B017GCC62O (R) (11 page)

He looks around the room and then says, “Your room is very purple.”

I start to laugh at his statement. “I like purple. Not dark or overly bright, but a soft purple. It’s actually more a violet than a purple color.”

He gets under the covers and moves closer to me. I reach over and put the lamp off just in time, when Jack takes hold of my hips and pulls me right against his body.

“The bed is big. We don’t have to lie so close to each other.” I don’t want him to feel pressured in any way.

He places his chin on top of my hair, and his arms wrap tightly around me. “I like sleeping like this.”

~*~

Chapter Thirteen

Jack~

Over the weeks I’ve fallen into a routine of some sorts. Every day I have brunch with Miss Ella and Sophia. In the late afternoon I have my writing and reading lessons and then dinner with River. I don’t talk to the others much. I get to see Sophia at brunch, so we catch up then.

Sometimes I’ll run into Adam and he’ll ask me how I’m doing, but other than that we don’t talk. I’m glad everyone is leaving me alone.

Today I’m going to make a garden around the side of the stables. I’m busy shoveling my second wheelbarrow of manure, when I hear them again. I can’t help but sneak closer. The other day I discovered a hole I can look through. That way they won’t see me.

They like the spot on the hay. Christopher is busy kissing Maddie. They were the first people I saw kissing. I’ve seen a lot in my life, but never people kissing. I can stare at them for hours when they kiss.

“Jack?” I whip around with fright. Tristan is looking at me with a smile on his face. He knows that I was watching them. I drop my eyes as embarrassment washes over me. I feel like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Tristan points behind him. “The girls need some help carrying some fruits back to the house. Would you mind helping them? I would, but I need to check on Diane. She’s come down with the flu.”

“Sure. I leave the wheelbarrow filled with half a load of manure and go to the piece of farmland they use to grow the fruits.

The women are all standing around a basket filled with all kinds of fruits. Beverly walks towards me, with greedy eyes. I’ve seen that look so many times when I had to satisfy a mistress or master.

“Jack, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” she purrs and it makes the hair on the back of my neck rise. She hooks her arm through mine and before we can reach the others she whispers, “You must be tired of old River. You’re welcome to come keep my bed warm any day.”

I stop and stare down at her. “It’s summer. Why would you need a warm bed?”

She slaps my shoulder and giggles, “No, Silly! I don’t mean that.” She presses her ample breasts up against my chest. “I was thinking we could have some fun.”

Her hand slithers down my abs and then she grabs my cock.

“I’d love to take you in my mouth and make you come, and then you can return the favor.”

I shake my head. I don’t know how to process any of this. Normally I’d strip and let her have her way but everything inside of me is rebelling at the thought. I slap her hand away from me and stumble backwards, and then I turn around and run.

I run as fast as I can and when I pass the kitchen I hear Miss Ella call after me, but I keep going.

I keep going until I hit the stretch of sand. When I stop I find myself standing knee deep in water.

~*~

I don’t know what time it is. I eventually got out of the water and walked over to the chapel. I’ve been sitting here just watching the day go by.

I’m staring up at the sky and watching the stars come out. I hear movement behind me and I swear if it’s one of those women I will kill someone today!

“Jack,” I hear River whisper. My shoulders slump and I let my head hang. Tears flood my eyes and spill down my cheeks.

“Oh, Jack,” she whispers as she sits down next to me, “I’m so sorry that happened to you. Jamie told me. I had Kyle escort Beverly off the property. She won’t be around to do that again.”

The tears fall faster and I grab River. I hold her tightly and let the tears flow. So many things have been done to me but for some reason today’s incident hit the hardest. I realize it’s because I was starting to feel safe here. River makes me feel safe and even Adam in his own quiet manner.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She pulls away and that’s when I see the tear tracks on her cheeks.

“I think it hit so hard because you made me feel so safe and then right in front of the other women she grabbed me. I really didn’t expect it. Why do people do that?”

