Back To You (4 page)

I glanced toward
the kitchen and balked when I saw Tim unfolding one of the letters. There was
nothing in it that I wouldn’t mind him knowing, but it still felt like an
invasion of privacy for him to just read it like that. I jumped up from the
couch and took the letter out of his hands.

“That’s not very
nice,” Tim said, frowning. “Do you have something to hide?”

“No,” I answered.
“I just don’t know why you would start reading it before asking if you could.
It’s not addressed to you.”

Tim raised a
perfectly kempt brow and ran his fingers through his cropped brown hair. “Ellie,
are you sure there isn’t something I should know about you and Spencer? I know
you guys have been friends for a long time, but I can’t help but wonder if
there’s something more going on between you two.”

I laughed without
humor. “Tim, we’ve been over this. Spencer is my best friend. I care about him
a lot, but I’m not the girl for him. He’s not the guy for me. We both know
that. So, once again, there is
nothing
going on between us.”

“I can understand
why he wouldn’t be the guy for you.”

I surprised myself
with how defensive I felt in that moment. It was one thing for me to
occasionally mock Spencer for his womanizing ways, but I didn’t want anyone
else doing it. “You know, Tim, green’s not a very good look for you.”

He cocked his head
at me with a hint of challenge. “It’s not jealously. He’s a dick. And he treats
girls like objects that he can just throw away when he’s done with them. I’ve
known him as long as you have, and I’ve never met a girl that he hasn’t slept
with and then dumped right away. Present company excluded.”

I watched
stoically as Tim reached for my hand and brought it to his lips when he said
the last words. I tugged my hand from his grasp. “That doesn’t make him a
‘dick,’ Tim. He’s complicated. There are things in his past that made him the
way that he is, but he really is a good guy underneath all of that. You just
don’t know him like I do.”

“And how does that
excuse his behavior with girls? He’s not a God, Ellie.”

“I know that. But
those girls never jump into bed with him thinking they’re going to get a
relationship out of it. He tells them up front that he probably won’t even call
them again.”

Tim shook his head
and laughed. “Yeah, he’s a real prince. Look, all I’m saying is that I can see
why he’s not the right guy for you. You’re looking for the type of guy that can
give you a future and take care of you. As soon as I’m done with school, I’m
going to be that guy for you. You deserve better than someone who runs off to
join the military because they don’t have the grades for college.”

I felt heat rise
to my cheeks. He was standing there, holding my hand again, telling – not
asking – me about my future with him, all the while insulting someone I
cared about very much. He was making it seem like Spencer
couldn’t
give me the life I wanted, but it was actually that
Spencer wouldn’t
want
to. He had
always been very clear about his feelings on marriage and being with one woman
for the rest of his life, and it just wasn’t in his plans. That didn’t mean
that he wasn’t as good of a guy as Tim, just that he wanted different things. And
on top of all that, as if it wasn’t enough, he had the nerve to talk about
Spencer’s grades. What the hell did he know about Spencer’s grades?

“Look, Tim,” I
pulled my hand away and rested it on my hip. Realizing that the move probably
looked a little too combative, I let it fall to my side with a huff. “First of
all, I don’t want a man to ‘take care of me.’ I’m planning on taking care of
myself. I just want a man who would support me no matter what I wind up doing. Second,
Spencer’s grades were perfectly fine. In fact, he scored in the top five
percent on his placement exam for the military. He joined the Marines because
he wanted to make a difference and fight for his country. I could do a lot
worse than Spencer Hawkins.”

Tim started to
speak, but I held up my hand. “And last, this isn’t a freaking love triangle
where I have to choose between the vampire and the werewolf. He’s my friend,
and you’re my boyfriend. But if you don’t knock off this jealous shit then
you’ll probably lose your title.”

He looked
fittingly abashed as he placed his hands on my shoulders. “You’re right. I’m
sorry. I don’t know what kind of grades he got. But listen, let’s stop talking
about this, okay? I’ll even write him a letter to thank him for what he’s doing
if that makes you feel better.”

