Beautiful and Broken (22 page)

I don't say anything back.

"Sawyer seems…nice."

"What do you want, Mia?"

"We need to talk, Molly. Now that you seem to be over Jason, I think I can tell you the whole story. What I should have told you before your wedding day but I was too scared."

"I don't understand."

Mia hugs herself. Her face becomes serious and her eyes look pained. "I…"

"Hello," Sawyer says as he reaches the doorway.
 

Mia steps aside and he crosses the room to meet me. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Mia was just about to tell me something."

Mia bites her bottom lip as her gaze shifts back and forth between Sawyer and me. "We'll talk in a bit, okay. Don't forget?"

I nod. "Whatever you say."

When Mom calls us for dinner, we're downstairs in the kitchen. Sawyer is at the island, picking at veggies and dip. I'm across from him. Everyone else is in the living room. We’ve kind of kept to ourselves for the last hour, and no one seems to mind. How different it would it be if Sawyer wasn't here?
 

Sawyer and I move to take our seats beside each other, but my mother shouts. "No! I have a seating plan in my mind."

I frown. "Mom, Sawyer doesn't know anyone here. Can't we just sit beside each other?" Because I know her
seating plan
will probably have us at opposite ends of the table, and I'll probably be smack dab between her and Jason.
 

"Molly, please just do as I say."
 

She pulls nametags from the top of the buffet and places them dead center on the china dinner plates. "I didn't know you were coming, Sawyer, so I'll put you right here, next to Mia."

I bite my tongue to stop myself from saying something that would make everyone in the room uncomfortable. What the hell is she playing at? Mia frowns at me and her cheeks burn. "Mother, I'll switch with Molly so she can sit with Sawyer."

My mother throws her hands up in the air. "I don't know why I bother. All my hard work.”

"You had Lucy come over hours ago and cook everything, Mom.” Mia rolls her eyes at my mother and slumps back in her seat, bored.

Mom glares daggers at her. Does she think we didn't know? She hasn't cooked a bird for our family since…well, since ever.
 

“Fine. Suit yourself. It’s a free for all.”

I almost feel inclined to insist on her seating arrangement. The old me, sans Sawyer, would definitely have been guilted into doing just that, but with Sawyer at my side I feel a little stronger, like I can take whatever my mother throws at me.

So I sit where I want to sit, next to my father with Sawyer on my right. He slides his hand under the table and squeezes my knee. When I glance at him, he winks at me and suddenly the tense atmosphere lifts. I smile back and somehow forget the time because my father clears his throat soon after.
 

Mom leaves once everyone is seated. “Molly, give me a hand, will you?” She calls from the kitchen, a clear ploy to get a moment alone with me. I set my purse down on the floor and, sighing, I go to her.
 

She's filling the gravy container when I walk through the entrance. Her gaze meets mine for a second. “Give this a quick stir, please.”

I nod and take over, gently turning a spoon through the pale brown mixture. The smell of the bird wafts through the house and in the kitchen, it’s overwhelming. My stomach is working overtime, gurgling and crying to be fed.
 

“How could you bring him?” she whispers as she lifts the bird out the pan and places it on a platter. “I told you who he is. What he’s all about? Is that what you’re into now? Criminals?”

I take a deep breath and place the spoon on the counter. “He was never charged, Mom. You said that yourself."
 

“So he told you, then? I’m curious how he described shooting his stepfather a half dozen times in the chest.”

I swallow hard.
 

“Did he tell you that?”

I shake my head. “I find it a little bit funny that you judge him so harshly when all of this,” I wave my hand through the house, “was paid for courtesy of the criminals Daddy represents.”

She props a hand on her hip and narrows her eyes at me. “He represents them, Molly—he doesn’t invite them to family dinners. And if I were you I’d be asking a lot more questions. People like that don’t change. He’s had a DUI and some assault charges as well. Did he mention those?”

 
“Please stop talking, Mom,” I say so quietly that I’m not sure if she can hear me.
 

Mom throws the boiled potatoes into a glass bowl and hands it to me with the gravy container. “Smile, Molly. You look rattled.”

