He knew…and he knew I was an awful person. Because I’d known he was grieving, and I still came after him, waving my pheromones under his nose so he’d have to pay attention. It was selfish. I’d manipulated him until we were both backed into a corner. “This is wrong,” I told him.
“Does it matter at this point?”
Hot tears began to seep from my eyes again because no, it really didn’t matter at this point. Our paths were set since my heat was here. I didn’t have any other options, and since Leif hadn’t abandoned me, he’d have no option either.
“Nikolina,” Leif said, and he sat on the edge of the rickety cot. His hand cupped my jaw and brushed my cheek, the feel of his skin against mine so sweet that it started a new round of tears. “Don’t cry. What is it that you want from me?”
His tone of voice was so kind and understanding that I felt even worse. I sobbed. “I want a mate. I want you to come home with me. I want us to be accepted by the clans as a mated couple. I’m tired of being a spinster.” Of being so utterly alone and unwanted.
Leif’s thumb continued to stroke my cheek. “And this is that important to you that you’d risk your life - and the possibility of your child - to come after me?”
“It’s what I’ve always wanted,” I said between hiccuping sobs. To be accepted and loved instead of rejected? To have my own family of people that cared for me instead of a father who was more interested in clan politics than his daughter?
That was my dream – unconditional love.
His thumb brushed my cheek, followed the curve of my mouth. After a long moment, he said, “Sometimes what we think we want is not always the truth of the matter.”
My cheek followed the light touch of his fingers, leaning into his palm. It was hard to concentrate on his words - his fingers were on my face but they might as well have been between my legs, diving against the slick, needy flesh there. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” he told me softly. “I’m simply talking because I’m nervous.”
I frowned at that, even as his thumb brushed over my mouth and I bit down on the tip. “Nervous?” I asked breathlessly. He was delicious and I wanted him so badly. I flicked my tongue over his fingertip. Why was biting on his thumb so incredibly erotic?
His gaze seemed glued to my mouth, to where I licked and sucked at his thumb. “It’s my first time, too.”
I stilled. “Um…what?”
“I said, it’s my first time.” And he had the gall to smile at me.
I struggled to sit upright, pulling away from him so I could think without his touch driving me nuts. I stared at his handsome face, unable to believe what I was hearing. “Are you kidding me?”
As I watched, his ears turned bright red. “Why would I joke? Why is it bad? It will be special for both of us.”
I wanted to cry all over again. “It’s bad because I want one of us to know what the hell we’re doing!”
Leif laughed at my expression. He slid a bit closer on the bed, and I automatically shied away, because my body wanted to fling him down on the rickety cot and do bad, nasty things to him. “I’m a guy, Nikolina. I have instincts. I think I can figure out what goes where. And I can think of plenty of things I’ve been picturing doing to you.”
That made my breath catch in my throat. “You’ve been picturing doing things to me?”
“Are you kidding?” His hand moved back to my jaw and he brushed his fingers along it. “You’re incredibly beautiful. You’re strong and brave…and I’m a thirty-four year old man that has never had sex. Of course I’m imagining all kinds of things to do to you.”
I moaned at the husky note his words took on. “Really? You’re not just saying that because of the heat?”
“I’m afraid that some of it is the heat,” he said, sliding a bit closer to me on the bed. His other hand lifted and then he was cupping my face in his hands. “That can’t be removed from the situation. But the fact that you’re beautiful and smart and strong and I’m incredibly attracted to you? That’s all you.”
“Then will you kiss me?” I asked as he leaned closer. My gaze seemed to lock on to his mouth. Why had I not noticed until now that he had the most sensual lips? They were the most sexual thing I’d ever seen. I was fascinated by them, and the way they parted as he neared me.
“You couldn’t stop me,” Leif said, and his thumbs brushed my cheeks a scant second before his mouth touched on mine.
Heat touched my lips; warmth and the taste of Leif. I moaned as his tongue slicked against mine, tasting me in the world’s most gentle caress. Immediately, my body responded, and desire shot through me, so hot and heavy that it made my skin hurt. I broke off the kiss with a whimper.
