Bad Boy's Bridesmaid (48 page)

I stilled. He
didn’t. His admission fueled his ravishment. He lifted me only to force me down
against his cock again and again. We both tensed and ached and murmured lost
words into our kisses.

Something was
changing. Everything was changing.

But I had no
idea what to do or how to stop it.

Or if I even
wanted to stop it.

It didn’t make
sense to fight what I felt when the only thing that mattered in this world was
the baby inside me and Jack plunging in my quivering core.

He’d forsake his
championship for me.

What would I
surrender for him?

That was easy.

Myself. All of
me. Everything that I thought was important and the heart I’d feared to give
before. Jack was passion and romance and sensuality, and every second I spent
filled with his cock and swelling with his child made me feel...

Desired.

And with him, I
was
desired
. Wanted. Cherished.

Maybe more.
Maybe one day. Maybe if we both trusted each other and ourselves?

My feelings for
Jack would damn us both, but for now I could simply take my pleasure in his
arms while he moved within me.

While I came for
him.

Only him.

Nothing else
compared.

We crested
together, my words broken in a gasp he kissed from my lips. I ached and heated
and released everything in a sultry moan as his hands held me steady, firm, and
tight.

I crashed to his
chest and clung to his strength. His heat burst into my body, and I welcomed
every jet of his seed as he grunted into my neck.

I was moved to
tears, but I played it off.

“Hormones,” I
whispered. “It’s nothing.”

Jack’s thumb
brushed the wetness from my cheek. He stared at me, silenced as his cock pulsed
another rush of heat.

Silence.

Words that
didn’t come.

I caught my
breath, gently brushing my lips against his. He met my kiss with the same
uncertainty.

Except I was
more certain of what I felt than ever.

And I hoped it
wouldn’t ruin us both.

Chapter Nineteen – Jack

“
Rivets
back-up quarterback, Matt Harrington, is playing some spectacular ball
.”

The TV cast a
miserable glow over the den. It was the third show praising my back-up. Nothing
else was on, not even a damned baseball game. All I had was Ainsley Ruport
while he verbally sucked Matt’s cock for the millions of people watching
Sport’s Nation.

“
He really
stepped up and took control of a decimated team. After this first pre-season
game, I doubt Ironfield’s worrying about their quarterback problems
.”
Ainsley’s vile grin filled the screen. “
And if I were Head Coach Thompson,
I’d be considering a real quarterback switch. With Jack Carson’s image problem
and run-ins with the law, is it worth jeopardizing the entire organization for
a single player
?” He winked at the camera. “
This knee injury might have
made the Rivets’ decision for them
.”

I threw the
remote. It imbedded in the flatscreen and crackled the glass.  A spark flew,
and the TV crashed to the ground. I stood, blinded with rage, and aimed a kick
for the couch.

“
Jack
!”

Leah stopped me
before I slammed my bad leg into the sofa. Pain ricocheted from my stupid leap
to my feet. I swore as the agony raged through me. Leah rushed to help.

Like I needed
her pity. I waved a hand. She surveyed the den, the TV, me.

And I knew what
she would say.

“Are you that much
of an idiot?”

Sounded about
right.

She tried to
pick up the TV but stopped as she bent over. Her tummy wasn’t big enough to get
in the way yet, but her hand brushed her stomach. She sighed. “I might have to
ask you to help clean up.”

“Kiss, I’ll get
it. Sit down. You’re fucking pregnant.”

“I’m fine.”

“You look
tired.”

“And you look
like you just threw a remote through the TV.”

I snorted. “I’ll
buy a new one if I don’t get cut from the team.”

“Jack, don’t say
that.”

“Why not? It’s
true. The league is
counting
on it.”

I shouldn’t have
paced, but sitting in the same goddamned room night after night made me crazy.
The knee wouldn’t heal without moving, and I couldn’t live until I got back on
the field. My legs demanded to run. My arm to throw. I couldn’t watch last
season’s tapes anymore. I wanted to read a real defense.

I could handle
three rushing linebackers, but this
uncertainty
was worse than a blitz.
I had no idea what would happen to my career or how I could fix it.

Or if it could
be fixed.