Without giving me
a chance to reply, he sealed his lips over mine. He used one hand to cup the
side of my face and I almost pulled away. He placed his other hand on the
opposite side of my face and gently held me to him, and I soon lost myself in
the feel of his mouth on mine. I knew that wouldn’t be the last time we’d fight
about Spencer, but this seemed like the only way we ended a fight these days.
We never exactly agree to disagree, we just make out instead of continue the
conversation. I let the letter from Spencer slip from my grasp and back onto
the counter as Tim started to lead me toward the stairs. At least we weren’t
watching football.

Chapter Four

Spencer

“Hawkins,” the
surly Drill Instructor called my name and threw a letter in my general
direction. I followed the letter with my eyes as the recruit nearest to where
it fell began passing it back to me. We were all sitting on the ground in our
usual formation for mail call, cross-legged and eagerly awaiting word from our
loved ones. The letter finally made its way to me. I smiled broadly when I saw
that it was from Ellie. We weren’t allowed to open the mail until every piece
had been passed out, so I fidgeted with the corners of the envelope as I
waited. The DI called my name again, and when I got a hold of this one my
eyebrows nearly flew off my forehead.

It was from my
dad.

The DI dismissed
us and I headed back to my rack to read my mail. I decided to read the letter
from my father first, and balked when I saw how short the note was. How
typical.

Spencer,

How are you? Is it as hard as you thought it
would be? Hope the food is better than when I was there.

Dad

I shook my head as
I stuffed the note back in the envelope and put it aside. I grabbed my notepad
and pen, figuring it was best to just write him back now so that I didn’t have
to worry about it later.

Dad,

I’m fine. It’s not that hard. The food is
probably just as bad.

Spencer

With much more
enthusiasm than when I opened my dad’s letter, I moved on to Ellie’s. Hers was
considerably longer. I was surprised by how happy I felt as I saw her familiar
handwriting on the page. Then I got a whiff of something distinctly feminine
and glanced around the room, seeing only the same smelly recruits I’d been with
the whole time. Looking down at the paper, I wrinkled my nose and gave it a
whiff. It was
scented
.

Dear
Spence,

I read online that recruits can get messed
with pretty bad if they get a letter with perfume on it, and just because I
love you so much, I decided to test that theory. Let me know how that goes for
you.

It sounds like this is going to be pretty
crazy. I don’t know when you’re going to get this letter, but hopefully you’ve
adjusted pretty well by the time you do. That’s absurd that they made you stay
up for so long in the beginning. I would have been giggling like an idiot… you
know how weird I get when I’m really tired! And yes, I agree that it’s odd not
being able to talk to you all the time. I’m going through sarcasm withdrawals!

By the way, Sarah and Ashley both asked me
why you weren’t answering their calls. Did you forget to tell some girls that
you’d be unavailable for a few months? I’m not your secretary, slut!

 
Have you heard from your dad? I gave him
your address. In fact, he was the one that called me asking for it,
surprisingly. I wonder if he’s regretting being gone the whole weekend before
you left. My family says ‘hi’ back, and hopes you’re doing well. My mom asked
if she could send you some cookies, and I told her I’d ask you. If it will have
a similar effect of perfume on a letter, I’m all for it.

In response to your question, nothing new is
happening over here. Tim and I are doing fine, as usual. He’s leaving for
Sacramento soon, so I guess we’ll be doing the long distance thing. I’m not
gonna
lie, I’m really not looking
forward to it. I feel like I probably won’t be good at maintaining a
relationship like that, but I guess we’ll see. At least I’m getting practice
writing letters to you, so thanks for that.

Come
back soon,

E.

“Is that a letter
from your girl?” A voice from above made me jump. I looked up to see my rack
mate hanging over from the bed above mine.

“No, just a
friend.”

“Smells like more
than just a friend.”

I widened my eyes,
hoping the letter didn’t attract too much attention in case what Ellie said was
true. “You can smell it from all the way up there?”

Mills grinned.
“After being surrounded by a bunch of dirty assholes for the last few weeks
that letter is like a beacon in the night.”