“What is it?” Leif sounded concerned, and he pulled away from me.
“I hurt. Everywhere.” The smell of my arousal was practically soaking the cabin. “I don’t think I like being in heat.”
He chuckled.
I punched him in the arm.
“Ow!” He rubbed his arm, but the smile remained on his lips. “I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing because I doubt most people like being in heat. I imagine it sounds sexier than it really is.”
“Everything aches,” I said, and cupped my breasts to support them. The tips seemed to be two blooms of sensitivity, well past the point of pleasure. “I think I waited too long.”
Leif’s face lost its amusement. “I should have realized. I’m sorry, Nikolina. This is my fault.” He reached out and gave my shoulder a comforting pat. “What can I do to help?”
“Fuck me,” I said bluntly. “I don’t think…I don’t think I can stand foreplay right now.” The thought of teasing touches on my body seemed more like torture. The ache inside me wouldn’t subside. I didn’t need to be aroused - I was already there in the worst way.
His eyes gleamed, and he grabbed my hips, dragging me down on the cot. “Get down to business? I think I can do that.”
I moaned again. “Yes, please. Sex now. We can do foreplay later.”
Leif stood up and stripped off his piecemeal clothing, flinging it to the creaky wooden floor of the cabin. I watched with eager eyes as his chest was revealed, and then his hips…then his groin.
His cock sprang free, thick, proud, and erect. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one that didn’t need any foreplay. I began to pant at the sight of it. God, it looked good. I wanted to touch it, stroke my hands along it like I had that day in the tent when I’d washed him, but more than that, I wanted him deep inside me, taking care of the ache burning low between my hips. “Please,” I whispered, when he sat down on the edge of the cot again, entirely naked.
“I’m getting there, Nikolina, love,” Leif said in a gentle voice. His hands went to my long-sleeved thermal shirt, and he began to peel it off of my body, careful not to touch my skin and set me off again. I raised my arms and torso off the bed to help him, and when he gestured that he’d move to my hips next, I lifted them to drag the pants down my legs. Then, I was clad only in my panties and my bra, both of which felt confining and horribly constricting…and terribly unsexy. I’d dressed for function when coming down to the Antarctic, and my clothing was bought at a sporting goods store, not Victoria’s Secret.
But he looked at me as if I were wonderfully sexy, and my nipples ached in response to his gaze.
“Let’s get these off of you,” he told me in a gentle voice. As if I couldn’t do it myself, he pulled me forward and reached behind me to unclasp my bra.
My breasts pressed against his chest, my nipples brushing at his chest hair. And it was too much. I couldn’t wait any longer. With a whimper of excitement, I reached for his cock, wrapping my hand around it and tightening my grip.
He groaned, and I felt his hands fumble on my bra, taking forever to undo the clasps. “‘Lina,” he murmured, shortening my name in a way that made me all giddy inside.
I stroked my hand up and down his shaft, instinct guiding me.
“Slow down—“
“No—“
He groaned as my hand jacked him, and Leif continued to fight with my bra. A moment later, I heard the tearing of fabric, and then the material was falling off of my shoulders. He pulled away from me and shimmied it off of my body, and then tore at my panties, even as I reached for him again. “No, ‘Lina,” he said softly again, and when I reached for his cock, he grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head even as he tore at my panties with his free hand.
Oh yes. His hand trapping mine was incredibly erotic. I lifted my hips with need, panting and moaning in response. “Leif,” I moaned. “Need you.”
“I know, sweetheart,” he told me.
“Please.”
“I know. I’m hurrying.” He flung my panties aside after working them down my legs, and then I was naked on the little cot in front of him. His gaze moved over my body and he groaned at the sight. “You are beautiful, ‘Lina. So beautiful.”
My scent was thick in the air around us, so strong that it seemed to envelop everything. “I want you inside me, Leif.”
“I know.” He shifted his long, lean body, and released my hands so he could move over me. I watched him with increasing excitement, unable to take my gaze off of the long, thick shaft curving from his groin. “Open your legs for me, Nikolina.”