I head back to the dining room and force a smile, but my head is spinning. As much as I wanted to put Sawyer’s past out of my mind, there are things I need to know about him. I can’t be with him if I’m always wondering what he’s hiding from me—whether he wants to talk about it or not. Don’t I deserve to know now that we’re in a monogamous relationship? But if I push, he’ll walk.
 

“Thanks, dear.” My father’s hands are out, ready to take the potatoes, and I barely register him speaking to me.
 

“What?”

“The potatoes? I’ll take them.”

“Right.”

Back in the kitchen, Mom hands me a bowl of stuffing and a cranberry mould. I set them on the table and take a seat. Sawyer is eyeing me in that
what the hell did your mother do to you?
kind of way, but I don’t offer an explanation.
 

Mom’s smile is massive when she enters with the turkey. “Ta-da!” she says, proud of herself. “Time to carve the turkey, Mitchell.”

“This looks amazing,” Jason’s mother says with her hands pressed together.

“Yeah, amazing.” Jason takes a long sip of his wine, staring at Sawyer over the rim of his glass.
 

Rodney squeezes in between us, and I pat his head.
 

“No begging,” Dad says, pointing to the foyer. The dog runs off in a hurry as if he’s already been given something.
 

The turkey is carved and all our plates are full. As we pick at the last bites, the conversation begins and my level of discomfort reaches an all-time high.
 

“Tell me, Sawyer, what kind of work do you do?” Calvin, Jason’s dad, asks.
 

Sawyer runs a hand across his cheeks. He shaved this morning, but his face is already shadowed.
 

“Sawyer is a fighter. A boxer. Isn’t that right?” My mother takes a sip of her wine.
 

“That’s right.”

“I see,” Calvin says. “I would imagine there’s only a finite amount of time you can do something like that. Have you thought about what you’ll do when you can’t fight anymore?”

“A bit. I’ll probably open a gym. Maybe become a trainer.”

“Dad, most boxers get knocked around a lot in their lifetime. I don’t imagine there are a lot of options for someone with brain damage,” Jason says.

“Jason,” Agnes and I say at the same time.

“What did I say?” He takes another drink.
 

I watch Sawyer’s hands ball on the table and for a second, I worry. Sweat forms on my brows. I can’t take my eyes off his knuckles as they turn from tan to pasty white. Oh, shit a brick.

“No, that’s fine,” Sawyer says, waving me off. “Not all of us can fall into money and a respectable career.”

Jason laughs and sets his glass on the table. I half expect Sawyer and Jason to jump on the table and start beating on their chests.
 

Agnes smiles. “I just love this cranberry mould. And what is in this stuffing? Apples. I think I taste apples.”

“Yes. Apples and sausage,” Mom says sweetly.

“Of course. The sausage. This is perhaps the best stuffing I’ve ever had.”

“For the record, I didn’t fall into anything,” Jason says, twirling his glass in circles by its stem. “I got into law school on my own. Made the dean’s list every year—on my own. And soon I’ll become a partner because I earned it.”

Sawyer smiles and takes a bite of the turkey, ripping into it like he’s a lion who hasn’t eaten in a month.
 

“I think we should change the subject,” my dad says, eyeing everyone at the table.

“Mom said Molly’s helping you find a house?” Mia says, her smile sincere. I would thank her later if I wasn’t so pissed at her. But now I think she’s done me a favor. Jason’s acting like a supreme ass and he’s egging Sawyer on, on purpose. He wouldn’t live through one of Sawyer’s punches—surely, he has to see that.
 

“She is,” Sawyer says. He takes my hand and brings it up on the table to display to everyone.

I need to lie down. I need medication. When will this dinner end?

Rodney runs in the room and pokes at Jason. Jason shoos him away, but he doesn’t go anywhere. That’s when I see what he has in his mouth. My eyes snap to my open purse. I can see right down inside, and my underwear is missing.
 

I gasp.

Jason looks at me like I’m mad and then looks down at the dog. He sees the fabric and frees it from the dog’s mouth. “MD,” he says, his face scrunched up into an award-winning sneer. “What the fuck?” he says, rising to his feet.
 