I might have
ruined everything.

I might have
already fucked myself.

“It was one
pre-season game.” Leah leaned against the couch. She fanned her face and then
collapsed on the cushion, dropping her purse at her feet. “Just one. The
starters only played in the first quarter. If you had been there, you’d have
looked just as impressive as Matt.”

“Yeah, but I
wasn’t. I was on the sidelines. In fucking
sweats
.”

“Jack—”

“He’s a fifth
round draft choice. Fifth! I was first
overall
. I broke records. I led
the team from one of the worst records in the league to the playoffs my first
year. My second year got them to the championship. This was supposed to be
my
season.”

“It still is.”

“Bullshit. It’s
not. The league is looking for a reason to kick me out. Coach Thompson gets in
my face every damn day
waiting
until he can make the call. And Christ…”
I pointed to the wrecked TV. “The media is salivating for the moment I make one
tiny, fucking mistake.”

Leah folded her
hands in her lap. “You know you made a lot of mistakes in the past.”

“I’ve
changed
!”

“It takes time
to repair a reputation. You can’t flip a switch, decide you’re
changed
and expect everyone to accept it.” She smirked. “If that were the case, I’d be
out of a job.”

“But you know
I’ve changed.” I stared at her, watching as her perfect lips parted. “Don’t
you?”

Those big,
chocolate eyes glanced away too quickly.

Un-
fucking
-real.

My heart pounded
so hard I blood nearly dripped from my ears. “You don’t believe that I’ve
changed.”

Leah extended a
hand. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t say
anything
.”

“We’ve only
really been…” She cleared her throat. “I’ve only known the
real
you for
a few months.”

“Yeah. For as
long as you’ve been carrying my baby.”

Leah’s jaw set.
“That’s not fair.”

“I was good
enough to give you a child.”

“I never said
you weren’t a good man.”

“You never said
it
out loud
.” I paced, despite the pain in my knee. “The team has no
faith in me. The league thinks I’m a piece of shit. What about you?”

She stalled, her
hand grazing her belly and the baby.
My
baby. I wasn’t letting her
deliberate. It wasn’t a hard question.

My voice
hardened. “Tell me what you think of me.”

“Why?”

“Because I need
to hear it.”

“
Why
?”

“Because for
some goddamned reason, your opinion matters more than anyone else’s.”

Leah’s silence answered
for me. She reached into her purse and pulled out a photograph—a glossy image
of something in black and white, and too fuzzy to make out.

“I had a
doctor’s appointment today, Jack.” She swallowed. “Remember?”

No. I didn’t
remember. I should have remembered. Right? Maybe?

Oh,
shit
.

“What is it?” I
asked.

“A sonogram.”
She spoke too softly. Not like she’d offend me, but like she already told me
her answer. “Everything’s good. The baby’s healthy and growing.”

“Why didn’t you
tell me you had a doctor’s appointment?”

“I did. You said
you’d meet me there.”

I stared at the
fuzzy lines on the photograph until they suddenly made more sense. A head. A
body.

A baby.

My baby.

And I wasn’t
there to see it.

“You should’ve
reminded me.” My anger welled. I wanted to rage, but no way in hell was I
risking a wrinkle to even the corner of the most amazing picture I ever saw in
my life. “Why didn’t you remind me?”

“I did, last
night in bed…” Leah crossed her arms. “But you were upset. I didn’t push it. I
knew you wanted to get to the weight room this morning before the rest of the
team…”

“And?”

“I didn’t think
you’d be able to come.”

“No, that’s not
it.” I pointed the picture at her. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Leah. You thought
I wouldn’t
want
to come.”

“I wasn’t going
to force you to choose between work and some routine appointment, not when
you’re so worried about losing your position.”

“It’s not a
routine appointment. It’s my baby!”

“And everything
is okay. Normal. I didn’t need you there.”

“Did you even
want me there?”

She answered
quickly, firmly. “That’s not fair.”

I tucked the
sonogram in my pocket before my shaking fingers accidentally tore the paper.
“Answer the question.”

