Bayou Stix Series: Bayou Stix Limited Edition Box Set (146 page)

She chuckles. “Yes. I told him. He’s down. Everyone is. We all want Cruz out of his funk.”

Smiling, I think to myself,
Excellent
.

A spot is open right in front when we pull in and Mel whips in. It takes me a bit to get out of the car with my leg and crutch, but Blue gives me a hand. As we near the door, it opens and a grinning Jessie is there. “Hello, lovelies.” He swoops out his arm and grabs Blue, pulling her into his chest. “Can I get your number, sexy?”

She slaps his chest and bites his chin before kissing him. “You’re an idiot.”

He laughs. “I love it when you call me names. It makes me want to throw you against a wall and have my wicked way with you.” He looks at me and smiles. “Hey, Legs. How are you feeling?”

Hopping over the threshold, I smile at him. “I feel like a frog who tangled with a blender.” He chuckles. “But, I’m good.”

He leans down and kisses my forehead. It startles me. “I’m glad you’re ok.” He points at me. “Now… you fix Cruz!”

I laugh. “That is the plan. I hope we can fix each other.”

We’ve been making our way to the table in the corner that is fully occupied with the band and entourage, minus one, Cruz Edwards. Everyone greets me. It’s nice to feel the love. Now, I just want it from the man of the hour.

Liam jumps up and offers me his seat. He’s in a chair and everyone else is on stools. I plop down and glare at my leg.

Dade asks, “So, when are we doing this, Tif?”

Everyone at the table is staring at me. I’m surrounded by Cruz’s friends and family, the people he loves the most in the world, and they are all trying to help me, willing to help me, scale his walls once and for all.

I’m the center of attention. “As soon as you can bring me to his house.”

Jessie laughs. “Can I come? I want to see that white flag.” He points at my shirt. “Though, I thought you wanted our boy to surrender?!”

I laugh. “I do. But Steve Gleason takes nothing lying down. He doesn’t give up. He fights and fights. I’ll fight for Cruz too. He knows this. We’d gotten to a good place and then two weeks ago happened. He recoiled. I was admitted to the hospital and he freaked. He stopped calling. He won’t take my calls. He changed his freaking number and told me to have a nice life!” I slap the table. They all jump. “He changed his number so I couldn’t call. Like I’m just going to go the fuck away. I told him I loved him and I know he loves me, yet he freaked the fuck out and just left me high and dry.

“I’m not fading away into the night. I want him. He wants me. I’m going to fight for his ass and he’s going to accept that. More than that, he’s going to embrace it. He deserves me. I deserve him. He’s the prize and I damn sure want it. I deserve this! So does he!”

As I look around after my impassioned speech, I see everyone grinning. The girls are misty eyed and the guys look impressed. Dade stands up and plants a kiss on Melonie. “Let’s do this then. Come on, Tif. Time to get your man.”

We head to the doors amongst the cheers and Jessie calls out, “Scale the walls and take the castle! If he acts like Cruz… kick him in the moat and hold the jewels hostage!”

Dade yells back, “You’re an idiot!” and everyone laughs.

He helps me into the Hummer and starts the engine. As he backs out, he looks at me and smirks. “You know he’s going to fight you.”

I nod. “I know. But I fight back. And I fight to win.”

As he navigates traffic, he mutters, “I knew I liked you.”

Half an hour later, he pulls under the trees in Cruz’s driveway. Music is pulsating from the garage which I know to be his gym. Dade says, “Are you going in there or are you going to wait in the house?”

Thinking about it, I decide the garage is my best option. He’s in there. He can’t leave if I block the door. Looking at Dade, I say, “The garage. But I need to get the music off and keep him from leaving once I do.”

He laughs. “The stereo is by the door. I’ll turn it off and you can stand guard. I’ll stay out here and stop him if he tries to leave.”

I smile. “Thanks, Dade.”

He smiles back. “Anytime. You love him. You’re good for him. He was happy. You make him happy. Now make him see that and fix my boy.”

I wipe my palms on my pants and he gets the door. I can see Cruz in the mirrors along the walls as he works out furiously. He’s lifting weights and I get mad as I wonder about his arm and wonder who took his stitches out. I don’t want to spook him though and have him drop the weights.

