Bad as in Good (28 page)

Louis pulled me into a kiss. The kiss was apologetic and warm. He caressed my face as he grazed the skin of his lips against mine. I licked my lips and pulled away. He whispered, “I'll wait on that call.”

I didn't say anything. I considered the prospect of forgiving Louis, ignoring my concerns, and allowing Louis to be the man he begged to be for me. At the same time, I considered how it would be when I brought along my man to the same functions where Teona was. With Loraine as my best friend, Teona's appearances would eventually be unavoidable. I would have to compete for Louis's attention with a girl like Teona. The thought alone was nothing short of irritating. I needed space, and Louis needed time to realize why his relationship with Teona affected him the way it clearly did. We parted ways with no more words, silenced by the possibility that this might be too hard to fix.

I
lied. When I reached Tariq's door that warm Friday night, I lied and told him that Louis and I were completely over. Louis wanted the opportunity to start over, but I wasn't sure I wanted to. When I went home the night after Louis's confession, I stood in my shower wondering what my next move would be. My meeting with Vivian was an eye-opener. Initially, I thought it was a sign for me to give Louis another chance, but after what happened, I thought maybe it was my cue to live dangerously. I needed to stop living so earnestly and do what made me happy. The next night, I didn't call Louis. I showed up at Tariq's door and lied to ease my relationship, allowing myself to submit to him. Louis was still technically my man, as I didn't completely end things, but Tariq was callin' my body for the longest, and it was due time that I answered. Initially, when I showed up at his door again, I wanted him to tell me that I was too late and that he had reconciled with his wife when she came home to retrieve her panties and shoes, but like before, he let me in.

“We're done,” I said when he shut the door behind us.

“What?”

“My man and I…well, my ex. We're over. I needed time to sort things out.” I didn't mean to lie at first. In a sense, I hadn't lied. Louis and I were most likely over. But if the roles were reversed,
I'd consider Louis a cheater if he were doing the same thing I was about to do.

“Oh yeah.” He smiled devilishly. “I'm glad you came by to see me then.” He looked me up and down and walked over to his couch.

I expected him to rip my clothes off and lead me to the bedroom, but I followed him to his couch to have a sit down instead. When we sat, I tried not to stare at his bare chest. This time, he wore boxers that hung off his waist while his packaged peeked through the slit in the middle. I wanted to ride him at that moment. I sat quietly, not letting his glistening chest distract me. I didn't know what to say. All I wanted was an excuse to take my clothes off , but he sat there calmly.

“Why you sitting so far away?” He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. My body was tense. I didn't know what game he was playing. Any other time, my pussy would've been throbbing around his dick while I screamed out in passion. Tonight, he was taking it mysteriously slow. I edged closer to him and took steady breaths. He rubbed my skin. “Damn, I really did miss you.”

“That's good to hear.”

Rubbing my thighs, he ran the tip of his tongue across his lips. “You look good, as always.”

I peeled off my work blazer. “Thanks.” I was giving him the permission to do what he begged to do for months, and he was squandering it all away with small talk. “I can't stay for long.”

“Ain't like you got work in the morning.” He pulled me closer to him and planted sweet and short tongue-free kisses on my lips. When he pulled away, I sat there wondering why he stopped. He was toying with me. He whispered, “I want you bad, but I'm tryna give you what you want.”

“And what's that, Tariq?”

“You know, the only woman that calls me
Tariq
is my grandmother.” That was the first time he had ever mentioned his family to me. For months, he had spent his time pushing me away, and now, he was awkwardly letting me in. It was discomforting. I didn't want it like this. I didn't want to build a relationship with Tariq; only sex. Then, the thought of leading two men on while I lied my way through made me feel dirty. I didn't know how men did it. I moved away from him and looked at my phone. The fact that Louis hadn't texted or called me in the past twenty minutes made me feel as if something was wrong, like he knew what I was up to. I felt wrong moving on so quickly after not giving Louis the respect to actually end things.

“I have to go.”

Tariq's smile faded. “Whatchu mean? I want you to stay.”

