Bad Glass (36 page)

But
, I wondered when I first read that article,
what happens when the truth rivals even the craziest Internet rambling?
In that case, what could the government actually share?

And what does it take to drive a country insane?

Photograph. October 23, 08:45
A.M.
Entryway:

There was light coming through the window when Danny woke me up.

“Rise and shine,” he said. “The world can’t turn without you.” He had a box of doughnuts in one hand and a thermos of coffee in the other.

“What the hell happened?” he asked, smiling, bemused. He crouched down next to me and handed me the thermos. “Charlie’s downstairs on the sofa, you and Floyd are up here having a sleepover, and no one else is home. Taylor’s gone.”

I ignored the question for a moment, instead focusing on the thermos. As soon as I got the cap off, my stomach started to growl, the smell of the coffee hitting me hard.
When was the last time I ate?
I wondered.
Yesterday morning?
I poured steaming coffee into the thermos lid, bolted it down, and then turned my attention to the doughnuts.

“What happened?” I finally said, echoing Danny’s question as I fumbled with the box. I had a hard time forming the words. I was tired, and the muscles in my jaw were tense and cramped. “Fuck if I know. The city happened. Weasel happened … I happened.”

Danny nodded and didn’t press me for details. He’d been in the city long enough to understand; there was no point in explaining
the unexplainable. He watched as I bolted down a couple of doughnuts.

“How’s your hand?” he asked as soon as I started to slow down.

I paused, my eyes darting down to my bandaged palm. My hand! It had completely slipped my mind.

When was the last time I’d taken the antibiotics? I felt a rush of panic and immediately grabbed for my backpack. I found Mama Cass’s pills and swallowed a double dose. Then I started to unwrap the dirty gauze. I took it slow, my fingers shaking. I was afraid of what I might find.

What I found, however, was a pleasant surprise. The infection was gone. Completely gone. Underneath the bandage, which was stained a disgusting phlegmy yellow, there was nothing but a hardened scab. The surrounding skin was pale white, without even a hint of red. And even the gamy, rotten smell was gone.

I held up the hand, and Danny nodded his approval.

“And how’s he doing?” Danny asked, turning his attention to Floyd. I turned toward the bed, and, as if feeling the weight of our eyes, Floyd let out a pathetic groan and rolled toward the window. His hand crept up and covered his eyes. “Did our boy have a rough night?”

“Yeah. He overdid it on the oxycodone.”

“Fucking lightweight,” Danny said with a smile. The smile didn’t last long. He turned back toward me, and his expression collapsed into serious lines. “And what about Taylor?” he asked, his voice hushed, concerned. “She’s usually here this early. I brought her some breakfast.”

I shrugged, dejected. “I don’t know. Yesterday … she just ran away from me. We found Weasel—” I didn’t want to describe it. I didn’t want to tell Danny about the fingers in the floor. “It’s just … Weasel’s gone, and she freaked out. She ran away. And I don’t know where she went.”

“Did you try her parents’ house?”

“What?”

“Did you try her parents’ house?” he repeated, more slowly this time, as if my incomprehension were the result of poor enunciation. “She goes there a lot. She visits them almost every morning.”

“Her parents are here? In Spokane?” I was shocked. This information … it seemed ridiculous to me, utterly strange and unlikely.

Danny nodded, his eyes suddenly going wide. “I guess she doesn’t talk about them too much, but I assumed …” He paused. “I’m just surprised she didn’t tell you. She likes you, man. She likes you a lot.”

What
had
she told me about her parents? I tried to remember.

She’d said that they had disappeared. She’d said that they were gone.

“Where do they live?” I asked. “How do I get there?”

Danny watched me for a second. He was wearing an expression of concern, and for a moment I didn’t think he was going to talk.
Why? Is it something he sees?
I wondered.
Something written across my face? Something that scares him?

Then Danny pulled out a small pad of paper and started drawing me a map.

It was gray out on the streets—still early morning, but you really couldn’t tell. Under that low, gray ceiling, it could have been morning, noon, or almost night. The clouds could have been ready to spit out rain or snow or just break apart and let the sun shine in.

It was waiting-room weather. Purgatory weather.

I left Danny behind with Floyd and my computer. Charlie had shown him how to transfer outgoing information onto his thumb drive, and he agreed to upload my latest post. He wasn’t too happy about it, though. He had a couple of hours away from the courthouse and didn’t want to spend them baby-sitting Floyd and mucking around with my computer. He wanted to go with me to find Taylor. He wanted to make sure she was okay.

But I didn’t want that. I didn’t want him coming along.

And I couldn’t even give him a valid reason why. I just told him no. Sorry—really, I’m sorry—but no.

