Because of You (7 page)

Chapter Twelve

Adam’s overnight business trip turned into three, very long, bittersweet nights for Jill. Her winning the coveted award was thrilling, but the moment was dulled because Adam hadn't been there to share the joy with her. It would have been nice to have had him by her side sharing in her success.

Lying alone in bed, Jill did a lot of thinking. It gave her active imagination more than ample time to come up with the craziest scenarios about Adam. Of course, she knew he was on a business trip, and yet she wondered if he was really having an affair, instead. It was possible. After all, he worked long, crazy hours and traveled on the spur of a moment to one place or another—or so he claimed.

What if his lover, not content with the few stolen hours he could give her, had demanded more time, and this business trip was a concession? What if those nights that he’d come home early to Jill had made the other woman jealous? What if? What if? What if?

All those thoughts swirled around and around in Jill's head until she grabbed Adam’s pillow and covered her head in a vain attempt to drown out all those crazy, unproductive thoughts. Eventually she fell asleep from sheer exhaustion.

Jill slept late. The ringing of the phone woke her. Thinking it was Adam, she fumbled, still half-asleep, for the receiver.

“Good morning!” a too perky voice sang in her ear. “Is your chimney stuffed? Is your—”

“Good Lord!” Jill hung up, uncharacteristically rude. “You should get stuffed!”

Now fully awake, Jill rose from the bed and padded into the bathroom.

***

Adam called mid-morning. “I’ll be home tonight—but late. Got a lot of paperwork to deal with, so eat dinner without me.”

Jill couldn’t possibly miss the excitement in his voice. Even so, she wasn’t prepared for what Adam said next. “The powers that be,” the name he’d given to the CEO and COO, “thought I did a terrific job in Atlanta.”

“That’s wonderful, sweetheart.”

“Yeah. That’s why they’re sending me to Maine.”

Now Maine?
Jill had already stopped listening. Just when she’d thought they had finally tethered their drifting marriage and they were growing closer, his job hijacked the tiller again. Adam would be off to Maine for an indefinite amount of time next month.
Alone again. Great title for
a book—not my life
, she thought as she watched the light drizzle outside her bedroom window turn into a steady downfall.

***

Later that day, Evelyn called. “Are you sitting down, Jill? I have exciting news.”

“I’m sitting now.”

“Good. Your promotional tour is all set up.

“That’s exciting—but scary. Who would go with me?”

“Well, for starters, I would. If you’d like, bring your hubby along for moral support.”

“Evelyn, where would I be going?” Jill asked, suddenly a mixed bundle of excitement and anxiety.

Evelyn told her the itinerary she had planned.

“You sure I’m ready for all this? There will be thousands of people watching and listening.”

Evelyn chuckled. “I would hope so. Listen, Jill, you have nothing to worry about. I know you’ll do just fine. Just as you’re doing with the book signings and receptions.”

“Yes, but—”

“You’ll be just as sensational on a promotional tour,” Evelyn said. “Remember—you’re ‘the epitome of American womanhood,’” she teased waggling her eyebrows.

They laughed, and most of the tension dissipated.

When they said their goodbyes, Evelyn promised to get back to her later with all the final details. Jill would have plenty of time to take care of all the things that needed to be done before she left.

***

It would be nice to have Adam along for moral support, but following his last phone call, Jill knew it might be out of the question and decided not to even ask him. And yet, she really didn’t want to go alone. Even though Evelyn would be there, it was hardly the same. She wanted Adam to be there to share in the excitement and offer moral support.

Suddenly Jill chided herself for behaving like a child. She didn’t need Adam to hold her hand. It was time she took control of her life. He didn’t write the book; she did. She had gone to the book signings and the awards dinner by herself. Although it was embarrassing not to have her husband’s support, and she saw pity in Evelyn’s eyes, she’d put on a brave front. Who held her hand there? No one. If she wanted to be a success as an author, she had to work for it. And if it called for a book tour, she had to be adult enough to do it. Besides, she had already agreed to it.