Dade motions to me that he’s getting the music. He steps in and flips the power button as I stand near the door. The quiet gets Cruz’s attention and he turns. His face registers his shock at seeing me there.

Dade smirks at him and salutes and then the door closes behind him. It’s just me and Cruz. His labored breath and my pulse are the only sounds in the room for a long time. My leg is starting to throb from being on it and my hand is going numb from gripping the crutch so tightly.

He grimaces and I catch the guilt flash across his face as he looks at me. “What are you doing here, Tifanie?”

Rolling my eyes, I sarcastically reply, “Oh, I was out for a stroll and thought I’d stop by.”

He grits his teeth. “Did the changed number not alert you to the fact that I don’t want to talk to you?”

That hurts. My chest is burning, yet I’m not leaving until I get what I want. “No, it hurt me and pissed me off though. In fact, if my arm wasn’t broken, I’d punch you in that gorgeous face.”

His head jerks up and his light eyes darken as his nostrils flare. “You came here to punch me in the face?”

Staring at him, I fidget and try to get comfortable. “No. I came here because I love you and because you’re pissing me off. I came here because once again you got spooked and ran and instead of just pushing me away like you normally do, you changed your fucking phone number! I came here because you’re a coward!”

That gets his attention. “What do you not understand about the fact that I’m not good for you, Tifanie?!” He’s screaming at me. “Look at you! Look at what he did to you!”

Calmly, I stare at him. “I know what he did. I was there.”

He’s shaking in his rage. “Do you know what that was like? Do you have any idea what that was like for me?

“There was nothing I could do. Not for you or my momma.

“I was helpless at the mercy of a madman! The two people who were the most important to me and both of you were hurt. Because of me!”

I’m staring at him because I think he really believes that. He really believes that what happened was his fault. I ask in shock, “You mean that, don’t you?”

He’s incredulous. “Mean what exactly?”

Staring at him, I drop my crutch. He watches me as I stand on my feet and try to take a step. “Cruz, what happened… happened because of Lucian. Not because of you. Lucian assaulted you. Lucian took your momma and me hostage. Lucian hurt us. Lucian attacked me and when I defended myself, Lucian paid the ultimate price for his crimes.
LUCIAN
is responsible, no one but
LUCIAN
. None of that has anything to do with you. You cannot let
Lucian win
.

“I love you. I’m willing to fight for you. I’m going to fight for you. I’m going to stay on you like a damn stalker if I have to. I will come at you over and over. I will not give up on you and I will not allow you to give up on yourself. I will not stop until I wear you the fuck down and you understand that you deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a life free from the stigma and guilt over someone else’s choices. I’m not just going to let you push me away because you’re scared and ashamed. I love you. You know that.”

He’s just staring at me, saying nothing. I have no idea if I’m getting through to him. That’s the scariest part of everything happening right now.

He takes a breath and looks away from me.

I call his name to get his attention. “Cruz. Look at me.” He slowly turns. “You know how I feel. I have no problem telling you over and over, every day if I have to, but if you can look me in the eyes and honestly say one thing… I’ll leave. I’ll walk out the door, well, I’m hobbling right now, but I’ll leave and this will be done. If you can’t put the Cruz Edwards that runs from everyone and everything into the grave, right now… bury that fucker… then, I don’t know what else to do.

“I need you to answer me one question? Don’t think about it and don’t lie. There is no wrong answer. Can you do that?”

He nods.

“Can you look at me right now and tell me you don’t love me?” I hold my breath. Everything hinges on this one answer. If he can tell me right now and admit to not just me, but himself that he loves me, I will fight for him until I take my last breath. If he says that he doesn’t… if he’s going to lie, then he’s lost to me. I can’t keep fighting a losing battle if he has no intention of ever being true to himself.

He stares. There’s absolutely no sound in the room except our erratic breathing.

Finally, he mutters, “God help me. I can’t tell you that. I can’t lie to you. Yes. I love you.”

Did he just say it? I don’t know if he really just said that. Should I ask him again?!

His face registers his own surprise at his confession. Crossing the room he stands right in front of me, but doesn’t touch me. I look up at him in fear and hope.

As he looks down, his eyes travel my length and stop on each area that is hurt. He reaches out and touches me whisper soft before letting his hands fall to his sides.