“Where do you come
up with this shit?”

“I’m a pretty
smart guy, you know. Smart enough to know that that girl is more than just a
friend.”

I rolled my eyes.
“Give it up. She’s not. Did you get a letter from your girl?”

“Yes, thank God. I
was beginning to think she already forgot about me.”

“She should, I’ve
seen the Vienna sausage in your pants. That poor girl needs to move on.”

Mills glared in
mock fury and rolled back onto his rack without another word. I picked up my
notepad and pen again and began writing Ellie back. I hesitated for a moment,
trying to figure out how to start. I settled on keeping it light, even though
hearing from her was the best thing that had happened to me since I’d gotten
there. It was strange how disconnected from reality I felt, and every mundane detail
from the outside world was welcomed.

Ellie,

Your attempt at sabotage with the perfume
didn’t work at all. It was just awesome to smell something other than all of
these nasty assholes I’m surrounded by day and night. Nice try though. You can
send whatever food you want, as long as it’s healthy. The other catch is that
you have to buy enough for the entire platoon or they won’t let me have any.
There’s like 80 guys in my platoon, so have at it. One dude got a huge box of
granola bars and Gatorade packets from his mom, so we all got to have that.

Tell Ashley and Sarah (and anyone else that
asks) that I died. That way, when I come back from the dead, they’ll be so
amazed that they have sex with me again and forgive me for never calling them
after the first time. You
are
my
secretary, and you better not mess up. I expect a full list of my missed calls
when I get back. Speaking of my phone, will you bring it to graduation with
you? It’s in my nightstand.

Of course you and Tim are fine. You’re
always fine. Dump him, E. He’s not right for you and you know it. He’s like the
evil character that infiltrates the sunny neighborhood in ‘Leave it to Beaver.’
All right, I’m
gonna
go.
I’ll be expecting a big box of civilian food before the week is out.

Be
back soon,

Spence.

P.S.
Thank you for writing me. You have no idea how good it was to hear from you.

I put away my
writing materials with a sigh. I re-read the part of my letter about Tim and
wondered if I should scratch it out. I really didn’t like that pansy-assed goody-two-shoes.
I meant every word I said to her that night before I left. Even though I knew
that I wasn’t right for her, that didn’t mean she should be with just anybody.
My new, and so far pretty well suppressed, feelings for her had nothing to do
with it. Tim didn’t care about Ellie. He just wanted a hot trophy wife lined up
for when he was a fancy doctor.

No matter how I
felt about Ellie, I wasn’t going to try to make something more than friends out
of our relationship. We wanted different things, and our friendship meant too
much for me to start something with her and then always be leaving her behind.
I couldn’t offer her the stability she deserved, so I knew it wasn’t just
jealously that made me want her to break things off with Tim. She could do better,
that was all.

I stood to face
Mills, who was still lying on the rack above my own. “Are you still pouting?”

“No, I’m over it.
I know you only make tiny dick jokes to make yourself feel better.” Mills
grinned at me.

“You’re right,” I
conceded, hanging my head woefully. I popped it back up and looked around the
room. “So, I guess we’d better go clean some windows. Looks like everyone else
already started this field day shit.”

Mills leaned up to
rest on his elbows. “Looks like they did. I really hate that they refer to
cleaning as ‘field day.’ When I was a kid, ‘field day’ was the best day of the
school year.”

I snorted. “We’re
only three weeks in, bro. Think positive.”

“It’s not that
easy,” Mills said, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and hopping down
with a thud. We walked over to the buckets and rags that some recruits had
pulled out for washing the windows. “Olivia is pretty good about staying
positive in her letters, but I know this sucks for her. I’ll make it up to her
with a big fat ring when we get out of this hellhole.”

“Wait. Did you
just say that you’re proposing on boot leave?” I stuttered, absolutely stunned.

Mills smiled like
a fool. “Not on boot leave, at graduation. My mom picked the ring up for me and
I’m
gonna
pay her back for
it. I’m going to ask Olivia if she wants to go see a judge over Christmas if I
get to come home, that way everything will be squared away before I get
stationed somewhere and she can come with me.”

