Bang Up: Prison walls don't just keep criminals in, the keep the outside world at bay (23 page)

Suddenly Rachel jumped back from the window. Cath’s husband appeared and draped his arms around her sister’s neck. What a smarmy bastard he was! And there was her sister, none the bloody wiser, blinded by his lies and manly charms. Her mind was racing now. This guy would just put a spanner in the works and do his best to make sure she wasn’t in their lives anymore. He knew Rachel knew the truth about him and there was no way he would put his neck on the line for her. Edging closer to the front door, Rachel stood fidgeting. Her hand slowly came out of her pocket and lifted up the letterbox. There was no going back now, she’d made her move. Looking around the garden, she realised they hadn’t heard her. She tried again, she rapped harder. A light was switched on in the hallway, a shadow approached. The front door opened wide and Cath was still singing her head off. She clocked Rachel stood there and her jaw hung low. What the hell was she doing here? She tried to look happy but her disappointment was there for everyone to see. “Erm, is it me you want to talk to or have you come to see my mam?” 

Rachel was searching for words but she was struggling, dry throat, clammy palms, small beads of sweat forming on her forehead. She swallowed hard. “I’ve come to have a word with you all really. Well, that’s if you’ll listen to me?” 

Cath stood with the front door wide open and Agnes was shouting from the front room. “Cath, who is it, tell them to piss off, we don’t want to buy anything.” Cath raised her eyes and smirked. This area was well known for door-to-door salesmen and every night around this time, they were always knocking on the door trying to pitch a sale. Rachel walked inside and Cath closed the door behind her. The smell of her mother’s home sent a sense of wellbeing through her. There was always a candle burning somewhere in the house and the vanilla fragrance from it was so inviting. The aroma gave her inner peace and started to make her relax. Cath opened the living room door and Rachel stood behind her playing with her hands. “Mam, it’s our Rachel,” Cath announced. Rachel edged into the front room. Dave nearly choked on his drink as he plonked down on the chair near him. She’d taken the wind right out of his sails and he was shocked to say the least. 

Agnes tried to focus, her eyes were not what they used to be. It looked like her daughter but she had to reach for her glasses to get a better look. Her spectacles hung on the end of her nose as she tried to focus. Agnes swallowed hard and you could see so much pain in her expression. You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. “Sit down, I’ll get you a glass of wine,” Cath whispered.

Agnes sat forward in her chair and looked her daughter up and down. She was half-cut and it could go either way. “So, to what do we owe the pleasure? Don’t you dare come in my house trying to cause trouble! I’m not in the mood for it! Just spit out what you have to say, then you can be on your way.” These were harsh words but she had her own reasons behind them. Every time Rachel had been here in the past she’d always caused murders in the house. Dave couldn’t make eye contact, there was no way he was adding anything to the conversation, he was keeping well out of it. 

Rachel took a deep breath and began. “I’ve come to say I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it in the past but this time I mean it. I’ve had a lot of thinking time and you all mean the world to me.” Cath was blubbering, she always had a big heart and no matter what, she was always ready to give someone a second chance. She was a soft cow really, a bit over the top. Dave cringed as he listened further. “I’ve had so much trouble in my life and I don’t know if I can take it anymore on my own. I’ve even thought of ending it all. I am nothing without you lot. Our Mikey’s banged up and I don’t know where my head’s at from one minute to the next.” Agnes picked her glass up and sipped at her drink, she was listening and never said a word. Cath came to her sister’s side and tried to comfort her as she began to break down crying. “Mam, can you let me back in your life. I promise from this day forward I’ll never let you down again. I just need to be part of something, part of this family again.” Dave sat playing with his fingers, his eyes were all over the place waiting on his mother-in-law’s decision. Rachel’s eyes clouded over and a single fat bulky tear sailed down her cheek. This was a first and something that only ever happened when Rachel was at her wit’s end. 

Agnes crossed her legs and folded her arms tightly in front of her. Was her daughter after money? Was this just another ploy to have her over again? The amount of times this woman had lied and cheated to get what she wanted was endless and there was no way she was being fooled ever again. She’d cried rivers over Rachel in the past and said endless prayers just to make sure she was alright but at this moment, her own flesh and blood was knocking her sick. Her stomach was churning, half of her wanted to knock ten bags of shit out of her and the other half wanted to hold her in her arms and never let her go. Cath looked at her mother and urged her to say something. She was a right stubborn cow sometimes and she was the world’s worst when it came to forgiving somebody. “So, Mikey’s in prison again. Why does that not surprise me with a mother like you?” She reached over to the small table at the side of her and sparked a cigarette up. Here it was, the lecture. The ‘I told you so’ speech. “Didn’t I warn you about where he was heading? I remember it like it was yesterday. I said to you he needs keeping in line. The way he’s going he’ll end up like his dad, a lowlife waste of space. And I knew I was right. I always am.” 