“Yes, I love you, but looking at you hurts me. Seeing you hurt, hurts me. Not looking at you hurts me. Not touching you hurts me. The fear that you’ll wake up one day and stop loving me, hurts me. My heart hurts when you’re near from fear that you’ll leave and it hurts when you aren’t from fear that you’ll stay gone. No matter what I do, now that you’re in my life, I’m living on a precipice. One step in either direction has the power to change my life.

“I’ve had these walls up for so long, Tifanie. And here you are, since the day we met… tearing them down, with bare hands when needed, brick by brick. I can’t handle you. I don’t know how to take you. I want to hold you and I want to push you away.

“My head is screaming at me to lock the gate and my heart is beating down the door and screaming the exact opposite while tossing you the key.

“I’m just… lost. I’m lost with you. I’m lost without you. Do I push you away or hold on and never let go? I don’t know which is the right choice. Wanting you seems selfish, but not having you is unbearable.

“Yet, at the end of the day, there’s only one thing I can do…”

My breath is in my throat with all he’s saying. I whisper, “What’s that?”

Leaning down, he kisses me softly. As he pulls back he mutters, “Surrender.
You win.
I’m waving the white flag. I love you. You love me. For whatever insane reason… you love me. It took you to make me see that I can be and I deserve to be loved. Because of you… With you, I’m ready to succumb. I surrender.”

Smiling against his mouth, I forget my injuries and launch myself at him. He catches me and my shoulder gets jarred. The pain is brief, but the love I feel for the man in my arms is forever.

F
ive-year-old John races by me and jostles my legs. I chuckle as I steady him. “Whoa there, careful, buddy. You’re going to run over someone if you don’t slow down.”

He grins up at me with blue teeth. “I sorry, Parain Cruz. Kassi is chasing me and she said she’s going to shoot me with her Nerf gun.”

Kassi is a four-year-old mini-Lexi with her long red curls and amber eyes. She looks like a little doll, but she gives the boys a run for their money most days. She’s got her daddy completely wrapped around her finger though and he loves it. I see her tearing around the corner like hell on wheels and John shrieks and takes off. As he races past Clove, she says, “John Zachariah Christianson, what are you eating? Why is your mouth blue? Did you eat sugar?”

He calls out as he runs down the hall, “Unca Jessie gave it to me. He said I could have it.”

Clove hollers at Jessie, “
JESSIE ADAMS
! Are you giving my son sugar? You know it makes him a little crazy person! That’s it, he’s going home with y’all tonight! You can deal with that crazy! It’ll be good practice for those sleepless nights!”

Jessie ducks into the kitchen where everyone is hanging out and preparing the food for tonight. “Aw, why you gotta be so mean? He’s a kid. He can have some candy every now and then. And yes, he
can
come home with us!”

Liam switches arms where he’s holding their two-year-old Gordon and three-year-old Lizzy clings to his legs, begging him to pick her up. He ruffles her hair and looks at Jessie. “Ha, you just did it. You two get the tornado tonight.” He grins and points at a very pregnant Blue. “Just you wait. All this crap you’ve done for five years to all of us is about to be upon you, two-fold! Blue, are you ready for
TWO
more
of Jessie?!”

Jessie grins and shakes his head. “Nope, we have girls in here.” He walks up to Blue and rests his chin on her head after kissing her. He cradles her very large stomach.

Liam says, “Even better! Girls that act just like you. I can’t wait to see you start to lose that long hair!”

Blue and Clove laugh, as Blue says, “Don’t hex me with the curse of mini-Jessies!”

Clove chuckles. “Too late. You chose to procreate with him. Poor you.”

Lexi pushes a squirming baby into Jude’s arms and shoos him out of the kitchen. “Y’all get out. Go rock J.J. You’re crowding my kitchen and I need to finish this cake.” She looks at all of the men in the room and twirls her finger. “All you men folk, grab a kid, and someone make sure to watch Addy. Y’all know she’s quick! Go on! Go to the media room or the backyard! The women need a break and can help me get this food out before Micah and Bradi get here.” Jude salutes her and blows her a kiss as everyone herds kids out of the kitchen. She points at me. “But not you, Cruz. You stay here with us. I need muscle to lift this thing.”

I trade a glance with Tifanie, my wife of the past four years, and at the sleeping bundle in her arms. Gracie, our three-month-old, opens her eyes and blinks. Her eyes mirror mine, though she’s the spitting image of her momma.