She shrugs and then says, “You’re a very handsome man, Jack. Some people are forward and they think they can just take whatever they want, that they don’t have to work for it. Beverly is one of those people. She’s tried with almost every man here and if Theo and Kevin weren’t gay, she’d try with them too.”

“They’re gay?”

She nods and then explains, “Yeah, they’re a couple. The people around here think I don’t see them sneaking around, but I do. Nothing happens on this plantation without me knowing.”

I clear my throat and then ask, “So you know about Christopher and Maddie?”

“Yeah, I know. Christopher is good for Maddie. He makes her feel safe.”

“So they’re a couple because he makes her feel safe?” I’m trying to figure out what makes them different from all the other people I’ve seen.

“Yes. He’s very protective of her.”

“Okay,” I say, thinking the information over. I turn to River and ask, “You’re protective of me and I feel safe with you, does that make us a couple?”

She starts to laugh. It’s not her normal spontaneous laughter, but more like a nervous chuckle. “No, Jack. We’re not a couple, we’re friends. Friends also look out for each other.”

I sigh, not understanding any of this. “I’ve been watching them,” I admit.

“Who? Christopher and Maddie?”

“Yeah,” I look at River again and then my eyes drop to her mouth. “I’ve been watching them kiss. They make it look like it’s a nice thing to do.”

River stands up quickly and she shoves her hands in her pockets. “I suppose it could be a nice thing for two people to share if they like each other.”

“You haven’t kissed someone?” I get up, too, walking closer to her.

“No … I mean … yes.” She takes a deep breath, her eyes looking everywhere but at me. “I kissed that stable boy once. I didn’t like it and you know the rest.”

I take another step closer to her and I like that she has to look up at me. It makes me feel strong.

“I haven’t kissed someone,” I whisper. I wonder if River will let me kiss her. “Will you kiss me, River?”

“Me?” she sputters and takes a step back. “You don’t want to kiss me, Jack. Wait until you meet a girl who makes your heart beat faster and gives you butterflies. Let your first kiss be special. When you find that girl it will so be worth the wait.”

I feel a sliver of disappointment crawl into my heart but I understand what River is saying. We walk back to the house and after I’ve eaten we spend some time working on my writing. I can make all the letters from A to G. River says she’s proud of my progress and it makes me feel warm inside that I’ve done something to please her.

~*~

Chapter Fourteen

River~

I’m glad Jack didn’t turn back into himself after the episode with Beverly. I could have killed that woman when I heard what she did! I had Kyle blindfold her and take her a few towns over before he made sure she got on the bus. Most of the slaves are blindfolded or out cold when they come here, so that no one can find us if they choose to leave.

It’s a few nights later that Jack asks, “Can I ask you something?”

I snuggle into his chest. It’s become my favorite place to be. “Sure,” I answer sleepily.

“After the party you told me that you like to watch, that it turns you on, was that the truth?”

I look up at him. “Why do you ask?” It’s been weeks, almost two months since Jack came here. I’m surprised that he even remembers what I said that night.

“I was just wondering.”

I love when Jack talks to me. I don’t want him to ever stop. I answer his question hoping it will keep him talking. “I don’t like to watch, Jack. It’s just a cover I use for the parties so I can get in. They think I have a collection of slaves that I play with, like someone might play with a doll. It’s the only thing I could think of so it wouldn’t be expected of me to have sex with slaves.”

His hand comes up and he takes a few strands of my hair between his fingers, just playing with it.

I can feel how tense he is so I try to encourage him. “Talk to me, Jack.”

“It’s just,” he twirls the strands around his finger and then lets it go, “The other day when I saw Christopher and Maddie kissing, I felt something. I can’t put it in words, but I thought maybe I was like you. I thought I could get turned on if I watched.”

“Is it just with Christopher and Maddie, or do you think it would work if you watched porn?”

He shakes his head adamantly. “Not porn, that would be the same as watching a slave being fucked.” His harsh words make me cringe a little. It’s seldom Jack talks like that and I don’t like it. It’s bitter and hateful and I don’t want him to feel those feelings. “Christopher and Maddie have something and it shows when they’re together,” he murmurs.