Rachel sighed and shook her head slowly. This was an impossible mission, she knew it was going to be hard but could she just sit there and keep her mouth shut and listen to her waffling about days gone by? Mikey was her life and there was no way she was letting anybody badmouth him like this. She’d tried her best to hold it together. “Mam, our Mikey has had a rough time. I blame myself for the way he’s turned out. You don’t need to kick me while I’m down. I’ve made mistakes, yes, but hasn’t everybody?” She flicked a sly glance over at Dave. Cath was watching her from the corner of her eye and noted the way Dave reacted. “I just want to put the past behind us and start again if we can. I’ve missed a lot of years with you all and if you will forgive and forget we can all move on.” 

Agnes sucked hard on her cigarette and for a few seconds she digested what had been said. Cath was eager to put this situation to bed and it was in her nature to be the peacemaker. “Well, I’m all up for giving you a second chance. If what you’ve said here today is from the bottom of your heart, then I can forgive you. At least you’ve admitted your mistakes, so that’s a start.” 

Agnes wasn’t as sure as her daughter though. She hated putting her neck on the line just in case she was wrong. There was no way she was buying her daughter’s sob story. If that was the case, where was she at Christmas? Mother’s Day? Her birthday? She continued with caution. “How do I know you mean it this time? You know what you’re like when you’re feeling sorry for yourself. You might just wake up in the morning and go back to your old ways. How can I take a chance on you when all you’ve ever done is lie to me and broken my heart? And it’s not just once may I add!” There was silence, not a word spoken. 

Dave coughed and cleared his throat, he was in Agnes’s corner.  The guy was a prick and somewhere in his thoughts he was only thinking about himself and watching his own back. Rachel was a loose cannon and he knew that sooner or later the affair he had with her would be in the limelight again. “I’m with your mother on this one, Cath. Rachel has caused nothing but misery in this family, every day she has a drama and who’s to say she’s not on drugs anymore. I mean, would you feel safe leaving money about where she is because,” he screwed his face up and held his head to the side, “I’ll tell you something for nothing, I wouldn’t trust her. She’s stolen from us in the past, remember your gold necklace that just went missing, the odd tenner here, the odd tenner there? I’m not sure she’s all that she’s making herself out to be. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.” 

Rachel had seen her arse, she hated that dickhead for bad-mouthing her. He’d made mistakes in the past too and was she sitting there blurting out his track record? No. She’d let bygones be bygones and never mentioned a single word about what went on. Cath’s cage was rattled and she was the only one who was giving Rachel a break. She walked over to the table and picked up the bottle of wine. Tipping some into a glass, she filled it to the top and passed it over to her younger sister. “I say we make a toast to new beginnings, let’s move on and see if we can all get on.” She raised her glass high in the air and made a speech. Cath was pissed and she was wobbling slightly. “Let’s raise our glasses, to new beginnings.” She clinked her glass with her sisters and smiled at Dave and Agnes. It was hard to tell how Rachel’s mother was feeling. She was keeping her cards close to her chest and giving nothing away. The music was turned back up now and Cath was singing her head off. Her sister seemed to be back in the family for now. 

A little later, Rachel stood at the kitchen sink washing some pots. Agnes came into the room and stood looking at her. Here it was, the true Agnes. “You can leave them dishes. I’ll do them in the morning.” 

“It’s alright, I’ll have them done in no time.” 

Agnes stood behind her and reached over and touched her hair. She lifted it up and closed her eyes as she inhaled the fragrance from it. Her daughter was clean for a change and her heart ached deep inside knowing what kind of a life she’d led in the past. The wine was talking now and Agnes was slurring her words. “You shattered my heart, every day that passed I wanted to speak to you. Do you know how that feels for a mother to watch her own child melting away right in front of their eyes? Not knowing if I’m going to get the knock on the door telling me you’ve been found dead?” 

