Be Mine (5 page)

‘That’s very sweet of you and smart, thank you. I’ll be waiting in a white coroner’s van in front of the apartment rental office.”

“Okay, I’m not going to ask about the van.”

“Oh, I work for the Coroner’s Office, don’t worry, its legitimate.”

“What wild and crazy assignment are we going on today Corny?”

“We’ve got a missing iguana to find. It should be pretty easy, how far is an iguana going to go? You know the drill; do you need a tree before we leave?”

“
No, I’m good, thank you for asking though.”

“Stop sucking up.”

“Uh oh, there’s a Coroners van, do you think someone’s dead or committed suicide? I’ve never seen a dead body before, have you?”

“No and no, that’s Sam’s work vehicle, but I sure hope he didn’t stop off somewhere and pick-up a body.”

“Don’t go over there; wave and let’s get this over with. I have a great idea for tonight I want to tell you about.’

“Okay, see I’m waving and he’s waving back; let’s go find—Buddy the Butt Head.

“
Geez, I can’t believe what people name their pets... ”

“Oh boy, I’m not going there.”

“Did you say something?”

“Nope, I wouldn’t dream of it. Iguanas are warm blooded creatures; he must have crawled up a nearby tree and hunkered down to keep warm. Let’s head up Third Avenue; look in all the trees, we should spot him pretty quickly.”

“Psst, I’m freezing my tail off up here, and I want to go home.”

“Hi Buddy, what made you leave in the first place? It sounds like Guy adores you.”

“Guy left the door open and I meandered out and he shut the door behind me, I guess he didn’t see me. It took me awhile but I made it to this tree and then I got too cold to move anymore. Are you going to take me home?”

“Can you get down on your own?”

“
Yes, but do you have something warm you can wrap me in?’

“Here you go, slide under my sweater, that should keep you warm until we get you home. Oh boy, you are cold. Hey, did you lick my boob? That’s not okay. If you do that again, I’m going to drop-kick you to Mars.”

“Settle down, it was a natural reflex; I’m trying to get warm.”

“Listen, I wasn’t born yesterday—Buddy the Butt Head.”

“Sam, please take this creature away and tell Guy not to let him out of his sight I won’t be retrieving him again.”

“What happened?”

“He licked my boob.”

“That’s gross, but yet understandable. Thank you for your help, if you ever need anything from the morgue, let me know.”

“Let’s go Brutus, I need a cupcake.”

“Can I have one to?”

“No, it’ll give you the runs, but I’ve figured out what the perfect gift will be for tonight. After I get a Black Velvet Cupcake from ‘The Luscious Cupcake House’ on Pike Street, we’re going to that gourmet cooking store in the mall and then to the grocery store. Tonight is going to be perfect.”

~~~~~

“I’ve wrapped Steve’s present and the food is ready in the refrigerator.”

“Are sure about this?”

“Absolutely, this finally feels like it’s coming from my heart.”

“Good luck, I’m going to go hang out with Kimberly
—
she moved in next door and she’s super cute.”

“The Chihuahua? She’s kind of small for you isn’t she?”

“Geez Corny, it’s not always about size.”

“Steve’s home, go have fun and thanks for helping me all week, it’s been different.”

“Does that mean I’m not benched anymore?”

“Steve wanted to tell you himself, but yes, you’re back on the team. Please stay focused on the job or you’ll end back with me again.”

“You know Gloria didn’t even smell that great.”

“Eww, go away please.”

“Have fun, I plan too.”

“Hi honey, it’s been a long week hasn’t it? Here have my beer; and why don’t you go get changed and relax. Is it okay if we open our final gifts before dinner?”

“Yes, I’ll be out in a couple minutes, unless you want to join me baby?”

“Oh Steve, how can I say no to such a romantic offer and I’m also really excited about your last gift?”

“Oh, it’s a cookbook.”

“I know it was supposed to be your gift, but I got us a Rachael Ray, three hundred and sixth-five days of 30-minute meals. I’m going to start tonight and every weeknight I’ll try and do a different meal; starting from page one.”

“Oh honey, it’s the best present, because we both can enjoy it. I love you; here open
your
last present.”

“This box is bigger than the rest. Oh, the bracelet is absolutely beautiful, and the charm is a cute little ring. Steve, are those real diamonds?”

“Honey, it’s an itty-bitty promise ring—you promise to love me always?”

“Yes, I love you, absolutely and always. Come on; let me show you how much I love you again in the shower, closet, kitchen, and maybe we’ll make it to the bedroom eventually.”

“Corny, I’m excited about the new cookbook; Rachel Ray is a creative cook, what’s for dinner tonight?”

“It’s orange glaze chicken and rice. I have all the ingredients in the refrigerator; do you want to help me with our first meal?’

“You bet. Can I request you cook naked with only an apron on?”

“Steve, I thought taking a cooking class with Kitty would be fun, but it didn’t work out. But I did steal the chef hat and white apron from the mean chef and I can wear that while cooking. I don’t know why, but talking about being naked reminds me that I haven’t seen Brutus tonight, have you?”

“I let him out when we started to get hot and heavy. I’ve never caught him, but I know he spies on us when we’re messing around.”

“He’s probably over visiting Kimberly. Steve, come quick; Brutus is in the backyard.”

“Holy crap, what in the heck is he doing?”

“Umm, he’s singing KC and The Sunshine Bands song. Now; he’s on his hind legs and spinning around in circles to the chorus.
”

“Brutus baby, you sure can dance
—
come give me a kiss.”

“You bet, but let’s go somewhere a little more private, like your place. I think we’re being watched.”

“Steve, isn’t that sweet?”

“Yeah, even Brutus needs a little Valentine love.”