***

Adam got home late that night. He crawled into bed waking her, kissed her on her forehead and promptly fell asleep. Now wide awake, Jill stared at the wall, suddenly feeling horny. She had missed Adam and had the urge to wake him up and make love, but the desire disappeared as quickly as it had come. If Adam wasn't into it, it was just a step up from masturbation. Of course, there was the vibrator, but she really didn’t feel like using it tonight. Instead, she sighed with disappointment, got out of bed, and headed for the kitchen.

Sipping a cup of herbal tea, Jill thought of the last-minute things she needed to do before she started her promo tour. She would have to pick up her business suits from the dry cleaners and do laundry. Before long, excitement had crept into the equation. Sure, Jill was a little apprehensive about going on TV, of all things, but on the other hand, this was a chance of a lifetime. She hoped and prayed she wouldn’t make a fool of herself.

Chapter Thirteen

Adam was still asleep when Jill awoke at nine o’clock the following morning. That in itself was out of character for Adam. Usually, that hour would have been mid-morning for him and he’d be long gone.
Poor guy must be exhausted
, she thought. Then she remembered he still didn’t know about her promotional tour. At least she’d be able to give him the exciting details over breakfast.

Freshly showered and dressed in a dark blue Armani suit, gray shirt, and maroon silk tie, Adam entered the kitchen when Jill was on her second cup of coffee, reading the newspaper. He walked over to her and kissed her cheek.

“Sorry if I woke you up last night. My flight had been delayed and it was too late to call.”

Tamping down the memory of the sexual disappointment she’d felt, Jill replied, “No biggie. Glad you’re home safe.”

“Me, too. At least things are back on track and the client’s happy. And how are things in the writing world?” Adam said, as he put a K-Cup in the Keurig and hit brew.

“Glad you brought the subject up,” Jill said beaming.

“Why?” Adam took his mug of coffee to the table. “What’s going on?”

“Evelyn booked a promotional tour for me. She thinks the exposure will boost the sales of my book even higher.”

“Sounds like you’re going to be the poster child for carpal tunnel.”

“Not exactly.”

“It’s not more book signings?” Adam asked his eyebrows arched inquisitively.

“I’m going to be on radio and TV. Millions of people all over the world are going to see me discuss my book. I’m so nervous and—”

“Where the hell are you going?”
Adam interrupted in an angry voice. Irrational fear suddenly seized him by the throat.

“So my itinerary includes booking several talk shows in New York and California. My publicist’s goal is to make me a household name, like Nora Roberts.”

“I don’t give a crap about Nora Roberts. I’m not happy having my wife fly all over the country. Your place is at home caring for the house and me!” Adam slammed the table with his hand causing his coffee to spill onto the table. The memory of his mother returning home after she’d gone off on a bender somewhere flashed before his eyes. He reined in his galloping emotions before he blurted out things about his past he’d be ashamed of.

Dabbing at the mess with her napkin, Jill processed what he’d said, feeling as if she’d fallen into a parallel universe. It left her confused and angry. “Adam…I…I don’t understand.

Why you are so against this promotional tour? I thought you
wanted
me to succeed. Writing a book is only part of an author’s career. Promoting the book is just as important. People have to know it exists before they can buy it.”

“When I encouraged you to get a hobby, I never expected you to be flittering around the country like some prima donna.”

“
Prima donna?
I can’t believe I’m hearing this. First off, my writing
is not
a hobby. It’s a
career
—one that I am very committed to. It defines me —”

“Call it whatever you want. I don’t care. Just make sure you’re not on this so-called tour.” Adam replied sharply.

“Is that an ultimatum?” Jill glared back, sudden anger lit her eyes.

“If that’s what you want to make of it,” he said rising from his chair. “I have to go to work.”

“Don’t you think we should resolve this matter before you rush off, Adam?”

“As far as I’m concerned there’s nothing more to discuss. You’re not going. End of story. Pun intended.”

