter strap so that a small corner of my bra was visible. I thought the car jerked, but that could have just been me.

“Jesus! Don’t do that!”

I struggled to keep my eyes open. “Okay, this is bad news bears.” “No kidding.”

“I can’t believe I’m drunk … in your car. Tomorrow Mackenzie is going to feel
really
stupid.” My stomach grumbled loudly. “You’re not supposed to drink on an empty stomach, are you? I guess that’s also bad news bears.” “O
f course
you didn’t eat anything first. Perfect.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Hell, you’re going to my house, Mack.” “Ex-cuse me?” I said with self-righteous indignation. “You can’t do that!” “Oh yeah? Why’s that, Mack?”

“Because of Chelsea!”

“And what,” he inquired, “does Chelsea have to do with this?” At the moment, I wasn’t entirely sure. “She’ll, uh … find out?” “And …”

I didn’t have anything past that.

“Okay,” I said. “Until the world stops spinning. It will stop, right? Because I don’t like this anymore.” “You’ll be fine. You just won’t want alcohol for a while.”

I tried to snuggle against the car door. “But the warmth was nice! It almost made up for Patrick saying I’m a Skanky McSlut.” I sighed. “Language.” “Why’d he say that?”

Was it just my imagination or was there a thread of anger in his voice?

“‘Well, first he said he was in love with me.”

“Well, that makes perfect sense, then.”

I laughed quietly and shut my eyes. The world kept swaying.

“He thinks I said no because of you … and Spencer.”

“What about us?”

I tried to smile, but my face didn’t seem to be cooperating. “Even
I
got that part. Climbing the social ladder. You guys are hot, rich Notables. Maybe if I were into the popular scene, it wouldn’t sound as crazy.” I yawned. “I didn’t tell him it was strike one.” “Stay awake, Mack. Almost there. Is that a strike against me or Patrick?” “You, of course. Strike one: you’re a Notable. Strike two: Chelsea. And strike three: you can be nice.” Logan pulled into his driveway. “Wait a second. I was eliminated because I’m too
nice
. What kind of bullshit reason is that?” I tried to think it through, but my brain was awfully foggy. “Well, you’re a Notable and you’re never clumsy and you never look bad. Ever. It’s not fair. Plus, even without Chelsea and Notable babies, everyone would wonder, ‘What’s he doing with
her?
’ And then you’d say, ‘Hmm, good question, ’ and you’d dump me. That wouldn’t be nice.” “So you don’t like that I’m popular and can walk without tripping.” He said it slowly to convey my sheer stupidity. “It never occurred to you that I might not do the dumping?” “No,” I said honestly. “You like Chelsea. Want to hear something crazy?” “Sure.”

“I want to hate her. I
really
want to hate her because she makes me feel so
lame
. But she’s right: I am lame.” I threw up my hands in disgust. “Do you know how pathetic I was before YouTube? I couldn’t say no to anyone. ‘Hey, Mackenzie, can you look over this essay?’ ‘Sure, no problem.’ ‘Great! We’ll pretend you don’t exist starting … now.’ ” I sighed. “I had a crush on Patrick for four years.
FOUR
YEARS
. And it took me until now to realize the guy I like
doesn’t exist
.” I fumbled for my seat belt. “I don’t feel so good.” Logan got me out of his car and facing the bushes in record time, which is where my body tried to dump all the salt, tequila, and lime.

“I’m sorry,” I said before a fresh wave of nausea doubled me over again. I still felt detached from my body, like it was some other girl spilling her guts. Someone else hurling up her bad decision into the bushes—some less intelligent girl.

“It’s okay, Mack.” He held back my hair. “You’re going to be fine.” My legs were wobbly from exhaustion, and all I wanted was to sleep until the world righted itself again.

“You’re really nice.”

“Yeah,” said Logan. “You mentioned that.”

“I still don’t feel good.” I rested my head against his jacket and tried to absorb the warmth.

“We just need to get you hydrated. Get some electrolytes in you.” He halfcarried me to the door. “Some Gatorade, water … maybe some food. You’ll be fine. Just be quiet, my parents are sleeping.” He unlocked and opened the door while I leaned against his house. Then he pulled me into the kitchen that had become so warmly familiar. I sat on one of the bar stools at the counter and watched him fill a glass of water. He handed it to me before he opened the refrigerator to examine its contents.

I took a sip. “Why’d you date her?”

“A few reasons. Drink.”

“Beyond her looks,” I added before I obediently focused on the water.