Rachel choked back the tears. Her mother did care for her after all. She turned around slowly and all she wanted to do at the moment was to hold her mother in her arms. She’d starved herself of affection for years but at this moment, all she wanted was to be in a safe place and be told everything would be alright. The words spoken now were on another level, hearts were opening and long-suppressed feelings were being expressed. “Mam, I should have listened to you but I just got it all so wrong in my head. I thought I knew best. I hated you for not looking after Mikey when I got sent down and I just couldn’t get my head around it.” 

Agnes held a flat palm over her heart. “I couldn’t breathe love when you got sent to prison. I couldn’t look after myself, never mind my grandson. Our Cath was going to take him on but Dave was the one who said she couldn’t. Don’t you think it hurt me to know I’d let you both down? I’ve blamed myself time and time again for the path you took. Could I have done more? Did I listen enough? My mind was racing every night and I was making myself ill.” 

Rachel hugged her mother and the familiar smell she could remember from being a child was there again. Rachel’s heart melted and her shoulders shuddered as years of emotions finally came to the surface. She’d not cried like this for years. Rachel was a blubbering wreck. “I just got lost, mam. I was a rebel and I couldn’t stand to be told what to do. Our Cath was everything I should have been and I know I let you down.” 

Agnes gripped her tightly in her arms and looked her straight in the eyes. “We both could have done things differently. I know that now. I’ve never told you this but I did go to the care home to get Mikey back. I sat outside that place for hours in the pouring rain fighting with my emotions. In the end, I just walked away. I couldn’t do it. I made mistakes with you and who’s to say I wouldn’t have ruined Mikey’s life as well. I couldn’t take the chance!” 

Rachel was struggling to breathe, she was having a panic attack. Why had nobody ever told her this before? It could have made such a big difference. It could have ended all the years of pain she’d suffered. Agnes kissed the top of her daughter’s head and smiled as she looked deeply into her eyes. “Let’s turn the page and start again. We can both have a clean sheet now. Let’s start a new chapter.” Rachel nodded and for the first time in years she felt loved. 

Dave walked into the kitchen and he was swaying about. He stumbled up to the both of them and patted his flat palm across Rachel’s bum cheeks. “Yep, let’s all try to get along now. Too much time has passed for us to all be at loggerheads.” 

Rachel pulled away from her mother. This guy gave her the creeps and as soon as Agnes left the kitchen she growled over at him. “Don’t you ever think you can lay a finger on me again! You make me feel sick to my stomach and I’ll never ever let you get under my skin again. Our Cath is your wife, just remember that. I took the blame for last time but if you come within an inch of me I’ll cut your bleeding balls off.” 

Dave stood with his back against the wall. He smirked. He licked his lips slowly and made sure he kept his voice low. “You loved every minute of it, just like I did. I’ve never forgotten you know.” There was a noise just outside the room and Rachel was spooked. Dave dipped his head behind the door and once he knew nobody was there he carried on talking. “You’ll always be a slut in my eyes, love. You can’t polish a turd. The two of them in there might buy your bullshit but I won’t. You love cock and you always will. Anyway, if you ever fancy a quick knee-trembler you know where I am. We’d just have to be more careful this time wouldn’t we? We don’t want to upset your sister do we?” 

Rachel was livid and she walked straight up to him and spat in his eye. “You dirty no-good bastard. I was young when you got a grip of me, I should have known better. I’ll tell you now, if you ever come near me again, I’ll tell Cath. I swear to you, I’ll tell her everything.” 

Dave chuckled and ran his hand over his crotch, he was obviously turned on by the whole episode. “What, you think she’ll ever believe a lying dirty skank over her own husband? Good luck with that,” he chuckled. Rachel couldn’t wait to get away from him, he made her skin crawl and given the chance she would have shoved a blade deep in his chest, stabbed the fucker up. He was dangerous and she knew in the future she would have to tread carefully where he was concerned. Rachel walked to the kitchen door and froze as Cath walked into the kitchen, she had taken her by surprise and she was sure she’d been listening to the conversation. Cath walked over to the kitchen sink and placed her glass carefully there. As she looked over her shoulder she gave Dave a look that could kill. She raised her eyes and snarled over at him. “I suggest you finish your drink. We’re going home now.” Dave didn’t know which way to look, had she heard what he’d said or what? He obeyed his wife and never said a single word. Cath was in a world of her own and started to sing in a low voice.