“I'm feelin' a lil' weird, like this isn't right.”

“I thought you weren't with yo' man anymore.”

“I'm not.” I lied—again. “But it hasn't been long since we ended things, and I'm already here with you. And you're still married.”

“Want me to slow it down? Erin, I know I ain't been the nicest man to be around sometimes, and my situation ain't ideal but, I'm here…you're here.”

I moved away even further. I wasn't ready to be
that
girl. I was a good girl, not one of those girls who carried on like a ho, sleepin' around with two men at once. “I can't. Not right now. I dunno what I was thinking.”

“I get it. I got a wife and a son. And the bullshit you saw under my bed the other night was not what you think.”

“I don't care what it was. I'm not yo' woman, and it shouldn't matter to me. Not too long ago, though, I was someone else's
woman, and I'm already here. How do I know yo' wife won't show up again? You goin' put me out again?”

“Erin, you're not my sidepiece. You keep saying you're not my woman, but it's gotta be clear by now that is something that we both want…that we both need.”

“Tariq, sex with you…right now—”

“It ain't about sex either. If this was only about sex, I would've been gone a long time ago. And I know the same goes for you. The back and forth with us…I try to move on from you as much as you try to do the same. But like you, I end up back here with you.”

I heard a ringing in my ears as I felt my palms moist. I wondered if he could hear my heart beating while I looked down at his lap and saw his package peeking through more as he grew hard to my presence. It was certain that he wanted me sexually, but I wasn't sure he could handle me emotionally. In actuality, I didn't go there for an emotional connection. But it was hard for me to be with someone in that way and not feel anything for him. I may have talked big, but at the end of the day, I'd want Tariq to hold me while we slept. I'd want him to call me the next morning and text me how much he missed me. I ran from it, but I wanted a relationship with Tariq even though he was in the same situation I chastised Louis for. He was holding on to a relationship that he claimed was over. Nevertheless, I ran to Tariq and allowed him to fill my head with colorful words that made my panties wet.

“I ain't goin' make you do anything you don't wanna do, but I ain't goin' lie. I want you more than I can even describe right now. Erin, my situation is what it is. If my wife shows up, it'll be a fucked-up situation, but I won't kick you out this time. At least not out the window.” He joked but I winced. At the same time, I stared at his package that grew so big I felt the need to gift-wrap
it. He held my hand, and I could feel him pulling it toward him. I wanted to pull back, but staring at him had me salivating.

Then, like clockwork, my phone vibrated. We both stopped as I checked the message. It was Louis with another reminder of my poor decision-making. In that moment, I thought about how uncomfortable I would be with Louis as I fantasized about Tariq. If I acted on my emotions, I could live out the fantasy. “I dunno what to say, Tariq.”

“You can say or do whatever you feel like. If it'll make you feel better, we ain't even gotta have sex. It's gotten to the point where having you around me is enough.”

“Your situation…your marriage isn't a situation. You're a married man and I'm here contemplating spending a night with you. This feels wrong.”

“My marriage is a joke. It's a convenient way for me to see my son. But what it ain't is something that I can keep lettin' get in between you and me.”

“Now there's a you and me?”

“If you want it. I do.”

“What happened between you and your wife?”

Tariq shrugged his shoulders and turned to face his wall. Sucking his teeth, he squeezed the skin over his knees and sighed. “She cheated. She lied. She played me like a fool. And after it all, I was stupid enough to agree to marry her. Now, here I am—trying to get her to sign divorce papers that she refuses to sign while I spend my time with you.”

“If she cheated on you, why did you still marry her?”

“When you have a son…” Tariq dropped his shoulders. “I hate talking about it because I feel embarrassed sometimes. When I married her, it was only for convenience, never because I loved
her. That's why I call it a situation and not a marriage. That's why I don't wear a wedding ring. That's why you don't see any pictures of her up in my place. She makes my life hell and she refuses to let me go. It is what it is.” Tariq took a deep breath as he clenched his fists. Licking his lips, he smiled. “I don't wanna talk about her, though.”

“But I don't understand. How do two people marry for convenience?”

