Beach Season (22 page)
Authors: Lisa Jackson
C
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19
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19
“I’m sorry we had to miss out on blueberry picking,” Hugh said, wiping his mouth with his napkin. “But if it doesn’t rain tomorrow, and if you don’t have to work an afternoon shift, we could go then.”
Thea nodded.
Hugh had called Thea as soon as he had been released from the hospital earlier that evening. Professional opinion was that the wound was going to heal nicely. He was starved, having missed breakfast and lunch. Could he come by and pick her up for dinner? Thea, who felt completely sapped of strength and rational thought, had seen no way out of saying yes. Now, they were at a lobster shack, sitting across from each other at a picnic table set with plastic salt and pepper shakers, plastic silverware, and paper napkins. Hugh was devouring a boiled lobster, two ears of corn, a basket of garlic bread, and a salad. Thea was picking at her crab roll, uncharacteristically uninterested in food.
“Is the crab roll okay?” Hugh asked, dipping a piece of lobster in butter. The bandage on his right hand didn’t appear to be a hindrance to movement.
Again, Thea nodded. “It’s fine,” she said with a poor attempt at a smile.
Hugh called to the waiter for another beer. Thea watched him enjoying his meal and felt her heart breaking with every moment. Every decision she had ever made regarding love had been wrong. She had let Hugh slip away back when they were in college; she hadn’t fought hard enough to keep him; she hadn’t known how. She was a weak person. She had succumbed to Mark’s lies, not once, but over and over again. She had allowed herself to become a victim. There was no way she would be anything but a burden to Hugh in the future.
“Thea,” Hugh said, breaking into her morbid thoughts. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling okay? You’ve hardly eaten a thing.”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she said. “I’m fine.”
“Did you hear anything of what I was just saying? About the nurse in the ER, the one with the tattoo of Elvis?”
Thea colored violently. She shook her head.
“You’re not still worried about my hand, are you? I was probably being overly cautious going to the emergency room but—”
“No, no,” she protested. “I’m fine, really.” As if to prove it, she took a bite of the crab roll and chewed. It was tasteless in her mouth. She saw the concern on Hugh’s face—of course, he knew something was worrying her; of course, he didn’t believe that she was fine—and it saddened her beyond words. But there was nothing she could say to assure him that nothing had changed between them, that everything was all right. She couldn’t even tell him that she loved him. She did love him, but it was no longer right for her to ... her duty now was to protect him.
Finally, Hugh piled his dirty napkins on his plate, sat back, and sighed. “Wow. I hadn’t felt that ravenous in years.” He looked at Thea’s half-eaten dinner. “Why don’t I ask the waiter to wrap up your leftovers,” he suggested.
Thea shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Okay.”
They drove back to Alice’s house in silence. Hugh walked Thea around to the back of the house, to the door of her apartment. Thea scanned the shadows for the figure of a man, someone watching, someone waiting, but saw no one.
“Good night, Thea,” Hugh said. He put his hands on her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her. She turned her head slightly so that his lips didn’t quite meet hers.
“Did I have too much garlic at dinner?” he asked with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“No, no,” she said, “it’s just that ... I have a bit of a headache. I just need to go to sleep.”
“Okay.” Thea thought she heard an awful mix of concern, sadness, even suspicion in his voice. “Take some ibuprofen if you have it. Good night, Thea. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
She nodded, opened the door, and quickly closed and locked it behind her. Hugh stood where he was for a moment before slowly walking toward the front of the house and his car. Once he looked over his shoulder to see the lights in Thea’s apartment coming on one by one. The sight unaccountably saddened him.
C
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The sound of knocking on the apartment door the next morning caused Thea to crash her mug against her front teeth and spill hot coffee down her chin. Hastily, she wiped her face with a napkin and called out, loudly but with a tremulous voice, “Who is it?”
“Alice,” came the loud and not-at-all tremulous reply.
Thea opened the door for her landlady and, it turned out, Henrietta, too. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t see you coming around back.”
Alice followed Henrietta inside. The cat leapt easily onto the high back of the chintz-covered chair, from where she watched her human companions intently.
“The lights were on all last night,” Alice said without preamble. “All of them. I know you’re paying your share of the electric bill, Thea. That’s not what I’m worried about.”
Thea looked down at her feet in their old slippers. She said nothing. She flinched at the cry of a bird.
“You won’t meet my eye, you’re as jumpy as a cat—sorry, Henrietta—and the bags under your eyes could hold a sandwich each. What’s going on?”