“Let’s save this conversation for another time.” He found the Gatorade, uncapped a bottle, and handed it to me. “Finish the water and then drink this.” “No,” I said forcefully. “Tomorrow I’ll feel guilty about prying. Tell me now.” I looked suspiciously at the Gatorade. “If you want me to drink blue stuff, you owe me.” He laughed. “I owe you. Right.” He sat down next to me though. “Okay. Well, I met Chelsea my first day of middle school. She walked right up to me and introduced herself. One second I was memorizing my locker combination and the next this gorgeous girl is talking to me. Drink.” I took another gulp.

“Chelsea always goes for what she wants, and she’s not stupid. She might not be a merit scholar, but she knows how to make a situation work for her. Drink the Gatorade.” He got up to refill my water while I tentatively sipped the bright blue liquid in front of me. I didn’t feel any better, but I didn’t mention it.

“So why’d the two of you break up? It sounds like you had something.” I pressed my forehead against the cool granite surface of his countertop.

“Not enough common ground, I guess. Chelsea likes to be in the center of everything. So we started going to parties together, and at first she was cool with me being on drunk duty and helping out the designated driver. Then she got sick of me spending all my time with people who were puking. I don’t blame her. She was bored, annoyed, and lonely—and I didn’t know how to fix any of that. So when she met Jake she promptly broke up with me.” He looked contemplative for a second. “They seemed good together, so I’m surprised they didn’t try to do the whole long-distance thing. Then again, Chelsea likes to have options.” “Was it a bad breakup?”

“Could’ve been worse. Of course, it could’ve been a lot better too. It’s not exactly fun to hear that your girlfriend has been seeing someone else—the day after the seventh-grade dance.” He shrugged and placed the water refill behind the Gatorade. “The more you drink now the better you’ll feel tomorrow.” “Okay. The world is still spinning.” I shut my eyes tightly before I opened them again. “I don’t know why you’re telling me all this.” “You asked … and now I get to ask you questions.”

I made an expansive gesture that nearly knocked over my water. “I’m an open book.” “I’m dyslexic.”

I laughed. “Ask away, then.”

“Why did you really say no to Patrick tonight?”

“A bunch of reasons.”

“Such as …”

“I kept writing his lines.”

Logan gave me an exasperated look. “What does that mean?”

“In my head. I kept coming up with all these things for him to do or say or think. It was like … It was like if I could just believe hard enough he’d be what I was looking for. And I just, well, I want …” I drifted off as my head went fuzzy.

“Yes …” he prompted.

“More,” I decided. “I don’t want to write his lines! I want to be surprised and challenged and …
pushed
to be more than just Mackenzie Wellesley, Queen of Awkward. And I never want to be a placeholder. Patrick would’ve dumped me as soon as the popularity wore off. I didn’t want to see it, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Not that I would expect forever, we’re in
high school,
but when he said he loved me, I could see the end like it was in high def. I’d be on the cafeteria floor, just like when Alex Thompson shoved me, and Patrick would stand over me and say, ‘We’re over, Mackenzie. ’ Then while I stuttered he’d finish me off. Something like, ‘If you bought that load of crap, you must not be as smart as people think.’ ” I took another gulp. “Sorry, what was the question again?” “You just answered it.”

“Okay. That’s good.” I felt my stomach churn. “I think I’m going to be sick again.” Logan pulled me to the bathroom. He kept saying stuff like, “You’re going to be fine,” as all the Gatorade turned his toilet blue. And when I sank against the wall between the toilet and the sink, he retrieved the water from the kitchen.

“You need to stay hydrated,” he told me when I only used it to rinse my mouth before spitting it out. “You’re going to have a wicked hangover tomorrow.” I shrugged. “It was worth it.”

“I doubt it.”

“No, really,” I insisted. “I thought it would smell bad and taste worse.” I wrinkled my nose. “I still don’t like the way it smells … but the warmth is great. And now I know what it’s like.” My voice dropped to a confidential whisper. “That’s always the worst: the not knowing. Because then you’re stuck with a hundred questions no one can answer.” “Well, tomorrow you’ll know all about hangovers.”

I couldn’t help grinning. “You’re funny.”

“You’re a mess.” He hauled me to my feet. “And I need to use your cell phone.” “Why do you need that? Wait! Should I be drunk-dialing? That’s part of the experience, isn’t it?” I launched myself at the clutch that was still sitting on the kitchen counter. “This is so exciting. Okay, who do I call … or should I text?” In one deft move, Logan had my cell phone. “You are not calling anyone right now. You are going to drink more Gatorade while I tell your brother that you’re crashing here for the night. Now,
drink
.” “This looks way more exciting in the movies.”