“I’m afraid that all the reservations and preparations are in place—”

“Cancel. You’re sick. No problem.” Adam said as he left the kitchen.

“I can’t do that!” Jill called after him.

He stopped walking and turned around. His features hard, as if etched in granite.
“Can’t or won’t?”

Shaking with mounting fury, Jill stood. “Both!”

Adam glared at her a moment. His blue eyes appeared cold as ice, his mouth a tight line. Breaking his stare, he grabbed his coat and walked out, slamming the door behind him. Jill heard the wine glasses in the china cabinet clatter.

She collapsed back into her chair, wondering what the hell just happened. The anger dissipated from her body just as quickly as it had come. She’d never stood up to Adam in defiance before. Too bad she felt no triumph. Instead, her eyes stung with unshed tears, while her throat felt choked with pent-up emotions.

Adam’s behavior baffled her. She began to pace. Hadn’t he encouraged her? Yes, he had. Then why the hell did he react in such a manner? Was he only okay with Jill having a modicum of success? Did her further potential success threaten him in some way? Why else would he be so against her going on the tour? Didn’t he trust her?

There was no reason for Adam not to trust her. It had to be because of her success. She was no longer confined to the bank, but being thrust into the world. Perhaps it was a little jealousy, as well. How many times had he reminded her that he was the breadwinner—the one with the most lucrative job? Her salary as a bank teller had been insignificant and laughable. If Jill’s book sales ultimately brought in more money than Adam made, their positions would definitely change. Perhaps Adam surmised this and was not taking it well.

And how was her travel any different from his business trips? Had Adam even considered he was applying a double standard here?

Truly, all this was merely speculation of her part. What Jill should be focused on was how her going on this tour would ultimately affect their marriage! Things between them had been so mercurial.

With this thought now dominant in her mind, Jill’s bravado began to waiver. Her decision to stand up to Adam and follow her dream began to crumble. Perhaps it hadn’t been such a great idea to challenge Adam, after all. Should she tell Evelyn something had come up and she couldn’t go?

About to call Evelyn, Jill put her phone down. She sighed and breathed in deeply. If she did that, she might as well quit writing altogether. Canceling would be tantamount to shooting herself in the foot and ending her budding career. Did she honestly want to do that? Better still, could she at this point?

Two words popped into her head: hell no! Since she began writing, she truly felt alive for the first time in her life. Writing was now in her blood. No way could she stop now.

A chill rose from deep within her. But what about Adam?

***

For hours Jill thought about her dilemma and came to one conclusion: there was no easy solution. She had become an emotional train wreck—her heart pulling one way and her head tugging in another. She loved Adam, but not his obstinacy. He was definitely being unreasonable. If he truly loved her and cared about her happiness he’d understand how much this tour meant to her career. All he had to do was back off. She didn’t care if he apologized or not. All he needed to do was accept her decision to go.

Jill decided to live in the moment. This was her time to shine and spread her wings as far as they would go. All this could be gone in a blink of an eye. If she worried about the future, she’d remain rooted in place. She’d try to reason with him. If she failed…she’d deal with it then.

Jill reread the itinerary Evelyn emailed to her. Her mother once said that everyone was born with a purpose and that one day Jill would find hers. Now staring at the schedule of events that had been prepared for her, Jill knew what her purpose was in life.

She was an author. She wrote books to entertain readers. She allowed them to suspend reality for a short time taking them to a different time and place. This was who she was and what she did. It defined her.

Being Adam’s wife was no longer enough. She clenched her jaw to kill the sob in her throat. She was going on the promotional tour with or without Adam’s blessing.

Even though she’d decided to go, she needed to talk to Lynn. Her sister usually gave her sound advice. But in this case she needed Lynne’s validation.

***

Jill had to wait to call Lynn because of the time difference between New York and Arizona. When she did call, her brother-in-law, Haywood, answered. She liked him. He was so down to earth that honesty and integrity just seemed to ooze from his tall, lanky body. They traded small talk before he put Lynne on the phone.