“Dude,” I drew out
the word. “We’re only eighteen.”

“Yeah, so what?”

I grunted. “You’re
fucking crazy, that’s all.”

“Hey, man. We’ve
been together for five years now. Plus, I want her to be able to come with me
wherever I go. She can only do that if we’re married. And, you know, I love
her.”

“You don’t have to
plead your case to me, Mills. It’s none of my business. All I know is, I’m
never getting married.” I resumed wiping the window that I had been neglecting
during that ridiculous exchange. I took a few glances over my shoulder to make
sure a DI wasn’t in the room to slay me for talking. I couldn’t believe Mills
was getting married at eighteen. Not to mention the fact that he was planning
on ripping that poor girl away from her family and everything she knows in
order to follow him around wherever they send him. Who knows, maybe his girl is
excited by the idea of the unknown. Ellie would never go for something like
that. Life in the military was the opposite of stable. She’d be packing up her
white-picket-fence life every three years or so.

“You say you’re
never getting married now, but when the right girl comes around, you’ll feel
differently,” Mills said, wagging a finger at Spencer. “I bet you think you’re
having the time of your life banging anything with a pulse, but this is going
to go one of two ways for you.”

Intrigued and
amused, I took the bait. “Oh, yeah? How’s that?”

“You’re either
going to die from an STD, or one of these girls is actually going to mean
something to you, and you’re going to freak the fuck out.”

“Will this disease
kill me quickly, or slowly and painfully?”

Mills rolled his
eyes in response, not bothering to comment further.

We worked in
silence for a few moments, both of us cleaning the same places over and over
again to make sure it looked like we were working hard. I peered around the
room and noticed that none of the DI’s
were
there. I
dropped the rag in the bucket and stretched each of my arms across my body. I
was sore, but I was no stranger to aching muscles. I had worked out with the
Marines at the recruiting office for a year before I had officially joined, so
I knew what to expect from boot camp as far as the physical stuff went. I was
happy with myself for spending so much time training before I left, or else I
would probably be having a much harder time.

I stooped to pick
up the rag again and resumed cleaning the already spotless window. I glanced at
Mills, who was still working on the same windowpane as when we first started
cleaning. I guessed we had the same idea about looking busy but not really
making any progress. Judging by what the rest of the recruits were doing, we
weren’t alone.

“So,” Mills began,
conversationally.

“So, what?”

“So, who was the
‘friend’ with the smelly letter?” He used his fingers to make the universal
sign for quotations.

I let my shoulders
droop in defeat. “That was Ellie.”

“You haven’t slept
with her yet, I’m assuming?”

“No, and I don’t
plan to. Like I keep saying, she’s just a
friend.
”
I paused my futile wiping again. “What do you mean by that, anyway? The whole
‘I’m assuming’ thing.” I mocked his finger quotations.

“I just meant that
if you’re still talking to her, and you’re actually trying not to talk
about
her, it sounds like you haven’t
slept with her. You’re the one that said you always drop them after you do
them.”

I nodded in
understanding. For some reason I didn’t really like the way my life sounded
coming from Mills. I knew he probably had a different view because of his relationship
with Olivia, but my habits with girls still sounded a little worse when he put
it that way. I could be vain and shallow, and I never pretended to be anything
other than who I was. Still, I felt the need to defend myself.

Just as I turned
to say something, I saw our Senior DI enter the squad bay. I jerked my head
inconspicuously to Mills so would get the hint, and we both put some extra
elbow grease into our cleaning. I took a few steps away from my rack mate just
so the DI wouldn’t be suspicious that we were socializing more than cleaning.

A few minutes
later, the DI left the squad bay and let the door slam on his way out. I walked
back over to where Mills was cleaning and tried to keep it in the back of my
mind that we needed to be pretty sneaky if we wanted to continue this
conversation. Not that I knew why I even wanted to continue this conversation.
Maybe it was because all of this Ellie stuff was getting a bit out of hand in
my own mind and I didn’t need Mills running away with it now, too.