Beautiful Sacrifice (23 page)

“Good morning, Maddoxes!” Trenton paused to acknowledge me. “And friend.” He went into the kitchen where dishes scraped, cabinet doors and drawers slammed, and the refrigerator opened and closed.

“Enough with the friend shit,” Taylor said.

Trenton beamed as he sat in a dining chair between his father and brother with a bowl of cereal. “Oh, yeah? Did you seal the deal last night? Trav said you made her cry.”

Jim smacked the back of Trenton’s head. “Trenton Allen!”

“Ow! What’d I say?” Trenton rubbed the back of his head.

Jim sipped his coffee, trying to smooth the annoyed expression from his face. “Are you feeling better, Falyn?”

“Much. Thank you.”

“What’s the plan today, Taylor?” Jim asked.

Taylor shrugged, looking to his brother. “What are your plans today, dickhead?”

Jim sighed. “Goddamn it! Can’t we have one meal without the language?”

The brothers shook their heads. Jim did, too.

Trenton’s spoon raked against his bowl of cereal. “Work.”

“Are you babysitting today?” Taylor asked.

Trenton seemed confused. “No. Why?”

Taylor shrugged. “Olive’s freaking adorable, and I never get to see her anymore.”

Trenton shoveled a bite of Frosted Flakes into his mouth, considering Taylor’s comment. “I could ask her if she wants to go to the park, if you’re really hell-bent on spending the morning with a five-year-old. I have to be at work later though.”

“Six,” I said.

Trenton blinked.

“She’s six now.”

“Right,” Trenton said. “She just had a birthday last week. It’s going to take me a while to get used to that.”

“The park sounds fun,” Jim said, eyeing me.

I wasn’t sure what he thought he knew, but he was onto us.

“You seem to enjoy spending time with her,” I said.

Trenton grinned. “She’s a cool little kid.” He stood, pulled his cell phone from his pocket, and dialed a number.

“Hey, Trenton,” Taylor began, but someone had already picked up the other line.

“Shane,” Trenton said. “What’s up, buttercup? No. Yeah. Yeah. What’s Ew doing today?”

I looked at Taylor and mouthed the word,
Ew?

Taylor shrugged, unsure of the answer.

Trenton nodded. “Yeah, my brother’s in town with his girlfriend. Taylor. Nope, he’s still selling insurance. They both are. Up in Colorado. Pussies.” He shot a smug grin at his older brother.

Taylor wasn’t amused.

Trenton continued his conversation with Shane, “You wanna meet us at the park? Or do you have something going on?”

As Trenton listened to Shane’s response, my stomach sank. Shane and Liza would recognize me. If they came to the park, I wasn’t sure how they would react that I’d shown up unannounced.

“Okay, that’s cool. Later.” Trenton set his phone on the table. “Shane’s at work, and Olive is at home with Liza. He’ll call Liza, and he said we could go pick Olive up in twenty.”

“Sounds good,” Taylor said. “Is Bagby Park still her favorite?”

Trenton smiled. “Yeah.”

“All right. I’m going to pick up some smokes, and we’ll meet you there.”

“Hey,” Trenton said, suddenly serious, “no smoking around Olive.”

“I know, fuckstick. See you in a bit. See you later, Dad.”

Taylor and I stood, and Jim waved good-bye. We walked outside to the car, fingers intertwined. It wasn’t the first time Taylor had reached for me, but this felt different. He wasn’t just holding my hand. He was offering to be a witness to the day I’d change my future and my past.

I pulled the seat belt across my chest, watching as Taylor twisted the key in the ignition.

“Did you bring your phone?” he asked.

“No. Why?”

“Because you’re going to want to take pictures. That’s okay. You can use mine.”

I shook my head. “No. No pictures. Just memories.”

“You sure?” he asked.

I nodded and took a deep breath as Taylor backed out of the drive.

We stopped at the convenience store at the end of the road. Taylor hurried in, bought two packs of cigarettes, and rushed out with them in hand.

I made a face.