“Oh dear God,” my mother says, putting her head down into her hands. “You try to be a good mother and raise your children right, and this is what happens.”

Mia snaps to attention and grabs the underwear. “I wondered where they went to.”

“They’re Molly’s,” Jason shouts.
 

“I think I’ll head out back for a cigar,” my dad says, pushing out from the table.

“I think I’ll join you.” Calvin throws his napkin down and hurries from the room.
 

“I don’t smoke,” Agnes says. “But fresh air would be nice.”

“I’ve never been so embarrassed in my entire life!” Mom shakes her head at me and then at Mia. She stomps out of the room, her heels clacking on the tile.
 

Jason shoves himself out from the table. “Six years,” he says to me. He glares at Sawyer. “You’re nothing but a short distraction, and a way for her to get back at me.”

“That’s not true, Jason. You’re not the same person I loved. You’ve changed.”

“So have you.” He nods to the underwear and leaves the room.
 

“Thank you, Mia,” I say quietly. I’d say I owe her one, but I don’t think what she did for me tonight is quite enough to balance the scales.
 

She shrugs. “This is one for the family album.”
 

“Sawyer?” I put my hand on his cheek and try to turn his face so his eyes will meet mine. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

“Just give me a minute,” he says.
 

“I’m so sorry. He’s wrong. I want you. Only you.” I kiss his forehead and then try to find my sister. Have I wrecked everything by bringing him here? He was hesitant about a relationship before, and I wonder if this will kill us. Thinking about losing him gives me stabbing pains in my chest.
 

Mia is in her room, sitting in her window seat. She smiles when she sees me and I take a seat opposite her, sitting slowly.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Ha! I guess I did. I owe you so much more than taking the blame for soiled underpants.”

“Soiled?”

“Oh, please. Why did you take them off if it wasn’t because you and Sawyer did the nasty in your room?”

A giggle escapes my mouth and I lean back, suddenly relaxed. I missed this with my sister. Commiserating.
 

“So what did you want to talk about?”

She sighs. “It’s bad, Molly, but you need to know.”

“I don’t care anymore. I’m really happy with Sawyer.”

“Yeah, I think you are. I can see something in your face when you look at him. I don’t remember you ever looking at Jason that way. And Sawyer just kind of lets you be...whereas Jason was always commanding you.”

Outside the window, the moon is full and low, rimmed in pink. Did he command me? Yes. I think he did. When we went out to dinner I wore what he liked. He ordered for me. If I wanted to go out with friends and he didn’t want me to, I stayed home.
 

“That’s as much his fault as mine. I guess I let him.”

“Jason cheated on you long before your wedding,” she says quickly, like if she doesn’t say it fast she won’t get the words out. She chews on her lip, waiting for my response.

“How do you know this?”

“I caught him nuzzled up to some girl at a bar. I confronted him and he said I misunderstood, but then…a few months later I saw him doing the same thing, only this time he had his lips on her neck.”

I sigh and feel empty. Six years, I was with him. Six long, wasted years. How could I not have seen him for what he was sooner? Had I really loved him? I’m not sure I did. I think I was in love with the life I dreamed we’d have together. But it never really lived up.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised,” I say.

“I knew I had to tell you, but he told me he’d deny it and you’d never leave him anyway. What was the point?” She shakes her head. “I let it go. I wanted to tell you so badly but I didn’t want you to think I was causing trouble. I have a history of that, you know.”

I smile. “Yeah. I know.”

“But then your wedding day came and I couldn’t let you marry him. I just couldn’t, but I needed proof that he was a cheat if you were ever going to believe me. So I came on to him. Just to see if he would do anything. I told him I’d always wanted him. That you’d never have to know and he didn’t even hesitate. I planned it so someone would find us. I meant for it to be Megan. I asked her to come and check on us in a few minutes after I went to check on him. He was late and I said I would go and talk to him, but then Dad came looking for Jason first.”

I take my sister’s hand. “I forgive you, Mia. He was right. I don’t know if I would have believed it then. I was so delusional. But now I feel bad for being that person, that you’ve been trying to do the right thing and I’ve been treating you so horribly. Can you forgive me?”