Jill and Lynne might have been separated by 2200 miles, but their closeness hadn’t changed. All Jill had to do was say a few words and her sister knew something was not right.

“What’s wrong? Are things okay with you and Adam? “

“How can you tell something is wrong, Lynn?”

“By your tone, of course.”

“That’s nuts, you know.”

“Funny you should say that, Jill. It drives my friend, Carla, crazy, too. I can’t explain it. I can just tell when something is wrong.”

“I need your opinion on something.” Jill blurted out.

“Shoot.”

“I have to go on a promotional tour to publicize my book. I will be appearing on several talk shows here in New York and California.”

“That’s great!”

“I know it’s great and a wonderful chance to get my name out there, but…” Jill felt her eyes tearing up.

“What’s wrong, Jill? Scared and nervous?”

“Yes, but that’s not why I called. Adam forbade me to go.”

“He
what?
I thought he was cool with your writing.”

“So did I. Until this tour came up. According to him, my first priorities should be the house and him—not necessarily in that order.”

“I’d laugh, if it wasn’t so damn pathetic. From what you’ve told me, he’s the one that flits around the country at the bark of his boss and hardly keeps orthodox dinner hours. You get this chance of a lifetime and he shuts you down? How selfish of him,” Lynne said.

“Thank you for validating my feelings. I thought that I was the one being selfish.”

“Jill, if you’re really serious about making writing your career, you’ve got to go on the tour. Adam has to realize that.”

“If he loves me, I’m hoping he will. I never wanted to have to choose between him and continuing my career.”

“You shouldn’t have to, Jill. Besides, wasn’t it he who suggested you find a hobby, which we both know was meant to keep you busy while he was elsewhere?”

“Yup. But with men, there’s always a double standard; certain rules don’t apply to women.”

“This is your moment, Sis. You’ve got to take it, because it may never come again.”

“I promise to put one hundred percent into this career. Whatever talent I might possess shouldn’t be squandered. I guess I just needed my actions to be validated. Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me. Just wow everyone else. I’m already in your pocket.”

That made Jill chuckle.

“Besides, I’ll be the sister of the famous author and get off on your notoriety.”

This time Jill broke into laughter and Lynne joined her.

After their laughter died down, Lynne reminded Jill that her dearest friend, Carla, was a children’s book writer. “With Carla writing for children and you writing erotic romance, maybe I should write, too. I could combine the two genres and write erotic romances for kids.”

“Are you out of your freaking mind?” Jill asked, but Lynne was too busy laughing to reply. Realizing her sister was only kidding, she added, “Very funny.”

The sisters talked about getting together before the year was out, perhaps for Christmas and said their goodbyes.

Jill knew going on the tour was the right thing to do if she wanted to help her career blossom. Calling her sister made her feel better, but it didn’t alleviate the fear that by going she would cause irrevocable damage to her marriage.

***

Adam came home from work after nine. He’d called earlier and told Jill he’d be working late. For the first time in her marriage, Jill actually welcomed it. She had already come to the conclusion she’d have to broach the subject one more time. She wanted his approval and the only way to get it was for Adam to understand how important this tour was. At the time he’d called she had been emotionally drained and hadn’t been in the mood to argue. Therefore, his coming home late had been a welcome reprieve.

“I’d like to discuss my tour with you, Adam.” Jill brought the subject up after he had parked himself in front of the TV in the den.

“I thought I’d made my feelings concerning it quite clear this morning. There’s nothing further to discuss.” He depressed the power button on the remote, turning on the TV.

“Fine,” Jill said and left the room, half-hoping Adam would follow her.

Adam remained in the den and Jill made a list of the last minute items she’d need to take on the trip. Still not a hundred percent certain she was doing the right thing, she would live with her decision and find a way to cope with the blowback. Or so she hoped.

Jill got into bed early and was asleep by the time Adam joined her. Nothing more had been said about the tour.