He pleaded with his eyes. “I guarantee you, tonight’s poker night.”

“So, you’re going to smoke both packs?”

“Maybe.”

I wrinkled my nose, and he chuckled. He kissed my hand before pulling out onto the road and heading for the park.

The drive to Bagby Park was a short trip, just two miles away. Taylor pulled into the small gravel parking area, and I pushed out the door, feeling the small rocks crunch under my feet until I reached the grass.

“Damn, I haven’t been on one of those in a while!” Taylor said, pulling me to the seesaw. He straddled one end, waiting for me to sit on the other.

“Don’t buck me off this thing. I don’t want to waste the day in the ER instead of spending it with Olive.”

His expression was one of disappointment, but then he laughed. “You know me too well. Glad there is at least one adult in this relationship.”

“Oh, it’s a relationship?” I asked.

That caught Taylor off guard. “Um … well … yeah. Aren’t we?”

“I still have until Monday. You said we were friends until after the weekend.”

He arched an eyebrow, unimpressed. “I don’t do to my friends the things I did to you last night. Our friendship is officially over.”

He sat down, letting his weight take him to the ground as my feet left the grass.

“Fair enough,” I said, coming back down to earth.

A slow grin crept across Taylor’s face until he was beaming with victory. He popped a cigarette into his mouth. “Holy fuck. Dad said it would happen, but I never believed him.”

“What?” I asked.

“I am a one-woman man.”

A shoddy red Dodge Intrepid parked next to our rental, and the driver’s side door flew open, revealing Trenton. He jogged around the front and opened the passenger side, reaching into the backseat and then plopping a small platinum beauty onto her feet.

My heart leaped the moment Trenton stepped aside, and her angelic face came into view. Liza had braided her hair to the side, and she wore a pair of Mary Janes with thick rubber soles, pretty but also functional for a playdate with Trenton at the park.

She took off at full speed toward the playground, breezing past us as she made a beeline for the swings. I walked with Taylor and Trenton to the nearest bench, and I watched her situate herself. In her sweet tiny voice, she called for Trenton to push her, and tears stung my eyes. The day I had been waiting for was here.

“I’ll do it,” I said, jumping up.

“Oh,” Trenton said. “Okay.”

“Is that okay?” I asked Olive.

She nodded her head.

“How high?” I asked as I pulled back on the chains before releasing her.

“High!” she squealed.

I pushed her once and then again.

“Highew!” She giggled.

“That’s good,” Trenton called. “She says higher, but then she gets scared.”

“Do not!” Olive said.

I pushed her, careful to push her enough only to keep her happy. I looked past her to Taylor, who was watching us like a proud father.

Olive let me push her for another ten minutes, and then she asked me to swing with her, so I climbed into the swing next to her. Once I got myself going, she reached out for my hand. We swung back and forth together, giggling at nothing and everything.

She threw back her head, the most wonderful laugh flitting through the air. The whole world fell away, and in that moment, it was just her and me, making the memory I’d dreamed of since she was born.

“Slide!” Olive jumped off the swing to the ground, her little feet already in motion.

Together, we climbed up the ladder, and then I followed her across the bridge to the double slide. We sat side by side, and I looked over at my daughter, her face almost identical to so many of my childhood photographs. Olive pushed off, and I did, too. Our feet hit the ground at the same time. Our eyes met, and we raced around again.

As the hour passed, I chased Olive around the playground, and a peace came over me that I had never felt before. She was happy, and even though I had missed it all, we had that perfect little moment of time, one of just her and me that would hide away in her memory.

All too soon though, Trenton called for her, “Ew! Your mom’s home from the store! Time to go.”

“Aw!” she groaned. She looked up at me. “Want to come to my house and pway?”

“I wish I could,” I said. “I loved spending time with you.”

She opened her arms wide, waiting for me. I bent down and gently held her, feeling the strands of her hair in my face and her pudgy little fingers pressing into my shoulders.

“Nice to meet you,” Olive said, waving good-bye.

Trenton swept her up into his arms and carried her to the car.

