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Harry placed his hand on his shoulder and spun him around. Before Tristan realized what was happening, he was held tight and kissed within an inch of his life. He tried to pull away for a second, but Harry kissed him deeper, harder, and Tristan’s heart raced, pounding in his ears. After a few seconds, he pulled back. “Was this some kind of test?” He smacked Harry on the shoulder.

“No. I just wanted you to find your fire. I’ve seen it at the club a lot. And I wanted you to have it.” Harry kissed him again. “You are worth it, and you are perfect.” Harry kissed him again, harder this time, taking Tristan’s breath away. When he pulled back, he smoothed Tristan’s hair out of his eyes. “I’ve watched you at the club for months, ever since you and your friends first started coming. I saw you dance and….” Harry ran his fingers through Tristan’s floppy curls. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

“But…,” Tristan prompted, feeling it coming. There always seemed to be a “but” in there somewhere.

“Eddie snuffed out something inside you, and I want it back. I hoped he hadn’t killed it forever, and he hasn’t.” Harry smiled and then kissed him.

“What, you like it when I get angry? Because I can get hellaciously mad at you.” Tristan narrowed his eyes slightly. Sometimes other men confused him completely.

“Not angry. Fired up,” Harry clarified and nuzzled Tristan’s neck. “I love the way you smell.” He inhaled deeply and then licked just about the base of Tristan’s neck. Tristan stretched and leaned his head to the side to give him better access. “And I love the fire inside you.”

No one had ever said that to him before. The guys he’d dated, especially Eddie, had done their best to douse that fire, and he’d fucking let them.

“Don’t ever give up part of yourself for a guy… for anyone, ever,” Harry said. “Not for me or for anyone else.”

Tristan mewled as Harry licked along his jaw and then kissed him hard, lifting him off the floor. Tristan needed to steady himself, and with Harry’s guidance, he wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist. Harry wrapped one arm around his back and supported him with the other, palming one of his buttcheeks. Damn, it was hot to have someone touch him like that again: strong, firm, and yet caring.

“Tristan,” Harry whispered. “I think we….”

“What? You don’t want this?”

“I didn’t say that. I was going to ask if you wanted more to eat, because if we keep going like this, I’m going to take you upstairs, and I don’t think we’ll be done for quite a while.”

Tristan couldn’t believe Harry was talking about food at a time like this. He held on tighter, gripping Harry with his thighs. Harry released him and set him back on his feet. Then he turned and quickly put the food away. His movements looked so normal Tristan wondered what the hell was wrong. Had he done something?

“I need to make sure everything is put away, or Butterscotch will eat it and get sick,” Harry explained as he closed the refrigerator door and turned off the light. Then he took Tristan’s hand. He led him toward the stairs and opened the door to the porch. Butterscotch zoomed out and toward the kitchen. Harry led Tristan up the stairs and into his bedroom, then closed the door. He pulled Tristan to him.

Tristan held still and waited to see what Harry had in mind. Harry stroked his cheek and outlined Tristan’s lips with his finger. Tristan locked his gaze onto Harry’s, and Harry moved closer, parting his lips before kissing him. This time it was full-on, openmouthed. He sucked on Tristan’s lips, cradling his head and practically devouring him. Tristan loved every second of it. When Harry sucked on his tongue, Tristan moaned, and when Harry thrust his tongue forward, taking his mouth, Tristan groaned loudly. Damn, that was hot.

Harry pressed Tristan back slowly until the back of his legs hit the mattress. Then Harry kissed him down onto the bed, settling his weight on top of him. Tristan held on to Harry, hoping this didn’t end.

T
RISTAN
QUIVERED
beneath him, and God, he loved how that felt. Harry had watched him in the club, but just when he’d gotten up the nerve to approach him, Tristan had started dating Eddie. Harry had too much integrity to horn in, so he backed off and watched as Eddie eventually broke Tristan’s heart and tore his world apart. After all that waiting, to find out that Tristan was interested in him in return was almost too much.