Danny’s map took me east on Mission, then south toward I-90. I stayed off the main road as I rounded the university, instead crossing to the residential street one block to the east. I probably didn’t need to bother. There wasn’t a soul around. The only sound in the still air was the rasp of my breath and the sharp echoes of my footsteps.

I took pictures of the abandoned houses as I walked. Most still looked pretty good—it hadn’t been that long, after all—but they all showed signs of neglect and abuse. In the first month after the evacuation, the yards had sprouted out of control, crowding sidewalks and invading lawns, and then they’d died. The streets and sidewalks were plastered with wet leaves, and there were broken windows up and down the street. A couple of the front doors hung wide open.

I approached one of the houses and took a picture of its shattered door; there was a splintered dent to the left of the knob where a boot had staved it in. Looters, scavenging for food or money, or maybe just looking for a warm place to stay. Since that act of violence—maybe a month ago, maybe more—the world had slowly started to make its way into the house. I crouched just outside the door and took pictures of the entryway. Dead leaves and dirt littered a nice Persian rug. Lumps of wet, shapeless paper—once-glossy magazines, a stamped handwritten letter—adhered to the tiled floor. There was a whiff of mold in the air and hard-water stains on the dingy beige walls.

I took a half dozen photos before I noticed the line of muddy paw prints stretching from the front door to the rear of the house. The prints were large, and as soon as I noticed them, I thought I caught a hint of animal musk in the air. It was the barest tickle at the back of my nose—probably just my imagination, really, nothing more—but it was enough to transport me back to the tunnel in the park. And once again I was there, following Mac down into
the dark, searching for him as he faded away, as he found entry into Amanda’s world. A world of dogs and wolves. A world of savage eyes and teeth and blood and flesh.

I recoiled from the entryway and retreated back to the middle of the road.

After that, I didn’t linger. I stopped taking pictures and instead just concentrated on covering ground.

There was graffiti on a building near the 290 bridge, clearly visible from the middle of its span: overlapping green and black lines scrawled across white stucco.

It was the Poet’s work. I recognized the writing.

Just one sentence, but it left me feeling perplexed and just a little dizzy:

I
THOUGHT WE WERE FALLING, NOT FLYING
.

I took a couple of pictures and moved on.

Danny’s map was surprisingly precise. It ended in a neat series of squares sketched out along Second Avenue, filling the space between Pittsburg and Magnolia Streets. There was a circle around the middle square and an arrow pointing to a phrase at the edge of the piece of paper: “blue tarp on roof.”

I rounded the corner and immediately spotted the house with the tarp. It wasn’t a very nice neighborhood, sitting right there at the edge of I-90, but the blue-topped house looked well cared for. It was boxy and small: two stories tall, but the second floor couldn’t have been much more than a single slant-ceilinged room. None of the windows were broken, and the hedges at the yard’s perimeter looked as if they’d been trimmed recently. The tarp on the roof looked fairly new as well, bright blue and still perfectly placed, despite the weeks of wind and rain and snow. There was absolutely no way it predated the evacuation.

I paused and turned a full circle before approaching the house. The street was still and silent. There were no people, no animals.
The nearby stretch of I-90 was deserted as well, the western roadblock miles away, the military occupied elsewhere.

I was alone here, near the center of the city, and it was all very … calming.

This was a feeling I’d been having for a while now, something I’d been circling around, narrowing in on, as I walked the empty streets and thought about the empty city. Away from the eyes of people, I could do anything and it really wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t change the world. It wouldn’t change a single mind.

And that was very liberating. For so long, I’d been trying to impress others. I’d been trying to impress my father, my peers, the girls in my life, the professors at school. And then there was the whole photography thing, nothing but a desperate attempt to impress the whole world.

But here I’d found something different, something new. I’d found comfort in not making an impression, jumping into the ocean and not making a splash, not leaving a single ripple.

I can’t imagine that this was a very healthy thought—it was the height of solipsism, after all—but it
was
calming. And there was still Taylor. I still wanted to make an impression with her. With her, I wanted to make a big-ass splash.

I stayed to the side of the house as I approached, rounding a chest-high hedge and ducking beneath the nearest window. I raised my head and looked in through the slats of a venetian blind. The front living room was empty. There was a sofa and an armchair arrayed around an unlit fireplace, and an end table supported a stack of magazines at its side. I continued toward the back of the house, stopping in front of a kitchen window. Someone left the room just as I raised my head to look in. I only caught a brief moment of dark-clad back as he or she turned the corner into a hallway on its far side. The person was nothing more than a blur of motion in the doorway; I couldn’t tell if it was Taylor or one of her parents.

I continued on. There was a screen door at the rear of the
house, hidden inside a tiny garden. The garden was well maintained but not very lush. Slumbering for the winter. I carefully picked my way through the garden and glanced in through the back door window.