Thea looked back to Alice’s keen, inquiring, and concerned eyes and then to Henrietta’s wide, unblinking stare and didn’t know which female intimidated her more.
“I’m sorry,” she managed. “I hope the lights didn’t bother you. I couldn’t sleep, that’s all.”
“That was obvious. Something’s bothering you, Thea. Now, don’t lie to me. You look like a completely different person than the one you were a day ago.”
Thea had absolutely no intention of telling Alice anything, but then the words were spilling out.
“Hugh told me he loves me.”
“Well, that’s wonderful,” Alice said with a nod. “I’m happy for you, kiddo. And why is this making you look like a refugee from hell?”
“He cut his hand yesterday. He went to the emergency room. There was a terrible accident a few years ago. He lost his spleen, which makes him susceptible to infection. That’s why he went to the ER. His left leg was also badly broken, ‘shattered’ is the word he used.”
Alice squinted as if somehow that would help her to understand what it was Thea was trying, and failing, to say. Squinting didn’t work. “So,” she said, after a moment, “let me see if I get this. You’re reunited with someone you loved passionately when you were young, someone you still love now, and you’re freaking out because he’s got a bum leg and no spleen?”
“No, no,” Thea cried, shaking her head. “That’s not what I mean!”
“Then you’d better start over.”
“He could get really sick. He could die before me. I could lose him all over again.”
“And the world could end tomorrow.”
“I have to be careful. I have to protect myself. I have to protect him.”
Alice shook her head. “I don’t understand. Protect him from what?”
Thea turned away from Alice and walked a few mindless feet in the direction of the kitchen. She couldn’t tell Alice about her ex-husband’s e-mail and how frightened and vulnerable it had made her feel. A small part of her mind knew that by leaving out that vital piece of information she was preventing Alice from knowing the entire truth and maybe, just maybe, preventing Alice from helping her. But telling Alice about Mark might put her in the line of danger, too ... and it might make Alice despise her.
“Hugh was always so strong,” Thea said, almost to herself. “He was always so strong and competent. I’m not like that at all. He can survive without me.” Her last words were whispered to the sink.
“Thea? What did you say?”
Thea turned around to face Alice. “His parents never liked me,” she said, her voice trembling. “They thought I wasn’t good enough for Hugh, and they were right. I see that now.”
A small, odd noise came from Henrietta’s throat, a sound of distress but also a noise that to Alice’s ears sounded like one of impatience.
“Thea,” Alice said, “you’re frightening me. You’re not making much sense, if any. You didn’t take anything, did you? Pills?”
“What? No, no, never.”
There was a long beat of extremely uncomfortable silence. When Alice spoke again, her tone was gentle. “Hey, kiddo, I think there’s something you’re not telling me. Something else is behind all this sudden craziness.”
“No,” Thea said vehemently. “No, there’s nothing else.”
Alice didn’t believe Thea’s protestations for a minute, but she was smart enough to know that badgering her was not going to produce any good results. She considered what she might say now; it was difficult, given such little and such conflicting information. Finally, she decided she would address the fear that hung so thickly and so obviously around her young tenant. “Do you really want to be living all alone in my basement for the rest of your life?” she asked, careful to keep her tone neutral.
“It’s not a basement,” Thea mumbled.
“You know what I mean.”
This time, Thea did not reply.
Alice sighed. She suddenly felt terribly old. That tended to happen when she found herself in the presence of despair.
“Come on, Henrietta,” she said. “I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do here.”
With one smooth leap, Henrietta was off the back of the chair and at the door. Alice closed the door behind them. A half second later, she heard the lock click into place.
C
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21
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21
“Why did you want me to come here?” Thea asked. She stood just inside the door of Hugh’s room at the bed-and-breakfast. Hugh was half leaning against, half perched on the small desk between the room’s two windows.
“Privacy,” he answered. “But if you stand all the way over there, I’ll have to shout to be heard and that kind of blows the privacy idea.”
Thea reluctantly came farther into the room. She felt as if she had been summoned before a judge for a crime she had indeed committed. She noticed that Hugh’s laptop was open on the desk. Next to it was his phone, a manila file folder, and a Cross pen. Hugh, Thea remembered, had always liked good pens.
“I was hoping to put off my return to New York for a while longer,” Hugh went on, “but it looks like I have to get back to the office in the next few days.”
“Oh.”
“And I’m not at all happy about leaving when it’s clear that something’s gone wrong between us, Thea. What’s happened since yesterday?”