“Bye, wady!”

I tried not to cry as Trenton buckled her in, saving my tears until he pulled away.

“That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Taylor said. “Was it what you wanted?”

All I could do was nod, and then I sat down on the bench, holding myself upright by gripping the edge of my seat.

Taylor sat next to me. He looked upon me with more love and understanding than I’d ever felt. All the while, I let the peace of closure set in. I took a breath and let six years of pain, anger, and shame leave my body as I exhaled.

“Falyn?” he said, his voice thick with worry.

A single tear trickled down my cheek as I looked over at him with a small smile. “She’s happy,” I said simply. “And I’m happy. I’m not sure what I expected, but this is so much more. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”

He brought my hand to his lips. “The look on your face right now? That’s all I need.”

I threw my arms around him, and he tightly squeezed me.

“Will you tell him?” I asked.

“Trent? No. Today was for you and Olive to make a memory, and then let the rest go.”

I released him and then leaned against his shoulder. “I like that.”

“I plan to do a lot of things that you’ll like. But first, I’m going to sit here with you for as long as you need. Don’t feel rushed.”

I sighed and hugged his arm, memorizing the playground and the small wooded area about fifty yards behind it. The birds were singing as a slight breeze blew the fallen leaves around on the ground.

“It’s perfect,” I said.

“Ten minutes ago, watching you and her … I wish I could have frozen that moment, so we could live in it forever.”

“We can. We can live here in Olive’s memory. Maybe every time she visits this park, she’ll remember our time together.”

“I bet she will.”

I let my temple relax against his shoulder. “I don’t feel rushed. My heart doesn’t have room for anything else but you, her, and happiness.”

Taylor jumped out of bed just before the sun came up, fumbling around my bedroom and cursing in the dark while trying to find his clothes. Rolling onto my side, I leaned up on my elbow, propping my head with my hand, as I tried to suppress a laugh.

“It’s not funny, baby,” he said, hopping as he pulled on his jeans. “I’m going to hit Denver traffic if I don’t leave in two minutes, and that will make me late for work!”

“Maybe you shouldn’t surprise me the night before your shift then?”

He leaped into the bed, and I squealed.

He planted a peck on my lips. “Don’t even pretend you weren’t fucking ecstatic.”

“I was.” I leaned up to kiss him again. “Thanks again for dinner … and the movie … and everything after that.”

With hesitation and regret, he pushed off the bed and away from me to finish getting dressed. He pulled on his boots and then grabbed his phone and his keys. “Call me when you wake up.”

“I’m kind of awake.”

His frown was barely highlighted from the streetlight outside my bedroom window. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Go,” I said, glancing outside. “It’s snowing. Be careful.”

He made a face. “I will kick that snow’s ass.” He bent down to kiss me once more, but it ended up being three more. He shook his head. “Fuck! I’m gonna miss you. I’m sick of missing you.”

“Go to work,” I said, touching his cheek.

“I’m going. Call me later!” He hurried out the door, his heavy boots knocking against every step on his way down.

I lay on my back, blowing out a frustrated sigh. I was sick of missing him, too, but we had just returned from Christmas in Eakins and celebrated the New Year and Taylor’s and Tyler’s birthdays together at their fire station in Estes Park. It was only seven weeks before Travis and Abby’s vow renewal in St. Thomas, and then Taylor would be back in Colorado Springs. I hoped. It wasn’t that I wished for wildfires, but that was the only thing that would bring Taylor to town.

I relaxed in bed and played on my phone for half an hour and then decided to take a shower, dress for work, and head downstairs. Pete was pulling out ingredients for prep, and I sat on the far counter, watching him work.

“Good morning,” I said, letting my legs swing.

Pete dipped his head.

“He spent the night again. I think … I think I love him—like,
really
love him,” I said, my eyes widening for emphasis. “I thought I loved him before, but I think that was just the falling part. Every week that passes, I think,
Yep. I love him way more. Maybe I didn’t love him before now? Maybe this is love
.”