Now, for the first time, he had Tristan in his bed, and he intended to make the very most of it. He slipped his hand beneath Tristan’s shirt, stroking his smooth skin. Tristan’s muscles fluttered beneath his touch, and he listened to his tiny gasps and his little breath hitches.

“Harry,” Tristan whispered, and Harry stilled his hand, resting it over Tristan’s nipple. “Is this a… you know… a one… is this like those guys from the club?”

Harry had to let the words and hesitation sink in through his lust-addled mind. Then it hit him, and he widened his eyes. “Are you asking if this is a one-night stand? Is that what you want?” He finally had Tristan with him, but if all he was interested in was sex…. That had never crossed Harry’s mind. He should have considered that. Maybe Tristan wasn’t ready for anything more. Harry had always thought of Tristan as boyfriend material, but what if that wasn’t what he wanted? Some of the excitement that had been building melted away.

“No,” Tristan said, and Harry shook his head, not understanding for a split second because he was so deep in his own worry. “I don’t want that, but I’ve seen you go home with the guys at the club, and I know that some guys… that’s what they like.” Tristan was near tears for some reason, so Harry rolled off him, settled on the bed, and tugged Tristan to him. “I thought you might be like that. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or….”

Harry let Tristan get it all out. He realized this was not about him; all the pressure and the crap with Eddie had finally gotten to him. “You didn’t,” Harry whispered. “I did go home with those boys… but I’ll let you in on a secret. I kept hoping one of them would turn out to be you.” Harry wiped Tristan’s curls from his eyes. “I watched you with your friends, and then that asshole Eddie stopped in. I never thought you’d go for me, so I stayed back, and then it was too late. So I saw other guys, hoping one of them would have your spark, but none of them did. So I kept looking.” Harry waited for Tristan to relax and simply held him. Maybe sex wasn’t what was needed right now. Not that he didn’t want it, but for Tristan, maybe simple reassurance and concern were more important.

“I’m sorry,” Tristan whispered and then sniffed slightly.

“Hey,” Harry told him, lightly touching Tristan’s chin. “There’s nothing to feel sorry for.”

“But….”

“No buts. You’ve been through a lot, and maybe sex wasn’t the greatest idea right now.”

“But I like you, and…,” Tristan protested.

“Sometimes there are more important things than sex.”

Tristan scoffed and rolled his eyes.

It was so cute that Harry grinned. “I’m not saying I don’t want to be with you. I’m saying that at this moment, maybe comfort and understanding are more important than doing the horizontal hula.”

Tristan chuckled, which was what Harry had hoped for. “I don’t want to disappoint you.” Tristan shifted away from him.

“Hey. You haven’t disappointed me. There’s plenty of time, and we don’t have to do anything today.” Harry took Tristan’s hand.

“I thought you liked me,” Tristan said.

Harry paused. “I do, and you need to believe that. But having sex is only part of the picture. It isn’t going to suddenly make things perfect or make everything that’s been happening with Eddie go away.” Harry thought he might be seeing a pattern. “Sex is great, and it should be special, but….”

“But it will make me feel better for a while. I’ll be able to forget.”

Harry nodded. “You will, but only for a while. Sex should be special for both of us. Not something we do to forget or push away what we don’t want to think about.” Jesus, was Tristan only interested in him because he’d help him forget?

“I know. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“You were being honest, and yeah, sex would have been fun, and it would have made you feel better. But then once it was over, all the crap with Eddie would be back, and nothing would have changed except we would have had sex.” Harry had done plenty of that. It had been fun during, but then he couldn’t get away fast enough. The guys he’d been with hadn’t meant much to him other than a few hours of fun. They were nice guys, and he hadn’t hurt anyone, but there had been no real connection with any of them. “I’ve done that quite a bit, I’ll admit that. But that is not what I want with you.”

“You don’t?” Tristan asked.

Harry shrugged. “It was fun, but nothing more.”