He didn’t need to ask twice. I spread my legs wide, and as I did, he moved to settle between them, his knees digging into the mattress. His hands propped on the bed next to my shoulders, and he gazed down at me with those impossibly blue eyes.
“Tell me if you get afraid or want me to stop,” he said, searching my face.
I didn’t want him to stop - we were moving too slow as it was. I simply ran my hands along his chest and nodded my agreement.
“You sure you don’t want foreplay?” He asked, and his gaze flicked to my breasts, the nipples taut and aching.
“Positive. Please, Leif,” I told him, and dug my nails into his shoulders as way of encouragement.
He grunted his acknowledgment of my words, and he lifted a hand to slide between my legs, seeking my heat.
I hissed at his touch, startled by the intense intimacy of it - and how good it felt. My sex was incredibly slippery, my pulse seeming to throb between my legs.
“God, Lina,” he murmured, voice hoarse. “You’re so wet.”
“Please,” I panted. This was torture. “Explore later. Sex now.”
“Sex now,” he agreed, and I felt his finger press against the opening of my sex. He slid it against my sex, and then pushed in.
I gasped, my body immediately flying into an orgasm. My pussy clenched hard around him, and I cried out as my muscles tightened and spasmed in response.
“Oh, Jesus,” Leif moaned. “You’re tight.” His finger stroked in and out of my sex, and then I felt him add a second one.
The orgasm didn’t seem to be stopping. If anything, my body continued to grow more tense as he stroked his fingers in and out, preparing me for his cock. “Leif,” I moaned, bucking against his hand. “I need you—“
“I know,” he said, and the words were issued through gritted teeth. His fingers slid out of my pussy - and I whimpered at the loss. It had almost felt like too much when they were there, but now that they were gone, I wanted him back. A moment later, the head of his cock pressed against my warmth.
“Yes,” I moaned. “Yes, please. Please!”
Slowly, he began to push his way inside of me. “Stop me if you hurt, ‘Lina,” he told me.
I raised my hips up, panting, trying to sink him further and faster into my body.
If I hurt
? I was an endless mass of aching hurts and need. This was actually making me feel better.
“‘Lina,” he began. “Don’t — I — stop squirming. I can’t keep control. I’m going to—“ He shook his head as I continued to buck and whimper under him, and then bit out a curse.
And then he slammed deep into me.
The breath ripped out of my lungs at the stab of pain that flared through my body. My eyes opened wide, and I stared up at Leif. His blue eyes were dazed with sex, but I could see the shock in them, too. He hadn’t expected to do that.
A moment later, though, pleasure flooded through my body. I gave a small cry and clung to Leif, wrapping my legs around him. “Oh god, yes!”
“Yes?”
I nodded tightly, my entire body so tightly wound with pleasure I could scarcely breathe. This was what I’d needed. Him - deep inside me. Filling me. This was what the heat needed.
He groaned and his mouth moved down to mine, kissing me as he began to move slowly inside of me. His strokes were small at first, the movements barely noticeable. But as his tongue slicked over mine and I returned his kiss with greedy fervor, his motions began to take on more power. It was like he’d been holding back, not sure of how I’d respond, and now that he knew he hadn’t hurt me, he was abandoned. Leif sucked on my tongue, distracting me, and as I moaned my pleasure, he drew back and slammed back into me again.
I screamed in pleasure, my nails digging into his back. My hips lifted to meet his next thrust, and I wrapped my legs around him, linking my ankles to keep my body in place.
He groaned deep, clearly not anticipating my response. His next thrust was even wilder, and was met enthusiastically. Again, he slammed into me. There was no finesse in the meeting of our bodies. I was too frantically clawing at him, need overtaking everything, and Leif couldn’t seem to keep control, not while I was writhing under him. He pushed into me and I bucked with each thrust, screaming out my pleasure. It felt like my body was moving through one continuous orgasm, and I kept coming. I could feel my pussy tightening and flexing around Leif as he stroked inside me, hammering harder and faster deep within my core. All the while, his mouth worked on mine, and I screamed my pleasure against his lips.