Backlash (34 page)

But when someone lies to you and makes you afraid to trust, it’s different. No one can tell you how long it’ll take for that damage to heal. You can’t just take a pill or wear a cast or do so many reps of weights in physical therapy. I’m still seeing my therapist, and although I’m better than I was, I know there’s still a long way to go.

Syd and Liam are in the living room watching a movie, a bowl of popcorn balanced between them. He has his arm around her, and when she feeds him a piece, he kisses the tips of her fingers as she places the kernel to his lips.

When they laugh about something — and I don’t know if it’s because I’m sick of feeling like the third wheel or because I’m ready to feel happy for me, and I realize to do that I need to take a ride on the bicycle — I make a decision. When I get to my room, I text Luis and ask him if he’s found a date for the homecoming dance yet and say if not, I’ve changed my mind and I’d love to go with him. I apologize for being a coward yesterday.

It’s okay, he texts back. And I do have a date. Her name is Lara Kelley. : )

Last year at this time, I was obsessing about going to a dance with an imaginary boy. Now I’m going to a different dance with a real one, one who I know, who knows me, and who I think I’m beginning to trust.

Sometimes I feel like I’m never going to get over this, but maybe I am making progress after all. Maybe this really
is
a “process” and healing doesn’t come all at once — maybe it just creeps up on you a little bit at a time until one day you finally realize you’re feeling better than you thought.

My memory box sits on the shelf above my desk. I haven’t really been able to look at it since last year. It’s just sat there. I take it down and remove the printout of the chat conversation where Christian DeWitt, the guy who never really existed, said
Love you
, which he never did. I rip the paper into tiny fragments and throw them in the garbage.

It’s time to make some new memories. Real ones, this time.

Today I’m grateful that the pills didn’t work. I’m grateful that every day I’m feeling a little bit stronger. I’m so very grateful that I get the chance to try again.

A
NOVEL
has many parents. Although my name is on the front, taking all the credit, so many others deserve kudos for helping this book become infinitely better than it started out.

My amazing editor, Jody Corbett, kept asking all the right questions, while keeping me endlessly entertained through our margin-note conversations. To the wonderful team at Scholastic — production editors Elizabeth Starr Baer and Stephanie Engel, copy editor Rachael Hicks, designer Sharismar Rodriguez, publicist Saraciea Fennell, and, of course, David Levithan, Tracy van Straaten, and Lizette Serrano — thank you!

Jennifer Laughran is an agent extraordinaire. She tends to her clients with love, humor, and cute dog pictures.

I owe Steve Fondiller big-time for his brilliant advice on revising chapter one. Diana Klemin, Bill Buschel, Susan Warner, Gay Morris, Tom Mellana, Len Vlahos, Alexandra Stevens, and Karen Ball were early readers, and I can’t thank them enough for their helpful feedback.

One of the things I love most about being a writer is being granted the opportunity to ask interesting people questions about their work for research. Sincere thanks to Greenwich police chief Jim Heavey; Sergeant Mark Zuccerella, leader of the Greenwich Police Department’s Special Victims Section; Paul Falavolito, chief at White Oak Emergency Medical Services; and David H. Delman, MD, of DHD Medical PC for their generosity and patience. Any mistakes about procedures are all mine.

Adam Bernard allowed me to turn him into an Abercrombie model (not that he doesn’t look like one already), Luis Cotto volunteered to be a character in my novel (I hope you like yourself), and Nikki Mutch and Gabe Rosenberg shared my “If dog looks could kill” photo on Facebook so I could then delete it and see if it still existed on their walls. (It didn’t.) Being willing to do strange things for your author friends is a sign of true friendship.

I would not be the woman I am today without the love and support of my incredible, warm, and funny family. As Grandma Dorothy used to say, “We come from good stock.” You know, kind of like prize heifers. I love you all.

Josh and Amie, being your mom is the best story ever, and I can’t wait to see what the next chapter brings.

Hank, thank you for keeping me sane on those “one more wafer-thin mint” days. Okay, stop laughing. I meant sane-
ish
. I love you, and I’m grateful every day we are together.

I
WAS
inspired to write
Backlash
after reading news stories about several cyberbullying incidents and the online vigilantism that occurred in the name of making the bullies “pay.” As bullying continues to play out more often in a virtual world, it is important to understand the hurt these actions can cause, and the real-life consequences they can have. It’s my hope that this book will help start thoughtful conversations around how we can rethink attitudes and combat bullying in our schools, our homes, and our communities.

For more information and resources about bullying and cyberbullying, visit: www.backlash-book.com.

S
ARAH
D
ARER
L
ITTMAN
is the critically acclaimed author of
Want to Go Private?
;
Life, After
;
Purge
; and
Confessions of a Closet Catholic
, winner of the Sydney Taylor Book Award. When she’s not writing novels, Sarah is an award-winning columnist for the online site CT News Junkie. She teaches creative writing as an adjunct professor in the MFA program at Western Connecticut State University and with Writopia Lab. Sarah lives with her family in Connecticut. You can visit her online at www.sarahdarerlittman.com.

Want to Go Private?

Life, After

Purge

Copyright © 2015 by Sarah Darer Littman

All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Press, an imprint of Scholastic Inc.,
Publishers since 1920
.
SCHOLASTIC, SCHOLASTIC PRESS
, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Littman, Sarah, author.

Backlash / Sarah Darer Littman. — First edition.

pages cm

Summary: When Christian, a boy she knows only through Facebook, posts a lot of nasty comments on her page, fifteen-year-old Lara tries to kill herself — but that is only the beginning of the backlash for her sister, Sydney; her former friend Bree; and her classmates.

ISBN 978-0-545-65126-4 — ISBN 978-0-545-65127-1 — ISBN 978-0-545-75502-3 1. Cyberbullying — Juvenile fiction. 2. Suicidal behavior — Juvenile fiction. 3. Families — Juvenile fiction. 4. Sisters — Juvenile fiction. 5. Neighbors — Juvenile fiction. 6. Friendship — Juvenile fiction. [1. Cyberbullying — Fiction. 2. Bullying — Fiction. 3. Suicide — Fiction. 4. Family life — Fiction. 5. Sisters — Fiction. 6. Neighbors — Fiction. 7. Friendship — Fiction.] I. Title.

PZ7.L7369Bac 2015

813.6 — dc23

2014020226

First edition, April 2015

Cover photograph © by Christie Goodwin/Arcangel Images

Polka-dot pattern © by Inga Linder/Shutterstock

Cover design by Sharismar Rodriguez

e-ISBN 978-0-545-65127-1

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.