“Well, what if I’m not as much fun as they were?” Tristan sniffed again and blinked rapidly.

“Hey. That’s not what I want from you. They were fun. I want passion and intensity. I want an emotional connection.” Dammit, he wanted it all, and he needed to figure out a way to communicate that to Tristan without sounding dumb or like he was only trying to get in his pants. That wasn’t it at all, but Tristan seemed to have been hurt so badly that was all he thought he was worth.

“But….”

“Honey,” Harry began, “don’t worry so much. Everything is fine.”

“So you don’t want me,” Tristan said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Hey, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone. That’s why I stopped. It has to be right and good. Rushing isn’t going to make that happen.” This conversation was starting to make his head spin. “I’m not rejecting you. I want to make sure I’m doing right by you. Can you understand that?” Tristan nodded, but Harry wasn’t convinced he truly got it. “I’m saying I want to take some time. I want to make sure I get to know you. You’re special—too special to rush.”

Tristan stared at him for a long time. “You really mean that.”

“Yeah, I do.” Harry wanted to tear Eddie to pieces for making Tristan feel as though he were nothing. Maybe Tristan hadn’t always been the most confident person; Harry didn’t know for sure. But Eddie must have really done a number on him to leave him with this little self-worth. That pissed him off to no end. “I don’t know what Eddie told you or how he made you feel, but you are most definitely worth taking time with.” Tristan was so quiet Harry was starting to get worried. “I want to rip that bastard from one end to the other.”

“I don’t think I ever had a lot of confidence. I’m not like Zach or even Jeremy. They’re both outgoing and get everyone’s attention. They always know what they want and go for it.” Tristan moved closer and rolled onto his side.

Harry put his arm around him and pressed his chest to Tristan’s back, spooning Tristan to him. It was the most intimate he could remember being with his clothes still on.

“I remember the day Zach met Bull,” Tristan said. “He giggled in front of him and wriggled all cute-like, and after that Bull couldn’t take his eyes off him.”

“I know,” Harry said. “Bull told me the story.”

“Yeah, but what you don’t know is that Zach had had his eye on Bull for a while and had been trying to figure out how to get his attention. He said it was just a matter of figuring it out. He had the confidence to go for it. So did Jeremy. He knew what he wanted from the start. I thought the same thing with Eddie, and look how that turned out.”

“But don’t stop believing in yourself. That’s the worst thing you can do. Every relationship doesn’t work out for everyone. It certainly
hasn’t for me.” Harry made small circles on Tristan’s belly through his
shirt.

“Did you have an Eddie too?” Tristan asked.

“Yeah, I did, quite a few years ago.” Harry swallowed and grew quiet. He hated talking about this. “It ended at about the time I met Bull again. He was my savior, just like your friends want to be yours. They stand with you like Bull stood with me.”

“What happened?” Tristan asked. “I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to talk about it,” he added.

“No, I don’t. I never want to talk about something I’m so ashamed of. See, I felt much the way you do now. I doubted myself and all my decisions, just like you are doing now. His name was Reed, and he was gorgeous.” Harry paused, and Reed’s face flashed in his mind. He could remember meeting him like it was yesterday. “But he was not anywhere near as beautiful as you are. See, Reed had a pretty face, but he had no conscience whatsoever. He used people and he used me… in a different way than Eddie. He wasn’t into drugs, but he was very much into control, like I’m sure Eddie was with you. I gave my heart to him, and he stomped on it.” Harry’s voice caught in his throat. “I would have done anything for Reed… and I thought I loved him… and that he loved me.” Harry breathed rapidly and paused. Tristan rolled over in his arms, burrowed his face in his neck, and held him.

“It’s okay.”

“I know. It’s been a long time, and I haven’t thought about this in a while. Anyway, let me just say I was a few years out of college and we’d been dating for a while.” Harry thought a few seconds. “I must have been about your age. Anyway, I got out of work early and hurried over to his place. He’d given me a key just a few days before, telling me how much he cared for me.”