“Nothing’s happened.” The lie came automatically. She hated herself for telling it.
Hugh stood away from the desk. His cane was within reach but he ignored it. “Don’t lie to me, Thea,” he said. “It’s unworthy of you and it insults me.”
Thea clasped her hands before her in a vain effort to stop their trembling. She lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted. Now, talk to me.”
She stood silent and motionless for what seemed like a very long time. Hugh said nothing more. When she began to speak, she was surprised at the sound of her own voice. She still did not raise her eyes to look at Hugh.
“It’s just that since the divorce, I’ve ... I’ve felt so stupid, and afraid, and alone. And then you came along.”
If she had been looking at him, Thea would have seen the small smile on Hugh’s face. “I thought my coming along was a good thing,” he said.
“It was. It’s just that ...”
“It’s just that what?”
Finally, Thea looked up. “My ex-husband,” she blurted. “He sent me an e-mail yesterday. I got it right before you called to tell me you were on your way to the emergency room. I don’t know how he got the address, but I suppose there are all sorts of ways ... It frightened me. It ... it made me feel like I felt before you and I found each other again ...”
“Did you save the e-mail?” Hugh demanded. “Did you answer it?”
Thea shook her head. “No, no, of course I didn’t answer it. I was so upset I just deleted it without thinking.”
Hugh took a step closer to Thea. “Why didn’t you tell me that creep was bothering you again?” he demanded. “You don’t have to deal with him alone, Thea. You don’t have to deal with him at all!”
“I ...”
“Did he threaten you?”
“It felt like he was threatening me. I don’t know ... he said something that made me think he was going to be in touch again. But I can’t remember, exactly ...”
“My God, Thea. This can’t go on. I’ll—”
“Wait!” Thea cried. Her hands were clasped so tightly now that her fingers hurt. “It’s not all Mark’s fault, the way I’ve been acting. It’s my fault, too.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know if I can explain.”
“Try.”
Thea finally unclasped her hands and sank onto the edge of the neatly made bed. She looked up at Hugh, silently pleading with him to understand something she herself didn’t entirely understand. “When you had to go to the hospital yesterday,” she said, “all I could think about was, what if you died? I’m just so afraid to—to risk anything, my heart, my peace of mind.”
Hugh sat down on the edge of the bed next to Thea. Gently, he touched her arm. “Oh, but Thea, that’s normal, to be afraid, especially after all you’ve been through!”
Thea moved her arm away from his hand. “And your parents ...”
“What about my parents?” His voice sounded puzzled and frustrated. “What could they possibly have to do with us now?”
“They were mad at you for buying me the miniature. There’s a possibility they stole my last letter to you. They never liked me, Hugh. They never thought I was good enough for you. There’s a real chance that if we’re together now they’ll make my life miserable. And that would make your life miserable and ...”
“Oh, Thea.” Hugh tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away. “I can’t believe you’ve talked yourself into this state of—”
“And if you were in my life, Mark could hurt you, too. Neither of us would be safe.”
“That’s ridic—” Hugh took a deep breath. “That’s not possible, Thea. You have to trust me.”
They were quiet for a long moment, Thea studying her lap and Hugh studying Thea. When she spoke again, her voice was a mere whisper. “I’m ashamed of myself,” she said. “I’m sorry, Hugh. I’m not the person you thought I was. I’m just a bundle of fear and panic and lame excuses. I would be such a burden to you. You would regret every minute of our life together.”
“This is not the Thea Foss I knew.” Hugh’s voice broke as he spoke the words.
“It’s who I am now. It’s who I’ve become.”
“I don’t believe you’re stuck being ‘a bundle of fear and panic and lame excuses.’ I won’t believe it.”
“But what if I am, Hugh?” Thea cried, jumping to her feet and looking down at him, tears streaming across her cheeks. “What if this is all I’ll ever be?”
“You can’t talk like that!”
“I am talking like this. This is my reality now, Hugh. This—mess!”
Hugh sat rigidly. He felt furious with the creature who had destroyed the woman he had always loved, the creature who had transformed a once beloved person into this ... into this stranger.
He also felt suddenly and utterly exhausted.
“We should both try to get some sleep,” he said quietly. “We’ll talk again tomorrow. Okay?”
Thea nodded dumbly.
“Do you want me to drive you home? You can get your car tomorrow.”
“No,” she whispered. “I’m fine.” And she left his room, closing the door quietly behind her.
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