“They love each other, Jack. That’s the difference,” I finally get what he’s trying to figure out. Jack has never seen love! My heart reaches out to this beautiful man who has suffered so much.

His eyes meet mine and I can see the look of wonder blossoming on his face. “Love,” he whispers, “so that’s what it looks like?”

I smile and nod. “Yeah, Jack. But there are all kinds of love. Christopher and Maddie love each other the way a couple would. Miss Ella loves us all as if we were her children. I love Adam, because he’s my best friend.”

“Do you love me?” His question is so innocent that it tugs at my heartstrings.

“Yes, Jack. I love you.”

“Like you love Adam?”

Jack is the most inquisitive person ever! Heat creeps up my neck as I whisper, “No, not like I love Adam. I love every person in my life differently. I love our nights together and the time we spend on lessons. I love watching you work and seeing you find yourself. I just love you, Jack. There’s no category for you because you’re special to me.”

His hand comes to my cheek and he gently brushes the tips of his fingers down to the line of my jaw.

Tiny tingles jump from his fingers to my skin, making me highly aware of his body.

Jack leans into me and then his lips are on mine. At first I’m too shocked to stop him. Then the kiss grows more intense. He must have learned a lot from watching Christopher and Maddie, because he’s not kissing like it’s his first time.

Jack covers me with his body and I feel him grow hard against my thigh. I quickly yank away and then scramble out from under him. I fall off the bed, but quickly get up. My hands flutter everywhere, straightening my clothes.

Jack sits on the bed looking confused. Well, that makes two of us. I touch my fingertips to my lips, still stunned by what just happened.

Jack looks down at his tented boxers and his confusion quickly turns to wonder.

“That can never happen again!” I walk to the door but before I leave I whisper, “I think it’s better if you sleep in your own bed from now on.”

Jack is still too raw to know any better. I should have seen it coming! I’m such a fool.

I walk out onto the patio and lean against the wooden railing. I stare blankly into the night trying to gather my confused thoughts.

“What’s nipping at your heals?” Adam suddenly says from the dark corner.

I go to where he is and sit down. “Jack kissed me.”

“And that’s bad?”

“Yes, it’s bad! He’s still healing. I don’t want to take advantage of him.”

“How are you taking advantage of him if he kissed you?”

“He doesn’t know any better and I do.”

“So if I were to kiss Sophia that would be wrong?”

I glance at him, worried where he’s going with this conversation. “Are you telling me or asking me, Adam.”

He sighs heavily and then says, “I suppose I’m asking you.”

“I don’t know.” My whole body slumps back against the chair. “Honestly, I don’t know. You and Sophia are a different story. Sophia is different from Jack. I’m different from you.”

“That’s not an answer, River!”

“Because, there is no right answer!” I jump up again, feeling antsy.

“There is always an answer, it just might not be what you want to hear,” Adams says in a low tone that makes his voice rumble. When he uses that tone on me I know he’s about to get serious.

I turn back to Adam. “Then tell me the answer!”

He gets up and comes to stand in front of me. “It’s not wrong for two people to enjoy each other if they both want to. I think you want Jack to kiss you, but you’re scared.”

Anger bubbles up inside of me, hot and fast. “I’m not scared of Jack! He will never hurt me.”

“I didn’t say you were scared of Jack. You’re scared of what he means to you.”

I frown, not following Adam at all.

He shoves a hand through his hair and then his grey eyes pin mine. “You want to kiss him. You want to be with him, but then you’ll have to admit that your whole life has been a lie. You say you hate sex and I understand where you’re coming from with that, but I think you’re hiding behind your past and refusing sex because you’re scared you’ll turn out to be just like your father.”

I only realize I’ve slapped Adam when his head turns to the side and the sharp sound penetrates the rage in me.

His face is carved of stone when his eyes meet mine. “Don’t ever hit me again.” He walks away leaving me with my fast growing guilt.

How can things go wrong so fast?

I flee down to the river, needing the calm of nature around me. Is Adam right? Am I scared that I’ll turn out like my father?