“It was convenient for her. I thought I was doing what was best for my son. The plan was to divorce after our son was born; well, it was my plan at least. I don't wanna get into it all, but please know, she's nobody I plan to work things out with.”

When Tariq spoke about his wife, there was a ray of aggravation that often washed over his face. The corner of his lip would quiver and his jaw would tighten. Usually, his look of exasperation was often accompanied by a small vein on the side of his forehead that would rest there until he changed the subject. Interestingly enough, it was a pleasant change from the look of longing that would often wash over Louis's face whenever we discussed Teona. Nevertheless, Tariq was still Tariq, even if he was playin' nice today. I was tired of getting the Jekyll and Hyde complex with him. I wondered if I had to play hard to get him to be the man that I wanted him to be when I wanted him to be it. As I stared into his eyes and he sat there vulnerably, my pussy quaked. I was turned on by the man who was scared of me leaving and cared about my feelings. I didn't care about his wife anymore, or the past. Even though I had more questions and needed more clarity, in that moment, I wanted to do whatever I wanted to do. “Let's go to your bedroom.”

Without another word, he led me to his bedroom and shut the door. When he laid me down, I wrapped my arms and legs around
him like a cocoon. He kissed me in a way that made my breaths short and my insides tense. My outsides moistened in preparation for his entry. His tongue was sweet and nearly made me forget honey existed. When he stood up to remove his boxers, I sat up to watch. When I saw how erect his dick was, I literally wiped the drool from my bottom lip. He grabbed a condom from his top drawer and kept eye contact while he opened the gold wrapper. When he got back on the bed, he slowly took off my clothes as he kissed almost every inch of my skin. He started with my gray slacks. He leisurely unbuckled my belt and lifted my ass to slide my legs out from them. He kissed my toes as he played with the band around my panties. As I started to unbutton my shirt, he spread my legs and pulled my hands to the side , making sure he did the rest. He slipped my shirt off my shoulders and then kissed down my arms. Unhooking my bra, he pinned me back and climbed on top. As we lay on top of his bed naked and hot, he whispered in my ear, “I was serious about before. We don't have to do anything tonight if you don't want to. I'm still enjoying your company.”

With the tip of his dick grazing my pussy lips, I grabbed his ass and pushed down. He slid in with ease. He grabbed my right leg and placed it over his shoulder while he sucked my face. He rhythmically stroked inside me as my body wiggled underneath him. I sucked on my bottom lip and put my mind at ease. When it started to rain and the droplets tapped on his window, I relaxed my muscles and held on to the covers. I moaned as I could feel myself leaking through his sheets.

He whispered, “Damn, I needed you tonight.” Staring into my eyes, he pulled the ponytail holder from my hair and let my tresses fall over my shoulders.

Like the Nile river, I gushed. I spread my lips as tiny screams
crept past my lips. He kindly gyrated on top of me, kissing my lips and licking my neck. I began trembling uncontrollably as I felt myself coming. Not five minutes passed, and I was already tingling from my toes to my eyelids. I squeezed my pelvic muscles as I dug my nails into his back and sucked on his earlobe, nibbling on his skin.

“I can make you come all night,” he said victoriously as he kept stroking. Pushing inside of me, my pussy lips clasped around him, and I shrieked in passion.

“Damn.” I could faintly hear the sound of my phone vibrating as I approached the cusp of another come. I ignored it, without remorse. I couldn't let thoughts of Louis ruin an orgasm women wrote songs about.

Tariq lifted my left leg and placed it on his shoulder while he sat on his knees. He pulled me back and forth while I arched my back. When my toes curled and heat ripped through my body, I was coming again. I didn't know I was screaming until my muscles loosened. “Feels good?” he asked right as his dick swelled inside me. He was coming, too. “Shit,” he yelled out as he collapsed on top of me.

As we lay there, catching our breaths, I smirked. I enjoyed the feeling. When Tariq pulled me closer to him, I rested my head on his shoulder. We didn't say much; we relaxed in a moment that was bittersweet. Nevertheless, I lay there smiling while I focused more on the sweet part of the experience.