“Of course I
wanted you there. God, Jack. Every time I go I’m terrified something will be wrong.
I’d love for you to be there so you could hold my hand until I hear that little
heartbeat. But I’m trying to make this easy on you. I have no idea how to
involve you or what you expect—”

“So
ask
me!”

I shouldn’t have
yelled at her. Holy Christ, the only person in the world who made me feel like
I fucking mattered didn’t trust me with the damn baby we created.

“Do you think
that little of me?” I stared at the woman who had suddenly become my world, my
dream, my desire. She was more fantasy than reality. “Be honest.”

“How can you ask
me that?” she whispered. “After all this, you still don’t know how I feel?”

“No,” I said.
“You don’t give me a chance to find out.”

“I’ve never
pushed you away.”

“You do it every
day. You think I’m some fucking screw-up who can’t stay out of trouble.”

“I never said
that.”

“Come on, Kiss.
You doubted that I’d move heaven and earth to go to the doctor with you. Hell,
you hardly believed I’d build the baby the best fucking nursery money can buy.”

Leah bit her
lip. “Are you telling me you’re the type of man who could settle down? Have a
family? Stay out of trouble?”

“Yes.”

“
Really
?”
She held her arms out, voice bewildered. “You were the one who lied to the
league and used a fake relationship to protect you.”

Shit. “Look—”

She wasn’t done.
“You wanted to have the baby when you saw how well it worked for another
quarterback.” Her voice lowered. “It isn’t about fixing your reputation, Jack.
It’s about changing because you
want
to be a different man. Faking a
relationship and having the baby fooled the media, but who are you trying to
convince now?”

God, this woman.
If she knew how easily she crushed me with a single question.

“Is everything
between us fake?” I asked.

“I don’t know
what’s between us.”

“Yeah.” And I
knew why. “Why trust me when you can believe all the scandals instead.”

“What’s that
supposed to mean?”

My words tasted
bitter. “Just once, I wish you’d forget my
reputation
. Judge me for the
man I am, standing here, pleading with you to give me a chance.”

“Jack…”

What the hell. I
interrupted her, too desperate to hear words that would never pass her lips.

“I don’t like
myself much right now,” I said. “But if you did…”

Her eyes
widened. I shut up before I revealed something stupid.

“Forget it.” I
pulled my phone and texted Bryon. “I’m going out.”

Her shoulders
slumped. “What?”

“I need to get
out of here. Clear my head.”

She didn’t have
the energy to fight. Her words softened, a plea. “Not with those friends,
Jack.”

“What’s wrong
with my friends?”

“Don’t pretend.
You know what you’re doing.” She stood, her fingers steadying her on the couch.
“Don’t throw everything away because you’re frustrated—”

“I just want to
go out and have some fun. I need to get out of my head.”

“You aren’t
going to
clear your head
. You’re leaving because that’s what made you
happy in the past.”

“So?”

She held my
stare. “Don’t get in trouble because you assume that’s all you’re good for.”

“Oh, spare me
the righteousness, Kiss. For fuck’s sake—”

“I’m serious.
Don’t go out with those guys tonight. It’s not worth risking a fight or being
seen with a woman—”

“So what if I
am?” Dangerous ground. “You afraid I’d go home with her? That I’d bang her in
the bathroom? That I’ll grab as many whores as I can fit in my car—”

“That’s over the
line.”

I stormed from
the den, hobbling my way across the house. Leah followed, but I ignored her.

“Don’t wait up.”

Her eyes welled
with tears, but her voice sharpened. “If this is how you’ve
changed
, you
won’t have to worry about me
waiting up.
I won’t be here when you get back.”

The fear
shredded my guts, but what did it matter? Leah said her piece. No need to tell
her that the panic of her leaving me was more terrifying than if I was cut by
the team and never signed again.

But if she
didn’t trust me, if I couldn’t prove that I was a good man for her?

Why would I care
what the rest of the world thought of me?

“I wanted to
change,” I said. “For you. Because of you. I’m sorry you couldn’t see that.”

Leah reached for
me. “Jack, wait—”

I slammed the
door behind me.

Going out on the
town wasn’t the biggest mistake I could have made.

I was an idiot
for not telling Leah I was in love with her. I couldn’t handle her not loving
me back.

And that hurt
worse than any injury.